Interestingly enough, reality will always reflect what you believe and will always show you evidence of how you are right in your beliefs. So if you believe that you know how you know what you know, then according to your mind/ego you are right.

So just invent a reason why you know what you know and be happy with the reason and your mind will prove it to be true.

There is however a catch to reading like this. Because you are reading so fast your mind doesn’t have time to associate what you have read with random things in your head. So everything you read will only exist in short term memory unless you review the information.

Best way to do this is to photo read a chapter and immediately make a “mind map” of the major topics in the chapter. List the chapter name and then have arrows pointing to the key points made and then your mind will fill in the crap you absorbed to the mind map.

It will still be temporary unless you review the mind map a week later then a month or so later again so that you strengthen the new paths you made to the information.

Without some sort of structure you most likely won’t be able to recall the info at all before it leaves your short term memory.

Seriously though it depends on the situation. You were probably already being a smart ass if they had reason to say fuck you to you. Best to continue on with whatever pissed them off enough to swear at you in the first place if you feel the need to retort.

It absolutely positively takes a smart ass to know one. You can argue this all you want by saying “I’m not a smart ass”, and perhaps you really do not appear to be one today. But each day you are a different person. Each day you interpret reality a little bit differently than you did before. If you are not a smart ass in this life, then perhaps you were in a past life.

Thing is past lives aren’t really past, since past and future are only linear time concepts and you are not trapped in linear time. All things you perceive as the past are actually happening at this exact moment in a different dimension and at this exact moment you are being a smart ass. If you were not being a smart ass you would never have met one because you wouldn’t have the ability to understand the concept of what one is.

Linear time is just a game we play that provides us with an experience that we would otherwise not be able to understand with instant manifestation. You see it all the time. The radio and the television are broadcasting content simultaneously on many frequencies. The only one that is real to you is the one you are choosing to experience, but all the other ones are still happening concurrently.

You are a smart ass, and the sooner you accept this fact the easier your life will become, since you will have integrated and forgiven that part of yourself.

Turns out when I did that I caused cells to evolve to survive the acid. This was fascinating so I started trying to make everything acidic so that we could really push the boundaries of human beings. Well I did. It caused the cells to evolve and become super strong. So strong we named the cells cancer.

Sadly I had not first worked on teaching the cells to communicate with each other from a higher point of consciousness, so the cells didn’t realize that they were killing the host. They even started teaching their friends and neighbors how to survive the acidic environment I gave them, but their neighbor’s also couldn’t see from a higher dimensional perspective and eventually the started killing off organs and eventually the host.

Don’t worry about it though. Since I started that experiment I have also started teaching the cells to see from higher dimensions and they will soon stop killing you all off, even with the tasty processed food and drugs I created. So there is no need to clean up your diet and you can continue to eat acidic crap and consume dehydrating liquids instead of water.

Good Times

This is a mass oversimplification, but if we governed by wiki we would get a fair system that doesn’t involve 2 rich guys. Eventually the world will realize that everybody has their own truth and that no form of government will make everybody happy.

When you try to convey your thoughts to another person the best you can hope for is that they like you so that they will interpret your words into a pleasant translation.

Seriously, honesty can be brutally effective in making people feel stupid.

There is no need to give the name of the technique to questions like that since the real purpose is just to see what kind of bullshit you will spit back at them. If you just said it’s brainwashing, then you would not get full points. If you gave a compelling answer with total bullshit like Ashatitootoo Disorder and you explained the disorder and created a wikipedia page to indicate the relevance of your answer, the teacher would have to give you full credit for your answer since he would find valid sources on the internet backing you up.

Welcome to what we like to refer to as a “Psychic vision”, or as the science types like to call it, a Premonition.

It means you can officially see the future!   That’s a really neat ability.  Now based on your question, I’m guessing you can only see a few days into the future.

The down side is, you’re gonna die.   Probably messily too.   The upside is, you get to choose where!

If I were you, I’d go for something classic, a nice ghetto death.  So, later today, head into the Ghetto with a large wad of cash, and don’t be shy waving that stuff around either.  When people start to approach you, make sure you question their parentage, and comments about skin color are sure to help your Psychic Vision come to fruition even quicker.

With a little bit of effort, you can make your visions a reality! Congratulations!

Seems there was an accident at a Mexican donkey show he attended in his youth. Mess with the ass, your eyesite is trashed…

Some quotes that may inspire you;

“The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly.” Sigmund Freud

“If you’re going to gamble your lives sexually, don’t play a lone hand too much.” -Mark Twain

Well the test didn’t give me a plus or a minus. The damn thing said “LOL”. I mean what kind of bullshit is that!??? Now how will I ever know if I am pregnant? Do I have to get another test?

Well this question has become expensive, so I think I will have to just wait and see what comes out. Wonder if I can get paternity leave from work…

First, get some peanut butter.   Then grab yourself a handful of dog poop.   Ok, next you need to cut a small piece of your carpet.  Last you’ll need a picture of one of your parents naked (doesn’t matter which).

Ok, you’ve got those 4things? Good.

Next we need some information.

First, ask your parents if you were intentional or an accident, ok then you need to look up the exact number of times Steve Irwin said “Crikey!” .  Ok, then you need to get an exact word count for the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  (The books, not the movie script.)

Ok, once you have that information, mix it in a pot at boiling.

Did any of this make sense to you?   Cause I know if someone asked me to do all that shit I could damn well say “No!” to them.

Since most of my art is fractal based, you would be giving yourself a mathematically pleasing left brain pattern, that is displayed in a very creative right brained way.  Thus causing you to have more creative thoughts when you looked at them.

спални комплекти

Lets say the oil companies get wind of my new free energy device.  First thing they would do is google my name.  13,300 results for James Lyngaas.  Well everything on the first couple pages are mine.  It found lyngaas.net, thesmartass.info, facebook.com/thesmartass.  It found a linkedin profile, 2 of my blogs, an archive.org profile, a ted.com profile, google profile, a flickr profile, ancestry.com relatives, profiles of my friends and well going to a couple of those sites or profiles would indicate my username is normally trimidium.  So I googled my username and found 4,690 results and well just about all of them are from me.  It found my artwork, it found answers to questions I have given on yahoo, it found forum posts I have made, Well even if it didn’t find them on Google, you could go to popular sites and look up my profiles there.

Want to see what I was doing recently?  Then you need only filter the google search results to show stuff in the last week.  Want to know what my interests are?  Then look for my wish list at amazon, or find what I subscribe to on twitter.  Want to know my political status?  Just search my blogs for keywords (of course, even if you didn’t know it you voted for Bush a few years ago).  When was I online last, hmm, lets check with instant messenger profiles.  Music status?  I have 2 different last.fm accounts and a Pandora account.  I haven’t used a dating site in several years, but there are still old profiles out there.  Even if i Deleted them you could find them cached on archive.org and find out lots of personal info from it. Public tax info can fill in job, address, income, debt etc…  You ever fill out a census (the most invasive survey ever)?

Delusions of privacy ~~~
I showed up to a job interview one day and the guy had a printout of my myspace profile which said James (AKA The Smartass) and I had to “explain” it to him.  I thought it was none of his business and it certainly had nothing to do with how good I could fix computers, but it dawned on me.  Privacy is just an illusion, so is truth, every single thing is just the perspective we spin it with.  I believed having a website called thesmartass had nothing to do with fixing a computer, but the person who was interviewing did not believe this. I wanted to be his wage slave, so I had to smooth it over with him (I did end up getting that job).  

Spin is everything.  So much so in America that there is no reason to kill people these days.  You just put them in terrible debt and discredit them.  If they really start to step on your toes you just google them, see what bad shit they have been doing online and then setup a perfectly legal way to bust them for it.  Having trouble thinking up something to bust me for?  Well per the patriot act I have no freedoms.  So for absolutely no reason one day I could disappear because Homeland Security declared me a terrorist. 

In fact, this post will probably get flagged by some agency just because of the words I am using, since they can filter out keywords right through Google News (which generates feeds based on known blogs etc).  Or a robot will come to this page, and read for other words, and if enough words are flagged a real person will check out the page and assess if I pose a threat. 

Maybe my own site is secure, but perhaps one of the forums I post on is not, and perhaps somebody finds a backdoor into that forum and they determine one of my passwords.  Well if I used this password on other sites, then they can go back to all those other sites and try to get in with that password.  Or maybe they will just start sending me phishing emails (which a lot of people are dumb enough to fill out) and get me to try to login to sites that I am a member of, only the sites just look like that site. 

I once had a job offer from a legitimate private investigator to hack into people’s myspace and facebook accounts to determine where people were and what they were doing.  I flatly refused, as I am not ignorant and know that is highly illegal and unethical.  However since I didn’t do it, I’m sure he just found somebody else who would.

I don’t even see the need to break into those since since you can find so much on google and then make your way back to other things.  Then I don’t even need to pay somebody to analyze these things since most of these big public sites have beautiful API’s and they can extract your data, and mash it up with google maps, show your exact routine, dating preferences, twitter subscriptions, political affiliation, religious beliefs, friends, jobs, tax info, etc… You are being profiled and assessed right now. 

These are things that anybody can do and I didn’t write this to scare you.  Think about it though, if you are still a kid, then your parents are probably scared shitless of you getting hurt so they might be using a keylogger on your system and seeing everything you type.  They do it out of fear and love, however jaded it is.  But what if you scared the gov’t mule?  Well if I had a gov’t agency at my disposal and you scared me I would develop my own meta search engine and have it cross reference every name with usernames and then auto mashup every profile site into nice TPS reports for me. 

Despite these things I actually believe in open source and am thrilled shitless that these sites all offer public data.  Even government is starting to look towards providing raw data online.  I don’t mind the massive amount of information at all, because I have given up the extremely ignorant belief in personal privacy. 

I still remember when I was in my Junior year of High school and my school switched from wonderful yellow tickets to a card that got read by the computer, which had our social security numbers printed right on the front of the card below the bar code.  Parents threw a shitfit and the next year that was changed to a different number.  The old system wasn’t broken, it even worked better and faster.  However the old system didn’t harvest data.  The new system did and data is the new gold standard.

The world we live in is going to increase available data exponentially and there is no such thing as being anonymous on the internet anymore.  You post a comment on any page ever and it spits out an IP address.  I can trace that IP address back to your ISP in a couple seconds if you aren’t using an anonymous proxy.  If you ever did anything really bad on the internet somebody would subpoena the ISP for their logs, which would tie back to your name, and they would throw your real name and username all over the web until they found a bunch of other junk to charge you with. 

So you now know that you are not anonymous anymore.  Don’t be scared of it, as fear causes endless problems.  I for one think I am going to start posting comments and things with my actual name.  Because then I will be more conscious of what I say. 

How screwed are you?  You are 100% screwed if you use the internet more than once a week.  So just get over it and break your illusions of privacy and security and just start being a nice person online.  Try not to piss anybody off too badly, or else be prepared to change your name and start paying people to leave false clues on all your old sites through the tor network and even then if you land on the oil companies shitlist, you are probably still screwed.  I have too many friends I don’t want to stop talking to.  I have too many sites I visit that I don’t want to quit visiting, I don’t want to move to a new country and start all over as a farmer with no computer.

So fuck it, I am James Lyngaas, and I have no delusions of privacy.

Thing is no matter how much you tweak shit, you still have to connect to that shithouse ISP, and they can limit you in all sorts uncomfortable ways (not so unlike the back of a Volkswagen Beetle).  When I was paying for “FAST” speed which was a laughable 3mbps (and I was being raped on bandwidth).

So the only solution I see is instead of trying to squeeze more speed out of your ISP, I suggest you start bridging together your internet connection with, say your entire town. 

I have theorized how to do this long ago, but now I will freely give the info to the world. 

1. Build a cantenna.  Basically a pringles can, or a nice beef stew can.  They actually produce these nice 2ghz signals that are perfect for wifi.  You can also build them just by raiding your pantry.  (Just google “cantenna tutorial”). 
2. Take satellite dish on your roof for the crappy tv service you are no longer paying for (since you just plan to download all your tv shows for free onlinem when you have faster speed) and attach your cantenna to the satellite dish so that you are now bouncing your 2ghz something signal off of a big ass satellite dish.  This in turn gives you about 10 miles (16 kilometers) worth of directional wifi, surely there will be some open connections in this range.  Just adjust satellite until you find direction with several open connections.  You could quit right here and not pay for internet, but that doesn’t help your speed.
3. Once you get your first signal working off of this, you should attach more cans to the satellite dish,  (or to your neighbor’s dish) and run that into another network card.  Yes this step requires you to purchase multiple network cards, but for the experiment 2 will do.
4. Now those internet connections don’t work together.  They just switch what they are doing and confuse the crap out of your browser.  So you need to develop a packet control software.  It should work basically just like bittorrent.  The data you request should be converted to hash on the fly by the software and then sent as packet requests through multiple connections.  As the data came back in the hash file would verify the data and reconstruct it to usable data. 

This may sound tricky, but I think it would be really easy with a couple talented developers to bridge multiple internet connections and convert the data to hash packets and bring it back.  All you are doing is building a router for multiple connections.  The potential of this system could take just your neighborhood and turn it into a 50mbps wireless connection, and if there were bandwidth restrictions they would become non-issues since you would only be getting a little data from many places. 

This would also prevent legal issues (if you had permission to use the connections you were bridging) for copyright violations since no one IP address would be logged as having downloaded ANYTHING.  As far as the ISP is concerned your IP only downloaded lets say 120 random packets of that Metallica Discography and that’s not enough to charge you with. 

This is part of a bigger idea I have to free the world, so check back on thesmartass.info in a couple months for a free draft on rewriting the world.

1. Replace boyfriend… As a woman it’s not that tough to get a guy, and the first month or so of new relationship the guy is never lazy as he is working his ass off to impress you.
2. Withhold sex until he washes the dishes.  Personally I would despise this tactic, and it won’t change him… only make him resent you a little bit more each time the tactic is used, however it’s quite effective.
3. Change the things you require him to do.  Instead of asking him to clean the kitchen, ask him to chop down a tree, or to go shoot a deer for dinner.  The manliness factor increases the desire to work, as well as the pride when finished.
4. Stop dating.  Then nobody will ever have to live up to your standards so you will never be disappointed.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. ~Jules Renard

The first thing that came to my mind upon reading this question was to say that my band performs all over this region and that she has probably seen us play. 

Or perhaps you could say, no I’m afraid not.  As a contract killer, I have developed my focus to exceptional levels and could not have possibly forgotten her face. 

More:  Perhaps you saw me in the old TV show Benson?
This is easy:  I used to own a pet store out on (list an area where there is a pet store), but I sold it a couple years ago.

If you want to do it in the style of actual pick up artists who write books about such things, then you would want to start “negging” her.  Basically smiling while you insult her about about some little thing that people would normally compliment her on. 

I still say, go with a random profession off the top of your head that sounds interesting and rare.  It won’t matter if you say yes or no then, as you will already be an interesting person, worth talking to.

If all else fails you could… dare I say it, try honesty.  Just say “not that I can recall, but I’m Bob [insert very big sincere smile here]“. 

There is no way to say exactly which movie you were watching though as she was in at least 1/3 of all the porn movies back then, but porno’s back then were made to be funny so i’m sure you can find a movie or 3 that are to your liking.  Good luck on finding the specific movie you want. 

As an interesting note she has slept with both Charlie Sheen and Tracy Lords

2) Diaphragm Breathing. Basically you just breath in, hold your breath for twice as long as your inhaled and then exhale slowly. Do this 10 times in a row for a very strong cleansing effect. This works because all of the cells in your body are surrounded by lymph nodes which are basically just oxygen powered garbage disposals. So by holding your breath it gives the oxygen time to circulate through the system and collect it’s garbage.

If you prefer a numerical answer then ask Google.com and you will get a nice numerical answer.

If only to protect the secret of your castration you will need to ball up and kiss her.

I believe this has developed as part of an evolutionary way to help keep keep the balance of power tilted in their favor.

Belief aside, this and many other sabotaging behaviors that women often exhibit are all part of the fact that they are natural born drama junkies.

No use fighting it. It’s human nature and can only be changed by the women making the conscious decision to ignore her first instinct.

Drugs should cause you to pee even more than your normally do since your body is working double time. So unless you are being retarded and not drinking enough liquid to keep up, you will pee more. Drink WAY MORE liquids if you are doing drugs and if you have a brain, quit meth.

I’m sure you are younger than I am, which does dictate some of the behavior but I once kissed a girl within 5 minutes of meeting her. You just have to look for IOI’s (indicators of interest) and when they are there you can go in for the kiss. Just be sure you are touching her a lot before you go in for the kiss. If you put your hand on her leg or grab her hand she should not pull away. If she doesn’t and seems to genuinely like you then just go really close to her face… I mean Really close to her face and wait for her to go in for the kiss.

If you have been making her laugh you can always tell her in a joking way that “it’s really obvious that you want to kiss me” (you are saying this to her), and check her reaction and the conversation should lead to her kissing you.