If you are going to keep asking me light bulb questions, you should at least leave out the politically correct “immigrants” term and pick a particular race/culture you would like me to harass. I mean since when has a light bulb joke had to be politically correct? Tell you what, I will just answer the question and you can let your mind fill in your favorite who you perceive it to be about.

Just one, but he brings about fifteen of his relatives anyway.

One, and then two thousand huddle around it rubbing their fins together.

Who wouldn’t be better with a Monica built into their ‘oval office’. Yes folks. I believe we should install a replica of Monika Lewinsky’s mouth and build it into the ‘ultimate cubicle’.

Tough day? Just click the button and Monica will take your worries away by making you feel like El Presidente himself.

Say that “God” created the Earth because he was bored. However instead of viewing the Bible as “historical facts” we know that the bible was written and edited by a bunch of guys with a bunch of different ideas, who all needed to make sense of things in their own way. Anyways lets say that instead of 7 days, that God instead created Evolution. He did this so that he wouldn’t have to bother to think up people and dinosaurs and shit, instead he could just throw some shit into the universe and wallah, instant new life that will change itself over time. Think of the earth and everything on it as “Sea Monkeys”. Now God is happy, because he never knows what we will happen next.

Now we, being small minded decided that God created us in his own image, so instead of disputing that for the time being we will say that obviously there is some guy just chilling out in some Levi Jeans and a Wife Beater, sitting around feeding his sea monkey collection. Some believe he exists, some don’t, but he doesn’t know or even much care because he is too busy picking up bitches at the local bowling alley to notice. I mean the life span of his little “Sea Monkeys” is pretty damn short and he has taken shits longer than an era (dark ages).

If you think about it, we get pets so that we can play with them when we feel like it. However when we get fish or sea monkeys, we just want them to sit there and look pretty so that except for feeding them all we have to do is ignore them. They serve their purpose.

Ultimately we are the creators of our own reality in the end. That doesn’t however give us the ability to give just one answer to a question like this. Perhaps we are all connected and are all a piece of god. But if that is the case we are still only a slice of understanding and everybody’s truths need to be combined to make up the whole truth.

If you continually believe in god though, you will however create one. Even if that god only governs over your own reality it still effects you every day, be god real or not.

All things that you believe exist, really do exist. For your mind doesn’t know the difference between your beliefs and reality. It only knows how to perceive what you tell it to.

Ok, so to answer this we must first assume a couple things.

1) That the last answer I gave on speed of light, was just total bullshit.. (no…. couldn’t be).
2) That our spaceship is so damn hardcore that it can turn into a massless photon like object. I say this because if we can’t turn into a photon we would require an infinite amount of energy to accelerate to light speed, which means that only a spaceship with an “infinite improbability drive” would be able to do it, and then only by random chance.

Given to these assumptions your headlights would function just as well as they always have, however you would be more disappointed at the results than you would with putting fake xenon headlights on your car; since the light that they create would be moving the same speed as your spaceship and therefore the light could not escape.

So my suggestion is that you slow the fuck down so that you don’t go accidentally getting caught in a planet or some space debris where light cannot pass. Or that you find a way to go faster than light so you aren’t bothered with such debris. I speculate that if you were to face backwards you could go faster than light travel however, if you did that then no matter what your destination, you would always arrive at night.

I have never really believed that light actually goes at the speed of light. Have we any proof? I worked out that it should go at root two times the speed of light (c) making the constant itself irrelevant.

$knowledge = $power if {$knowledge = $applied} else {$power = 0};

Knowledge learned past elementary school is at best moderately helpful and not the type of knowledge you would gain real power from. People with power tend to gain it by copying the actions of other people with power.

To be corrupted is simply a perversion of your own internalized morals. So if you are constantly doing shit that you believe to be wrong then you are corrupt. It doesn’t matter if you are inbred white trash with no knowledge whatsoever except how to beat your wife and make babies; or if you are a philosopher with a BS in education. If you want to corrupt yourself, you will.

Sometimes I am not a smartass with my answer, it all depends on the question, my mood, and how many questions I have left to answer.  I am only one guy, and since my site makes $0 profit, I have to have a full time job, and do other things as well.  However if I made it a free for all on who could answer, it would be chaos and people with conflicting beliefs that don’t jive well with my own would then post.  Besides, if you wanted a normal answer, you would <a href=”http://answers.yahoo.com/”>ask yahoo</a>.

If you want to put your own spin on it, post a comment.  Until I resurrected the section comments were not allowed, but now they are.  True you have to actually register to post a comment, but that’s just to prevent spam and weed out the id10ts who want to just write “your gay” all over everything.

Ok, I’ll tell you what they don’t tell you in the classrooms:

The Speed of Light, or the speed of lightness usually describe the speed a woman decreases her weight during a weight reduction program or exercises.

The speed of light is absolute, which is the speed of decreasing the mass of a given human female to the mass of 0 at the rate of 300,000 km per cubic square per second. This is absolutely the fastest time any object in the universe can change from one form of state into another state.

As a dream for humanity for reaching optimal level of female beauty of zero mass, various technology have been adopted to reach the speed of light. Unfortunately, currently we do not have any weight reduction technology even close to the speed of light for weight reduction.

One way to approach the speed of light is by running. When a woman runs, she burns her calories and dissipates energy and decreases her mass, though the rate of decrease varies from subject to subject.

Nevertheless, so far no human have ever reached the speed of light by running, the closest have been achieved are in Olympic events where splinters breaks the world records. Therefore, one can argue Olympic program is a scientific research institute trying to experiment new technology to reach the speed of light.

In 1905, Albert Einstein made a striking discovery that any woman can not reach any speed of weight reduction faster than the speed of light. He argued this in his famous equation : E=mc2. This equation shows that energy required for weight reduction program is polynomially proportional to the speed of light. Therefore, when a woman try to reduce her weight at the speed of light, it cost infinity of amounts of energy, making it is technologically non-feasible as well as economically non-affordable.

Einstein’s discovery is hailed by men from all over world for clarifying woman’s conception about themselves. His discovery saved enormous money and resources otherwise will be used for unrealistic research in weight reduction for woman beyond the speed of light. As a result, by the of the end of 20th century, we enjoy more wealth on earth than all previous periods combined. Because of this enormous benefit for society, Albert Einstein was awarded posthumously as the person of the century by Time magazine.

Oh, that’s not what you were talking about? Fine, fine, you wanted to know how fast light is….

The speed of light is very very fast indeed, so long as you don’t have really crappy wiring done that often screws up your lighting and permits the speed of light to reach three seconds. Apart from that it is in fact so fast that no one has managed to successfully record it, though numerous attempts have been made.

Light travels even faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak, for example, George Bush

The simplest and most successful attempt to measure the speed of light was performed by Max Planck, who invented the atomic bomb, uncertainty, fondue and Scientology. In this experiment, Max used the Beatrice Davenport particle accelerator in Germany, a twelve inch, wooden school ruler, a sixty watt light bulb and a high speed camera.

First he accelerated the ruler to as close to the speed of light as it would go. Then, a clever system of levers and gears ensured that when the ruler was projected out of the end of the accelerator, the light bulb was turned on and the high speed camera activated. It was then simple to calculate:

1. The speed of the ruler
2. How fast the light overtook the ruler
3. The distance along the ruler the light achieved before the ruler splintered against the opposing wall.

From these measurements it was child’s play to guess just how fast light travels.

However, during the preliminary calibration runs one of Max’s assistants was killed in an unfortunate recreation of the William Tell episode. The ruler failed to hit the apple at all and as a consequence of his death and in deference to the his grieving parents, the experiment was never completed. Despite this setback, Max used the calibration data to calculate his best guess at the speed of light and this has been accepted by the scientific community as a law.

The speed of light is 32 miles per hour.

The speed of heavy is 46 miles per hour. Although most people consider light to be the fastest thing there is, heavy is indeed faster but it takes longer to get up to speed and has problems turning corners.

It was also determined that Bonnie Tyler is faster than the speed of night.

More? Grr… Fine, speed of light in a vacuum.

There is well documented evidence that the speed of light does not stay constant in certain conditions. Light is often accidentally sucked into vacuum cleaners, and the forces subjected to it combined with the various purifying filters often cause the light to change speed, direction, or shape at random – it’s even possible for light to end up travelling backwards in these cases. The exact cause of this is currently unknown, but it is suspected that vacuum cleaners are actually mini black holes themselves, and thus have slight time-space continuum distortion effects on the matter they suck up.

The most famous light-vacuum cleaner interaction, often demonstrated as the prime example of this phenomenon, utilizes the Dyson vacuum cleaner. Due to the Dyson’s hyper-advanced technology, the effect is magnified several times. The Dyson is turned on at full power, and a beam of light from a powerful torch is directed into the sucking attachment. At first nothing may seem to be happening, but gradually, the dust receptacle will start to emit a purplish glow. The glow will get stronger and start humming. After it has “charged” for a while, the vacuum is switched to the reverse setting, and the glow is aimed at a randomly selected object. Though the stream of light only lasts a split second, and nothing will seem to have changed, the object that was hit by the beam will now have the consistency and taste of cheese. Scientists are baffled as to how this works, but it often makes for a great party trick at scientific gatherings.

Fine, you don’t like any of these explanations, try my answer for:  “What is the speed of dark?“

Not necessarily, but this time I will make sure of it….

Yes, now I know the scientific community has lots of theories on spontaneous combustion, I know the truth.  It can be done with pure psychology.  Though the likelihood would be very low. 

The psychology route would require somebody who knows a lot about explosive chemicals.  Then they need to go and learn to be one of those crazy monks who can heat their body temperature up a zillion degrees.  Then they need to either want to kill themselves while in a meditative state, or just plain forget that they are boiling and then think about the explosive chemicals.  The mind is a powerful tool for creating death and destruction.