So I’ve been living in Prauge for a month and a half now.  At a certain point when i settled in I decided to start watching my favorite tv shows again.  To do this I was downloading torrents.  However I was still not content.  It was faster to just watch the videos on hulu. 

I started messing with all sorts of proxies and things, and eventually I figured out how to get all of them to work.  So I thought I would share.

Last.fm:

They don’t technically lock you out, outside of America.  They just give you a “free trial” and then start charging you $3 a month or so.  Considering how often I use last.fm I would probably pay this, except I found it unfair that they were only charging me because I was abroad. 

Pandora:

They won’t even bother trying to pay for people outside of America to listen to music.  It’s not as good as last.fm, but a lot of people still use it and get shafted outside of US.

BBC:
I felt like watching some BBC news at news.bbc.co.uk and those bastards wouldn’t show it to me.  News!!! come on!?  It’s all agenda driven filtered nonsense anyways.  Come on, I know you have seen the movie Network.   There are no longer nations, only corporations.  The TV tells you what to do, how to dress, how to think, dress, eat etc…

Hulu:

Now I run a video site like Hulu myself, but as easy as my site makes it to find good avi movies, it still sucks for new TV Shows.  They just get deleted too quickly, everywhere except hulu.   Hulu is first “legal” TV streaming site to be successful because there aren’t that many ads at this point.  Well this was the hardest one to get working.

Ok, that’s all about the sites.  Now to the tutorial. 

Install IP-HiderYou get that?  That was the entire tutorial.  Okay with more detail:  Install it, open it, click the country you want to be from and that’s it. 

One note:  Hulu’s website still wouldn’t load for me with this, it worked fine didn’t gripe about country but it timed out trying to load the video.  So along comes Hulu Desktop.  Which is much nicer looking and working than their website anyways.   Just download that and it will load just fine with IP-Hider running. 

Also note that Hulu is very persistent in trying to block outsiders.  If you just go on with anonymous proxy they will bitch at you for it.  So when you see the fancy options to make yourself anonymous and turn privacy on as well.   Don’t do it. 

For everything besides Hulu if you just can’t bring yourself to use IP-Hider or it stops working, the TOR network works wonderful.  I could make a writeup on that if anybody wants it.  Though their website explains it pretty well.

I will also mention that this method works today.  As of July 14th 2009.  Blog posts get outdated as people seem to not pay attention to when they find my old time sensitive tutorials.  This works great now, but might not work by the time you read this, but I’m sure somebody will make a comment to that effect.

Enjoy, being slightly less screwed over by American bureaucracy today than you were yesterday.

Tags Categories: Internet, Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 26 Jul 2009 @ 11 17 AM

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Step 1) Index all things and make it easy to access, ease people into using this with a search engine that helps people find what they want and a catchy slogan like “Don’t Be Evil”.

Step 2) After building trust with your market convince them to use your open source software. In case they aren’t using it, buy majority of startup software and social networks that they are using. Further direct their focus by getting them to use Chrome and telling everybody it is a web browser, despite being a world domination app.

Step 3) Get your software on all types of media. We will start with showing them a taste of our “browser” and then a couple weeks later we will have every single mobile company using our open source operating system and development platform (Android).

Step 4) Use the “Google Network” that was built by 3rd party companies using our open source software and mobile devices to link all communications together and use all the media devices and world domination software in place on more than 75% of the global economy.

Step 5) Control “truth”, information, media, advertising, and define facts.

Tags Categories: Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 19 Sep 2008 @ 09 52 PM

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 28 Aug 2007 @ 9:26 AM 

So I was work and had reason to reference some British words… I thought it would be worth posting them to the site because I enjoyed it.

  • ACCOMMODATION in the sense of lodging is singular in English
    and plural in American English
  • ADMIRALTY in Britain is the Navy Department in the U.S.
  • AGRICULTURAL SHOW is a State or County Fair.
  • AIRY-FAIRY means superficial in a disparaging sense and
    is roughly "fanciful"
  • ALLOTMENT is a small rented area for growing vegetables
    or flowers away from you home.
  • ANORAK is an Eskimo word for a windbreaker or parka.
  • ANTI-CLOCKWISE is counter clockwise.
  • ARTICULATED LORRY is a trailer truck.
  • ASSISTANT – short for shop assistant – would be a salesclerk.
  • AU PAIR is a foreign girl who lives as one of the family in return for helping with the children. Enables "foreign" girls to learn English in a family environment.
  • AUBERGINE is an EGGPLANT
  • BACKBENCHERS is a Member of the House of Commons who is
    not the Minister.
  • BAD PATCH means a rough time
  • BAGS OF is slang and means piles of – usually referring
    to money.
  • BALACLAVA is a woolen helmet named after the site of a
    battle in the Crimean War
  • BANGER is slang for a sausage
  • BANK HOLIDAY is a LEGAL HOLIDAY in the U.S. Apart
    from Xmas they are all different in Britain
  • BARGE POLE is a colloquialism for a ten-foot-pole
  • BARRACK is to demonstrate noisily in public e.g. as in
    ‘boo’
  • BARRISTER is a TRIAL LAWYER
  • BASH is to hit as in ‘bang’
  • BATH in Britain becomes BATHTUB in the US
  • BATH OLIVER is a dry biscuit eaten with cheese
  • BBC the British Broadcasting Corporation
  • BEARSKIN is a high, black fur hat worn by Guardsmen
  • BELT UP is slang for shut up
  • BILL is what one asks the waiter for and in the US becomes
    CHECK
  • BIRD is slang for ‘girl’ although in the US DAME would
    be closer
  • BIRO is a ball-point pen
  • BISCUIT is a CRACKER or a COOKIE
  • BIT used where Americans would say "part"
  • BITTER is a type of beer
  • BLACK TIE is Mess dress or tuxedo
  • BLOCK OF FLATS is an apartment building or high-rise tower
    block, or a large house converted to flats
  • BLOKE slang for man
  • BOBBY is a police officer
  • BOG toilet
  • BOG-ROLL toilet roll
  • BOILER is the furnace
  • BOLLARDS are barrels
  • BONNET is HOOD when referring to your car
  • BOOK as a verb to reserve rooms or theater seats
  • BOOT is the TRUNK of your car
  • BOOT SALE is a flea market or yard sale
  • BOX television
  • BOXING DAY is the first week-day after Christmas
  • BRACES are SUSPENDERS which as an English word means
    GARTERS
  • BRASS PLATE is the equivalent of a SHINGLE
  • BUBBLES & SQUEAK is cooked cabbage and potatoes combined
    and fried
  • BUILDING SOCIETY is a savings and loan
  • BUMBAG is the same as our fanny pack
  • BUNGALOW is a single story house detached house
  • BUREAU is a writing desk with drawers and a lift-down flap
  • CAB-RANK is a taxi-stand
  • CALL-BOX is a telephone booth
  • CAMIKNICKERS are teddies
  • CAMP BED is a COT which in Britain is used for a
    baby’s CRIB
  • CANDYFLOSS is cotton candy
  • CARAVAN is a trailer
  • CAR PARK is a parking lot
  • CASHIER is a TELLER
  • CALICO is muslin
  • CALOR GAS is bottled gas
  • CASTOR SUGAR is finer than granulated sugar but not as
    fine as icing-sugar
  • CATS EYES are surface road reflectors
  • CHAR is slang for tea – the drink
  • CHAT UP is slang for handling someone a line especially
    to get to know a girl
  • CHEERS thanks; also used as a toast before drinking; also,
    "see you later"
  • CHEMIST is a DRUG-STORE
  • CHESTERFIELD is a sofa
  • CHIPS are FRENCH FRIES
  • CLINGFILM is Saran wrap
  • CLOAKROOM is a half bath
  • COACHES are buses
  • COFFEE, WHITE, WITHOUT is coffee, cream, no sugar
  • COLLEAGUE is a co-worker
  • CONVENIENCE is a REST ROOM
  • CONVEYANCING is buying or selling properties
  • COOKER is a stove
  • CORNFLOUR is cornstarch
  • COSTUME is a swimsuit
  • COURGETTE is a ZUCCHINI
  • COT is a small child’s bed or crib
  • COTTAGE traditionally a pretty, quaint house in the country,
    perhaps with a thatched roof (although the name is stretched nowadays
    to encompass almost anything except a flat), may be detached or
    terraced
  • COVER NOTE is an Insurance binder
  • CRACKING great ("What a cracking bird!")
  • CRICKET is a ball game to which Americans have no equal
  • CRISPS are potato chips
  • CUPBOARD in Britain is CLOSET in the US
  • CURRENT ACCOUNT at a bank is a CHECKING ACCOUNT
  • C.V. (CURRICULUM VITAE) is a resume
  • DAME in Britain refers to a lady who has been knighted
  • DAY-RETURN means a ROUND-TRIP ticket usually on
    the railway
  • DEMERAEA sugar is the brown sugar usually on the tables
    in pubs, not at all like our baking brown sugar
  • DETACHED is a house that stands alone, usually with its
    own garden
  • DEVIATION is a detour
  • DIARY is our calendar/date or appointment book
  • DINNER JACKET is a TUXEDO
  • DORMITORY is a multiple bedroom usually found in boarding
    schools and is NOT a barracks
  • DRAUGHTS is the game of CHECKERS
  • DRESS CIRCLE in the theater is the FIRST BALCONY
  • DRESSING TABLE is the equivalent of the American DRESSER
  • DRESSING GOWN is a ROBE or bathrobe
  • DUAL CARRIAGEWAY is a DIVIDED HIGHWAY
  • DUMMY is a pacifier
  • DUSTBIN is a GARBAGE CAN
  • DUSTMAN is a garbage collector
  • DUVET is a eiderdown quilt
  • EARLY-CLOSING is an infuriating custom of shops closing
    one afternoon a week
  • EARTH as a verb and as an electrical term equals to GROUND a wire
  • ELASTOPLAST is BAND-AID
  • ELEVEN is a FOOTBALL or CRICKET TEAM (from
    the number of players)
  • ENGAGED is what the operator says when the telephone line
    is BUSY
  • ERNIE is ‘electronic random number indicator equipment’
    and selects Premium Bond winners
  • ESTATE AGENT is a REAL-ESTATE BROKER
  • ESTATE CAR is a STATION WAGON
  • EX-DIRECTORY is a UNLISTED TELEPHONE NUMBER
  • EX-SERVICE MAN is a VETERAN
  • FAG is a cigarette
  • FANCY DRESS is costumes
  • FANCY DRESS PARTY is a costumes party
  • FEN is swampland or marsh
  • FIRST FLOOR in a building is SECOND-FLOOR in the
    US
  • FISH-FINGERS are FISH-STICKS
  • FITTED applied to carpets means WALL-TO-WALL
  • FIZZY DRINK is pop/soda
  • FLAN is an open sponge or pastry case with a fruit or sweet
    filling
  • FLANNEL is a face-cloth
  • FLAT is an APARTMENT usually one floor
  • FLEET STREET is a colloquialism for the PRESS
  • FLEX is an electric cord
  • FLY-OVER is an over-pass
  • FOOTBALL is rugby, not American football
  • FORTNIGHT means two weeks or fourteen nights
  • FREE HOUSE associated with a Pub means it can sell any
    brand of beer it wishes, it is not linked to any specific brewery
  • FRINGE (HAIR) is BANGS
  • FULL STOP is the black dot at the end of a sentence called
    in the US a period
  • GAMMON is ham
  • GARDEN is the property outside a house which in the US is a YARD
  • GATEAU is a type of layer cake
  • GEARBOX is TRANSMISSION
  • GEAR-LEVER is GEARSHIFT
  • GEORDIE (pronounced JORDY) is a native of Tyneside and
    also the dialect he speaks
  • GEYSER (GEEZER) is a water heater
  • GIVE-WAY as a road sign means YIELD
  • GLASS is CRYSTAL
  • GONGS are slang for military medals
  • GOVERNMENT means administration and refers to the people
    currently running the country
  • GENERAL PRACTITIONER (GP) is a internist or doctor
  • GREASPROOF PAPER is wax paper
  • GREEN BELT is a no-building zone around a town or city
  • GREENGROCER is a fruit/vegetable store
  • GRILL as a verb is to BROIL
  • GUILLOTINE is a paper-cutter
  • GUMBOOTS are rubber boots
  • GUMSHIELD is the same as a mouthgaurd
  • GYMKHANA is a local Horse Show
  • GYM SHOES are SNEAKERS
  • HABERDASHERY is pins, needles, ribbons, thread etc. : and
    is what you ask for in a shop
  • HAGGIS a traditional Scottish dish made from a sheep’s
    inside
  • HAIRDRESSER is a man or women’s ‘barber shop’ or ‘beauty
    shop’
  • HAIRSLIDE is a barrette
  • "HALF" when addressed to a bar-tender means a
    half-pint of beer
  • HALF-TERM is a mid-term vacation of short duration
  • HARD CHEESE is tough luck
  • HAT TRICK is a cricket term for taking three wickets by
    three successive balls but it is often to any triple triumph
  • HAVE-A-BASH means give it a try
  • HAVE NO TIME FOR means to have a low opinion
  • HESSIAN is burlap
  • HIGH STREET preceded by ‘the’, is the American Main Street
  • HIGH TEA served late in the afternoon usually contains
    a cooked item such as eggs or sausages – this is not to be confused
    with ‘tea’ or ‘afternoon tea’ which is merely a cup of tea with
    a cake or very small sandwich
  • HIRE PURCHASE is to buy on an installment plan
  • HOB is an installed gas, electric range top
  • HOLIDAY is a vacation although the university still uses
    vacation for the time after term finishes
  • HOMELY is simple or unpretentious and not the ‘ugly’ meant
    in America
  • HOOD of a car is known as ‘BONNET’ in England but
    of a cloak or coat is still the same
  • HOUSEMAN in a hospital is a doctor or ‘intern’ in America
  • HOOVER is to vacuum
  • HUNDREDWEIGHT is 112 pounds and 20 Hundredweight are in
    1 ton
  • HUNT an Englishman hunts fox or deer but shoots game birds
    or rabbits
  • ICE on menus means ice-cream
  • ICING SUGAR is similar to our powdered sugar
  • IMMERSION TANK is a hot water heater in a house
  • INTERVAL is an intermission
  • IN TRAIN means coming along as in ‘the work is progressing’
  • IRONMONGER is a hardware shop
  • JAB is a shot or immunization
  • JAM is what Americans would call jelly
  • JELLY is what they call Jell-O
  • JERSEY is a sweater
  • JOINT (of meat) as in Sunday Joint is a piece of roast
    meat
  • JUMBLE SALE is a rummage sale
  • JUMPER is a sweater (or woolly, or jersey), the American
    ‘jumper’ is a pinafore dress
  • JUNCTION is an interchange on motorway
  • KEDGEREE is a dish of fish, rice and eggs and often served
    at breakfast
  • KETTLE (FOR HOB) is a tea kettle
  • KIOSK can be a news-stand or a telephone box
  • KIP sleep ("I could do with a kip" or "He’s
    kipping on the sofa.")
  • KITCHEN PAPER is paper towels
  • KNAVE is a jack in playing cards
  • KNICKERS underwear for women
  • KNOCK BACK DOUGH is to punch down dough
  • KNICKERS are ladies’ underpants
  • ‘L’ plates are large red ‘L’s which a person learning to
    drive must put on his car
  • LACQUER is hair-spray
  • LADDER in a stocking is a ‘run’ in America
  • LADYBIRD is a lady bug
  • LAGER is beer
  • LANDLORD in a pub is the inn-keeper
  • LARDER is a pantry
  • LAY A TABLE is to set the table
  • LAY-BY is a roadside parking area at the side of the road
  • LEADER can be a newspaper editorial, the leading counsel
    of a team of lawyers or the first violinist in an orchestra but
    NOT the conductor as is popular in America
  • LEMONADE is Sprite, 7UP
  • LETTER-BOX is a mail-box
  • LEVEL-CROSSING is a grade crossing
  • LIFE GUARD is a member of a regiment of the Royal Household
    Cavalry
  • LIFT is an elevator
  • LINE on a railway means track
  • LOO can be an 18th century card game or a lavatory or bathroom
    or whatever you wish to say
  • LORRY is a truck
  • LOUNGE SUIT is a business and NOT clothes for lounging
    in
  • MAC is an abbreviation for macintosh or raincoat
  • MAKING CONTACTS is networking
  • MAGISTRATE is very close to a justice of the peace
  • MAINS is an electric circuit box
  • MAISONETTE is an apartment on 2 or more floors
  • MAJORITY as a voting term this equals a ‘plurality’ in
    American terms
  • MANCUNIAN is someone from Manchester
  • MANGETOUT are snow peas
  • MARKET many towns have a weekly market day with wares on
    stalls (booths) in the open air – the right to do so goes back
    hundreds of years & the AA book lists them all – so does a
    list available from my office
  • MARROW is a very large zucchini
  • MARTINI is vermouth – if you want a Dry Martini ash for
    a Gin & French
  • MASH is mashed potatoes
  • MATCH is what two sides play on a sports field and is equal
    to an American game
  • MEAN is tight-fisted or stingy as opposed to the American
    ‘cruel’ or ill-tempered
  • MEWS HOUSE is a hose that’s converted from old stables
    or servants’ lodging (usually 17th or 19th century) and is the
    town equivalent of a genuine cottage
  • MINCE or MINCED MEAT from the butcher is chopped meat of
    hamburger however MINCEMEAT is chopped apples, raisins etc. Which
    goes into a mince pie
  • MOOR is open land often with heather
  • MOTORWAY is a Freeway
  • MORNING TEA is often served in your hotel room before you
    go down to breakfast
  • MUFFIN is a small, spongy cake served toasted and buttered
    – do NOT confuse with the American ‘English Muffin’ which does
    not exist in England.
  • MUSLIN is cheesecloth in America but American ‘muslin’
    is calico in England
  • NAFF tacky
  • NANNY is a child’s nurse
  • NAPPY, a corruption of napkin, is a diaper
  • NETS are sheer curtains
  • NEWSAGENT shop selling newspapers
  • NOTECASE is a billfold
  • NO ENTRY is wrong way (traffic sign)
  • NO OVERTAKING is no passing
  • NOTICEBOARD is a bulletin board
  • NUMBER PLATE is a license plate
  • OFF HIS ROCKER is out to lunch
  • OFF LICENSE is a shop which can sell alcohol all day but
    it must be taken away or consumed ‘off’ the premises
  • OFF-THE-PEG refers to ‘ready-to-wear’ clothes
  • OPHTHALMIC OPTICIAN test eyesight, prescribe glasses, and
    diagnose eye diseases
  • OPHTHALMIC MEDICAL PRACTITIONER treats eye diseases, test
    eyesight, prescribes lenses
  • OUT OF BOUNDS is equivalent to the American term ‘off-limits’
  • OVERLEAF is the reverse side of a page as is P.T.O. (please
    turn over)
  • OVERTAKE is a driving term meaning to pass another car
  • OXBRIDGE is a portmanteau word for the ancient universities
    of Oxford and Cambridge
  • P45 is a pink slip
  • PANDA CAR is a small police car
  • PANTOMINE has no American equivalent and is an English
    Christmas entertainment based on a fairy-tale with a lot of modern
    singing, dancing and humor – it is not mime
  • PANTS are underpants in American – the English equivalent
    of American pants is trousers
  • PARAFFIN is kerosene – American ‘paraffin’ is paraffin
    wax or white wax
  • PASTRY CASE is a pie crust
  • PASTY is an individual pie as in Cornish Pasty
  • PAVEMENT is sidewalk
  • PERAMBULATOR shortened usually to ‘pram’ is a baby-carriage
  • PETROL is gasoline
  • PILLAR BOX or POST BOX is a mail-box and its painted
    red not blue
  • PLAIT is a braid when applied to girls’ hair
  • PLASTER is a band-aid
  • PLIMSOLLS are shoes such as American deckshoes
  • PLONK (SLANG) is wine
  • PORRIDGE is oatmeal
  • POLYFILLA is spackle compound
  • POPPERS are snaps
  • PUDDINGS (the term) can be used to group all desserts whether
    it is cake, pie, ice-cream, custards. British puddings are not
    like our custard type "Jell-O" pudding
  • PRANG (in a car) is a fender bender
  • PREMIUM BOND is a Government Lottery Bond which has no
    interest
  • PROVISION is accrual
  • PUB is a public house which is a bar with an English atmosphere
    which cannot be defined in this small space – go an see one
  • PUB WITH ROOMS – is similar to an inn
  • PUSH-CHAIR is a child’s stroller
  • PYLON is a high tension tower
  • QUEUE as a verb it means to stand in line – and woe betide
    you if you cut in
  • QUID (slang) is a one pound note
  • RED INDIAN means an American Indian – ‘Indian’ alone means
    a native of India
  • REDUNDANT is to be released from a job
  • REEL is a spool
  • REFUSE COLLECTOR is a garbage man
  • REGISTER OFFICE is a marriage clerk’s office
  • REMEMBRANCE DAY is November 11 or the nearest Sunday and
    is Veteran Day in America
  • RESIDENT is the name for a person registered at a hotel
  • RETURN TICKET is a round-trip ticket on a train or bus
  • RING ROAD is a circular route around a town
  • RING UP is to telephone
  • ROAD WORKERS is road construction or road repair
  • ROUNDABOUT is a traffic control or a merry-go-round
  • RUBBISH is garbage
  • RUCKSACK is a backpack
  • RUNNER BEANS are string beans
  • SACK is to be fired from a job
  • SCONE is an American soda biscuit and its eaten with butter
    and often jam and cream
  • SCOTCH EGG is a hard-boiled egg in sausage meat
  • SELLOTAPE is scotchtape
  • SEMI-DETACHED is a duplex or two-family house
  • SEND DOWN means to expel from University although it may
    indicate only a temporary absence
  • SERVIETTE is a napkin
  • SHANDY is a drink made from beer and lemonade
  • SHEPHERD’S PIE is a dish made from minced beef and potatoes
  • SILENCER of a car is the muffler
  • SISTER in a hospital is the head nurse of a ward
  • SLAP-UP four-star, excellent-refers to food
  • SLATE is to express a harsh criticism
  • SLIPROAD onto a motorway is a ramp
  • SOLICITOR is an attorney
  • SPONGE BAG is a toilet kit
  • SPONGE FINGER is a long, soft, sweet cake or ‘lady-finger’
  • SPROUTS is Brussels sprouts
  • SQUASH is a fruit drink
  • STALL in a market is a ‘booth’ but in a theater is an orchestra
    seat
  • STARTER is an appetizer
  • STONE referring to weight is 14 pounds
  • SUBWAY is a pedestrian underpass
  • SUMMERTIME is when daylight saving time is in effect
  • SUPER means ‘terrific’ i.e. splendid
  • SURGICAL SPIRIT is rubbing alcohol
  • SURGERY is a doctor’s office
  • SUSPENDERS are garters
  • SWEETS are candy
  • SWISS ROLL is a jelly roll
  • TA informal thank you
  • TABLE the verb means to submit for discussion (the reverse
    of its American meaning)
  • TAILBACK is a line of traffic
  • TAKEAWAY is carryout
  • TALLBOY is a highboy
  • TAP is faucet
  • TARMAC is pavement
  • TATTY is shabby
  • TEAT is a nipple for baby’s bottle
  • TERM is one of the three educational parts of the year
    – roughly like a semester
  • TERRACE HOUSES is a row of 3 or more usually 2 or 3 stories
    high
  • THEATRE in a hospital is the operating room
  • THIRD PARTY INSURANCE is liability insurance
  • TIGHTS are pantyhose
  • TIN as a food container is a can
  • TOAD-IN-A-HOLE is a dish of sausage ‘bangers’ in batter
  • TO PINCH is to steal
  • TORCH flashlight
  • TORY is a member of the Conservative party
  • TRAINERS are sneakers
  • TROUSERS are slacks
  • TUBE in the subway
  • TWEE is arty
  • UNDERDONE referring to meat is rare
  • VACUUM FLASK is a thermos bottle
  • VAN is a small truck
  • VAT is Value-Added Tax. Similar to sales tax in the states
  • VERGE (OF ROAD) is the shoulder
  • VEST is an undershirt in Britain not the American meaning
    of a ‘waistcoat’
  • VILLAGE is a small town without a mayor and usually with
    under 3,000 people. In the UK can be a handful of houses with
    a church and a pub, or a larger settlement with shops and community
    center
  • WASHING UP LIQUID is dishwashing liquid
  • WASHING UP POWDER is laundry soap
  • WC stands for "water closet", in other words,
    the toilet
  • WELLINGTONS are rubber boots named after the Duke of Wellington
  • WHISKY is Scotch
  • WHISKEY is Irish
  • WHITEHALL is a collective word referring to the government
    because so many government offices are located around the road
  • WHITE SPIRIT is alcohol
  • WINDSCREEN is a windshield
  • WING of a car is the fender
  • WIRELESS is the original term for radio and is often used
    by older people
  • WOOLLY is a sweater
  • WRITTEN OFF (CAR) is "totalled"
  • ZEBRA CROSSING is a striped pedestrian crossing
  • ZED is the letter ‘z’ (or "zee" as pronounced in American English)
Tags Categories: Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 19 Jul 2009 @ 07 04 PM

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 29 Apr 2007 @ 12:43 PM 
Tags Categories: Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 19 May 2007 @ 10 53 AM

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 29 Apr 2007 @ 12:24 PM 

Tags Categories: Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 19 May 2007 @ 11 01 AM

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 01 Apr 2007 @ 10:49 PM 
Tags Categories: Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 14 Oct 2007 @ 03 23 PM

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 25 Mar 2007 @ 3:08 PM 

A LOGICAL SOLUTION.
Now here is a problem that finally has a formula for getting to the bottom of an age old problem.
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What
Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about
those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been
to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-*-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.

A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So,
one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the
Bulls**t and A** Kissing that will put you over the top.

Tags Categories: Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 25 Mar 2007 @ 03 08 PM

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 23 Mar 2007 @ 10:22 PM 

public NightTimeCompanion PartyEvent(string[] friendConnection)
{
foreach (string friend in friendConnection)
{
try
{
using (Connection FriendsHotFriend = new Connection(FriendConnection[friend]))
{
using (Command HookUpAttempt = new Command(FriendsHotFriend))
{
string OpeningLine = “”;
Random ChanceOfGoodLine = new Random();
if (ChanceOfGoodLine % 4 == 0)
OpeningLine = RandomOpener();
else
OpeningLine = “SELECT ‘Hey Baby’; DROP TargetsCloths;”;

HookUpAttempt.CommandText = OpeningLine;

SqlDataReader Conversation = HookUpAttempt.ExecuteReader();

int WhereYouStand = 0;

while (Conversation.Read())
{
switch (Conversation.Line)
{
case Exchange.Cute:
WhereYouStand += 0;
break;
case Exchange.Meaningful:
WhereYouStand += 1;
break;
case Exchange.StarTrek:
throw new StarTrekException();
break;
case Exchange.Sexy:
WhereYouStand += 2;
break;
case Exchage.Bad:
WhereYouStand -= 2;
break;
case Exchage.Mean:
WhereYouStand -= 5;
break;
case Exchange.Boring:
WhereYouStand -= 20;
break;
case Exchange.Stalkerish:
WhereYouStand -= 500;
break;
case Exchange.Dirty:
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
break;
default:
WhereYouStand += 0;

}
}

if (WhereYouStand > 30)
{
BlackBook.Add(HookUpAttempt);
}
if (WhereYouStand > 50)
{
if (!HookUpAttempt.IsHot)
BlackBook.Remove(HookUpAttempt);
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
}
}
}

}
catch (StarTrekException Ex)
{
Console.Write(“Did that come out of my mouth…”);
continueConversation();
}
catch (StarWarsException EX)
{
Console.Write(“Well the explosions reminded me of while I was working on a rig in Alaska…”);
continueConversation();
}
}
}

Author: Punk-Coder
Original Source: A comment from – What does the hot girl at the party think of your programming language?

Tags Categories: Dating, Internet, Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 23 Mar 2007 @ 10 22 PM

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 20 Mar 2007 @ 10:50 PM 

Wow, so I was going to write an article about the 4th dimension and how a children’s book really explained it well, but instead with one search and discovered something better than my own explaination! The internet is great isn’t it?

Update: This is now the full video, before It was youtube and was in 2 files which is rather annoying… enjoy

Original Source: TenthDimension.com

Tags Categories: Smartass, Thoughts Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 24 Jul 2008 @ 02 00 PM

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 18 Mar 2007 @ 11:03 PM 

Contrary to what you might think RPS is not simply a game of luck or chance. While it is true that from a mathematical perspective the ‘optimum’ strategy is to play randomly, it still is not a winning strategy for two reasons.

First, ‘optimum’ in this case means you should win, lose and draw an equal number of times (hardly a winning strategy over the long term). Second, Humans, try as they might, are terrible at trying to be random, in fact often humans in trying to approximate randomness become quite predictable. So knowing that there is always something motivating your opponent’s actions, there are a couple of tricks and techniques that you can use to tip the balance in your favour.

1 – Rock is for Rookies
In RPS circles a common mantra is “Rock is for Rookies” because males have a tendency to lead with Rock on their opening throw. It has a lot to do with idea that Rock is perceived as “strong” and forceful”, so guys tend to fall back on it. Use this knowledge to take an easy first win by playing Paper. This tactic is best done in pedestrian matches against someone who doesn’t play that much and generally won’t work in tournament play.

2 – Scissors on First
The second step in the ‘Rock is for Rookies’ line of thinking is to play scissors as your opening move against a more experienced player. Since you know they won’t come out with rock (since it is too obvious), scissors is your obvious safe move to win against paper or stalemate to itself.

3 – The Double Run
When playing with someone who is not experienced at the RPS, look out for double runs or in other words, the same throw twice. When this happens you can safely eliminate that throw and guarantee yourself at worst a stalemate in the next game. So, when you see a two-Scissor run, you know their next move will be Rock or Paper, so Paper is your best move. Why does this work? People hate being predictable and the perceived hallmark of predictability is to come out with the same throw three times in row.

4 – Telegraph Your Throw
Tell your opponent what you are going to throw and then actually throw what you said. Why? As long as you are not playing someone who actually thinks you are bold enough to telegraph your throw and then actually deliver it, you can eliminate the throw that beats the throw you are telegraphing. So, if you announce rock, your opponent won’t play paper which means coming out with that scissors will give you at worst a stalemate and at best the win.

5 – Step Ahead Thinking
Don’t know what to do for your next throw? Try playing the throw that would have lost to your opponents last throw? Sounds weird but it works more often than not, why? Inexperienced (or flustered) players will often subconsciously deliver the throw that beat their last one. Therefore, if your opponent played paper, they will very often play Scissors, so you go Rock. This is a good tactic in a stalemate situation or when your opponent lost their last game. It is not as successful after a player has won the last game as they are generally in a more confident state of mind which causes them to be more active in choosing their next throw.

6 – Suggest A Throw
When playing against someone who asks you to remind them about the rules, take the opportunity to subtly “suggest a throw” as you explain to them by physically showing them the throw you want them to play. ie “Paper beats Rock, Rock beats scissors (show scissors), Scissors (show scissors again) beats paper.” Believe it or not, when people are not paying attention their subconscious mind will often accept your “suggestion”. A very similar technique is used by magicians to get someone to take a specific card from the deck.

7 - When All Else Fails Go With Paper
Haven’t a clue what to throw next? Then go with Paper. Why? Statistically, in competition play, it has been observed that scissors is thrown the least often. Specifically, it gets delivered 29.6% of the time, so it slightly under-indexes against the expected average of 33.33% by 3.73%. Obviously, knowing this only gives you a slight advantage, but in a situation where you just don’t know what to do, even a slight edge is better than none at all.

8 – The Rounder’s Ploy
This technique falls into more of a ‘cheating’ category, but if you have no honour and can live with yourself the next day, you can use it to get an edge. The way it works is when you suggest a game with someone, make no mention of the number of rounds you are going to play. Play the first match and if you win, take it is as a win. If you lose, without missing a beat start playing the ‘next’ round on the assumption that it was a best 2 out of 3. No doubt you will hear protests from your opponent but stay firm and remind them that ‘no one plays best of one for a kind of decision that you two are making’. No this devious technique won’t guarantee you the win, but it will give you a chance to battle back to even and start again.

How to Cheat (According to Wikipedia)
One of the first tricks learned by a Rock-Paper-Scissors novice is to hold back a throw of paper until the last possible moment to dupe an opponent into believing that one may actually be throwing a rock. Both paper and scissors have this ability; however, unless one is employing a “double-back” strategy, cloaking a paper throw is likely to draw an instinctive paper from one’s opponent. If the throw is accidentally revealed too late, that is, not revealed until the thrower’s arm breaks the plane where the thrower’s arm is perpendicular to the thrower’s torso (at a 90 degree angle), this is considered a foul. In such a case the referee will assign a throw of rock, even if this is not what the thrower intended. This is known as a “forced rock.”

A common variation on the opening ritual is to have both players hold their hands behind their backs and reveal their already formed throws after the count of three. The intention is to prevent any sort of timing based cheating.

Another way to cheat is to prime three times instead, if the opponent primed twice only, the other could see his opponent’s throw without revealing his own, claiming that he thought “I thought we are doing three primes”. This form of cheating usually does not get the cheater anywhere, as the round will be most likely replayed. In many cases, participants will bounce three times (while saying “rock, paper, scissors”) and then revealing the throw while saying something else (such as “shoot”). Note: ‘priming’ is the number of bounces one does before revealing the throw.

Tags Categories: Smartass Posted By: Jamez
Last Edit: 18 Mar 2007 @ 11 03 PM

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