Smartass
How To > Dominate The World in 5 Easy Steps (By Google)
Step 1) Index all things and make it easy to access, ease people into using this with a search engine that helps people find what they want and a catchy slogan like “Don’t Be Evil”.
Step 2) After building trust with your market convince them to use your open source software. In case they aren’t using it, buy majority of startup software and social networks that they are using. Further direct their focus by getting them to use Chrome and telling everybody it is a web browser, despite being a world domination app.
Step 3) Get your software on all types of media. We will start with showing them a taste of our “browser” and then a couple weeks later we will have every single mobile company using our open source operating system and development platform (Android).
Step 4) Use the “Google Network” that was built by 3rd party companies using our open source software and mobile devices to link all communications together and use all the media devices and world domination software in place on more than 75% of the global economy.
Step 5) Control “truth”, information, media, advertising, and define facts.
Explains > British English to Americans
So I was work and had reason to reference some British words… I thought it would be worth posting them to the site because I enjoyed it.
and plural in American English
is roughly "fanciful"
or flowers away from you home.
not the Minister.
to money.
battle in the Crimean War
from Xmas they are all different in Britain
‘boo’
CHECK
be closer
block, or a large house converted to flats
GARTERS
and fried
baby’s CRIB
fine as icing-sugar
to get to know a girl
"see you later"
perhaps with a thatched roof (although the name is stretched nowadays
to encompass almost anything except a flat), may be detached or
terraced
the railway
in pubs, not at all like our baking brown sugar
own garden
schools and is NOT a barracks
one afternoon a week
the number of players)
is BUSY
and selects Premium Bond winners
US
filling
brand of beer it wishes, it is not linked to any specific brewery
in the US a period
also the dialect he speaks
currently running the country
is what you ask for in a shop
inside
shop’
half-pint of beer
three successive balls but it is often to any triple triumph
a cooked item such as eggs or sausages - this is not to be confused
with ‘tea’ or ‘afternoon tea’ which is merely a cup of tea with
a cake or very small sandwich
vacation for the time after term finishes
in America
of a cloak or coat is still the same
1 ton
or rabbits
meat
‘jumper’ is a pinafore dress
at breakfast
kipping on the sofa.")
drive must put on his car
of a team of lawyers or the first violinist in an orchestra but
NOT the conductor as is popular in America
Cavalry
or whatever you wish to say
in
American terms
stalls (booths) in the open air - the right to do so goes back
hundreds of years & the AA book lists them all - so does a
list available from my office
a Gin & French
to an American game
‘cruel’ or ill-tempered
or servants’ lodging (usually 17th or 19th century) and is the
town equivalent of a genuine cottage
hamburger however MINCEMEAT is chopped apples, raisins etc. Which
goes into a mince pie
go down to breakfast
- do NOT confuse with the American ‘English Muffin’ which does
not exist in England.
is calico in England
it must be taken away or consumed ‘off’ the premises
diagnose eye diseases
eyesight, prescribes lenses
turn over)
of Oxford and Cambridge
Christmas entertainment based on a fairy-tale with a lot of modern
singing, dancing and humor - it is not mime
of American pants is trousers
wax or white wax
red not blue
it is cake, pie, ice-cream, custards. British puddings are not
like our custard type "Jell-O" pudding
interest
which cannot be defined in this small space - go an see one
you if you cut in
a native of India
is Veteran Day in America
and often jam and cream
indicate only a temporary absence
seat
of its American meaning)
- roughly like a semester
high
of a ‘waistcoat’
under 3,000 people. In the UK can be a handful of houses with
a church and a pub, or a larger settlement with shops and community
center
the toilet
because so many government offices are located around the road
by older people
Explains Why > BULLSHIT is worth 103%
A LOGICAL SOLUTION.
Now here is a problem that finally has a formula for getting to the bottom of an age old problem.
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What
Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about
those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been
to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-*-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.
A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So,
one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the
Bulls**t and A** Kissing that will put you over the top.
How Smartass Programmers Function @ Parties
public NightTimeCompanion PartyEvent(string[] friendConnection)
{
foreach (string friend in friendConnection)
{
try
{
using (Connection FriendsHotFriend = new Connection(FriendConnection[friend]))
{
using (Command HookUpAttempt = new Command(FriendsHotFriend))
{
string OpeningLine = “”;
Random ChanceOfGoodLine = new Random();
if (ChanceOfGoodLine % 4 == 0)
OpeningLine = RandomOpener();
else
OpeningLine = “SELECT ‘Hey Baby’; DROP TargetsCloths;”;
HookUpAttempt.CommandText = OpeningLine;
SqlDataReader Conversation = HookUpAttempt.ExecuteReader();
int WhereYouStand = 0;
while (Conversation.Read())
{
switch (Conversation.Line)
{
case Exchange.Cute:
WhereYouStand += 0;
break;
case Exchange.Meaningful:
WhereYouStand += 1;
break;
case Exchange.StarTrek:
throw new StarTrekException();
break;
case Exchange.Sexy:
WhereYouStand += 2;
break;
case Exchage.Bad:
WhereYouStand -= 2;
break;
case Exchage.Mean:
WhereYouStand -= 5;
break;
case Exchange.Boring:
WhereYouStand -= 20;
break;
case Exchange.Stalkerish:
WhereYouStand -= 500;
break;
case Exchange.Dirty:
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
break;
default:
WhereYouStand += 0;
}
}
if (WhereYouStand > 30)
{
BlackBook.Add(HookUpAttempt);
}
if (WhereYouStand > 50)
{
if (!HookUpAttempt.IsHot)
BlackBook.Remove(HookUpAttempt);
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
}
}
}
}
catch (StarTrekException Ex)
{
Console.Write(”Did that come out of my mouth…”);
continueConversation();
}
catch (StarWarsException EX)
{
Console.Write(”Well the explosions reminded me of while I was working on a rig in Alaska…”);
continueConversation();
}
}
}
Author: Punk-Coder
Original Source: A comment from - What does the hot girl at the party think of your programming language?
Explains > The 10th Dimension
Wow, so I was going to write an article about the 4th dimension and how a children’s book really explained it well, but instead with one search and discovered something better than my own explaination! The internet is great isn’t it?
Update: This is now the full video, before It was youtube and was in 2 files which is rather annoying… enjoy
Original Source: TenthDimension.com
How To > Win at Rock, Paper, Scissors
Contrary to what you might think RPS is not simply a game of luck or chance. While it is true that from a mathematical perspective the ‘optimum’ strategy is to play randomly, it still is not a winning strategy for two reasons.
First, ‘optimum’ in this case means you should win, lose and draw an equal number of times (hardly a winning strategy over the long term). Second, Humans, try as they might, are terrible at trying to be random, in fact often humans in trying to approximate randomness become quite predictable. So knowing that there is always something motivating your opponent’s actions, there are a couple of tricks and techniques that you can use to tip the balance in your favour.
1 - Rock is for Rookies
In RPS circles a common mantra is “Rock is for Rookies” because males have a tendency to lead with Rock on their opening throw. It has a lot to do with idea that Rock is perceived as “strong” and forceful”, so guys tend to fall back on it. Use this knowledge to take an easy first win by playing Paper. This tactic is best done in pedestrian matches against someone who doesn’t play that much and generally won’t work in tournament play.
2 - Scissors on First
The second step in the ‘Rock is for Rookies’ line of thinking is to play scissors as your opening move against a more experienced player. Since you know they won’t come out with rock (since it is too obvious), scissors is your obvious safe move to win against paper or stalemate to itself.
3 - The Double Run
When playing with someone who is not experienced at the RPS, look out for double runs or in other words, the same throw twice. When this happens you can safely eliminate that throw and guarantee yourself at worst a stalemate in the next game. So, when you see a two-Scissor run, you know their next move will be Rock or Paper, so Paper is your best move. Why does this work? People hate being predictable and the perceived hallmark of predictability is to come out with the same throw three times in row.
4 - Telegraph Your Throw
Tell your opponent what you are going to throw and then actually throw what you said. Why? As long as you are not playing someone who actually thinks you are bold enough to telegraph your throw and then actually deliver it, you can eliminate the throw that beats the throw you are telegraphing. So, if you announce rock, your opponent won’t play paper which means coming out with that scissors will give you at worst a stalemate and at best the win.
5 - Step Ahead Thinking
Don’t know what to do for your next throw? Try playing the throw that would have lost to your opponents last throw? Sounds weird but it works more often than not, why? Inexperienced (or flustered) players will often subconsciously deliver the throw that beat their last one. Therefore, if your opponent played paper, they will very often play Scissors, so you go Rock. This is a good tactic in a stalemate situation or when your opponent lost their last game. It is not as successful after a player has won the last game as they are generally in a more confident state of mind which causes them to be more active in choosing their next throw.
6 - Suggest A Throw
When playing against someone who asks you to remind them about the rules, take the opportunity to subtly “suggest a throw” as you explain to them by physically showing them the throw you want them to play. ie “Paper beats Rock, Rock beats scissors (show scissors), Scissors (show scissors again) beats paper.” Believe it or not, when people are not paying attention their subconscious mind will often accept your “suggestion”. A very similar technique is used by magicians to get someone to take a specific card from the deck.
7 - When All Else Fails Go With Paper
Haven’t a clue what to throw next? Then go with Paper. Why? Statistically, in competition play, it has been observed that scissors is thrown the least often. Specifically, it gets delivered 29.6% of the time, so it slightly under-indexes against the expected average of 33.33% by 3.73%. Obviously, knowing this only gives you a slight advantage, but in a situation where you just don’t know what to do, even a slight edge is better than none at all.
8 - The Rounder’s Ploy
This technique falls into more of a ‘cheating’ category, but if you have no honour and can live with yourself the next day, you can use it to get an edge. The way it works is when you suggest a game with someone, make no mention of the number of rounds you are going to play. Play the first match and if you win, take it is as a win. If you lose, without missing a beat start playing the ‘next’ round on the assumption that it was a best 2 out of 3. No doubt you will hear protests from your opponent but stay firm and remind them that ‘no one plays best of one for a kind of decision that you two are making’. No this devious technique won’t guarantee you the win, but it will give you a chance to battle back to even and start again.
How to Cheat (According to Wikipedia)
One of the first tricks learned by a Rock-Paper-Scissors novice is to hold back a throw of paper until the last possible moment to dupe an opponent into believing that one may actually be throwing a rock. Both paper and scissors have this ability; however, unless one is employing a “double-back” strategy, cloaking a paper throw is likely to draw an instinctive paper from one’s opponent. If the throw is accidentally revealed too late, that is, not revealed until the thrower’s arm breaks the plane where the thrower’s arm is perpendicular to the thrower’s torso (at a 90 degree angle), this is considered a foul. In such a case the referee will assign a throw of rock, even if this is not what the thrower intended. This is known as a “forced rock.”
A common variation on the opening ritual is to have both players hold their hands behind their backs and reveal their already formed throws after the count of three. The intention is to prevent any sort of timing based cheating.
Another way to cheat is to prime three times instead, if the opponent primed twice only, the other could see his opponent’s throw without revealing his own, claiming that he thought “I thought we are doing three primes”. This form of cheating usually does not get the cheater anywhere, as the round will be most likely replayed. In many cases, participants will bounce three times (while saying “rock, paper, scissors”) and then revealing the throw while saying something else (such as “shoot”). Note: ‘priming’ is the number of bounces one does before revealing the throw.
Tells > 1045 Ways to Reference Masturbation.
- A little five on one
- Abuse the fuse
- Adjust your set
- Anger the cobra
- Anger the pickle
- Answer the bone-a-phone
- Appease the cheese
- Arm-wrestle the one eyed champ
- Asexual reproduction
- Autofellatio
- Auto-manipulation
- Ax the timber
- Badger the witness
- Bag that ass up
- Bait the mast
- Bake cream cakes
- Bake the cheese
- Banana squeezing
- Bang yourself
- Bank off shoot goo
- Bash the bishop
- Baste the turkey
- Battle the Cyclops
- Be a loner
- Beat it
- Beat off
- Beat Pedro
- Beat the banger
- Beat the beef
- Beat the bishop
- Beat the bologna
- Beat the hog
- Beat the meat
- Beat the monkey
- Beat the morning wood (like every good boy should)
- Beat the one eye snake
- Beat the one eyed monster
- Beat the rat
- Beat the red-headed cock-eyed woodpecker
- Beat the shit
- Beat the stepchild
- Beat the stick
- Beat the weasel
- Beat up shorty
- Beat your cock
- Beat your gorilla
- Beat your pud
- Beat your skin
- Beatin’ the baby batter
- Beef the jerky
- Beef-strokin’-off
- Ben your Franklin
- Bend the banana
- Bitch-slapping your stomper
- Blind the one eyed monster
- Blow a wad
- Blow the ceiling
- Blow up
- Blow wad
- Blow your load
- Blow your nose
- Boff up
- Bollock milking
- Bop the boa
- Bop the bologna
- Bounce Tigger
- Bounce your balls
- Box Oscar
- Box the clown
- Box the Jesuit
- Bringin’ ya milk
- Buff the bullet
- Buff the pickle
- Burp the baby
- Burp the frog
- Burp the worm
- Bust a Nut
- Busting the left nut instead of the right one
- Butter the corn
- Call the captain
- Caress your zesty zambonie
- Chafe the squirtgun
- Charm the python
- Charm the snake
- Checkin’ the Ol’ Dipstick
- Cheesin
- Choke
- Choke the bishop
- Choke the chicken
- Choke the Choir Boy
- Choke the chubby
- Choke the monkey
- Choke the one eyed snake
- Choke the Pope
- Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse
- Choke the unemployed
- Chunking
- Churn butter
- Churn seed
- Circle jerk
- Clean the clock
- Clean the pipes
- Clear the snorkel
- Club the cucumber
- Cock blockin
- Cock pulling
- Cock smack
- Cock snot
- Come to daddy
- Corralling the tadpoles
- Crank it
- Crank one out
- Crank the cable
- Crank the crane
- Crank the gear
- Crank the one-eyed yogurt thrower
- Cream the cake
- Croke the frog
- Crown the bishop
- Cruzin’ then Oozin’
- Cuff the carrot
- Cuff the carrot
- Cuff the monkey
- Cum and go
- Cum on self
- Cum on your tum
- Cum-lets-play
- Curl the honey
- Daily duties
- Dancing around the maypole
- Dancing with Mother Knuckle and her five daughters
- Dancing with the one eye sailor
- Dangle the Donkey
- Date Palmela Handerson
- Date Paula and her 4 sisters
- Date Rosie Palmer and her five sisters
- Date with Rosie bone and her five sisters
- Deal cards
- Deload the gun
- Despunk
- Destroying the slots machine
- Diddle your bob
- Do a load by hand.
- Do Mary Palm and her 5 sisters
- Do shoupa shoupa
- Do the dishes
- Do the janitor thing
- Do the Johnson and ball dance
- Do yourself
- Dog off
- Doing the Palm sisters
- Dong around
- Donkey punch
- Double Clicking The mouse
- Dr. Spankenstein Time
- Drain the dragon
- Drain the lizard
- Drain the pipes
- Drain the snake
- Drain the vein
- Drill for oil
- Drop a load before work.
- Drop the chalupa
- Drop the kids off at the pool.
- Duke your Jim
- Eat the egg
- Empty the banana
- Empty the pipes
- Empty your gunbarrel
- Erupt old faithful
- Erupt the volcano
- Exhaust the camel
- Exorcise your demons
- Extra long shower
- Fake fuckin’
- Favorite household activity
- Feed the donkey
- Feeding the chickens
- Feel it up
- Fiddle the ferret
- Fight one-eyed Willy
- Fight the one eyed purple warrior
- Fight the one-eyed monster
- Fight the purple helmet warrior
- Fight with Tarzan
- Fill up your belly-button
- Fire out the hole
- Fire the cannon
- Fire the flesh musket
- Fire the pistol
- Fire the surgeon general
- Firing a shot from the grassy knoll
- Fist fucking
- Fist rocket
- Fist-humpin.
- Fisting
- Fisting your cock
- Five against one
- Five finger disco
- Five finger shuffle
- Five fingered widow
- Five knuckle shuffle
- Five on one
- Five versus Willy
- Five-fingered humpty hump love pump
- Five-fingered wife
- Fix the clogged drain
- Flick your dick
- Fling the pudding
- Flog the Bishop
- Flog the doggie
- Flog the dolphin
- Flog the dummy
- Flog the hog
- Flog the log
- Flog the man
- Flog the mule
- Flog the one eyed gopher
- Flog the ore
- Flog the sailor
- Flog your log
- Flogging
- Fly solo
- Fondle the dolphin
- Fondle the frankfurter
- Fondle the sausage
- Foreskin mambo
- Frag your snag
- Free the captive ninja
- Free Willy
- Freshen the air
- Friction burn
- Frighten the blue veined custard chucker
- Fry the chicken
- Fry the egg
- Fuck the chicken
- Fuck the udder
- Fuck your cock
- Fuck your fist
- Fuck your hand
- Fuck yourself
- Fucking for one
- Fucking mother thumb and her 4 daughters
- Fumble your frank
- Get a handle on things
- Get a hold of yourself
- Get off
- Get some me time
- Get sticky
- Get the job done
- Get to know yourself
- Give the dog a bone
- Give the dog a walk
- Giving Kojak the third degree
- Giving yourself a helping hand
- Go and have a slap
- Go at it
- Go blind
- Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork
- Go for a spoof
- Go nut
- Grab the gusto
- Grab the handle
- Grab the meat
- Grapple the gorilla
- Grease the Pole
- Grease the rod
- Grease the wheel
- Great thoughts
- Greet Mr. Happy
- Greet the bishop
- Greeting Madam Palm and her 5 lovely daughters
- Grind the gopher
- Grind the groundhog
- Groom the Wookie
- Ham shank
- Hammer the lumber
- Hammer the helmet head
- Hand fuck
- Hand happy
- Hand hold
- Hand humpin’
- Hand jive
- Hand sex
- Hand shandy
- Hand Start the Yogurt Shooter
- Hand to Gland combat
- Hand to gland combat
- Hand, dick co-ordination
- Handle the merchandise
- Handy sandy
- Handy Shandy
- Hans Solo
- Harass the milkman
- Have a Barclays (Barclays Bank — WANK - rhyming slang)
- Have a chug
- Have a frapp
- Have a tug
- Have a tug of war with Cyclops
- Have a wank
- Have fun
- Have sex with someone you love
- High-five Yule Brenner
- Hip the hop
- Hit the mitt
- Hitch-hike to heaven
- Hold the knob
- Hold the man
- Hold your baseball bat
- Hold your sausage hostage
- Home alone
- Homework
- Hone the bone
- Hump the hand
- Hump the Hebrew
- Hump the knob
- Hump the matress
- Idle hands
- Impregnate the air
- Increase the surface temperature of the ship’s primary cannon using rapid linear motion
- Inside Slider with two balls
- Interrogate the prisoner
- Interrogate the witness
- Introduce Mr. Penis to Mrss Palm and her five lovely daughters
- Jack off
- Jack the beanstock
- Jack the frank
- Jack yo mac
- Jedi train in the bathroom
- Jerk and clean
- Jerk around
- Jerk it
- Jerk off
- Jerk pud
- Jerk the beef
- Jerk the chain
- Jerk the cum
- Jerk the general
- Jerk the Johnson
- Jerk the monkey
- Jerk the one-eyed snake
- Jerk the pet
- Jerk you shit
- Jerk your chain
- Jerk your gherkin
- Jerkin’ the gherkin
- Jingle the Pringles
- Jingle your bone
- Jizsturbation
- Jock the sock
- Jog the joker
- Josh one off
- Juggle the balls
- Jump the pogo stick
- Just getting dressed
- Just going up to the office to use the photocopier
- Just gonna go lay down and take a nap…
- Just gonna go take a bath…
- Just need a little time with my e-mail, that’s all…
- Keepin’ the mortar clean
- Kill the gentleman
- Kill the Mr. Tingley
- Kneading the bread
- Knob thumping
- Knock one off
- Knock one off
- Knock the rock
- Knuckle shuffle
- Launch the hand shuttle
- Launch the rocket
- Lead pedro down the road of bulimia
- Leak the lizard
- Let Elvis leave the building
- Let loose the juice
- Lift your spirit
- Lighting the Roman Candle
- Liquidate inventory
- Log off
- Log the lumber
- Lollygagging
- Lope the mule
- Lope the mule
- Love yourself
- Lube the tube
- Lubricate the Lutheran
- Magic your Johnson
- Make a deposit
- Make cream
- Make friends with the lizard
- Make instant icing
- Make it spit
- Make it useful
- Make junior vomit
- Make love to Miss Michigan
- Make one on one love
- Make one-eye cry
- Make Peter puke
- Make stomach pancakes
- Make the bald guy puke
- Make the bald guy puke
- Make the Cyclops cry
- Make the Cyclops fight the 5 headed monster
- Make the Cyclops spit
- Make the funny juice flow
- Make the one eyed monster puke
- Make the privates stand at attention, then fall in
- Make the snake puke
- Make your own hand lotion
- Makin babies
- Mangle the moose
- Manipulate your manhood
- Marry the moose
- Massage my palm
- Massage my stiff joint
- Massage out the stiffness
- Massage the salami
- Massage the soul
- Massage your balls
- Massage your clovers
- Meat off
- Meat-Beat
- Meet Mother Palm and her five daughters
- Meet the neighbors
- Meet the President
- Milk it
- Milk Murray
- Milk the beef
- Milk the cock
- Milk the cow
- Milk the goat
- Milk the hose
- Milk the lizard
- Milk the Magnesia
- Milk the Mickey
- Milk the one eyed trouser snake
- Milk the one-eyed snake
- Milk the one-uttered cow
- Milk your meat
- Milk yourself
- Molest the bystander
- Money comes out
- Monkey dance
- Move the joystick
- Mr. Happy and his five friends have a party.
- Mrs. palmer and her 5 daughters
- My Wife
- Nuke the whale
- Number 3
- Oil the barber pole
- Oil the barrel
- Oil the Crank
- Oil the noodle
- One hand work out
- One handed pole vault
- One man and a hand
- One man show
- Our Gang Spanky Marathon
- Paddling the pony
- Paint Pontius Pilate’s Palace
- Paint the ceiling
- Paint the wall
- Palm loving
- Pamela Handerson
- Pan for white gold
- Party for one
- Pat the monkey
- Pat the Robertson
- Pay bills
- Pay the pope
- Peel the banana
- Peel the carrot
- Peeling chilies
- Pet the bald eagle
- Pet the donkey
- Pet the ghurkin
- Pet the one eyed monster
- Pet the one eyed snake
- Pet the one-eyed gopher
- Pet the potato
- Pet the snake
- Pet the Willy
- Pet your third leg
- Pickle your peter
- Pimp pump
- Piston pushing
- Play a solo on my private organ
- Play ball with the boys
- Play five on one
- Play golf
- Play peek-a-boo alone
- Play pocket pool
- Play skin Banjo
- Play solitaire
- Play the bag pipe
- Play the meat pipe
- Play the skin flute
- Play tug of war with Cyclops
- Play with Burt Reynolds mustache
- Play with Fistina
- Play with Fred
- Play with lil’ Elvis
- Play with Mr. Panky
- Play with myself
- Play with Peter
- Play with Pikachu
- Play with Rosey Palm
- Play with the pud
- Play with the purple headed yogurt slinger
- Play with Wally
- Play with Willy the wonder worm
- Play with your cock and balls
- Play with yourself
- Play your guitar
- Play Zelda
- Pluck the ducky
- Pluck the mushroom
- Pocket billiards
- Pocket fishing
- Pocket pool
- Polish Lord Helmet
- Polish the baton
- Polish the bishop
- Polish the candlestick
- Polish the dolphin
- Polish the helmet
- Polish the knob
- Polish the Ol’ Torpedo
- Polish the one eyed gopher
- Polish the one eyed weasel
- Polish the Papal Podium
- Polish the pewter
- Polish the piston
- Polish the pope
- Polish the shaft
- Polish the silver
- Polish the sword of happiness
- Polish the torpedo
- Polish your Oscar
- Polish your pipe
- Polish your rocket
- Polish your whistle
- Polishing the periscope
- Pop the head
- Pop the pistol
- Pop the top off the Champaign bottle
- Portuguese pump
- Pound off
- Pound the flounder
- Pound the hammer
- Pound the pony
- Pound the pud
- Powder your nose
- Prime the pump handle
- Prune the shroom
- Pud pulling
- Pud whacking
- Puddin’
- Pull a quickie
- Pull and squirt
- Pull dinky
- Pull it
- Pull it hard
- Pull Nixon’s nose
- Pull off
- Pull one off
- Pull one out of the bag…
- Pull pud
- Pull Stretch Armstrong
- Pull the chain
- Pull the cord
- Pull the dog’s tail
- Pull the fun lever
- Pull the goalie
- Pull the meat
- Pull the noodle
- Pull the pickle
- Pull the pig
- Pull the pipe
- Pull the plowman
- Pull the Polish pork
- Pull the pork
- Pull the turkey
- Pull your plumb
- Pull your pud
- Pull your toy
- Pull your wire
- Pulling your Yankee Doodle
- Pump
- Pump jacks
- Pump mini me
- Pump sperm
- Pump the balls
- Pump the Pole
- Pump the watergun
- Pump your gun
- Pump your pud
- Pump’n the water rocket
- Punch the clown
- Punch the eclair
- Punch the monkey
- Punch the munchkin
- Punish Percy in the palm
- Punish the evil merchant
- Puppy whacking
- Pushing the envelope
- Put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college
- Putting Mayonnaise On The Garlic Bread
- Ram the rod
- Rattle the one eyed snake
- Ream the one eyed semen demon
- Release some steam
- Release the hounds
- Release the pressure
- Release the valves
- Relieve your sperm bank
- Relieving a little tension
- Relish up the hot dog
- Remove the rust
- Ricky Wrestling
- Ride the big dipper
- Ride The Dolphin
- Ride the rod
- Ride to heaven
- Ring your cock
- Rinse on
- Rocketing
- Rod yankin
- Roll dice
- Rolling the dough
- Rope the mule
- Rope your goat
- Rough up the little man
- Rough up the suspect
- Row the boat
- Rub a dub dub
- Rub it silly
- Rub one off
- Rub one out
- Rub the button
- Rub the faucet
- Rub the fireman’s helmet
- Rub the knob!
- Rub the magic lamp
- Rub the pipe
- Rub the rhubarb
- Rub the rod
- Rub the sausage
- Rub the tool
- Rub your monkey
- Rub your nub
- Rubadubdub
- Run off a batch
- Salute the flag pole
- Salute the general
- Salute the scumlord
- Sausage stroking
- Say hello to Mr. Happy
- Say hello to the colonel of love
- Say hi to your monster
- Scramble the sausage
- Scrub the deck
- Self deflation
- Self diddle
- Self fuck
- Self fucking
- Self gratification
- Self indulgence
- Self motivation
- Self service
- Self sex
- Self-satisfaction
- Self-suck
- Sex with da hands
- Sex with Simon
- Shag your shank
- Shag-yer-self
- Shake hands w/the unemployed
- Shake hands with a pole
- Shake hands with Abraham Lincoln
- Shake hands with Ben Franklin
- Shake hands with Elvis
- Shake hands with Mr Peeper
- Shake hands with the ambassador of love
- Shake hands with the devil
- Shake hands with the governor
- Shake hands with the one eyed milk man
- Shake hands with the president
- Shake hands with the sheriff
- Shake hands with the unemployed
- Shake hands with the wife’s wedding present
- Shake hot, white coconuts from the veiny love tree
- Shake it
- Shake my finger
- Shake off
- Shake the bottle
- Shake the goo off
- Shake the grapes
- Shake the old man
- Shake the pepperpot
- Shake the snake
- Shake the snake
- Shake with the tall guy
- Shake your fist angrily at your ex-girlfriend
- Shake your martini
- Shakin’ the bacon
- Shaking hand with Colonel Sanders
- Shampoo the carpet
- Shampoo the moose
- Sharpen the pencil
- Shift with the manual transmission
- Shine the bishop
- Shine the car
- Shine the helmet
- Shine the pole
- Shine the spear
- Shine the telescope
- Shine the wood
- Shine your salami
- Shock the monkey
- Shoot for pearls
- Shoot hoops
- Shoot old yeller
- Shoot putty at the moon
- Shoot putty at the moon
- Shoot the gun
- Shoot the plane
- Short-arm stroking
- Shroom pullin’
- Shuck the corn cob
- Shuck the cornstalk
- Sin dirty with thy self
- Siphon the python
- Skin the sarge
- Skin the sausage
- Skin your frank
- Slam the ham
- Slam the stick
- Slap little Johnny behind the German helmet
- Slap spanky
- Slap the bishop
- Slap the carrot
- Slap the dick
- Slap the dummy
- Slap the ham
- Slap the salami
- Slap the salmon
- Slap the sausage
- Slap the stick
- Slap you cock
- Slay the dragon
- Slick the stick
- Slime the salamy
- slippery
- slippin’ salami
- slipping
- Slobbin’ the Milosevich
- Smack
- Smack baldy on the head
- Smack my pud
- Smack off
- Smack the burrito
- Smack the salami
- Smack your monkey
- Smelly jelly making
- Smoke the turkey
- Sneak a wink at wiggly
- Sock the cock
- Solo serve
- Spank frank
- Spank frank
- Spank it
- Spank it
- Spank Milo
- Spank off
- Spank one
- Spank that ass
- Spank the chicken
- Spank the dolphin
- Spank the hotdog
- Spank the money
- Spank the monkey
- Spank the old lady
- Spank the pup
- Spank the sausage
- Spank the Spam
- Spank your love life
- Spank your monkey
- Spank your pud
- Spanktervision
- Spanky’s Revenge
- Speed shifting
- Spend time with an old friend
- Spewin’ a white one
- Spill milk
- Spin the dreidel
- Spit da’ sperm
- Spit shine the knob
- Splish Splah
- Sploshing
- Sporting the tent
- Spraying the belly with sticky white love-piss
- Spunk the monkey
- Spunk up
- Squeeze a few rounds off on the pump action shotgun
- Squeeze cheese
- Squeeze off a load
- Squeeze one off
- Squeeze the big guy
- Squeeze the Charmin
- Squeeze the Cyclops
- Squeeze the duck’s head
- Squeeze the juice out the head
- Squeeze the lemon
- Squeeze the sausage
- Squeeze the squid
- Squeeze the tomato
- Squeeze the Twinkie
- Squeeze you lizard
- Squirt the Bert
- Squish the squid
- Stain the mitt
- Start the engine
- Start the lawnmower
- Stick it
- Stick shifting
- Stock
- Stoke the Strokin’ stack
- Strangle the bishop
- Strangle the one-eyed trouser snake
- Strangle the snake
- Strangle the snake
- Strangle the warrior
- Stress reliever
- Stretch it
- Stretch one out
- Stretch the salami
- Stretching the truth
- Strike oil
- Strip the bark
- Stroke
- Stroke it
- Stroke off
- Stroke that big thing
- Stroke the chicken
- Stroke the choad
- Stroke the cock
- stroke the crank
- Stroke the ding-dong
- Stroke the dolphin
- Stroke the donkey
- Stroke the longhorn
- Stroke the manroot
- Stroke the monkey
- Stroke the mushroom
- Stroke the oar
- stroke the one-eyed snake
- Stroke the poke
- Stroke the puppy
- Stroke the salami
- Stroke the salami
- Stroke the schlong
- Stroke the shaft
- Stroke the slug
- Stroke the Snake
- Stroke the stick
- Stroke the strudel
- Stroke the stump
- Stroke the weasel
- Stroke the yoke
- Stroke your cock
- Stroking the dog
- Stroking the fireman
- Stroking the flagpole
- Struggle for life
- Strum the drum
- Strum your guitar
- Summon the jizz
- Swat off
- Swing the balls
- Swing the thing
- Tackling the totem
- Take a load off
- Take a ride on the slip n’ slide
- Take a squirt
- Take batting practice
- Take Capt Solo on the Kessel Run
- Take Captain Picard to Warp Speed
- Take care of a big problem
- Take care of business
- Take matters in hand
- Take the edge off
- Take the sausage hostage
- Take your banana boat to tuna town
- Tame the beast
- Tame the one eyed spitting snake
- Tame the shrew
- Tame the vein
- Taming the purple headed warrior
- Tantalizing your toboggan
- Tap a teste
- Teach the dog a lesson
- Teach the monkey
- Tease the weasel
- Tease to please
- Teasing one out
- Tenderize the meat
- Tenderize the pork
- Tenderize the steak
- Test the probe
- Test the purple headed yogurt thrower
- Thawing the meat
- The gentle handshake
- The ol’ 5 against 1
- The penis pull
- The right hand maneuver
- The sofa
- The twist
- Thelma Thumb and her four sisters
- Think of your mom
- Thump the stump
- Thumping the stump
- Tickle the angus
- Tickle the meat curtains
- Tickle the peter
- Tickle the pickle
- Tickle the tentacle
- Tickle the tiger
- Tip the hat
- Tommy Tank
- Toot the horn
- Torture little Timmy
- Torture the monkey
- Toss off
- Toss the salad
- Touch the toucher
- Touch yourself
- Train the chicken
- Train the purple-headed warrior
- Tug the handle
- Tug the tassel
- Tug the turkey
- Tug your rope
- Tugging the boat
- Tug-O-War With Cyclops
- Turn Japanese
- Tweak your tool.
- Twiddle the bone flute
- Ugly Man Sex
- Unisex
- Unleashing
- Unload your gun
- Unsheathe the meat sword
- Up and down
- Use the joystick
- Vex the vicar
- Vice grip
- Virgin Love
- Visit the petting zoo
- Vote Republican
- Wag it
- Wag the dog
- Walk the dog
- Wang chungin
- Wang off
- Wank
- Wank and crank
- Wank it
- Wank off
- Wank the monkey
- Wank the pud
- Wank the sock
- Wank the wanker
- Wank the willy
- Wank your shank
- Wankin and spankin
- Wanky panky
- Wash the Buick
- Wash the rod
- Watch some pooh
- Wax the Bat
- Wax the bishop
- Wax the carrot
- Wax the chrome
- Wax the dolphin
- Wax the flagpole
- Wax the frog
- Wax the ol’ Torpedo
- Wax the pole
- Wax the weasel
- Wax the willie
- Wax the Winnebago
- Weenie whacking
- Wet the whistle
- Whack it
- Whack jack
- Whack off
- Whack off like a red-headed stepchild
- Whack the Chalupa
- Whack the pole
- Whack the pud
- Whack the rod
- Whack the weasel
- Whack the wizard
- Whack the wood
- Whack your wack
- Whackin winky
- Whacking it
- Wham the bone
- Wheel it
- Whip it
- Whip pud
- Whip the noodle
- Whip the weenie
- Whip up some baby batter.
- Whippin’ cream
- Whipping’ it good
- Whipping the skippy
- White Water Wristing
- White water wristing
- Whittle the wood
- Whoop the mule
- Whoop your pudd
- Wind up the cock clock
- Wind your sun dial
- Windsurf on Mt. Baldy
- Withdraw from the spankbank
- Work out the third leg
- Workin’ it
- Working the wiligger
- Wrestle the bald head champion
- Wrestle the champ
- Wrestle the turkey
- Wrestle with Jimmy
- Wrestle with the one eyed champ
- Wrestle with the one-eyed monster
- Wrestle with the one-eyed-trouser snake
- Yank off
- Yank the chain
- Yank the crank
- Yank the dog
- Yank the plank
- Yank the sausage
- Yank the Yankee
- Yankie the Wankie
- Yolk the egg
How To > Speed Up Firefox For Smartasses
Some people like the for dummies books, for me… It’s too much worthless information to look through. I just want a 5 second tutorial and a blood cheat sheet. Besides you are most likely a very smart person since you are browsing my site AND using firefox if you clicked on this article. So I am not going to bother explaining what each of the below values are, if you don’t know and want to, google them.
Open new tab > Enter about:config in address bar > you are now at a hard core settings page. You will notice that if you start typing it eliminates your choices to narrow your search so just Copy and Paste the names I list below. Some of the following items will be listed in your firefox, and some of them you will not be able to find AT ALL, so if it exists change the number, if it doesn’t > Right click and choose Create New. I will list the names and the values to put in below (FYI: For creating New items, if it’s true/false choose boolean and if it’s a number choose integer.. that’s it, edit or create the values and restart your browser, it will be faster.
- browser.cache.memory.capacity - 65536
- ui.submenuDelay - 0
- nglayout.initialpaint.delay - 0
- content.switch.threshold - 750000
- content.interrupt.parsing - True
- network.http.pipelining - True
- network.http.pipelining.maxrequests - 8
- network.http.proxy.pipelining - True
- network.dns.disableIPv6 - True
- content.interrupt.parsing - True
- content.max.tokenizing.time - 2250000
- content.notify.interval - 750000
- content.notify.ontimer - True
- content.notify.backoffcount - 5
Teaches > Some Dirty Slang
A
AC/DC - Bisexual.
Acorn - The head of the penis.
Alaskan Fire Dragon - Get the chick on her knees for a BJ. Right after you
blow your load, clamp her mouth shut, and whisper in her ear, “I’ve got
syphillis.” The spooge should shoot out her nose in record time.
Angel - Male who pays for sexual acts.
Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in a girl’s mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she’ll look like an angry dragon.
Auntie - An aging male homosexual.
Animal play - When one or both partners pretend to be an animal (Ex - dog, horse) in a role play.
Areola - The dark red or light brown ring of skin surrounding the nipple.
Auto -Eroticism - Masturbation
Auto -Felatio - Performing fellatio (oral sex) on one`s own penis
Arabian Goggles - A “seldom-seen” maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new
Aeroplane Blonde - One who has bleached / dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box.
Around the World - The act of kissing the entire body as a prelude to sex.
Aussie Kiss - similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
Auxiliary Intercoure - Sexual climax achieved by moving the erect penis back and forth in the armpit
Azozoospermia - Semen containing no sperm, either because the testicles cannot make sperm or because of blockage in the reproductive tract.
B
Back Door - A euphemism for the anus.
Badly Packed Kebab - A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia
Butch - A lesbian who prefers traditionally masculine dress, style, expression, or identity.
Bag - The scrotum.
Bang, banged, banging, bangs - To have sexual intercourse with.
Ball - To have intercourse.
Ballsacking - Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you’re able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.
Balloon Knot - When you bend over and I can see up right up the wazoo.
That’s a balloon knot that you see.
Bag it - wearing a condom during intercourse.
Back Yard - The buttocks.
Back Scuttle - Perform anal intercourse.
Bait N’ Tackle - The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
Barely Legal - Girls who have reached the age of 18, or look like they’ve just turned 18, newbies to porn.
Barebacking - unprotected sex.
Beaver Leaver - A homosexual (male)
Bimbot - A pornslut who is as cold and unfeeling during sex as her plastic boobs, lips, cheeks, etc.
Bismarck - During oral sex, right before you are about to cum, you pull out,
shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the
blood and cum together.
Beer Dick - This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick
Blue Balls - Severe need to experience sexual orgasm.
Blowjob - The act or an instance of fellatio.
Brownie Queen - Passive partner in anal intercourse.
Bear Claw - A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.
Bronco, The - You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.
Brown Bagging It - Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there’s no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don’t let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.
Butter Face - When you see a chick with an awesome body, “but her face”, is nasty.
Bukkake - Showering a person with sperm from one or many men. In ancient Japan, there is a legend that unfaithful women were publicly humiliated in the town center by being tied up while every man in town ejaculated all over her to show their distaste.
Butt Plug - A dildo specially designed for insertion into the anus. Usually has a flared base to prevent it from going in too far.
Bull Dagger - an extremely masculine lesbian. The term is often used negatively.
Betty - Slang term for an attractive female.
Blumpkin - Term meaning to receive oral sex while defecating.
Blumpy - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
BOBFOC - Body Of Baywatch, Face Of Crimewatch.
Bone Of Contention - A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.
Booty Call - Slang term for a late -night or last minute phone call with the intention of attaining sex.
Boink/Bonk - To have intercourse with.
Boiler Suit - The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.
Boff, boffed boffing, boffs - To have sexual intercourse with. v. intr. To engage in sexual intercourse .
Brown Eye - The chocolate coloration of various shades found around many female’s assholes. It assumed that a girl possessing such will always do anal sex.
Brown Necktie - You’re about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.
Brownie Queen - Passive partner in anal intercourse.
Bruce Lee - Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
Brunski - When a man puts his face between a woman’s breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying “Brunski” in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)
Bonk - Have sexual intercourse with.
Bugger - to perform anal sex, often referring to sex with animals.
Bullwinkle - The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling’ some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting “Hey Rocky.” (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)
Bunny Boiler - A partner in a relationship that acts irrationally and with
impulsive, extreme, behavior. The term originated from the Glen Close
character in the movie Fatal Attraction
Butter Face - When you see a chick with an awesome body, “but her face”, is nasty.
C
Cherry - One who is still a virgin.
Closet Queen - A male homosexual who hides his desires for men.
Cleveland Steamer - The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Canine Special - Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!
Carpet Cleaner - While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
Carpet Munching - Performing cunnilingus.
Chicken Choker - A person who masturbates
Chicken Cutlet - While banging a bitch on the beach, pull out your cock roll it around in some sand and stick it back in.
Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl’s tits and then proceed to titty
fuck her.
Chocolate Chips/Chocolate Syrup- The guy pulls out of her ass…what’s that brown stuff?
Chocolate Pizza - Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.
Cockblock - To interfere with a man’s attempts to seduce a woman.
Cock-Stuffing - Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your “buddy” to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!
Cold Lunch - The act of vomiting directly onto some chick’s head while she’s performing fellatio.
Compton Gangbang - You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she’s about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you’ve got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)
Concoction - First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.
Cop’s Delight - The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her “pastry buns”, thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.
Corkscrew - Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you’ll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you’ll be able to bore through wood.
Corn - Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is “Corn” means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; “Baby, you’re more Corn than Green Giant”, or “Damn bitch, you are Corn!”
Couch Bombing - When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman…but no need to buy It dinner first .
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you’ve got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Cleveland Steamer - The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Circle Jerk - Where several men get together and masturbate together, doesn`t have to be homosexual
Closet Queena - A male homosexual who hides his desires for other men
Clown Face - An aging slut who wears a pound of makeup to hide her numerous wrinkles since the facelifts aren’t taking.
Cluster Fuck - Group sex. Many female holes stuffed to bursting with dildo and vibrator type toys.
Cockteaser - Usually a female who excites a male without carrying on to actual sexual relations
Cowgirl - Refers to the sexual position of a woman sitting upon a reclining man
Cornhole - Slang for the anus, also refers to anal sex
Cream - To ejaculate -I creamed on her tits
Creepin’ - To cheat on boy/girlfriend or spouse
Cum Dumpster - A quadriplegic whore.
Cumshake - Porn movie equivalent of a milk shake. Often served in champagne glass.
D
Daisy Chain - Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.
Day-Old Doughnut - Eating out your girlfriend the morning after the
night she went out and fucked someone else
David Copperfield, The (a.ka. The Houdini) - Drill her from behind. Before
you shoot your wad, fake it and spit on her back. When she turns around to
give you that loving smile and hug, cum in her face. So, it’s kind of like
an illusion.a sleight of hand…misdirection
Davey Crockett - A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal’s snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner’s now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.
Dark Meat - Black penis
Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez
Dirty Swirly - While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush…she’ll dig it.
Diddle - To have intercourse with (a woman). 2. To practice masturbation upon
Dogging - Having or observing exhibitionist sex in a public place, usually outdoors. Sometimes the voyeurs join in on the sex, usually they just watch from nearby.
Dog In A Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your
nuts into a girl’s ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as
keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female’s ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
Double Bass - A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman’s nipples with one hand and her Budgie’s Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing the double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
Duff - Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Two hot chicks at a bar will have a really nasty fat ugly bitch hanging out with them, refered to as a “DUFF”.
The Dunkin’ Delight - When your girl fills her mouth with a cold glass of milk,then sit on her face and dunk your balls in and out of her mouth.
Duct Tape Trick - Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split.
Dutch Oven - Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you’re into that sort of thing).
Dutch Treat - The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.
DVDA - The abbreviation for “double -anal, double -vaginal”. This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.
Dental Dam - One type of moisture barrier. People can use one during oral sex to stop STDs, including HIV. It is a square piece of latex that can be put over someone`s anus or vagina. (This way germs cannot get into someone`s mouth from blood or sexual fluids found in the anus or vagina or else into the vagina or anus from blood found in the mouth.) Dentists use it when they work on someone`s mouth so that blood won`t splash everywhere
Double Bagging - Wearing two condoms at once. This in not normally recommended as added friction can cause a higher instance of failure.
E
Erotophobia - Fear or anxiety of sexuality or the expression of sexual love.
Etch-A-Sketch - Trying to draw a smile on a woman’s face by twiddling both her nipples simultaneously.
F
Flap Jacks - Small, saggy breasts looking like soggy pancakes or crushed nerf footballs.
Flatties - The diminutive yet perky breasts of young’un porn babes. Degoratory version of flatties is “mosquito bites”.
Flogging On - Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
Flooding The Cave - Inserting the penis into a woman’s pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
Flying Camel, The - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her
from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to
prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long,
shrieking howl, much like a coyote.
Flagellation - Sexual
Femoral Coitus - Penis -thigh sex.
Felch - To lick or suck recently deposited semen from a rectum or vagina.
Formicophilia - Enjoyment of the use of insects for sexual purposes.
Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass,
jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before
releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits.
(Better in her bed).
Fricatrice - A whore.
Figging - Anal play using ginger root (or even a chile pepper). The burning sensation is said to induce intense pleasure.
Fisted, fisting - To insert the fist into the rectum or vagina of (another) as a means of sexual stimulation.
Finger - To digitally stimulate the vulva.
Finger -fuck - To masturbate by means of inserting one’s finger(s) into the vestibule of the vagina.
Fire Island - This consists of telling someone you’re going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don’t believe you, doing it just to prove that you’re that demented.
Fish Eye, The - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you
are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to
see what the hell you are doing
Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the
pussy after you stick your finger up her anus
Flaming Amazon - This one’s for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then…extinguish the flames with your jizz!
Flooding The Cave - Inserting the penis into a woman’s pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.
Flying Dutchman - This didn’t used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, “Here comes the Flying Dutchman!” This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.
Fountain Of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
Frigmarole - Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
Frotteur - A person aroused by brushing up against clothed people in public.
Family Jewels - The testicles.
Freak Show Porn - Something so totally outrageous, it’s not even about sexuality any more. 1000 man gang bangs, anal cum slurping, severed limb
porno, etc.
Free The Tadpoles - Liberate the residents of the Wank Tanks.
French - To perform oral sex on
French tickler - A condom with ridges, bumps, or something else designed to give women extra stimulation during intercourse. Not reported to work above and beyond what the man is otherwise capable of..
Frottage - When two people rub their bodies together so that they feel good for some type of sexual pleasure. Another phrase for it is dry -humping.
Full House - Having more than one venereal disease at the same time.
Fur Ball - You’re chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane
between her legs the size of Lionel Richie’s Afro, when a mammoth fur ball
gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
G
Gangbang - 1. Sexual intercourse, often rape, involving one person or victim and several others who have relations with that person in rapid succession.
2. Sexual intercourse involving several people who select and change partners in an indiscriminate manner
Gape - A dilated asshole.
Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps.
Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple
knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required
(either on one finger or on multiple).
Gender Outlaw - a person who flouts the usual gender roles.
Genderfuck - sending mixed gender messages, especially through appearance, such as wearing a prom dress, combat boots and a mustache.
Get Your Rocks Off - Slang term for orgasm.
Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over your partners face and
proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
Glory Hole - Slang term for a hole, usually in a wall, in which a man inserts his penis that is stimulated manually or orally by someone on the other side.
Gobstopper- With two hands, spread your tramp’s anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you’re done, if you want.
Golden Shower (a.k.a.- watersports) - Any form of pissing all over a chick.
Greek - The act of using your “glue stick” (if you know what I’m saying) and gluing your gal’s eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. “Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!” or “Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad
Greek Sex - Slang term for anal sex.
Greyhound - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
Gynotikolobomassophilia - A paraphilia where a person derives becomes extremely aroused by a woman’s earlobe.
Gerbiling - The activity of Urban Legend status regarding the insertion of a gerbil or similarly -sized rodent into the anus.
Guppy Mouth - Position where the girl is typically on her knees, her head
cocked upwards, her mouth open, many times eyes closed, waiting for the guy
to jack-off on her face, mouth or wherever.
H
Handmade - A large penis allegedly developed through masterbation.
Hand-To-Gland Combat - A vigorous masturbation session.
Head - Oral sex - Give me some head.
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to shit on her
chest.
Hot Pants - Sexually aroused.
Ham And Cheese Sandwich - Eating a woman’s box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone’s appetite.
Hershey Highway - When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don’t hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it’s extra lube.
High Dive - The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner’s hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.
Hindenburg, The - When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you’re forced to cry “Oh! The humanity!” as her teeth scrape your man tool.
Hiudini - While banging your bitch doggystyle build up until your about to cum then pull out and spit on her back, when she turns around let her have it in the face.
Hogging - While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.
Hole In One - The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it’s in, or you’ll get a nice snapparoo.
Hood Ornament - piercing attached to the clitorial hood
Hotdog In A Hallway - When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn’t even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you’re slinging a small dick.
Hot Karl - The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.
Hot Karl Candy Cane - A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Karl Candy Cane - A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Lunch - The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl’s mouth.
Humjob (hummer) - Oral sex
Hunter Gatherer - You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.
I
Indian Cock Burn - While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
Icolagnia - Sexual arousal by looking at pictures.
In Door Sports - Swinging activities in general.
J
Jail Bait - One who is under 18 years of age.
Jedi Mind Trick - When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout “I’m NOT fucking you, I’m NOT fucking you”.
Jelly Dougnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her
in the nose while you are getting head.
Jersey Turnpike - The act of sticking your finger in a girls ass and then
putting that finger in her mouth. If you later find yourself picking your
nose with that finger, that’s called getting off at the Newark exit
Jocker - A male homosexual.
Joy Juice - Slang term for the natural vaginal lubrication produced by a sexually aroused female.
Juanita Special Bean Dip - While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita “special” bean dip.
Juicy Lucy - Girls who can supposedly “squirt” when they cum.
K
Kennebunkport Surprise - The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky -style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.
Kick -Fucking - The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.
Kryo Queen - A cold fuck
L
Landshark - The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint - She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis -out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass
Lorena Bobbit, The - Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)
Lace Curtains - Slang term for the foreskin of the penis
Lady’s Best Friend - Slang term for a dildo or vibrator
Lakshmi - Tantric sex term for goddess of wealth and prosperity
Load - Slang term for semen.
Lot Lizard - Slang term for a prostitute who works in truck stops
Love Wand - Slang term for vibrator.
M
Maha - Tantric sex term for the almighty one.
Menthol, The - The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.
Mellon Dive - Headbutting a woman’s big fat titties. Always lots of fun.
Mengeles - used to describe the dubiously trained and ethically challenged cosmetic surgeons who work on porn stars.
Millennium Domes - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.
Money Shot - The climax of a fuck scene in a porno movie.
Monkey Wrench - When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.
Monroe Transfer - When you and your partner connect each other’s assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.
Moped, The - A chick that’s a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.
Mork, The - Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note - Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo -Nanoo!).
Moses - A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.
Motorboat, The - While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She’ll love you forever.
Mud Flaps - The meaty, hanging, larger than norm, pussy lips or labia minora.
Mumbler - An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc i.e. you can see the ‘lips’ moving but can’t quite make out what they’re saying.
Mung, The - Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.
Mushy Biscuit - This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.
Muff Teaser - Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.
Muff Diving - Oral stimulation of the clitoris or vulva
Midnight Cowboy - Slang term for a vibrator or dildo.
Mish - Short for Missionary position.
MILF - Abbreviation for “mother I’d like to fuck”.
Mystery Bus - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
Mystery Taxi - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed instead.
N
NBR (No Beers Required) - Someone that you’d chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-pinter.
Nooner - 1. Sexual intercourse. 2. The vulva.
Nookie - Slang term for a sexual encounter during lunch hour.
New Jersey Meat -Hook - The unusual method of inserting one’s finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.
New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down,
you boot on her box. Happy trails.
Nixon, The - A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, “I’m not a crook”. This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.
Nubs - Slang term for breasts; also refers to the small bumps on a vibrator that provide extra vaginal or clitoral stimulation.
O
Open Swinging - a couple swinging with another couple in the same room; several or all participating couples together in the same room; (Western US) swing party where participants socially mix and are free to swing as couples, in one -to -one pairings and group sex during the progress of the party.
Oyster - A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one’s testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.
Outercourse - Sex play that does not include inserting the penis in the vagina or anus.
P
Pasadena Mudslide - This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin