Archive for the ‘deepthoughts’ Category

Poison all Cannabis.

You have been drinking de amigo….

I think so. I mean religious nuts will try to say that death is what gives meaning to life, but LIFE is what gives meaning to life. You can take all the vitamins and live and eat healthy, but eventually your cells will die off and so will you. So why should we not find ways to cheat it? Our knowledge and technology are all expanding at an exponential rate. Every year we cut down on size requirements for nano technology and we continue to expand our knowledge in areas like genetics and neurosciences.

Who’s to say we can’t life forever and improve our quality of life? I mean once we isolate the Dick Clark Gene who’s to say that we can’t make a way to put it into other people? And once we better understand the body, who’s to say we can’t put some nanobots into people to enhance all their abilities (like tv show jake 2.0 which was more or less a modern version of the 6 million dollar man).

Everyday I get closer and closer to having free wireless internet EVERYWHERE I go. Who’s to say that I can’t have a dedicated server monitoring my body functionality from devices powered by my own electricity that are inside of me.

I saw a guy once who had put RFID chips into his wrists and then rewired his house, and car, and pretty much everything to respond to this.

I saw a mind controlled computer program that people could move objects on the screen around simply by sending the right mental signals.

All of this is expanding so fast that it’s only natural to expect it to conglomerate and expand our evolution.

To look into this, I first decided to see how a lightsaber was built. I went to alienryderflex.com and upon seeing how a light saber was built, I decided that not only could it NOT cut The One Ring, It could not even cut a weed out of your garden.

I was then curious as to what could cut The One Ring, that has been invented in the modern age. The solution came to me quickly. A Blendtec Blender.

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “This is a stick up. Put all your muny in this bag.”

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.


Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.

He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.” The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him.

At this point the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.


Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.

The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.


I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.


You tell me… With people like this in the world, is there really a God? Everyday I go to work and answer questions from idiots, then I come home to answer some more.

If you choose to live your life believing in God (or some other transcendental entity) you get to live with the satisfaction that you are right and everybody else is wrong. Isn’t this enough? I mean can’t you still have enough courtesy to keep it to yourself.

Religion is what people cling to in order to rationalize their problems or explain their life.  More people have died for religion than have died ANY other way.  It’s all just a control system used to manipulate people and then make them feel guilty if they start to doubt it (or even if they don’t).

Believe whatever you want, just keep it to yourself unless you are asked.

Perhaps this one, since there is no correct way to answer it. See I do not know the most difficult question to answer, because I have never been asked it. Now lets say I had been. Well even then it would simply have been the most difficult question for me to answer.

This does not mean that it would be the most difficult question for anybody to answer. To one person perhaps they had something extremely traumatic happen to them and the most difficult question is simply who, what, when, why, or how. Yet to somebody else that has had no such experience then the most difficult question could simply be are they willing to commit. Or perhaps what is πR².

The most difficult question to answer is either one that your mind simply has no reference or association to or one that your mind wishes to protect you from.

No. See funny story, well not really…. All we have is our memories. Our entire subconscious just reacts to what is around us and we have an association for everything around us. So if some stoned out hippie came to me and said they had seen the 5th dimension etc… It would have just been them basing it on some other thing they saw, perhaps mixed with something else floating around in their little heads.

“Wait…WTF doesn’t stand for “Wonderful Tact, Friend?” Then what the fuck does it stand for?” ~ n00b on WTF

Your father suffers from “Robin Williams Disease”. Scientists speculate that this is caused by eating too many unclean hairy tacos.

I recommend telling your father to eat less hairy tacos and consider switching to bearded clams.


The Dreaded Hairy Taco

Bastard! You sunk my battleship!

A guy with nothing more than a pencil could defeat a cruiser or a destroyer given enough intelligence and a little advanced planning. So I see no reason why a “fully loaded” aircraft carrier would not be able to do such a thing.


ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.”

Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.”

Americans: “This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.”

Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.”

Americans: “THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT’S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.”

Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”

Ok, so the above is actually a myth, but it’s still more humorous than the answer I gave so it stays.

If you are going to keep asking me light bulb questions, you should at least leave out the politically correct “immigrants” term and pick a particular race/culture you would like me to harass. I mean since when has a light bulb joke had to be politically correct? Tell you what, I will just answer the question and you can let your mind fill in your favorite who you perceive it to be about.

Just one, but he brings about fifteen of his relatives anyway.