Ask-a-Smartass Crawl Page
Built Mar 29, 2008 - 08:53 AM
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Ask-a-Smartass
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Why, oh Why, does it burn when I pee?
how do ya get rid of crabs???
If we went to war with China, would they build an intercontinental people launcher?
How do I make the controls work? Do I have to buy something or do something else?
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Is it wrong to go out with a guy and a girl at the same time? is it still cheating?
what the fuck were you thinking?
Q1) am i pretty? Q2) what should i wear tonight?
What would be the best way to exterminate the Hippy population of the World?
I was wondering... are you a master at Flash? I have some questions that need answering. Just thought you might be a wiz with it, considering your website and all. Top notch, one of the best on the net by far. Kudos
What is a Good Beer?
how do ask a girl out??
am i a dipshit with no friends if so YOU MORTHER FUCKER! that is all :)
Is there any PS2 game emulator online?
how do I make a bootable xp disc?
how come last night when i clicked on your site something like the by deli hacker came up?
why would you aanswer my questons?
do i hae cinese ancestors?
hey smartass happy new year. whats your new years resolution.
how to stop being a dick to my girlfriend?
The Cousin Trilogy
Do you like cheese cake?
If Bruce Lee would hit Kimbo Slice with a one inch punch, would the fight be over?
how long has this site been going for as I,ve had it as my home page for bout 20 days now and the chat box has always intrested me but I've never known how to use it?
how is it that dr.phil is always right in soccer mom's eyes?
what is the square root of 69?
Can I have some cheese?
Can you stop being a smartass?
How big should a penis be? I mean for fucks sake I have 9" of heat and they always scream "MORE! MORE! MORE!"! Geez bitch, I should stick it up your ass instead!
I noticed that in one of your answers you said hella. Are you from the bay?
what is the square root of 33?
when are you getting mor wtf?
can you put full episodes of .HACK on your rip-off theater? It would be greatly appreciated.
not to be dumb or something, but was just introduced to site, can you really view movies for free?
When will dave stop being a dick?
What does IT stand for?
i have these small little white lumps around the brim of my penes for a year now. i have never had sex. What is it?
Why are so many of the pictures on your site so fucking creepy?
Can Veoh Tv delete movies previously stored on my hard drive?
Why Is There So Much Nudity On This Site?
Giant Dear Smartass Letter about anger and a hole in the door.
What is YahooPeru.exe?
what up wit sum other video game systems on here?what up wit sum old skool sega master system games?
what is the square root of pie?
how do you download a song withhout getting a virous
como puedo ver mi targeta de amigo?
Are U Ugly?
XBOX 360 or PS3
Am I an idiot?
how do i download movies off this site?
how do u find movies on this site?
Hey Smartass! whats the best way to get get a parent to let you go on a date?
i,ve never hit a lady before but,im bouts ta knock my bitches block off 4 cheating on my ass wit my cousin.what should i do?please reply soon cuz i think i'll be in jail in about an our from now.
hey smartass knowing that u have repaired loads of computers and stuff. i just want to know, im in the second year of college in the UK and am studying IT double award(gives 2 a-levels) and i am planning to go to univercity, only one problem... there are so many computing courses out there, but which one has a greater demand in the uk, and will get me agood job?
How do I get on MySpace and UrbanChat and other restricted sites in school?
Most stuff about picking padlocks...
If my professor offered to give me an "A" for $200.00 as a joke is it inappropriate to ask if he was serious?
whats 23 mean
how do the automatic windscreen wipers work on my 2004 audi a3?
Do you think that theres a grain of truth to Martial Arts myths, like being able to fly, shooting fireballs, walking on water, etc?
how do u create the cool quick menu at the bottom? i mean really thats awesome!
how do u crack a padlock without keys?
hmm so what do u do for a living? and by the way u havent seen the modern india cinema. yes its the same person.
My do people try to be emo, like me. why be pozers, wheres the fun?
why did the chiken cross the rode
What conditions would be required for a mortar to fly back down its firing tube head down? (Remembering that it must turn nose down in the air)
I have a question. What do you do if you get pulled over by a cop?
Is transhumanism really the future of human evolution?
How would I go about creating my own codec? Also if I was able to, would that mean that the CIA or any other capable Inteligence Agencies couldn't view what I have encoded without the codec?
With all the crazy/awesome stuff on your website that would use tonnes of bandwidth how on earth can you afford to keep this site running?
How can I modify my Motorolo Surfboard modem so that I can not be 'shaped' - (A website like will be just dandy if you like)
If I was to kill every single goth/emo kid what would you give me in return. (Considering its a fantastic feat equal trade is not neccessary - I understand)
will i ever get a bf?
is this just one of those computer generated quesion things?
Why don't you filter your questions as opposed to allowing the STUPIDEST stuff get through that you think you can concoct a clever response to?
did you forget about me?
whats ur view on indian cinema? do u think that it can equal the modern hollywood?
Could a lightsaber cut through The One Ring?
How do you take your coffee?
Can you make a FAQ for the emulators on your site?
Would using a contraction of two words still be considered one word or two words?
How the hell do you write a calculator program in c++ using dynamic memory allocation?
Could you please write a better ending to Harry Potter 7? Preferably not as crap?
is there really a god out there???
What if people think i'm a flake?
Are you a guy or a girl?
How old are you?
The Smartass Answers 16 Stupid Questions with 3 Words!
What is the most difficult to answer question?
Is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush or does that old saying truly refer to masturbation and threesomes as I have always thought?
does yo moma like tunafish
Unanswered Questions
is Fez gay?
If the fourth dimension is based on time like in the video about the 10th dimension you posted, then does that mean our lives are already planed out?
how the hell do I make my stupid little sister shutup?
what does I.Q. stand for?
what is 1216521 + 54354545?
What is a mormon?
Blonde, Brunette or Red Head?
Impress me, tell me what is my "TYPE"?
Why do all the bitches love me?
what time is it?
Is there some sort of connection between intelligence quotient and penis size amongst the races? E.g. Japanese men having the smallest but being the smartest. Blacks having the largest and being the dumbest and whites being somewhere in between? Thanks.
What is tenacious d?
WHY ARE PIERRES EYES REALLY RED?
Whats the odds of sleeping with a porn star?
what is the square root of negative 1?
How do I place my songs with major artists in the music business?
Where does butter come from?
Will I still have depth perception if I poke my eye out with a stick?
Smartass, I want to avoid taking a test next week, do you think I could use the excuse that I was suffering from complete sexual exhaustion?
What is the recipe to make meth??
Are humans capable of imagining things that are not based on others things they've already seen?
what is 12*12
I learned today that you can be shot if you try to trespass on the military base where Area 51 is located. So, I gotta ask, (all UFO b.s. aside) what do you REALLY think the gov is trying to hide there?
Why do most white people have no rhythm?
does antonio love me?
What if Pi was actually equal to 3?
Why does my dad have hairy legs?
Would a fully loaded aircraft carrier be able to defeat a cruiser or destroyer?
who brouth out tereirrium
can you show a picture of a nakid girl
What am I thinking?
Who made a greater impact on the world, Dr. Seuss or Jim Henson?
Do most other nations have gun control laws?
8 or 9?
What is my hair color?
who am i?
What are my brothers names?
How many immigrants does it take to change a light bulb?
I read somewhere that in space I would be 3 inches taller due to the lack of gravity decompressing my spine/vertebrae/whatever... How can I achieve the same effect while staying here on Earth?
How many penguins does it take to change a lightbulb?
Do you think Bush would have been a better president if Monica Lewinsky had blown him in the oval office?
Who was a better Elvis, Kurt Russell or Jonathan Rhys-Myers?
What is life?
If you could choose, would you rather explode or implode?
how can I save the images your hompage background?
If God created people, who then invented science, and science can't prove that he exists, does that mean that he ceased to exist when he created people, or that he just wants to be left alone?
Ask a Question
ñaka
hi smartass! im a fellow smartass attempting to gain system access to my school computer system! hmm either that or i'm going to nuke it :) I WANT ACCESS ( but ur method on cmd doesn't work :( )PLZ PLZ PLZ! give us a method of ultimate super mega access!!
If you are travelling in a spaceship at speed of light and then you switch on the headlights, what will happen?
Why is yawning contagious?
Is there a site you would recommend for free web design templates? Looking for something easy to edit with Dreamweaver.
Why do we go to school if knowledge = power and power makes people corrupt?
Is there a javascript/CSS/DOM method for opacity in the Opera Browser?
Wats ur name?
If the sun immediately vanished, how long would it take for us on Earth to notice?
What is supposed to happen at the end of 2012?
What is a sun?
What do YOU think of the death penalty?
What are the physics behind the one inch punch?
why do so many americans confuse the words 'then' with 'than' and 'have' with 'of'?
At school i am attempting to use your method of gaining access as an administrator using cmd and the whole interactive cmd.exe yet i cannot perform this operation i get a message saying "access denied" what do i do know?
Why do Koreans love their MMORPG's? They've made so many there is literally one for every person.
What would happen if the worlds axis of rotation were to change? (ala Rocky and Bullwinkle)
Ok, I can't find this anywhere. I switched to Opera from Firefox because after updating to 2.0 Firefox screwed up. I lost all bookmarks and now it doesn't remember any of my customisations. I can't find anything! Help me!!
When will you give us the option to answer other peoples questions? I know I will help you there, I just probably won't be as much of a smartass (Speed of Light FTW).
Which is better Opera (the browser) or Firefox?
am gonna fine love?
How big is my dick?
WHY IS TH ESKY BLUE?
Learn to Search for Previously Answered Questions (updated)
How do I get themes for my Blackberry Pearl 8100 phone, I would really like to pimp it up?
When do you think someone matures?
What is this site?
Why go to school?
If you were forced to choose between Islam, Budhism or some form of christianity which would you take?
Q: Why can't Donkies talk? A: Because no one likes a smart ass! ;)
Where is the fading script thing?
Seeing as your my new source for information, I gotta ask - Whats better Plasma or LCD TV screens? And whats the deal with Laser/Lazer TV thats coming soon?
Whats your favorite RPG game of all time?
Where can i get a job in greenville, sc? I can't find a job I'm qualified for. I need full-time, at least $9.00 an hr, I only have a high school education- minimal college, no degree.
hoe do i fade 1 image into another in javascript?
Why is Julian tass annoying?
Now I know that you don't particularly like Video Game questions, however I would be surprised if you know nothing of this: What do you think of the Mammoth Tanks throughout the entire Command and Conquer Series. Personally I think that they are the most damn awesome things ever created in a video game.
Am I Fat?
how big is your penis?
What is up with chemtrails? Is this why I've been stuffed up for the last few months? Or is it because I use shared computers at work? Or is it diet related. I eat spaghetti everyday.
u like green
What is post-modernism, but in a sense that is not presented on Wiki-Pedia?
Time?
How fast is light?
Are you gay?
Why do wap sites mostly suck???
How do you reverse engineer a piece of software or portable handheld-console (e.g GameBoy)?
Quelle est la couleur d'une pomme?
If I ask a smartass question, will I get a smartass answer?
Where is tokeo?
Beer:imported or domestic?
what makes you a smart ass?
How come my testicles don't get along?
Where is Pluto?
Is it possible to force someone to 'self-combust'?
For the average email sending, torrent using, web surfing person, what's better, a mac or a PC?
I had a dream where I was arm wrestling Antonio Banderas. What does it mean?
Will u fix my website? :P
Abortion?
When cats screw do they get stuck together like dogs do?
Can you make helium or does it have to be found in nature and "mined"?
Regarding the question of is bigger really better, I was talking about cars... Is it just me or do you have sex on the brain 24-7??
Do you have any OCD-like tendencies or rituals??
I'm bored. Would you tell me a tory??
Is bigger really better?
Why is it that when I walk down the street and say hello to someone, man or woman, they suddenly develop a wet spot in their pants. Men also seem to develop a growth. Either way way, why does this occur?
What is your opinion of the Scion brand; and what is your opinion on the future of Toyota Motor Sales U.S.A.?
Why name it smart ass?
dose newgrounds have vires?
How the f*** was Stonehenge built?!
Can you explain the time space continuom?
Do you think weed will ever be legal?
whi is army men series still going go in army men:sarge's war ever one die in the series but sarge
Is there going be a flying car my friend said in 2015 there flying cars
and in Reiko mk4 ending is he sk ?
what is yhe mean of happyness
i found my old suff likee my sega and nes sould i sell it?
What is a penis?
What single super power should someone have if they could have any?
Is anybody really going to buy a $599 PS3 when Xbox360 and Wii cost way less and are almost equally as sexy?
those chicks are hot as hell
Why dont u make a super mario 4 or 5?
Why even waste your time answering those stupid questions below?
WHAT IS YOUR MOTHERS NAME IS IT ASSHOLE ?
I just don't care anymore. I don't have a question, just wanted to express my total indifference. Thank you and good day.
How can I make my double-wide more homey and invitin' to women-folk?
Would you please explain the main ideas of the DaVinci Code? Why are people so pissed about it?
All the time, over my right shoulder, I can feel there is a man there watching, but when I look directly at him, he vanishes and so does the feeling, but I can't go thru life with my head constantly turned to the right. For one thing my shoulder would get in the way of my beer glass. So tell me Smartass, how do I lead a normal life with HIM watching me all the time?
screen is cut off, why?
Why doesn't anybody bother to tell me when the page is down???
Im bored with life. Not depressed, just bored. With working, sex, drinking, talking and even video games. Why keep living?
If you asked yourself a question, and answered that question with a question, would it create a feedback loop and destroy the world?
I found a duffel bag with... some stuff. Should I try to find the owner or just keep it for myself?
What is the cure for cancer??
If 42 is the answer to all things but so is zuble, which one of you is lying?
Is it worth it to take the risk of following your dreams even though there is a risk of cataclysmic, irreversable failure? Or is it always best to be practical if being practilcal is a sure shot at a good but boring life?
I suffer from narcolepsy and an addictive personality. Will I ever be able to lead a happy and fulfilled life?
Can you tie a cherry stem into a knot with just your mouth??
How evil are you to tell someone to get a rhino when they live in a second floor apartment. Are you going to pay for the damage that thing causes to the building?
What does it mean when you keep forgetting who you are?
Won't America be a better place once the immigrants and homosexuals are gotten rid of?
I found a baby rhino for sale on the internet. I really want him and I have enough money to buy him but I live in a second floor apartment. Should I just say what the hell and get him?
Why do I always feel like I need a nap?
meh.
If I put a moldy piece of bread in the microwave and cook it, will it kill the mold and be suitable for consumption?
Why doesn't some of the nintendo games work?
Clapton or Hendrix?
People look at me weird when I tell them my idea's. Should I continue to tell them?
What's the difference between a 'smartass' and a 'smartalec'?
Are smartass's born or made? If made, do you have any good advice for a smartass in training?
Is it a waste of time to contemplate the existance of God? Is he or is he not?
Can I get some peace and quiet in here for fuck sake?
I think I might be bi and in love with my best friend Jeremy. How stupid would it be to tell him this?
How do I ask a question?
PS2, XBox, or GameCube?
What's wrong with kids these days? Disrespectful, clothes either to big and hanging off them or too tight and showing everything God gave them. Cussing, drinking, smoking, having sex with everybody, I just dont know what to do.
What is the best hook-up site on the net? I'm ready to par-tay!
The voices in my head will not stop. Ever. They are loud and constant and it saps all my energy to ingore what they tell me. Everyday it gets harder and harder to resist just sitting in a dark room and listening to what they say but I know, even though it's what they want, nothing good will come of that. How can I make them stop?
What are your views on same-sex marriage and adoption?
I sing mad karaoke and people tell me I should go professional but I don't know where to start. Help?
I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. What's the best way to bring up the subject with her? Should I get proof first?
Is there anything better than money and sex?
What's the difference between this and that? Personally, I've always preferred this, but lately that has been very hard to get my mind off of.
I want to rig a dog show so my Fifi wins. how can I do that?
Is George Bush out to get me?
Is magic/k...real?
What's your preferred method?
Who wrote the book of Love?
What's the point?
The Black Sabbath song "Sabbra Cadabra" is telling me to buy a silenced sniper rifle and find a rooftop with dual street views. Should I listen??
If I played "Grand Theft Auto" and killed a bunch of hookers, would I grow up and kill hookers as well? And no, I didn't really enjoy it. I was just bored.
Whats with the quote on your site that says "nigger"?
How can I become supreme ruler of the world?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? I am unsatisfied with the owl's answer.
I HAVE THE LATEST VERSION OF JAVA AND HIGH SPEED INTERNET,SO WHY DOES THE NINTENDO EMULATOR TEND TO FREEZE UP PERIODICALLY?
How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?
How many positions of the kamasutra have you tried??
Is $1 the same in every state?
How do you make Kool Aid without water?
How to make meth?
What about Bob?
Question?
If your trying to restart your life now, but are being sent away for a good amount of time, how can this be overcome?
We are not amused. Amuse Us?
Why are men with big schlongs seen as better than men with under 6"? Shouldn't the man be judged by more than the size of his c**k?
I finally got a female to accept a date with me. What can I do to get her to sleep with me on the first date?
People do not take me seriously because of my huge breasts. What can I do short of surgery to remedy this?
How can I make peope stop laughing at me?
Are you an ass, leg or boob man??
Do you get a clean driving record when you move to Florida from WI?
Who are "they"?
What comes on tv tonight?
Why does this site suck?
What would you do with a million dollars?
What is a quief?
Will the universe implode and repeat itself? Will what we did be continually done over and over again?
Do you sometimes wish you were a NBA star?
Why are there computer viruses?
Why is human poop brown and bird poop white?
Can money buy happiness?
Is it possible to recode my thoughts so that I can comment out the stuff I don't want to know that I'm thinking?
Is the pen mightier than the sword?
Is farting the same as burping out your ass?
Is it possible to disrupt the flow of emails two people can recieve from each other? Like, one person sends several letters, and only recieves one or none at all. Can someone actually do that?
How do you beat level 7-2 in lolo 3?
Where are you exactly?
Why am I so attracted to breasts?
On your website, can you save a game in progress on the Sega Genesis portion - yes i am to cheep to go out and buy it myself ?
What's the difference between rap and hip-hop?
Can a guy consider himself bisexual if every other guy he opens up, he murders?
Why does chicken taste like chicken?
What do you consider a good question?
Can urine be used as a beverage?
Is sexual idenity really important? Must one be gay or straight?
How do Io play 2 players games with keyboard?
What is involved in creating a website with free email? And can a single person host a P2P site? What's the difference between the two?
What the heck does midekund mean?
If you could fight anyone, who would you fight?
Is life too short?
What is the difference between clicking "OK" and "APPLY" to those windows that pop up to adjust settings?
When does a smartass cross the line and become an asshole?
Why do girls make guys lives so miserable?
If you had dyslexia and were cross-eyed, would everything read correctly?
How do you cure the hiccups?
Did O.J. kill his wife?
Why would using my computers Macromedia Shockwave Player make it crash and restart?
Can robots "feel"?
Up until quite recently, I've stopped believing without question that the US is the best place to live. What are the differences between american society and those of the rest of the world?
To date, what is the greatest video game ever made?
Does excessive use of hair gel cause balding?
Would you rather be "pissed on" or "pissed off"?
Which is better: The one who does all the work and receives no credit, or the one whole receives all the credit but does none of the work?
I'm planning a trip to Vegas to support their excellent decision to legalize prostitution but have no idea where to start? Do you have any brothel recommendations?
What are your qualifications?
Which would win in a fair fight, crack or heroin?
Can you tell if a person is intelligent before hearing them speak? If so, how?
What great advances do you see definitely happening in the next 20 years?
Ok, this is a two part question: When you take bread out of the bread bag, do you skip that first crust piece and take instead the piece behind it without any face crust? And after you have consumed all the slices without face crusts, do you leave the two crust slices to stand back to back hoping some other sucker will eat it?
What pet should a person get if they REALLY wanted one?
What fighting style (martial arts or otherwise) should humans undertake?
What's a revolutionary idea that I don't know about?
Why is orange?
Was it the chicken or the egg that came first?
I really like this girl at work. What's a surefire way to get her to notice me and be interested in me to?
If you ran the country, how would you make Americans happier?
What is the most nutritional food you can eat?
How can I get by internet porn sites credit card requirement?
Non-anatomically speaking, what is the difference between men and women?
Who would win in a fight, Underdog or Mighty Mouse?
I would like to get into porn. How do I start?
I have a bet with my friends as to what's going to win the best picture oscar. I have $20 on Brokeback Mountain. What do you think?
I have this rash and it burns when I pee? My girlfriend says I didn't get it from her and now won't let me touch her. Help!
Is the hokey pokey really what it's all about?
Besides yourself, who is the single greatest smartass of them all?
What is the speed of dark?
Is what happens when you die based on some pre-set "thing" that will happen exactly the same for everyone, or is it based on what a person BELIEVES will happen?
Where is the REAL Springfield in The Simpsons?
How did it happen that I gave birth to a smartass?
Why is the sky blue?
The Nintendo works, why doesn't the Sega?
Do you listen to Glenn Beck?
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