Global Warming.

They could be harmless and come from the grease glands that we all possess. Or they could be Fordyce’s spot which is also harmless. If that doesn’t fit the look/symptoms and you haven’t had sex they might actually be cancerous. No, I’m not fucking with you and you will need to see a doctor, and not just your family doctor but a specialist. Somebody who does genitourinary medicine. The family doctor will just call it something simple based on looks alone and won’t do any tests. I figure if you have the balls to ask another man to look at spots on your penis, he better at least do some fucking tests so you can determine what it is for sure.

Just don’t take any chances and screw up your health because you are too embarrassed to have it checked out.

Question: smartass, i need to ask u something…
during one of my summer holidays i had abit of a tiff(yh im english) with my father, funny thing was that it wasnt my fault. but the thing that shocked me was that as soon as he left to go and get some shopping, i was going upstairs and i had my cellphone in my hand and the next thing i know is that im facing the door with a hole in it (which was’nt there before.) now i freaked out and called my dad, he obviously wanted to know what happened, and i told him the story. we figured it out that it was me that did it but i cant remember putting a hole though a door!!
it may be a phycology thing?(did i spell that right?)
Help me please!!

Answer: Ok dude. you want some psychology (good try) eh. This probably wouldn’t be considered psychology, but rather neurology. If you honestly did get so angry and punch a hole in the door and didn’t know it happened until it was done. Then you probably have a fucked up prefrontal cortex or an overdeveloped amygdala (basically the caveman area of the brain). It overrides the rational brain and suddenly fills your body with dopamine, adrenalin and other uppers fill your body instantly and all your blood shifts away from the skin to fuel your muscles for action. If this area of the brain is over developed you literally can’t think when you are too emotionally stimulated. You simply react.

To be honest, on this one I can’t even be a smartass about it because it is a seriously shitty thing to have. You NEED to be able to find a way to reassociate your strong emotional responses with something else as soon as they begin so that you don’t become a wife beater. Something or someone needs to break your state right before you go into the really strong state. Start by fixing the little things like road rage and trying to just get over it right away.

Basically you have a prefrontal cortex that is supposed to regulate your anger and and other emotions and send signals to the rest of the brain for how to react. Anyways if it learns to control where it sends the signals better by changing your emotional state right when you have it then you will no longer loose control and be overcome by your amygdala.

If this is a one time thing you can just do what I said and fix it yourself. If this has happened more than once where you have blanked out after anger or another emotion you seriously need to seek help. I’m sure most anger management programs aren’t with dick, but I’m sure you could find forums online for people who have had anger issues and have worked them out.

It’s a myth that depth perception is entirely the result of having two eyes. Binocular vision does assist in making a three-dimensional picture. However, most of your ability to perceive depth comes from inside your brain. It has been wired to look at angles and proportions to judge distance.

If you required two eyes to perceive depth then most optical illusions wouldn’t work and it would be incredibly difficult to gather information from flat photographs. Not to mention a lot more one-eyed pirates walking overboard.

I’ve been blind in my left eye all my life and I’ve never, that I can recall, had a problem with depth perception except for small, fast-moving objects, like a baseball. I’m sure it doesn’t look the same as it does to someone with binocular vision, but I have no problems looking at an object and judging how far away it is with reasonable accuracy. - One-Eyed Kelli

The real question becomes, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO POKE OUT YOUR EYE WITH A STICK???

You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people’s ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.

Well if you don’t know how big it is, I certainly won’t. I mean you must be some orcha-fat guy that has got so many rolls going that you have rolled right over your genitals and can no longer see them. I feel sorry for you in the fact that you have misplaced your penis, however it’s your own damn fault and you are the only one who can fix it.

Perhaps you should try the 3 candy bar a day diet:

1) Eat any 3 candy bars you want and also a multi vitamin or two
2) Drink plenty of water (no, diet soda is not a substitute).

You will loose a shit ton of weight… Y? Because you are burning more calories than you are eating. Your body will start to eat itself and all that water you are drinking will help you piss it all out. Sure, it would be better if you got consistent exercise but we all know that won’t happen…

Yes, if you follow this diet for a month, you will be able to find your dick again~!

Man, what’s with the loaded questions tonight.  Well, I am not dating you, so I will be honest. 

Yes, yes you are. 

If you have to ask, then you are too fat.  Sure, we could all stand to loose a few pounds.  Yet, despite the fact that I could stand to loose several lbs and am overweight, I am not fat.  If one day I had to ask “am I fat?” then I would definitely be fat!

Sorry, shit happens, but it’s an easy fix. Burn more calories than you eat.  Really, that’s it.  No crazy scam, just start eating less and moving more. 

Hmm, yeah, those crazy UFO’s making chemtrails everywhere… I mean have they no shame?  Oh shit, you actually wanted to hear that our government is covering up the fact that they are TRYING to screw us over with some sneaky chemicals… No, it’s actually the lizard people doing that, but if you believe that the lizard people have already infected every level of our government… perhaps even me!!!!!!!

If you believe in sneaky-government-conspiracy-chemtrails-and-lizards then you most definitely have been stuffed up because you sir, are a hypochondriac.  Don’t worry, I have known more than one of those in my life.  It won’t kill you, but rather it will just make you whiny about all that ales you. 

To be honest, eating spaghetti everyday is probably the best thing you can do.  Consistent diet with some carbs (no you fucking atkins idiots, carbs are not bad for you, atkins died a fat fuck with cancer and a heart attack, sounds healthy to me) is good for you so long as you burn them off.

Not a hypochondriac?  Perhaps you should just start sniffing cayenne pepper.  I mean fuck the cause of the sickness, that will cure it!  Just don’t touch it and then go to the bathroom, trust me, I know…

Detox, Lots and Lots of Detox. You can get the full cure at curezone.com They tend to add tons of extra steps that won’t be necessicary for most people, but might as well cover yer ass when you are curing something like cancer.

Well, you probably do need a nap. I mean are you the type who ignores your body and just never takes the nap? You might require a nap-a-day in order to make it through. Ok, lets say that’s not the case. Well your body gets tired due to lack of use and lack of oxygen. So either you aren’t exercising or you aren’t breathing. So try to add more of both, and take a nap now and then and the feeling will eventually fade. Or else you can be like somebody I know and just decide that you have Chronic Fatigue and then use at as an excuse for everything.