Smartass
How To > Dominate The World in 5 Easy Steps (By Google)
Step 1) Index all things and make it easy to access, ease people into using this with a search engine that helps people find what they want and a catchy slogan like “Don’t Be Evil”.
Step 2) After building trust with your market convince them to use your open source software. In case they aren’t using it, buy majority of startup software and social networks that they are using. Further direct their focus by getting them to use Chrome and telling everybody it is a web browser, despite being a world domination app.
Step 3) Get your software on all types of media. We will start with showing them a taste of our “browser” and then a couple weeks later we will have every single mobile company using our open source operating system and development platform (Android).
Step 4) Use the “Google Network” that was built by 3rd party companies using our open source software and mobile devices to link all communications together and use all the media devices and world domination software in place on more than 75% of the global economy.
Step 5) Control “truth”, information, media, advertising, and define facts.
Explains > British English to Americans
So I was work and had reason to reference some British words… I thought it would be worth posting them to the site because I enjoyed it.
and plural in American English
is roughly "fanciful"
or flowers away from you home.
not the Minister.
to money.
battle in the Crimean War
from Xmas they are all different in Britain
‘boo’
CHECK
be closer
block, or a large house converted to flats
GARTERS
and fried
baby’s CRIB
fine as icing-sugar
to get to know a girl
"see you later"
perhaps with a thatched roof (although the name is stretched nowadays
to encompass almost anything except a flat), may be detached or
terraced
the railway
in pubs, not at all like our baking brown sugar
own garden
schools and is NOT a barracks
one afternoon a week
the number of players)
is BUSY
and selects Premium Bond winners
US
filling
brand of beer it wishes, it is not linked to any specific brewery
in the US a period
also the dialect he speaks
currently running the country
is what you ask for in a shop
inside
shop’
half-pint of beer
three successive balls but it is often to any triple triumph
a cooked item such as eggs or sausages - this is not to be confused
with ‘tea’ or ‘afternoon tea’ which is merely a cup of tea with
a cake or very small sandwich
vacation for the time after term finishes
in America
of a cloak or coat is still the same
1 ton
or rabbits
meat
‘jumper’ is a pinafore dress
at breakfast
kipping on the sofa.")
drive must put on his car
of a team of lawyers or the first violinist in an orchestra but
NOT the conductor as is popular in America
Cavalry
or whatever you wish to say
in
American terms
stalls (booths) in the open air - the right to do so goes back
hundreds of years & the AA book lists them all - so does a
list available from my office
a Gin & French
to an American game
‘cruel’ or ill-tempered
or servants’ lodging (usually 17th or 19th century) and is the
town equivalent of a genuine cottage
hamburger however MINCEMEAT is chopped apples, raisins etc. Which
goes into a mince pie
go down to breakfast
- do NOT confuse with the American ‘English Muffin’ which does
not exist in England.
is calico in England
it must be taken away or consumed ‘off’ the premises
diagnose eye diseases
eyesight, prescribes lenses
turn over)
of Oxford and Cambridge
Christmas entertainment based on a fairy-tale with a lot of modern
singing, dancing and humor - it is not mime
of American pants is trousers
wax or white wax
red not blue
it is cake, pie, ice-cream, custards. British puddings are not
like our custard type "Jell-O" pudding
interest
which cannot be defined in this small space - go an see one
you if you cut in
a native of India
is Veteran Day in America
and often jam and cream
indicate only a temporary absence
seat
of its American meaning)
- roughly like a semester
high
of a ‘waistcoat’
under 3,000 people. In the UK can be a handful of houses with
a church and a pub, or a larger settlement with shops and community
center
the toilet
because so many government offices are located around the road
by older people
Explains Why > BULLSHIT is worth 103%
A LOGICAL SOLUTION.
Now here is a problem that finally has a formula for getting to the bottom of an age old problem.
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What
Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about
those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been
to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-*-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.
A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So,
one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the
Bulls**t and A** Kissing that will put you over the top.
How Smartass Programmers Function @ Parties
public NightTimeCompanion PartyEvent(string[] friendConnection)
{
foreach (string friend in friendConnection)
{
try
{
using (Connection FriendsHotFriend = new Connection(FriendConnection[friend]))
{
using (Command HookUpAttempt = new Command(FriendsHotFriend))
{
string OpeningLine = “”;
Random ChanceOfGoodLine = new Random();
if (ChanceOfGoodLine % 4 == 0)
OpeningLine = RandomOpener();
else
OpeningLine = “SELECT ‘Hey Baby’; DROP TargetsCloths;”;
HookUpAttempt.CommandText = OpeningLine;
SqlDataReader Conversation = HookUpAttempt.ExecuteReader();
int WhereYouStand = 0;
while (Conversation.Read())
{
switch (Conversation.Line)
{
case Exchange.Cute:
WhereYouStand += 0;
break;
case Exchange.Meaningful:
WhereYouStand += 1;
break;
case Exchange.StarTrek:
throw new StarTrekException();
break;
case Exchange.Sexy:
WhereYouStand += 2;
break;
case Exchage.Bad:
WhereYouStand -= 2;
break;
case Exchage.Mean:
WhereYouStand -= 5;
break;
case Exchange.Boring:
WhereYouStand -= 20;
break;
case Exchange.Stalkerish:
WhereYouStand -= 500;
break;
case Exchange.Dirty:
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
break;
default:
WhereYouStand += 0;
}
}
if (WhereYouStand > 30)
{
BlackBook.Add(HookUpAttempt);
}
if (WhereYouStand > 50)
{
if (!HookUpAttempt.IsHot)
BlackBook.Remove(HookUpAttempt);
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
}
}
}
}
catch (StarTrekException Ex)
{
Console.Write(”Did that come out of my mouth…”);
continueConversation();
}
catch (StarWarsException EX)
{
Console.Write(”Well the explosions reminded me of while I was working on a rig in Alaska…”);
continueConversation();
}
}
}
Author: Punk-Coder
Original Source: A comment from - What does the hot girl at the party think of your programming language?
Explains > The 10th Dimension
Wow, so I was going to write an article about the 4th dimension and how a children’s book really explained it well, but instead with one search and discovered something better than my own explaination! The internet is great isn’t it?
Update: This is now the full video, before It was youtube and was in 2 files which is rather annoying… enjoy
Original Source: TenthDimension.com
How To > Win at Rock, Paper, Scissors
Contrary to what you might think RPS is not simply a game of luck or chance. While it is true that from a mathematical perspective the ‘optimum’ strategy is to play randomly, it still is not a winning strategy for two reasons.
First, ‘optimum’ in this case means you should win, lose and draw an equal number of times (hardly a winning strategy over the long term). Second, Humans, try as they might, are terrible at trying to be random, in fact often humans in trying to approximate randomness become quite predictable. So knowing that there is always something motivating your opponent’s actions, there are a couple of tricks and techniques that you can use to tip the balance in your favour.
1 - Rock is for Rookies
In RPS circles a common mantra is “Rock is for Rookies” because males have a tendency to lead with Rock on their opening throw. It has a lot to do with idea that Rock is perceived as “strong” and forceful”, so guys tend to fall back on it. Use this knowledge to take an easy first win by playing Paper. This tactic is best done in pedestrian matches against someone who doesn’t play that much and generally won’t work in tournament play.
2 - Scissors on First
The second step in the ‘Rock is for Rookies’ line of thinking is to play scissors as your opening move against a more experienced player. Since you know they won’t come out with rock (since it is too obvious), scissors is your obvious safe move to win against paper or stalemate to itself.
3 - The Double Run
When playing with someone who is not experienced at the RPS, look out for double runs or in other words, the same throw twice. When this happens you can safely eliminate that throw and guarantee yourself at worst a stalemate in the next game. So, when you see a two-Scissor run, you know their next move will be Rock or Paper, so Paper is your best move. Why does this work? People hate being predictable and the perceived hallmark of predictability is to come out with the same throw three times in row.
4 - Telegraph Your Throw
Tell your opponent what you are going to throw and then actually throw what you said. Why? As long as you are not playing someone who actually thinks you are bold enough to telegraph your throw and then actually deliver it, you can eliminate the throw that beats the throw you are telegraphing. So, if you announce rock, your opponent won’t play paper which means coming out with that scissors will give you at worst a stalemate and at best the win.
5 - Step Ahead Thinking
Don’t know what to do for your next throw? Try playing the throw that would have lost to your opponents last throw? Sounds weird but it works more often than not, why? Inexperienced (or flustered) players will often subconsciously deliver the throw that beat their last one. Therefore, if your opponent played paper, they will very often play Scissors, so you go Rock. This is a good tactic in a stalemate situation or when your opponent lost their last game. It is not as successful after a player has won the last game as they are generally in a more confident state of mind which causes them to be more active in choosing their next throw.
6 - Suggest A Throw
When playing against someone who asks you to remind them about the rules, take the opportunity to subtly “suggest a throw” as you explain to them by physically showing them the throw you want them to play. ie “Paper beats Rock, Rock beats scissors (show scissors), Scissors (show scissors again) beats paper.” Believe it or not, when people are not paying attention their subconscious mind will often accept your “suggestion”. A very similar technique is used by magicians to get someone to take a specific card from the deck.
7 - When All Else Fails Go With Paper
Haven’t a clue what to throw next? Then go with Paper. Why? Statistically, in competition play, it has been observed that scissors is thrown the least often. Specifically, it gets delivered 29.6% of the time, so it slightly under-indexes against the expected average of 33.33% by 3.73%. Obviously, knowing this only gives you a slight advantage, but in a situation where you just don’t know what to do, even a slight edge is better than none at all.
8 - The Rounder’s Ploy
This technique falls into more of a ‘cheating’ category, but if you have no honour and can live with yourself the next day, you can use it to get an edge. The way it works is when you suggest a game with someone, make no mention of the number of rounds you are going to play. Play the first match and if you win, take it is as a win. If you lose, without missing a beat start playing the ‘next’ round on the assumption that it was a best 2 out of 3. No doubt you will hear protests from your opponent but stay firm and remind them that ‘no one plays best of one for a kind of decision that you two are making’. No this devious technique won’t guarantee you the win, but it will give you a chance to battle back to even and start again.
How to Cheat (According to Wikipedia)
One of the first tricks learned by a Rock-Paper-Scissors novice is to hold back a throw of paper until the last possible moment to dupe an opponent into believing that one may actually be throwing a rock. Both paper and scissors have this ability; however, unless one is employing a “double-back” strategy, cloaking a paper throw is likely to draw an instinctive paper from one’s opponent. If the throw is accidentally revealed too late, that is, not revealed until the thrower’s arm breaks the plane where the thrower’s arm is perpendicular to the thrower’s torso (at a 90 degree angle), this is considered a foul. In such a case the referee will assign a throw of rock, even if this is not what the thrower intended. This is known as a “forced rock.”
A common variation on the opening ritual is to have both players hold their hands behind their backs and reveal their already formed throws after the count of three. The intention is to prevent any sort of timing based cheating.
Another way to cheat is to prime three times instead, if the opponent primed twice only, the other could see his opponent’s throw without revealing his own, claiming that he thought “I thought we are doing three primes”. This form of cheating usually does not get the cheater anywhere, as the round will be most likely replayed. In many cases, participants will bounce three times (while saying “rock, paper, scissors”) and then revealing the throw while saying something else (such as “shoot”). Note: ‘priming’ is the number of bounces one does before revealing the throw.
Tells > 1045 Ways to Reference Masturbation.
- A little five on one
- Abuse the fuse
- Adjust your set
- Anger the cobra
- Anger the pickle
- Answer the bone-a-phone
- Appease the cheese
- Arm-wrestle the one eyed champ
- Asexual reproduction
- Autofellatio
- Auto-manipulation
- Ax the timber
- Badger the witness
- Bag that ass up
- Bait the mast
- Bake cream cakes
- Bake the cheese
- Banana squeezing
- Bang yourself
- Bank off shoot goo
- Bash the bishop
- Baste the turkey
- Battle the Cyclops
- Be a loner
- Beat it
- Beat off
- Beat Pedro
- Beat the banger
- Beat the beef
- Beat the bishop
- Beat the bologna
- Beat the hog
- Beat the meat
- Beat the monkey
- Beat the morning wood (like every good boy should)
- Beat the one eye snake
- Beat the one eyed monster
- Beat the rat
- Beat the red-headed cock-eyed woodpecker
- Beat the shit
- Beat the stepchild
- Beat the stick
- Beat the weasel
- Beat up shorty
- Beat your cock
- Beat your gorilla
- Beat your pud
- Beat your skin
- Beatin’ the baby batter
- Beef the jerky
- Beef-strokin’-off
- Ben your Franklin
- Bend the banana
- Bitch-slapping your stomper
- Blind the one eyed monster
- Blow a wad
- Blow the ceiling
- Blow up
- Blow wad
- Blow your load
- Blow your nose
- Boff up
- Bollock milking
- Bop the boa
- Bop the bologna
- Bounce Tigger
- Bounce your balls
- Box Oscar
- Box the clown
- Box the Jesuit
- Bringin’ ya milk
- Buff the bullet
- Buff the pickle
- Burp the baby
- Burp the frog
- Burp the worm
- Bust a Nut
- Busting the left nut instead of the right one
- Butter the corn
- Call the captain
- Caress your zesty zambonie
- Chafe the squirtgun
- Charm the python
- Charm the snake
- Checkin’ the Ol’ Dipstick
- Cheesin
- Choke
- Choke the bishop
- Choke the chicken
- Choke the Choir Boy
- Choke the chubby
- Choke the monkey
- Choke the one eyed snake
- Choke the Pope
- Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse
- Choke the unemployed
- Chunking
- Churn butter
- Churn seed
- Circle jerk
- Clean the clock
- Clean the pipes
- Clear the snorkel
- Club the cucumber
- Cock blockin
- Cock pulling
- Cock smack
- Cock snot
- Come to daddy
- Corralling the tadpoles
- Crank it
- Crank one out
- Crank the cable
- Crank the crane
- Crank the gear
- Crank the one-eyed yogurt thrower
- Cream the cake
- Croke the frog
- Crown the bishop
- Cruzin’ then Oozin’
- Cuff the carrot
- Cuff the carrot
- Cuff the monkey
- Cum and go
- Cum on self
- Cum on your tum
- Cum-lets-play
- Curl the honey
- Daily duties
- Dancing around the maypole
- Dancing with Mother Knuckle and her five daughters
- Dancing with the one eye sailor
- Dangle the Donkey
- Date Palmela Handerson
- Date Paula and her 4 sisters
- Date Rosie Palmer and her five sisters
- Date with Rosie bone and her five sisters
- Deal cards
- Deload the gun
- Despunk
- Destroying the slots machine
- Diddle your bob
- Do a load by hand.
- Do Mary Palm and her 5 sisters
- Do shoupa shoupa
- Do the dishes
- Do the janitor thing
- Do the Johnson and ball dance
- Do yourself
- Dog off
- Doing the Palm sisters
- Dong around
- Donkey punch
- Double Clicking The mouse
- Dr. Spankenstein Time
- Drain the dragon
- Drain the lizard
- Drain the pipes
- Drain the snake
- Drain the vein
- Drill for oil
- Drop a load before work.
- Drop the chalupa
- Drop the kids off at the pool.
- Duke your Jim
- Eat the egg
- Empty the banana
- Empty the pipes
- Empty your gunbarrel
- Erupt old faithful
- Erupt the volcano
- Exhaust the camel
- Exorcise your demons
- Extra long shower
- Fake fuckin’
- Favorite household activity
- Feed the donkey
- Feeding the chickens
- Feel it up
- Fiddle the ferret
- Fight one-eyed Willy
- Fight the one eyed purple warrior
- Fight the one-eyed monster
- Fight the purple helmet warrior
- Fight with Tarzan
- Fill up your belly-button
- Fire out the hole
- Fire the cannon
- Fire the flesh musket
- Fire the pistol
- Fire the surgeon general
- Firing a shot from the grassy knoll
- Fist fucking
- Fist rocket
- Fist-humpin.
- Fisting
- Fisting your cock
- Five against one
- Five finger disco
- Five finger shuffle
- Five fingered widow
- Five knuckle shuffle
- Five on one
- Five versus Willy
- Five-fingered humpty hump love pump
- Five-fingered wife
- Fix the clogged drain
- Flick your dick
- Fling the pudding
- Flog the Bishop
- Flog the doggie
- Flog the dolphin
- Flog the dummy
- Flog the hog
- Flog the log
- Flog the man
- Flog the mule
- Flog the one eyed gopher
- Flog the ore
- Flog the sailor
- Flog your log
- Flogging
- Fly solo
- Fondle the dolphin
- Fondle the frankfurter
- Fondle the sausage
- Foreskin mambo
- Frag your snag
- Free the captive ninja
- Free Willy
- Freshen the air
- Friction burn
- Frighten the blue veined custard chucker
- Fry the chicken
- Fry the egg
- Fuck the chicken
- Fuck the udder
- Fuck your cock
- Fuck your fist
- Fuck your hand
- Fuck yourself
- Fucking for one
- Fucking mother thumb and her 4 daughters
- Fumble your frank
- Get a handle on things
- Get a hold of yourself
- Get off
- Get some me time
- Get sticky
- Get the job done
- Get to know yourself
- Give the dog a bone
- Give the dog a walk
- Giving Kojak the third degree
- Giving yourself a helping hand
- Go and have a slap
- Go at it
- Go blind
- Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork
- Go for a spoof
- Go nut
- Grab the gusto
- Grab the handle
- Grab the meat
- Grapple the gorilla
- Grease the Pole
- Grease the rod
- Grease the wheel
- Great thoughts
- Greet Mr. Happy
- Greet the bishop
- Greeting Madam Palm and her 5 lovely daughters
- Grind the gopher
- Grind the groundhog
- Groom the Wookie
- Ham shank
- Hammer the lumber
- Hammer the helmet head
- Hand fuck
- Hand happy
- Hand hold
- Hand humpin’
- Hand jive
- Hand sex
- Hand shandy
- Hand Start the Yogurt Shooter
- Hand to Gland combat
- Hand to gland combat
- Hand, dick co-ordination
- Handle the merchandise
- Handy sandy
- Handy Shandy
- Hans Solo
- Harass the milkman
- Have a Barclays (Barclays Bank — WANK - rhyming slang)
- Have a chug
- Have a frapp
- Have a tug
- Have a tug of war with Cyclops
- Have a wank
- Have fun
- Have sex with someone you love
- High-five Yule Brenner
- Hip the hop
- Hit the mitt
- Hitch-hike to heaven
- Hold the knob
- Hold the man
- Hold your baseball bat
- Hold your sausage hostage
- Home alone
- Homework
- Hone the bone
- Hump the hand
- Hump the Hebrew
- Hump the knob
- Hump the matress
- Idle hands
- Impregnate the air
- Increase the surface temperature of the ship’s primary cannon using rapid linear motion
- Inside Slider with two balls
- Interrogate the prisoner
- Interrogate the witness
- Introduce Mr. Penis to Mrss Palm and her five lovely daughters
- Jack off
- Jack the beanstock
- Jack the frank
- Jack yo mac
- Jedi train in the bathroom
- Jerk and clean
- Jerk around
- Jerk it
- Jerk off
- Jerk pud
- Jerk the beef
- Jerk the chain
- Jerk the cum
- Jerk the general
- Jerk the Johnson
- Jerk the monkey
- Jerk the one-eyed snake
- Jerk the pet
- Jerk you shit
- Jerk your chain
- Jerk your gherkin
- Jerkin’ the gherkin
- Jingle the Pringles
- Jingle your bone
- Jizsturbation
- Jock the sock
- Jog the joker
- Josh one off
- Juggle the balls
- Jump the pogo stick
- Just getting dressed
- Just going up to the office to use the photocopier
- Just gonna go lay down and take a nap…
- Just gonna go take a bath…
- Just need a little time with my e-mail, that’s all…
- Keepin’ the mortar clean
- Kill the gentleman
- Kill the Mr. Tingley
- Kneading the bread
- Knob thumping
- Knock one off
- Knock one off
- Knock the rock
- Knuckle shuffle
- Launch the hand shuttle
- Launch the rocket
- Lead pedro down the road of bulimia
- Leak the lizard
- Let Elvis leave the building
- Let loose the juice
- Lift your spirit
- Lighting the Roman Candle
- Liquidate inventory
- Log off
- Log the lumber
- Lollygagging
- Lope the mule
- Lope the mule
- Love yourself
- Lube the tube
- Lubricate the Lutheran
- Magic your Johnson
- Make a deposit
- Make cream
- Make friends with the lizard
- Make instant icing
- Make it spit
- Make it useful
- Make junior vomit
- Make love to Miss Michigan
- Make one on one love
- Make one-eye cry
- Make Peter puke
- Make stomach pancakes
- Make the bald guy puke
- Make the bald guy puke
- Make the Cyclops cry
- Make the Cyclops fight the 5 headed monster
- Make the Cyclops spit
- Make the funny juice flow
- Make the one eyed monster puke
- Make the privates stand at attention, then fall in
- Make the snake puke
- Make your own hand lotion
- Makin babies
- Mangle the moose
- Manipulate your manhood
- Marry the moose
- Massage my palm
- Massage my stiff joint
- Massage out the stiffness
- Massage the salami
- Massage the soul
- Massage your balls
- Massage your clovers
- Meat off
- Meat-Beat
- Meet Mother Palm and her five daughters
- Meet the neighbors
- Meet the President
- Milk it
- Milk Murray
- Milk the beef
- Milk the cock
- Milk the cow
- Milk the goat
- Milk the hose
- Milk the lizard
- Milk the Magnesia
- Milk the Mickey
- Milk the one eyed trouser snake
- Milk the one-eyed snake
- Milk the one-uttered cow
- Milk your meat
- Milk yourself
- Molest the bystander
- Money comes out
- Monkey dance
- Move the joystick
- Mr. Happy and his five friends have a party.
- Mrs. palmer and her 5 daughters
- My Wife
- Nuke the whale
- Number 3
- Oil the barber pole
- Oil the barrel
- Oil the Crank
- Oil the noodle
- One hand work out
- One handed pole vault
- One man and a hand
- One man show
- Our Gang Spanky Marathon
- Paddling the pony
- Paint Pontius Pilate’s Palace
- Paint the ceiling
- Paint the wall
- Palm loving
- Pamela Handerson
- Pan for white gold
- Party for one
- Pat the monkey
- Pat the Robertson
- Pay bills
- Pay the pope
- Peel the banana
- Peel the carrot
- Peeling chilies
- Pet the bald eagle
- Pet the donkey
- Pet the ghurkin
- Pet the one eyed monster
- Pet the one eyed snake
- Pet the one-eyed gopher
- Pet the potato
- Pet the snake
- Pet the Willy
- Pet your third leg
- Pickle your peter
- Pimp pump
- Piston pushing
- Play a solo on my private organ
- Play ball with the boys
- Play five on one
- Play golf
- Play peek-a-boo alone
- Play pocket pool
- Play skin Banjo
- Play solitaire
- Play the bag pipe
- Play the meat pipe
- Play the skin flute
- Play tug of war with Cyclops
- Play with Burt Reynolds mustache
- Play with Fistina
- Play with Fred
- Play with lil’ Elvis
- Play with Mr. Panky
- Play with myself
- Play with Peter
- Play with Pikachu
- Play with Rosey Palm
- Play with the pud
- Play with the purple headed yogurt slinger
- Play with Wally
- Play with Willy the wonder worm
- Play with your cock and balls
- Play with yourself
- Play your guitar
- Play Zelda
- Pluck the ducky
- Pluck the mushroom
- Pocket billiards
- Pocket fishing
- Pocket pool
- Polish Lord Helmet
- Polish the baton
- Polish the bishop
- Polish the candlestick
- Polish the dolphin
- Polish the helmet
- Polish the knob
- Polish the Ol’ Torpedo
- Polish the one eyed gopher
- Polish the one eyed weasel
- Polish the Papal Podium
- Polish the pewter
- Polish the piston
- Polish the pope
- Polish the shaft
- Polish the silver
- Polish the sword of happiness
- Polish the torpedo
- Polish your Oscar
- Polish your pipe
- Polish your rocket
- Polish your whistle
- Polishing the periscope
- Pop the head
- Pop the pistol
- Pop the top off the Champaign bottle
- Portuguese pump
- Pound off
- Pound the flounder
- Pound the hammer
- Pound the pony
- Pound the pud
- Powder your nose
- Prime the pump handle
- Prune the shroom
- Pud pulling
- Pud whacking
- Puddin’
- Pull a quickie
- Pull and squirt
- Pull dinky
- Pull it
- Pull it hard
- Pull Nixon’s nose
- Pull off
- Pull one off
- Pull one out of the bag…
- Pull pud
- Pull Stretch Armstrong
- Pull the chain
- Pull the cord
- Pull the dog’s tail
- Pull the fun lever
- Pull the goalie
- Pull the meat
- Pull the noodle
- Pull the pickle
- Pull the pig
- Pull the pipe
- Pull the plowman
- Pull the Polish pork
- Pull the pork
- Pull the turkey
- Pull your plumb
- Pull your pud
- Pull your toy
- Pull your wire
- Pulling your Yankee Doodle
- Pump
- Pump jacks
- Pump mini me
- Pump sperm
- Pump the balls
- Pump the Pole
- Pump the watergun
- Pump your gun
- Pump your pud
- Pump’n the water rocket
- Punch the clown
- Punch the eclair
- Punch the monkey
- Punch the munchkin
- Punish Percy in the palm
- Punish the evil merchant
- Puppy whacking
- Pushing the envelope
- Put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college
- Putting Mayonnaise On The Garlic Bread
- Ram the rod
- Rattle the one eyed snake
- Ream the one eyed semen demon
- Release some steam
- Release the hounds
- Release the pressure
- Release the valves
- Relieve your sperm bank
- Relieving a little tension
- Relish up the hot dog
- Remove the rust
- Ricky Wrestling
- Ride the big dipper
- Ride The Dolphin
- Ride the rod
- Ride to heaven
- Ring your cock
- Rinse on
- Rocketing
- Rod yankin
- Roll dice
- Rolling the dough
- Rope the mule
- Rope your goat
- Rough up the little man
- Rough up the suspect
- Row the boat
- Rub a dub dub
- Rub it silly
- Rub one off
- Rub one out
- Rub the button
- Rub the faucet
- Rub the fireman’s helmet
- Rub the knob!
- Rub the magic lamp
- Rub the pipe
- Rub the rhubarb
- Rub the rod
- Rub the sausage
- Rub the tool
- Rub your monkey
- Rub your nub
- Rubadubdub
- Run off a batch
- Salute the flag pole
- Salute the general
- Salute the scumlord
- Sausage stroking
- Say hello to Mr. Happy
- Say hello to the colonel of love
- Say hi to your monster
- Scramble the sausage
- Scrub the deck
- Self deflation
- Self diddle
- Self fuck
- Self fucking
- Self gratification
- Self indulgence
- Self motivation
- Self service
- Self sex
- Self-satisfaction
- Self-suck
- Sex with da hands
- Sex with Simon
- Shag your shank
- Shag-yer-self
- Shake hands w/the unemployed
- Shake hands with a pole
- Shake hands with Abraham Lincoln
- Shake hands with Ben Franklin
- Shake hands with Elvis
- Shake hands with Mr Peeper
- Shake hands with the ambassador of love
- Shake hands with the devil
- Shake hands with the governor
- Shake hands with the one eyed milk man
- Shake hands with the president
- Shake hands with the sheriff
- Shake hands with the unemployed
- Shake hands with the wife’s wedding present
- Shake hot, white coconuts from the veiny love tree
- Shake it
- Shake my finger
- Shake off
- Shake the bottle
- Shake the goo off
- Shake the grapes
- Shake the old man
- Shake the pepperpot
- Shake the snake
- Shake the snake
- Shake with the tall guy
- Shake your fist angrily at your ex-girlfriend
- Shake your martini
- Shakin’ the bacon
- Shaking hand with Colonel Sanders
- Shampoo the carpet
- Shampoo the moose
- Sharpen the pencil
- Shift with the manual transmission
- Shine the bishop
- Shine the car
- Shine the helmet
- Shine the pole
- Shine the spear
- Shine the telescope
- Shine the wood
- Shine your salami
- Shock the monkey
- Shoot for pearls
- Shoot hoops
- Shoot old yeller
- Shoot putty at the moon
- Shoot putty at the moon
- Shoot the gun
- Shoot the plane
- Short-arm stroking
- Shroom pullin’
- Shuck the corn cob
- Shuck the cornstalk
- Sin dirty with thy self
- Siphon the python
- Skin the sarge
- Skin the sausage
- Skin your frank
- Slam the ham
- Slam the stick
- Slap little Johnny behind the German helmet
- Slap spanky
- Slap the bishop
- Slap the carrot
- Slap the dick
- Slap the dummy
- Slap the ham
- Slap the salami
- Slap the salmon
- Slap the sausage
- Slap the stick
- Slap you cock
- Slay the dragon
- Slick the stick
- Slime the salamy
- slippery
- slippin’ salami
- slipping
- Slobbin’ the Milosevich
- Smack
- Smack baldy on the head
- Smack my pud
- Smack off
- Smack the burrito
- Smack the salami
- Smack your monkey
- Smelly jelly making
- Smoke the turkey
- Sneak a wink at wiggly
- Sock the cock
- Solo serve
- Spank frank
- Spank frank
- Spank it
- Spank it
- Spank Milo
- Spank off
- Spank one
- Spank that ass
- Spank the chicken
- Spank the dolphin
- Spank the hotdog
- Spank the money
- Spank the monkey
- Spank the old lady
- Spank the pup
- Spank the sausage
- Spank the Spam
- Spank your love life
- Spank your monkey
- Spank your pud
- Spanktervision
- Spanky’s Revenge
- Speed shifting
- Spend time with an old friend
- Spewin’ a white one
- Spill milk
- Spin the dreidel
- Spit da’ sperm
- Spit shine the knob
- Splish Splah
- Sploshing
- Sporting the tent
- Spraying the belly with sticky white love-piss
- Spunk the monkey
- Spunk up
- Squeeze a few rounds off on the pump action shotgun
- Squeeze cheese
- Squeeze off a load
- Squeeze one off
- Squeeze the big guy
- Squeeze the Charmin
- Squeeze the Cyclops
- Squeeze the duck’s head
- Squeeze the juice out the head
- Squeeze the lemon
- Squeeze the sausage
- Squeeze the squid
- Squeeze the tomato
- Squeeze the Twinkie
- Squeeze you lizard
- Squirt the Bert
- Squish the squid
- Stain the mitt
- Start the engine
- Start the lawnmower
- Stick it
- Stick shifting
- Stock
- Stoke the Strokin’ stack
- Strangle the bishop
- Strangle the one-eyed trouser snake
- Strangle the snake
- Strangle the snake
- Strangle the warrior
- Stress reliever
- Stretch it
- Stretch one out
- Stretch the salami
- Stretching the truth
- Strike oil
- Strip the bark
- Stroke
- Stroke it
- Stroke off
- Stroke that big thing
- Stroke the chicken
- Stroke the choad
- Stroke the cock
- stroke the crank
- Stroke the ding-dong
- Stroke the dolphin
- Stroke the donkey
- Stroke the longhorn
- Stroke the manroot
- Stroke the monkey
- Stroke the mushroom
- Stroke the oar
- stroke the one-eyed snake
- Stroke the poke
- Stroke the puppy
- Stroke the salami
- Stroke the salami
- Stroke the schlong
- Stroke the shaft
- Stroke the slug
- Stroke the Snake
- Stroke the stick
- Stroke the strudel
- Stroke the stump
- Stroke the weasel
- Stroke the yoke
- Stroke your cock
- Stroking the dog
- Stroking the fireman
- Stroking the flagpole
- Struggle for life
- Strum the drum
- Strum your guitar
- Summon the jizz
- Swat off
- Swing the balls
- Swing the thing
- Tackling the totem
- Take a load off
- Take a ride on the slip n’ slide
- Take a squirt
- Take batting practice
- Take Capt Solo on the Kessel Run
- Take Captain Picard to Warp Speed
- Take care of a big problem
- Take care of business
- Take matters in hand
- Take the edge off
- Take the sausage hostage
- Take your banana boat to tuna town
- Tame the beast
- Tame the one eyed spitting snake
- Tame the shrew
- Tame the vein
- Taming the purple headed warrior
- Tantalizing your toboggan
- Tap a teste
- Teach the dog a lesson
- Teach the monkey
- Tease the weasel
- Tease to please
- Teasing one out
- Tenderize the meat
- Tenderize the pork
- Tenderize the steak
- Test the probe
- Test the purple headed yogurt thrower
- Thawing the meat
- The gentle handshake
- The ol’ 5 against 1
- The penis pull
- The right hand maneuver
- The sofa
- The twist
- Thelma Thumb and her four sisters
- Think of your mom
- Thump the stump
- Thumping the stump
- Tickle the angus
- Tickle the meat curtains
- Tickle the peter
- Tickle the pickle
- Tickle the tentacle
- Tickle the tiger
- Tip the hat
- Tommy Tank
- Toot the horn
- Torture little Timmy
- Torture the monkey
- Toss off
- Toss the salad
- Touch the toucher
- Touch yourself
- Train the chicken
- Train the purple-headed warrior
- Tug the handle
- Tug the tassel
- Tug the turkey
- Tug your rope
- Tugging the boat
- Tug-O-War With Cyclops
- Turn Japanese
- Tweak your tool.
- Twiddle the bone flute
- Ugly Man Sex
- Unisex
- Unleashing
- Unload your gun
- Unsheathe the meat sword
- Up and down
- Use the joystick
- Vex the vicar
- Vice grip
- Virgin Love
- Visit the petting zoo
- Vote Republican
- Wag it
- Wag the dog
- Walk the dog
- Wang chungin
- Wang off
- Wank
- Wank and crank
- Wank it
- Wank off
- Wank the monkey
- Wank the pud
- Wank the sock
- Wank the wanker
- Wank the willy
- Wank your shank
- Wankin and spankin
- Wanky panky
- Wash the Buick
- Wash the rod
- Watch some pooh
- Wax the Bat
- Wax the bishop
- Wax the carrot
- Wax the chrome
- Wax the dolphin
- Wax the flagpole
- Wax the frog
- Wax the ol’ Torpedo
- Wax the pole
- Wax the weasel
- Wax the willie
- Wax the Winnebago
- Weenie whacking
- Wet the whistle
- Whack it
- Whack jack
- Whack off
- Whack off like a red-headed stepchild
- Whack the Chalupa
- Whack the pole
- Whack the pud
- Whack the rod
- Whack the weasel
- Whack the wizard
- Whack the wood
- Whack your wack
- Whackin winky
- Whacking it
- Wham the bone
- Wheel it
- Whip it
- Whip pud
- Whip the noodle
- Whip the weenie
- Whip up some baby batter.
- Whippin’ cream
- Whipping’ it good
- Whipping the skippy
- White Water Wristing
- White water wristing
- Whittle the wood
- Whoop the mule
- Whoop your pudd
- Wind up the cock clock
- Wind your sun dial
- Windsurf on Mt. Baldy
- Withdraw from the spankbank
- Work out the third leg
- Workin’ it
- Working the wiligger
- Wrestle the bald head champion
- Wrestle the champ
- Wrestle the turkey
- Wrestle with Jimmy
- Wrestle with the one eyed champ
- Wrestle with the one-eyed monster
- Wrestle with the one-eyed-trouser snake
- Yank off
- Yank the chain
- Yank the crank
- Yank the dog
- Yank the plank
- Yank the sausage
- Yank the Yankee
- Yankie the Wankie
- Yolk the egg
How To > Speed Up Firefox For Smartasses
Some people like the for dummies books, for me… It’s too much worthless information to look through. I just want a 5 second tutorial and a blood cheat sheet. Besides you are most likely a very smart person since you are browsing my site AND using firefox if you clicked on this article. So I am not going to bother explaining what each of the below values are, if you don’t know and want to, google them.
Open new tab > Enter about:config in address bar > you are now at a hard core settings page. You will notice that if you start typing it eliminates your choices to narrow your search so just Copy and Paste the names I list below. Some of the following items will be listed in your firefox, and some of them you will not be able to find AT ALL, so if it exists change the number, if it doesn’t > Right click and choose Create New. I will list the names and the values to put in below (FYI: For creating New items, if it’s true/false choose boolean and if it’s a number choose integer.. that’s it, edit or create the values and restart your browser, it will be faster.
- browser.cache.memory.capacity - 65536
- ui.submenuDelay - 0
- nglayout.initialpaint.delay - 0
- content.switch.threshold - 750000
- content.interrupt.parsing - True
- network.http.pipelining - True
- network.http.pipelining.maxrequests - 8
- network.http.proxy.pipelining - True
- network.dns.disableIPv6 - True
- content.interrupt.parsing - True
- content.max.tokenizing.time - 2250000
- content.notify.interval - 750000
- content.notify.ontimer - True
- content.notify.backoffcount - 5
Teaches > Some Dirty Slang
A
AC/DC - Bisexual.
Acorn - The head of the penis.
Alaskan Fire Dragon - Get the chick on her knees for a BJ. Right after you
blow your load, clamp her mouth shut, and whisper in her ear, “I’ve got
syphillis.” The spooge should shoot out her nose in record time.
Angel - Male who pays for sexual acts.
Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in a girl’s mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she’ll look like an angry dragon.
Auntie - An aging male homosexual.
Animal play - When one or both partners pretend to be an animal (Ex - dog, horse) in a role play.
Areola - The dark red or light brown ring of skin surrounding the nipple.
Auto -Eroticism - Masturbation
Auto -Felatio - Performing fellatio (oral sex) on one`s own penis
Arabian Goggles - A “seldom-seen” maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new
Aeroplane Blonde - One who has bleached / dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box.
Around the World - The act of kissing the entire body as a prelude to sex.
Aussie Kiss - similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
Auxiliary Intercoure - Sexual climax achieved by moving the erect penis back and forth in the armpit
Azozoospermia - Semen containing no sperm, either because the testicles cannot make sperm or because of blockage in the reproductive tract.
B
Back Door - A euphemism for the anus.
Badly Packed Kebab - A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia
Butch - A lesbian who prefers traditionally masculine dress, style, expression, or identity.
Bag - The scrotum.
Bang, banged, banging, bangs - To have sexual intercourse with.
Ball - To have intercourse.
Ballsacking - Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you’re able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.
Balloon Knot - When you bend over and I can see up right up the wazoo.
That’s a balloon knot that you see.
Bag it - wearing a condom during intercourse.
Back Yard - The buttocks.
Back Scuttle - Perform anal intercourse.
Bait N’ Tackle - The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
Barely Legal - Girls who have reached the age of 18, or look like they’ve just turned 18, newbies to porn.
Barebacking - unprotected sex.
Beaver Leaver - A homosexual (male)
Bimbot - A pornslut who is as cold and unfeeling during sex as her plastic boobs, lips, cheeks, etc.
Bismarck - During oral sex, right before you are about to cum, you pull out,
shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the
blood and cum together.
Beer Dick - This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick
Blue Balls - Severe need to experience sexual orgasm.
Blowjob - The act or an instance of fellatio.
Brownie Queen - Passive partner in anal intercourse.
Bear Claw - A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.
Bronco, The - You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.
Brown Bagging It - Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there’s no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don’t let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.
Butter Face - When you see a chick with an awesome body, “but her face”, is nasty.
Bukkake - Showering a person with sperm from one or many men. In ancient Japan, there is a legend that unfaithful women were publicly humiliated in the town center by being tied up while every man in town ejaculated all over her to show their distaste.
Butt Plug - A dildo specially designed for insertion into the anus. Usually has a flared base to prevent it from going in too far.
Bull Dagger - an extremely masculine lesbian. The term is often used negatively.
Betty - Slang term for an attractive female.
Blumpkin - Term meaning to receive oral sex while defecating.
Blumpy - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
BOBFOC - Body Of Baywatch, Face Of Crimewatch.
Bone Of Contention - A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.
Booty Call - Slang term for a late -night or last minute phone call with the intention of attaining sex.
Boink/Bonk - To have intercourse with.
Boiler Suit - The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.
Boff, boffed boffing, boffs - To have sexual intercourse with. v. intr. To engage in sexual intercourse .
Brown Eye - The chocolate coloration of various shades found around many female’s assholes. It assumed that a girl possessing such will always do anal sex.
Brown Necktie - You’re about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.
Brownie Queen - Passive partner in anal intercourse.
Bruce Lee - Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
Brunski - When a man puts his face between a woman’s breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying “Brunski” in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)
Bonk - Have sexual intercourse with.
Bugger - to perform anal sex, often referring to sex with animals.
Bullwinkle - The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling’ some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting “Hey Rocky.” (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)
Bunny Boiler - A partner in a relationship that acts irrationally and with
impulsive, extreme, behavior. The term originated from the Glen Close
character in the movie Fatal Attraction
Butter Face - When you see a chick with an awesome body, “but her face”, is nasty.
C
Cherry - One who is still a virgin.
Closet Queen - A male homosexual who hides his desires for men.
Cleveland Steamer - The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Canine Special - Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!
Carpet Cleaner - While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
Carpet Munching - Performing cunnilingus.
Chicken Choker - A person who masturbates
Chicken Cutlet - While banging a bitch on the beach, pull out your cock roll it around in some sand and stick it back in.
Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl’s tits and then proceed to titty
fuck her.
Chocolate Chips/Chocolate Syrup- The guy pulls out of her ass…what’s that brown stuff?
Chocolate Pizza - Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.
Cockblock - To interfere with a man’s attempts to seduce a woman.
Cock-Stuffing - Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your “buddy” to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!
Cold Lunch - The act of vomiting directly onto some chick’s head while she’s performing fellatio.
Compton Gangbang - You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she’s about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you’ve got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)
Concoction - First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.
Cop’s Delight - The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her “pastry buns”, thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.
Corkscrew - Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you’ll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you’ll be able to bore through wood.
Corn - Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is “Corn” means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; “Baby, you’re more Corn than Green Giant”, or “Damn bitch, you are Corn!”
Couch Bombing - When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman…but no need to buy It dinner first .
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you’ve got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Cleveland Steamer - The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Circle Jerk - Where several men get together and masturbate together, doesn`t have to be homosexual
Closet Queena - A male homosexual who hides his desires for other men
Clown Face - An aging slut who wears a pound of makeup to hide her numerous wrinkles since the facelifts aren’t taking.
Cluster Fuck - Group sex. Many female holes stuffed to bursting with dildo and vibrator type toys.
Cockteaser - Usually a female who excites a male without carrying on to actual sexual relations
Cowgirl - Refers to the sexual position of a woman sitting upon a reclining man
Cornhole - Slang for the anus, also refers to anal sex
Cream - To ejaculate -I creamed on her tits
Creepin’ - To cheat on boy/girlfriend or spouse
Cum Dumpster - A quadriplegic whore.
Cumshake - Porn movie equivalent of a milk shake. Often served in champagne glass.
D
Daisy Chain - Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.
Day-Old Doughnut - Eating out your girlfriend the morning after the
night she went out and fucked someone else
David Copperfield, The (a.ka. The Houdini) - Drill her from behind. Before
you shoot your wad, fake it and spit on her back. When she turns around to
give you that loving smile and hug, cum in her face. So, it’s kind of like
an illusion.a sleight of hand…misdirection
Davey Crockett - A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal’s snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner’s now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.
Dark Meat - Black penis
Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez
Dirty Swirly - While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush…she’ll dig it.
Diddle - To have intercourse with (a woman). 2. To practice masturbation upon
Dogging - Having or observing exhibitionist sex in a public place, usually outdoors. Sometimes the voyeurs join in on the sex, usually they just watch from nearby.
Dog In A Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your
nuts into a girl’s ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as
keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female’s ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
Double Bass - A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman’s nipples with one hand and her Budgie’s Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing the double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
Duff - Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Two hot chicks at a bar will have a really nasty fat ugly bitch hanging out with them, refered to as a “DUFF”.
The Dunkin’ Delight - When your girl fills her mouth with a cold glass of milk,then sit on her face and dunk your balls in and out of her mouth.
Duct Tape Trick - Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split.
Dutch Oven - Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you’re into that sort of thing).
Dutch Treat - The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.
DVDA - The abbreviation for “double -anal, double -vaginal”. This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.
Dental Dam - One type of moisture barrier. People can use one during oral sex to stop STDs, including HIV. It is a square piece of latex that can be put over someone`s anus or vagina. (This way germs cannot get into someone`s mouth from blood or sexual fluids found in the anus or vagina or else into the vagina or anus from blood found in the mouth.) Dentists use it when they work on someone`s mouth so that blood won`t splash everywhere
Double Bagging - Wearing two condoms at once. This in not normally recommended as added friction can cause a higher instance of failure.
E
Erotophobia - Fear or anxiety of sexuality or the expression of sexual love.
Etch-A-Sketch - Trying to draw a smile on a woman’s face by twiddling both her nipples simultaneously.
F
Flap Jacks - Small, saggy breasts looking like soggy pancakes or crushed nerf footballs.
Flatties - The diminutive yet perky breasts of young’un porn babes. Degoratory version of flatties is “mosquito bites”.
Flogging On - Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
Flooding The Cave - Inserting the penis into a woman’s pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
Flying Camel, The - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her
from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to
prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long,
shrieking howl, much like a coyote.
Flagellation - Sexual
Femoral Coitus - Penis -thigh sex.
Felch - To lick or suck recently deposited semen from a rectum or vagina.
Formicophilia - Enjoyment of the use of insects for sexual purposes.
Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass,
jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before
releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits.
(Better in her bed).
Fricatrice - A whore.
Figging - Anal play using ginger root (or even a chile pepper). The burning sensation is said to induce intense pleasure.
Fisted, fisting - To insert the fist into the rectum or vagina of (another) as a means of sexual stimulation.
Finger - To digitally stimulate the vulva.
Finger -fuck - To masturbate by means of inserting one’s finger(s) into the vestibule of the vagina.
Fire Island - This consists of telling someone you’re going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don’t believe you, doing it just to prove that you’re that demented.
Fish Eye, The - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you
are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to
see what the hell you are doing
Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the
pussy after you stick your finger up her anus
Flaming Amazon - This one’s for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then…extinguish the flames with your jizz!
Flooding The Cave - Inserting the penis into a woman’s pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.
Flying Dutchman - This didn’t used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, “Here comes the Flying Dutchman!” This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.
Fountain Of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
Frigmarole - Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
Frotteur - A person aroused by brushing up against clothed people in public.
Family Jewels - The testicles.
Freak Show Porn - Something so totally outrageous, it’s not even about sexuality any more. 1000 man gang bangs, anal cum slurping, severed limb
porno, etc.
Free The Tadpoles - Liberate the residents of the Wank Tanks.
French - To perform oral sex on
French tickler - A condom with ridges, bumps, or something else designed to give women extra stimulation during intercourse. Not reported to work above and beyond what the man is otherwise capable of..
Frottage - When two people rub their bodies together so that they feel good for some type of sexual pleasure. Another phrase for it is dry -humping.
Full House - Having more than one venereal disease at the same time.
Fur Ball - You’re chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane
between her legs the size of Lionel Richie’s Afro, when a mammoth fur ball
gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
G
Gangbang - 1. Sexual intercourse, often rape, involving one person or victim and several others who have relations with that person in rapid succession.
2. Sexual intercourse involving several people who select and change partners in an indiscriminate manner
Gape - A dilated asshole.
Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps.
Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple
knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required
(either on one finger or on multiple).
Gender Outlaw - a person who flouts the usual gender roles.
Genderfuck - sending mixed gender messages, especially through appearance, such as wearing a prom dress, combat boots and a mustache.
Get Your Rocks Off - Slang term for orgasm.
Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over your partners face and
proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
Glory Hole - Slang term for a hole, usually in a wall, in which a man inserts his penis that is stimulated manually or orally by someone on the other side.
Gobstopper- With two hands, spread your tramp’s anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you’re done, if you want.
Golden Shower (a.k.a.- watersports) - Any form of pissing all over a chick.
Greek - The act of using your “glue stick” (if you know what I’m saying) and gluing your gal’s eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. “Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!” or “Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad
Greek Sex - Slang term for anal sex.
Greyhound - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
Gynotikolobomassophilia - A paraphilia where a person derives becomes extremely aroused by a woman’s earlobe.
Gerbiling - The activity of Urban Legend status regarding the insertion of a gerbil or similarly -sized rodent into the anus.
Guppy Mouth - Position where the girl is typically on her knees, her head
cocked upwards, her mouth open, many times eyes closed, waiting for the guy
to jack-off on her face, mouth or wherever.
H
Handmade - A large penis allegedly developed through masterbation.
Hand-To-Gland Combat - A vigorous masturbation session.
Head - Oral sex - Give me some head.
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to shit on her
chest.
Hot Pants - Sexually aroused.
Ham And Cheese Sandwich - Eating a woman’s box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone’s appetite.
Hershey Highway - When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don’t hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it’s extra lube.
High Dive - The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner’s hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.
Hindenburg, The - When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you’re forced to cry “Oh! The humanity!” as her teeth scrape your man tool.
Hiudini - While banging your bitch doggystyle build up until your about to cum then pull out and spit on her back, when she turns around let her have it in the face.
Hogging - While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.
Hole In One - The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it’s in, or you’ll get a nice snapparoo.
Hood Ornament - piercing attached to the clitorial hood
Hotdog In A Hallway - When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn’t even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you’re slinging a small dick.
Hot Karl - The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.
Hot Karl Candy Cane - A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Karl Candy Cane - A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Lunch - The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl’s mouth.
Humjob (hummer) - Oral sex
Hunter Gatherer - You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.
I
Indian Cock Burn - While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
Icolagnia - Sexual arousal by looking at pictures.
In Door Sports - Swinging activities in general.
J
Jail Bait - One who is under 18 years of age.
Jedi Mind Trick - When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout “I’m NOT fucking you, I’m NOT fucking you”.
Jelly Dougnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her
in the nose while you are getting head.
Jersey Turnpike - The act of sticking your finger in a girls ass and then
putting that finger in her mouth. If you later find yourself picking your
nose with that finger, that’s called getting off at the Newark exit
Jocker - A male homosexual.
Joy Juice - Slang term for the natural vaginal lubrication produced by a sexually aroused female.
Juanita Special Bean Dip - While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita “special” bean dip.
Juicy Lucy - Girls who can supposedly “squirt” when they cum.
K
Kennebunkport Surprise - The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky -style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.
Kick -Fucking - The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.
Kryo Queen - A cold fuck
L
Landshark - The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint - She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis -out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass
Lorena Bobbit, The - Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)
Lace Curtains - Slang term for the foreskin of the penis
Lady’s Best Friend - Slang term for a dildo or vibrator
Lakshmi - Tantric sex term for goddess of wealth and prosperity
Load - Slang term for semen.
Lot Lizard - Slang term for a prostitute who works in truck stops
Love Wand - Slang term for vibrator.
M
Maha - Tantric sex term for the almighty one.
Menthol, The - The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.
Mellon Dive - Headbutting a woman’s big fat titties. Always lots of fun.
Mengeles - used to describe the dubiously trained and ethically challenged cosmetic surgeons who work on porn stars.
Millennium Domes - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.
Money Shot - The climax of a fuck scene in a porno movie.
Monkey Wrench - When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.
Monroe Transfer - When you and your partner connect each other’s assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.
Moped, The - A chick that’s a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.
Mork, The - Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note - Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo -Nanoo!).
Moses - A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.
Motorboat, The - While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She’ll love you forever.
Mud Flaps - The meaty, hanging, larger than norm, pussy lips or labia minora.
Mumbler - An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc i.e. you can see the ‘lips’ moving but can’t quite make out what they’re saying.
Mung, The - Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.
Mushy Biscuit - This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.
Muff Teaser - Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.
Muff Diving - Oral stimulation of the clitoris or vulva
Midnight Cowboy - Slang term for a vibrator or dildo.
Mish - Short for Missionary position.
MILF - Abbreviation for “mother I’d like to fuck”.
Mystery Bus - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
Mystery Taxi - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed instead.
N
NBR (No Beers Required) - Someone that you’d chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-pinter.
Nooner - 1. Sexual intercourse. 2. The vulva.
Nookie - Slang term for a sexual encounter during lunch hour.
New Jersey Meat -Hook - The unusual method of inserting one’s finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.
New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down,
you boot on her box. Happy trails.
Nixon, The - A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, “I’m not a crook”. This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.
Nubs - Slang term for breasts; also refers to the small bumps on a vibrator that provide extra vaginal or clitoral stimulation.
O
Open Swinging - a couple swinging with another couple in the same room; several or all participating couples together in the same room; (Western US) swing party where participants socially mix and are free to swing as couples, in one -to -one pairings and group sex during the progress of the party.
Oyster - A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one’s testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.
Outercourse - Sex play that does not include inserting the penis in the vagina or anus.
P
Pasadena Mudslide - This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.).
Paint Brush - A wide racing stripe typ pubic hairstyle.
Parolee - A standard issue male pornstar, typically working for the compensation of cheeseburgers and gas money.
Pattycake - While you’re nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.
Paying The Rent - A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich - Shit on a woman’s snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth…depending on what you’ve been eating.)
Pearl Necklace - Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it
takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
Penguin - When a girl starts giving a guy a blow job, and just as he is about to lose his load, she stops and walks away. The horny guy, with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her to see where she is going.
Philly Fakeout - When your doing a girl (or a guy ) from behind…doesn’t matter which destination you choose, just as so long as its from behind. As your doin her and gettin close to erupting…you say holy shit i’m gonna bust the hugest load all over you and you start groaning like its Mount Vesuvius all over again. You pull your meat out and proceed to spit on her (once again, his for you homo’s) back. She/he turns around real fast so she can see the face you make when you reach the moment, only to be shocked when she turns around and you spray it in her face.
Picasso Arse - A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got 4 buttocks.
Pig Roast - While you’re plugging some girl’s hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she’s blowing your best friend’s cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.
Pile Driver - Sexual position where the girl is on the floor, her torso raised in the air at a 90 degree angle to her face. She is looking up at the guy as he hovers over her, he is now able to have free access to her pussy and/or asshole.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet
enough. When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks
to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
Pink Sock - This is performed by nailing your bitch doggystyle in her asshole and giving her a simultaneous vigerous blow to the sides of her kidneys thus pulling her colon out onto your dick.
Pirate’s Treasure - While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you’ve found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, “Argh!”, like a pirate.
Plating - Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don’t see that on any Dawn commercials.
Play Action Fake - Doing a girl doggystyle and you pull your dick out and spit all over her back, when she thinks you’ve cum she turns around to look @ you. You then shoot your wad all in her face.
Plumper - An overweight girl
Poke - An act of sexual intercourse - I gave her a poke
Poontang - 1. Sexual intercourse with a woman.
2. Used as a disparaging term for a woman
Pork, porks, porking - To have sexual intercourse with
Portuguese - Tittie fucking when the parolee does the heavy lifting
Postage Slot - Pussy with no visible outer labia, like with Pam Anderson
Popcorn Trick - First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn’t love buttered popcorn?
Puerto Rican Fog Bank - While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.
Punching Possums - A one night stand whose performance in the sack is “just
lays there”
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you
withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave
a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
Push-out - After the man cums, she pushes it out of her pussy or mouth.
Q
Queef - A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.
Queening - Sitting on the side of a person’s face as a form of bondage.
Quiff - A British term for male homosexual or effeminate male.
Quim - The Vagina.
R
Racing Stripe - A public hairstyle that starts at the top of the clitoral hood and ends at the extreme top limit of where the normal inverted triangle of pubic hair would end.
Rackjack - To steal a girl someone else was just hitting on.
Ragman’s Coat - Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. “That mumbler looks quite fit, but I bet she’s got a kebab like a ragmans coat!”
Ram, The - You’re attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head
against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow
for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Ray-Bans - Put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head.
(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible, but it is
definitely worth a try.
Rim Job - Another name for tossing salad. Oral stimulation of the anus.
Focuses on the use of the tongue
Rear Admiral - When doing a chic from behind (while both partners standing),
make sure you don’t let her grab on to
anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so
that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or
table. It’s almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor.
You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing
into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Red Wings - Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier.
Resuscitation - When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn’t awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.
Reverse Cowgirl - A sexual position where the girl mounts and rides cock, facing the man.
Roddy Piper, The - When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.
Rodeo, The - Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre -arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw.
Roman War Helmet - Place you nutsack on a girls forehead and your shaft across her nose resembling a roman war helmet .
Rose Creeper - Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart’s neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish -fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.
Rusty Trombone - Have her jerk you off while licking your asshole. Looks
like she is playing the trombone.
S
Sandbag - Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt -necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
Sandwich - Any sex act involving three people; a threesome
Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap -on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
Seatbelt - While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.
Shirley Temple - Pour a can of 7 -Up on a girl’s menstruating pussy and eat her out.
Shag - sexual intercourse (to have sex)
Shocker, The - When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman’s vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.) .
Shop Vac - When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you’re entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.
Shrimping - The term for licking or sucking your partner’s toes.
Sixty-eighter (68er)- “Do me and I’ll owe ‘ya one”. A lesbian scene where one girl will go down on the other, but the other girl will only fingerfuck or toyfuck the first girl.
Skiing - While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross -country action.
SKIN-CHIMNEY - see BADLY PACKED KEBAB
Slumpbuster - When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease -ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.
Snerd Nurgling - The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, “Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd”…
Snoodling - When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, “You Snoodler!”
Snowball - Always a blast. When doing a girl while she’s on all fours,
sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
Snuff, The - Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you’re a snuff film superstar.
Spider-Webbing - when you fuck your girlfriend in the ass and cum in it, then she farts, sending all the cum out in a spider-web like fashion.
Sperm Wail or Spuphemism - A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.
Starfish Trooper or Arsetronaut - A homosexual
Stingy Nut - When a chick isn’t worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.
Stranger, The - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking
off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else
Stranger on the Rocks - Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.
Strangers In The Night - When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.
Sud N’ Fud - When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, “I not that kind of girl.”, “I don’t fuck on the first date.”, “I’m catholic.”, “Stop asshole.”, etc. etc… After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.
Surfing - This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.
Swamp-Donkey - A deeply unattractive woman
Swimmer’s Ear - When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.
Switch Hitter - A Bi -Sexual.
T
Taffy Pulling - A euphemism for male masturbation.
Tain’t - tain’t ass and tain’t pussy. The demilitarized zone of flesh between these two areas.
Teabagging - When the female orally pleasures the male partner’s balls while
he squats over her.
Tears of Joy - Your joy, her tears, when she swallows that rod so far back it makes her weep.
Ten-Pinter - Someone that you’d only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.
Three-Eyed Turtle - Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.
Titanic - A lady who goes down the first time out.
Todger Dodger - A lesbian.
Toolbox - The Male Genitals.
Tortoise, The - When you eat out someone who doesn’t have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.
Tossing Salad - Oral sex with the anus.
Treasure Trail - The fine line from the top of the clitoral hood to the belly button. It may or not be a line of hair. Especially common in pregnant women and blck women.
Tropical Wind - When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.
Tuna Melt - You’re down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just
happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When
the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Twisted Sister - Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that’s some great S&M fun.
Two-Bagger or Double Bagger - Someone that you’d need 2 paper bags to have sex with (one to cover their head, and one to cover yours, just incase their bag falls off).
U
Urolagnia - Sexual pleasure from watching another drink urine.
Utopian Swinger - A person who practices swinging as a total lifestyle with humanistic ideals.
Up On The Blocks - Menstruating i.e. Out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. “I don’t think I’ll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on the blocks”.
V
Vagina Decliner - A homosexual (male)
Vart (same as Queef) - To expel air from the vagina, such as the often loud
and embarrassing sound of air flapping out of a women during or after sexual
intercourse.
Vegetarian Hot Lunch - A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs.
Veggie Porn - All Lesbians. No meat
W
Wake Up Call - Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. “Sweetheart, what’s that on your back?”.
WANK SÉANCE - During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you’re being watched with disgust by your dead relatives.
Walrus, The - After spunking in a girl’s mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.
Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.
Westside Glaze - Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.
Woody Woodpecker - When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.
Wanker - Slang term for someone who masturbates frequently.
Water Sports - Sex play which involves urine or enemas.
Wet Dreams - Erotic imaging during sleep that causes ejaculation.
X
X -dresser - Short for cross dresser.
Xeronisus - Inability to reach orgasm.
Y
Yoni Worship - Worship of the female genitals.
Yellow Shower - The act of urinating on a person as a means of sexual stimulation; a golden shower.
Z
Zombie Mask - While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash -barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes” when you blow your load. Then, just when you’re ready to spew a good week’s worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
Original source: DirtySlang.com
Speculates > Wether Hell is Exothermic or Endothermic?
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so “profound” that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn’t ceased…
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, “…that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.”, and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.”
This student received the only A.
Hack > A Coinstar Machine
So, you go digging through your couch and you find somewhere around $200 in loose change and you REALLY don’t want to count all of that yourself. Fortunately, god invented CoinStar to do that for you. Unfortunately, CoinStar charges you somewhere around 9% for its services. This is why you want to learn how to hack a CoinStar.
Recently, CoinStar started a campaign where they won’t charge you any fee if you turn your coins into iTunes gift cards, Amazon gift cards, or Virgin mobile cards. The machine doesn’t actually give you any cards, but rather PINs which can be typed in on the sponsor’s site and redeemed for their value. This works because the CoinStar machine has the power of the internet.
How to do it
This is really quite simple. Follow the directions as usual, but when it asks how you would like your money, make sure to pick the iTunes gift card. After it counts all of your change, the machine will ask you how much of your money you want as a gift card and how much you want as cash. Go ahead and set it all to gift card. Now, before proceeding, you need to find a way to unplug the phone jack from the back of the machine. I’m lucky because the wall phone jack for my local CoinStar is at about shoulder height right next to the machine.
Now the poor machine is in quite a pickle. It already has all of your change, and it can’t give that back to you. It can’t give you an iTunes card either. It could give you cash, but it’s not going to lay that 9% fee on because you obviously didn’t agree to that when you put your change in the machine. What can it do? Give you cash for FREE. After a few minutes of trying, it will simply give up and just give you a slip which can be redeemed for cash at the store customer service counter.
Teaches > How to Speed Up Your Elevator Ride
I published this in my blog back in 2005, but I find that it still works, and nobody is going to dig through my blog to find it, so here it is again.
Are you tired of being on an elevator and someone else gets on every floor you go down through? Well I was also, until I found out you could skip the floors that people would like to get on at. This works best in big office buildings with 30 floors and it sometimes takes like 15 minutes to get to floor 1.
Okay, the only thing you need to do is press down the close door button, and the floor you would like to go to at the same time.
Then it should skip all the floors that people want to get on and go straight to your floor that you would like to get off on. This can also piss some people off I would imagine. This trick has also worked on all the office elevators I have tried so far.
- Elevators I can verify that it has worked on:
- Otis Elevators
- Dover Elevators
- And (Most) Desert Elevators
Yep Yep, Good Times
Article Author: The Smartass
Source: Born Smartass (my blog)
Teaches > How to Park for Free at Meters
If you live in any city or busy town, you probably get jacked quite often for an expired meter. In my city those parking enforcement bastards are writing you up seconds after the meter expires. And how about all the money in quarters you dish out? I bet if you added it all up you could feed a small country….those bastards are taking the food out of poor babies mouths!
Well, here is a handy way to never have to pay the parking meter and park scott-free for hours. You will get really good at this and you will never put another quarter in the meter again…(except of course when your mother is with you)
FYI: This does NOT work on the newer digital meters. (I’m working on that)
1) take a business card (or any semi-thick paper): tear 1″ off of the end and 1/2″ off of the bottom (you should have a rectangular piece of card measuring about 2-1/2 x 1-1/2 now) if you have a matchbook: open it up and tear off the cover ane half of the back (that should leave you with a 1-1/2″ x 2-1/2″ rectangle as well) Any piece of semi-thick paper can be torn into these dimentions. (the envelope from a parking ticket works well too!)
2) fold the paper in half lenghth-wise and then fold it in half length-wise again. You will now have a pretty thick peice of card now measuring about 2-1/2 inches by 1/4 inch.
3) walk up to the meter (don’t get nervous nobody pays any attention to someone putting change in their meter, silly) and insert the folded card into the quarter slot until the paper stops. It’’s best that the card is thick and takes a little effort going into the slot. As soon as the card is about half-way in the slot, turn the crank on the meter all the way (this will take a little effort). Turning the crank will pull the card into the slot further. Turn the crank all the way until the yellow “violation” sign appears at the top and sticks. Do not try and turn the crank back in the other direction as this may kick up the red sign (ticket). The point is to jam the meter into it’s “broken” position which is the yellow “voilation” sign. When the violation sign is up THEY CANNOT TICKET YOU. You can stay there indefinantely if they don’t chalk you…If they chalk you (and this is VERY rare) you get about 2 hours (depending on the meter zone ie: 2 hour max etc.)
4) tear off any ends of card that may still be protruding from the quarter slot. (if you’re really socially concious you can leave it sticking out, then when you return you can pull out the entire card and the meter will be as good as new….but I wouldn’t reccomend this as sometimes the metermaid will pull it out herself and then another one will come by later an give you a ticket)
5) test the crank and make sure it’s jammed well…If you done it right the crank will be so jammed that you can’t even turn it back)
6) go on your merry way and rejoice in the knowlege that you saved another dollar toward the starving children’s fund.
Remember: when the yellow “violation” sign is up on the meter you are fine. This just means that the meter is broken and you have immunity from tickets when you’re at a broken meter. After a while you will do this without even thinking about it. Remenber to keep plenty of cards or matches in your car.
Note: just in case the metermaids try to crack down on this meter-terrorism, don’t have your goddam name on the cards or papers you’re inserting into the meter.
Again, once you get the hang of it this system is flawless and I really don’t think the metermaids care that much either since they can easily pull the paper out when they open up the meter to collect the change.
——
If this is too much for you (and I am not actually encouraging you to do the above) then I can tell you something else. Meter’s are only monitored for so many hours in a day, most of them are not monitored after 6pm. They all tell you on the back of the meter when they stop monitoring. This simple fact a LOT of people miss, so there are always metered spots open at night.
Original Author: Don’t Know
Source: Some guy who hates parking tickets
The Degenerate Dictionary v.1 & 2
I was going to write an addendum to this and call it unofficial volume 3, as it’s missing such classics as The Angry Pirate, but for now enjoy volumes 1 and 2, and please remember, this is just for humor, don’t try any of this with your girlfriend or you will get a black eye or worse…
The Degenerate Dictionary - Volume I
1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, (her, on her back, you straddle her chest) you proceed to shit on her chest–just for the hell of it. She then becomes the “Lunch Lady.”
2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
3. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This should give you a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
4. Golden Shower - Any form of dropping piss all over a girl.
5. Pearl Necklace - Whenever you cum on the neck area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
6. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty woman and you know you’ve got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
7. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you pull your penis back slightly before poking it back into the inside of her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to that of a purple mushroom.
8. The Flying Camel - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like you would imagine a flying camel to sound like. Strictly a class move.
9. Fishhook - A variation of “The Shocker” (an uninvited digit placed in the girl’s anus ) in which, with the finger still up there, you “hook” back in the direction the pussy. No real purpose here other than to think to yourself while doing it, “ahhh yes the Fishhook……”. Another variation called the “New Jersey Meathook” involves sticking your uninvited digit in the girl’s anus while fucking her from behind. You finger is then turned upward toward her back and you pull her entire body toward you over and over while she is sliding on your cock.
10. The Ram - Again, you’re attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
11. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl’s ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
12. Felching - It occurs after you have been sticking your babe in the can, you bust your nut in there, back up and then pucker your lips up to her rim and suck out your ranch dressing. (This is also the first step of a very advanced maneuver called the Halmstad Hook).
13. Tossing Salad - One person simply chows box or asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. lettuce, tomatoes, croutons, vinegar and oil, etc.
14. The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits and or a large lock of hair as tight as possible and yell another girl’s name or state “Ya know your by far the ugliest girl I ever fucked”. This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
15. Pink glove - This frequently happens during a marathon session (maybe a second round) when a girl is simply not wet enough. When you give up and attempt to pull out to give her money or whatever, the inside of her twatsticks to your hog like the inside of a leather glove. Thus, the pink glove
16. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing. Then spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed). This is also a variation of the first stage of a Cleveland Steamer to be described later.
17. New York Style Taco - (Also known as a wet Betsy) - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you boot on her box. All the fixin’s.
18. The Durty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman’s asshole, pull it out, and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name could be Dirty Sanchez. A very popular European variation of this maneuver called “The Hitler” involves a simple shit smudge under her nose, replicating the look of Hitler’s mustache.
19. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass, thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing. At that point, you have received a “Fish Eye.”
20. Tuna Melt - Lights out, you’re down on a chick lapping away at an unusually juicy slab when you discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. A man of honor, by no means do you stop. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. (this only work with chicks who REALLY cum hard).
21. Pole Vault - Originated by ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation she swiftly inserts the index finger of her right hand into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar. Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka in the 1979 Olympics.
22. Furr Ball - You’re chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie’s afro, you don’t mind though, that is until a mammoth furr ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
23. The Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl’s tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
24. A Hot Carl - A simple maneuver where you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning. Apparently some guy named Carl first tried this.
25. The Cleveland Steamer - Mentioned above in #16. After dumping your load on and around her chest–you position your ass just above your own pool of soup and sit in it, full weight, possibly causing her to gasp for breath. You then pretend to be pulling the whistle cord on a genuine Cleveland steam ship. As you make the loud noise you slide in your spunk from her chest to her bush smearing a spunk trail on her body in your wake. This can be done with the male facing either direction. The more authentic the steam whistle sound, the better.
26. The Halmstad Hook - As mentioned above in #12. This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her bowls to your mouth–the product that has been created is now known as “Swedish Cheese.” The move is completed when the “Swedish Cheese” is transferred to the ladies mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.
27. Rapp-N-Poke - It’s sat. night in the hood and you’re lookin to stuff the Ho of the week. After the bitches 9 juveniles hit the streets for their evening violence,you stroll up in you’re beat-up Cadillac an hour late with two quarts of mad dog to set the mood. Don’t forget to stop along the way to sell a glock and two rocks of crack to some under aged criminals. Now start the evening by yelling,”come here you black bitch and suck my meat” Dip your oversized nigger-cock into some Kool-Aid and stuff it between her dishlipps. Constantly beat her like the slave that she is and pound your fist into that bubble ass. Now whack off into a bucket of extra crispy and put it over her head so she can’t see the watermelon that you’re about to volley off of her thick skull. After you shoot her, go to the porch, sit down, and don’t work for the rest of your life.
The Degenerate Dictionary - Volume II
1. Tea Bag - This act requires some additional tools: a handset from your neighbors phone, a rubber mallet from his tool box, and while your in his garage you might as well take his softball. These objects or ones similar should work well. Oooh ya don’t forget a piece of lemon. As she lies on her back, you straddle her on your knees. Once your facing your opponents hairy patch, start to shove one object at a time into her hole (unlubricated works best). The pain or the embarrassment should keep her mouth open for quite a while. By the time you get to the softball she should be ready. While crouching over her proceed to dip your nuts into her mouth. Bite some lemon while doing this and continue the process. You are now tea bagging the slob.
2. Mudslide - For those with access to a garden hose, try a Mudslide. When your ho’s drunk as Dean Martin sometime, pull your meatbag out of her kornhole and quickly jam the hose up the vacant cavity. Turn on the faucet full blast and stand back. Before you know it her eyes will bug out and a flow of Haitian river water will stain your sheets. I suggest writing her name in big red letters and hanging the sheet on the front of your house for all to see. For added pleasure, call her a dumb cunt and jerk off in her eyes. She’ll thank you.
3. The Mugger - Some how your cock ends up in some hogs mouth and an unwanted thumb ends up in your chute. You retaliate back at your opponent by releasing a gust of swamp ass. You can guarantee that she would have rather been hit in the face with pepper spray.
4. Skull Cap - Your sitting on a couch or chair (preferably watching Baywatch). She’s in front on her knees with your sack in her mouth. While she is sucking… you are stroking. As you begin your joyous release, grab the base of your shaft and (as hard as you can) tattoo her forehead with your cock. When done properly a full impression of a mushroom should be left on her bean.
5. Stumpin - (caution, this move requires imagination and balance). As you hover over a quadruple amputee, carefully insert what’s left of her arms up your ass while using her knarled thighs to whack off. This should produce a stream of spunk which should land where a normal persons feet would be. You’ve now been stumpin.
6. The Circus Seal - press the twins to one side of your sack and let them fall from the hole in your BVD’s. This should produce a beachball effect (painting your tool bag is optional). Proceed to straddle your dates face and pummel her nose with your bag of marbles. This works best when performed with a relative.
7. Slim Shaddy - This is when two cock chuggers get stuck together while riding the mudpole (similar to when two dogs get stuck). If you ever come across this situation… DONT IGNORE IT. Check the room and see if there’s a third shit eater (there probably is). After you find him rip his meat bag off and jam it down his throat. Take your time and make sure he swallows every ounce of his own nut sauce. As for the other two “Faaags” put a leash around the lead “mo” and drag them both into a van or pick-up truck. Proceed to the worst part of town and dump them off. This act of deviance is not sexual but it sure is fun.
8. The Gummy Bear - is easily performed on a sleeping grandmother. While the old bag is in a pharmaceutical haze with her teeth in a glass, straddle her wrinkled mug and jam your naughty boy down her throat (through her gums) blowing your jack down her withered esophagus. If she wakes up, just tell her she forgot to take her pills and you were helping her. A fun variation on this is to turn around just as she wakes up, put her dentures in your ass and start screaming at her like a wild talking asshole (which, of course, you are).
9. The Pit Stop - You’ve spent all night boozing and courting a local slob, now it’s time to go back to her place. Wrap up the chit chat by jamming junior down her throat. When her lips are wrapped good and tight around your meat whistle, let loose with that piss that’s been building for hours. Her look of horror would normally be enough reward, but as she evacuates, her coughing and your continual stream will mark all of your territory, leaving you with even greater satisfaction. You won’t be able to stop, so if she chases you, make sure the pursuit leads you to every corner of her abode, she’ll appreciate your lawn sprinkler imitation.
10. ET - Next time you’ve got some dumb-ass fuck puppet ready to go, grab her purse and excuse yourself to the can while the drunken whore waits, lost in her own tangled bush. Get her mother’s (or husband’s) phone number from her purse while making fake shit noises. Flush the toilet for effect then grab the cordless phone on the way back to bed. As soon as you find yourself stabbing her bucket with your jonny, dial the number and hold the phone near her head with same hand your pulling hair with and bang away. Make sure you mention her name and ask her things like, “Who’s the biggest whore in the world?” and “You like fat cocks up your dirt road don’t you?”. Then throw the phone on the bed and tell it’s for her. A nice topper to this maneuver is to take her money and throw her outside nude and lock the door. I like to threaten to kill her if I ever see her again. You might have your own closing. Have fun. Be creative.
11. The Wooden Indian - Next time your banging a gook, stuff an old dime store wooden Indian up her cunt ’till she’s dead. Then throw her in front of a truck. I call this the wooden Indian I think you will too. Great around the holidays. In the event an officer of the law should catch you, just mutter incoherently about Pearl Harbor and Nazis. You’re sure to get off.
12. Oscars Treat - This ones for the outdoor enthusiasts: Make sure your next “first time” date is on the night before trash day. As you greet the “ho” at her front door you tell her that because of your OCD you have a ritual you must perform before you begin the date. Being the gentleman that you appear to be she obliges. Before the tuna machine knows what hit her, grab the rope from the front seat of your truck and hog tie her to the curbside mailbox. Quickly strip her rotten, and with the respect of a sailor on leave… fill every orifice with the nearby garbage. After giving her a few rabbit punches, spank one out in the mailbox and go home.
13. The Pitchfork - Pick up any Stevie Wonder lovin’ blind slut… and while your fucking her dog, beat her senseless with that ridiculous cane. Because you’re definitely gone straight to hell!
14. Puppy Love - It’s Sunday morning and you’re robbing a girlscout of her dignity and her future by giving her a sausage enema. You turn slowly only to find her pregnant basset hound chowing down on your filthy hole. With a swift kick to the doggy cunt of your attacker, you release a spew of bloody premature puppies from that bitches open wound. You than gather up their limp bodies and fire them rapidly at the girlscouts head hoping to connect with one fatal blow. If that doesn’t work, fuck her again and then kill her and stuff the puppies up her ass. P.S. kick the dog again before you leave.
15. The Big Top - Next time your at a carnival drag out the Fat Lady and a couple of midgets. Take them to the roof of tallest building in the city. Then have that fat ass shave each kickstand completely bald. When she gets done… role the nude little bastards in a ball and position them on each side of you. Stand up straight and start spitting up in the air while yelling “I’m a cock…. I’m a cock”. Congratulations you are now the biggest dick in town. Before getting off the roof, FIST the fatty in the can and chuck the midgets off head first. This trick is slightly more fun while wearing a red rubber nose.
16. The Al Bundy - This activity is recommended for every married scum out there who’s trying to do the right thing. While out with the boys you realize that you are surrounded by meat melons. To keep your mind off the screaming beaver go up to hottest hole in your grasp and begin to entertain her with your sharp wit. Classic one liners like “say your a toilet” & “put it in your mouth” or the always popular “show me your bush” should quickly win her over. The result is consistently a hearty kick to the nuts… and when you untangle them from your intestine, thank her for saving your lousy marriage.
17. Broken Necklace - A variation to the ever popular pearl necklace. It’s that time of the month again and your slob has asked you once again to buy her something. “No problem” jewelry is what she wants, jewelry is what she’ll get. Take the little monkey upstairs and force her to chug your turkey baster. After about ten minutes of fucking that hole in her face, pull it out and begin spanking all over her upper chest. Before you finish, take out the real thing from her jewelry box and choke her with it. As she turns blue take her empty purse and stuff it up her hairy patch. From then on she’ll immediately appreciate the T-Shirt you got her last Christmas.
Article Author: A Bunch of Perverts
Source: The (now defunct) Smartass Library
Teaches > How to swear in virtually all languages
Ah, going through old lost jem’s of smartass history, making them available in shiny new format
————————————————————————
Afrikaans
Poes / Doos - Pussy
Fok jou - Fuck you
Jy pis my af - You’re pissing me off
Hoer - Whore
Slet - Slut
Kak - Shit
Poephol - Asshole
Dom Doos - Dump Pussy
Gaan fok jouself - Go fuck yourself
————————————————————————
Arabic
Koos - cunt.
nikomak - fuck your mother
sharmuta - whore
zarba - shit
kis - vagina
zib - penis
Elif air ab tizak! - a thousand “dicks” in your ass!
kisich - pussy
Elif air ab dinich - A thousand dicks in your religion
Mos zibby! - Suck my dick!
Waj ab zibik! - An infection to your dick!
kelbeh - bitch (lit a female dog)
Muti - jackass
Kanith - Fucker
Kwanii - Faggot
Bouse Tizi - Kiss my ass
————————————————————————
Armenian
Aboosh - Stupid
Dmbo, Khmbo - Idiot
Myruht kooneh - Fuck your mother
Peranuht shoonuh kukneh - The dog should shit in your mouth
Esh - Donkey
Buhlo (BUL-lo) - Dick
Kuk oudelic shoon - Shit eating dog
Juge / jugik - penis
Vorig / vor - ass
Eem juges bacheek doer - Kiss my penis
Eem voriga bacheek doer - Kiss my ass
Toon vor es - You are an ass
Toon esh es - You are a jackass
Metz Dzi-zik - Big Breasts
Metz Jugik - Big penis
————————————————————————
Bengali
baing chood - sister fucker
chood - fuck/fucker
choodmarani - mother fucker
haramjada - bastard
dhon - dick
gud - pussy
khanki/maggi - whore
laewra aga - dickhead
tor bapre choodi - fuck your dad
————————————————————————
Bulgarian
Gus - Ass
Coochka - Bitch
Pederas - Gay / Fag
Luyno - Shit
Luyno Guava - Shit Head
Peeshka Guava - Penis Head
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Czech
Do prdele - (literally, “In the ass”), “Up yours”
Mrdat, prcat - very dirty words for “fuck,”
used only by the lowest of the low(whores, thugs, etc.)
Chces mrdat?
(ksesh mrrdat?) - “Do you want to fuck?”
Hovno - “shit”
Prsa - Tits
Pinjor - Cock
Hovno Hlava - Shit Head
Peecha - Pussy/Cunt
————————————————————————
Chinese (multiple Dialects)
Cantonese (phonetic, more or less)
Poq Gai - “Go Die in the street”, general purpose swearword
(ie can fit in any context, like “shit!” or “fuck you”
or “you bastard” etc etc etc. add words before and
after for effect
D’iu ne lo mo - Fuck your mom
sAY Baht Poh - bitch
tiu nia ma chow hai - fuck your mom’s smelly cunt
sek si - eat shit
hum kah chan - death to your family!
lok chat - dick
hamsap - horny person (not a swear word actually,
just an insult)
chow fah hai - smelly cheap cunt
gai - whore
Mandarin (phonetic, more or less)
gun ni ma /
chao ni niang - fuck your mom
chao ni niang de zhu
zong shi ba dai - fuck your mom’s ancestors
grandmas great grandmas
daH bien - shit
Liu mang - standard swear for bastard/assmunch/etc
Ni ma la bi - Your mother contracts turtles.
Hokkien (Phonectic, more or less)
Cheeby - Pussy
Lan Jiao - Dick
Kiu Mo - Pubic Hair
Ni Na Bu - Your Fucking Mother
Chao - Cheeby Smelly Pussy
Lan Hoot - Balls
Neh - Breast
Ka Ni Na Beh Chao Cheeby
- Fuck Your Bloody Mother’s smelly pussy
Ka Ni Na - Fuck Your mother
Ka Ni Lao Beh - Fuck Your Father
peh bu ki ho lang kan - parents go fuck by someone
peh bu ki ho gao kan - parents go fuck by dogs
and the chao cheebye - smelly cunt
keh - whore
Hakka (Phonectic, more or less)
diao nia meh - fuck your mom
chew hai - smelly cunt
bot nia meh see
tai lang - fuck your mom’s smelly cunt
chap jong - bastard
guy - whore
nia meh boon kiu diao - let the dog fuck your mom
————————————————————————
Dutch (Holland)
lul - dick
kut - cunt
kak, stront - shit
opdekontneuker - up-the-ass-fucker
hoer - hooker
eikel - dickhead
————————————————————————
Estonian
kuradi munn - (Lit. devil’s penis)
kuradi puts - (Lit. devil’s cunt) [strong]
kurat vo~tku - fuck you (Lit. let devil takes it)
kurat, saatan - devil
kusema/pissima (v) - to piss
mine persse! - (Lit. go into ass)
mine vittu - fuck off (Lit. go into cunt)
munn - penis
nussima,nikkuma (v) - to fuck
piss/kusi - piss
raisk - rotted
sitt - shit
sittuma (v) - to shit
vitt/puts - cunt
————————————————————————
Finnish
vittu - fuck(Lit. cunt)
helvetti - hell
vittupaeae - (Lit. cunthead)
kusipaeae - pisshead
paskiainen - bastard
paska - shit
Suksi vittuun - Ski into a cunt
Vedae vittu paeaehaen - Draw a cunt over your head
Ime munaa, runkkari - Suck cock, wanker
————————————————————————
French
merde - shit
manges la merde - eat shit
tu m’emmerdes - you’re pissing me off
(Lit. you’re shitting on me)
tu me fais chier - you are pissing me off
vas faire foutre
a la vache - go fuck a cow.
encule - fuck you (anal style!?)
salope, ordure, conasse,
poofias - bitch
va te faire voir,
va aux diable,
aux pelotes,
fous la camp,
va te faire cuire un oeuf,
va chier,
te faire voir chez lez Grecs!
- go to hell!, Fuck off!
vas te faire foutre - go get fucked (lit: stuff you)
vas te faire enculé - fuck you
fils de pute - son of a bitch
tu m`emmerdes! - Fuck yourself!
une vieille bique,
il est becheur - an old bitch, pompous ass
le con, la conasse,
la chatte - cunt
baiser - to fuck
ce sont des conneries - that’s a load of shit
leche moi et saire me renier
- lick me and make me cum
tete moi le dard, enculé!
- suck my dick,
you fucked faggot!
mes couilles sur ton nez - my balls on your nose
putain, pute - whore
cul - ass
bite - cock
pauvre con - asshole (lit: you poor cunt)
vas pisser dans
les fleurs - fuck off (lit: go piss in the flowers)
c’est rien que
de la merde - its just a bunch of shit
maudite vache - asshole/bitch/etc - (lit: damned cow)
va chier - go shit
tu mangeras le tas - you can eat the pile
(usually an answer to “va chier”s)
————————————————————————
German
Blödes Arschloch - stupid asshole
Dummes Huhn - stupid chicken
Scheisse - shit
Fotze - cunt
Blöde Fotze - Stupid cunt
Schwuchtl - faggot (noun)
Lesbe - Lesbian
Mutterficker - motherfucker
Hurensohn - sonuvabitch
Hure - whore
Depp - idiot
Drecksau - dirty pig
Arschgesicht - “Assface” (Butthead)
Fick dich! - fuck you
Fick mich - fuck me
(dummer) Schweinhund - (dumb) pigdog (archaic)
Schlampe - tramp or slut
das geht dich einen feuchten
Scheissdreck an - none of your fucking business
(Lit. that concerns you like wet shit)
du verdammter
Arschficker - you damn assfucker
Auf Wiedersehen
Fickakopf - Goodbye fuckhead
himmeldonnerwetter - *no translation–very strong curse*
(Lit. heaven thunder weather)
Leck mich am Arsch - lick my ass
mach es dir selber - go fuck yourself
scheissekopf - shithead
Lichten mein asch. - kiss my ass, Lit.- Lick my ass
Lichten mein
Hosenschlange! - lit. - Lick my trouser snake
schnoodle noodle - dick snot
————————————————————————
Greek
vlaca - stupid (noun), moron
Malacca - masturbator, harshest swear for a male
malaka wanker gamisou - fuck off
Ay gamisou - go fuck off
to mounee tis manas sou - fuck your mother’s pussy
mounee - pussy
poutsos - dick
poustis - faggot
Fila mou to kolo - kiss my ass
As to thialo - Go to hell
Skila - Bitch
Boostie Mav-ro malaka
skit-tah - nigger dick sucking faggot.
————————————————————————
Haitian Creole
dan bounda ou - up your ass
kolan guete maman ou - fuck you
L’en mede - piss off (Lit. in the shit)
————————————————————————
Hebrew
Zonah - whore
Zayin - cock
Harah - shit.
Mishugena - freak
Hutzpa - balls (as in he’s got a lot of nerve)
Beitsim - Balls
ben zonah - son of a bitch (son of a whore, actually)
lech zayen et
ima shelcha - go fuck your mom
zayin - penis
tahat - ass
mitromem mizdayen
batahat - gay assfucker
zayin al hakuss
hamasrihach shel
haima hamechoeret
shelcha - fuck your ugly mom’s smelly cunt
lech lehizdayen - fuck off
lech timtzotz et
hazayin hakatan shel
aba shelcha me’onen
ehad - go suck your dad’s small dick you wanker
lech zayen para - go fuck a cow
timtzotz li et hazayin,
hatichat hara
masriach - suck my cock you smelly piece of shit
lakek et hatahat sheli - lick my ass
lakeki li a hadagdegan,
zonah - lick my clit you whore
benzona - son of a bitch
lech tiezdayen - fuck you
ben sharmuta - like son of a bitch
manyak - just a cures
coos ima selha - your mother’s vegina
————————————————————————
Hindi
chutia - pussy (in a “you are stupid” context)
gaandu - asshole
mah-der chod - mother fucker
tatti - shit
Bhen Chhod bhayn-chod - Sister Fucker
Madar Chhod
maa-duhr chod - Mother fucker
Bhai Chhod bha-yee chod - Brother Fucker
Chutiya choo-tia - Fucker
Gaand gaa-nd - Ass
Lund luh-nd - Cock
Chut choot - Pussy
Mammey mumm-aye - Breasts
————————————————————————
Indonesian
bangsat - bastard
bule - caucasian
gila - crazy
isep kontol - blow job
isep kontol gua - suck my dick
kontol - penis
memek - vagina
monyet - monkey
ngentot - fuck
ngentot lu - fuck you
ngewe - fucking
pantat - ass
pantat besar - big ass
peler - penis
pentil - nipple
toket - women’s breast
toket besar - big breast
jembut - pubic hair
biji - testicles ( slang, lit. means “seed” )
pentil - nipple
palaji - ( slang ) foreskin
————————————————————————
Italian
puttana - whore
fungula / scopa - fuck
merda - shit
Vaffanculo - fuck off
No Skuche ala Gats! - what the fuck do you want from my balls?
————————————————————————
Jamaican
bumboclot - you are full of shit
teras - your ass
————————————————————————
Japanese (phonetic, more or less)
baka yaroo - stupid bastard
Chikushoo - oh Fuck! (literally: “Animal”)
Kuso - shit
Imi imishe Kuso - Eat Fucking Shit
Urusai Kono Bakayaro - Shut up you crazy motherfucker!
ChingChing - penis
ketsunoana - Asshole
Pai Pai - Breasts, nipples
onara - fart
onara atama - fart head
onani - masterbate
anato wa onani o
shimasuka is - Do you masterbate
kin tama - golden balls
kisama - lord of the donkeys
Anata wa dame des - You are a nasty person
manko - pussy
————————————————————————
Korean (phonetic more or less)
Ssibal-seki /
Samanes-seki(?) - Son of shit
eemee sheemee pek
poejee dah - your mother has a bald pussy
Geseki - Son of a bitch
Yumago - fuck you
shibseki - all the bad stuff combined, bitch, whore etc.
Ko-chu-pado - suck my dick
Kochu - dick
Dong-mogo - eat shit
K-sa-key - bitch
She-pa-nom - No exact translation but it is the worst
word you could ever say in Korean.
————————————————————————
Malaysian (phonetic, more or less)
pookih lang chiau pakalau mah bong
- may your ass, boobs, and penis all fall off
anak haram - bastard
cibai - pussy (?)
pantat - ass
puki/pepek - pussy
puki mak - fuck your mother (also “mother’s cunt”)
saya hendak pukimak - I want to fuck your mom
isap telur - Suck my balls
cor-nek / shuhana - dick
tetel - boobs
chin hooi - asshole
bodoh - dumb ass
celaka - idiot
puki-thiam - whore house
bohsia - young horny bitch
tet tet - breast
tah fei kei (TFK) - masturbate
————————————————————————
Macedonian (phonetic, more or less)
pitch-ga da mahl-a - literally “return to your mother’s cunt”
————————————————————————
Norwegian!
Helvete - Hell
Pule - Fuck
Faen - Damn
Dritt - Shit
drittsek - shitbag
Fitte - Cunt
fleskepanne - meathead
pikk - dick
hore - slut
din faens rompeslikker - you damn asslicker
din mor suger
pikk i helvete - your mother sucks cock in hell
ditt lusne, skitne,
stinkende,
raatne grisetryne - you lousy, dirty stinking, rotten pigface
dra meg hardt i rompehara /
knull meg hardt og fort - fuck me hard and fast (basically…)
————————————————————————
Persian (phonetic, more or less)
Kosefil - Elephant’s Cunt
kosskesh - pimp (literal: “one who stretches pussy”)
coony - Faggot
kesafat - you dirty piece of shit
beshoor - no brained
madar kharbeh - mother fucker
an - diarhhea
kos-khol - person who is crazy and obessed for a
girl’s pussy
amale - dirty piece of shit labor worker
khar - idiot
an damagh - booger
khange khodah - screw-up of god
antareh gav - “annoying cow”
bee-sharaf - [bad insult]. def. (?)
————————————————————————
Polish
huj - dick
dupek - asshole
dziwka - whore (light)
kurwa - whore (hard), fig. “Oh shit!”
spieprzaj - piss off
spierdalaj - fuck off
pojebany - fucked up
pierdolec - fucker
Gówno (pron. GOOVnoh) - shit
zajebiste - “fucking awesome”
Coor-va - fuck
————————————————————————
Portuguese
foder - to fuck; Present Indicative: eu
broche - cock sucking
chupa-me a - suck my cock
foda-se - fuck (figurative)
pica, piroca, caralho - cock
puta, cabra - bitch
vai para o caralho - piss off vai-te
corno - faggot
————————————————————————
Russian
Sooka - Bitch/traitor/whore
Yob - Fuck (verb root)(ie “I Fuck”=”Ya Yebur”
baltattsya kak govno v prorubi
- to be flighty or indecisive (?)
(Lit. to bob like shit in a hole in the ice)
Yob tvoiu mat’ - “Fuck you!” or “Oh shit!”
(literal: “Fuck your mother” or
“I just fucked your mother”)
(perhaps the harshest insult in Russian)
poshol na khui - Fuck off (Lit. go onto a dick)
poshol v zhopu - Fuck off (Lit. go into an asshole)
tebya ne ebut,
ti ne podmakhivai - mind your own fucking business
(Lit. you’re not being fucked,
so don’t wiggle your ass)
paashol v’chorte - go to hell
kooshi govno ee oomree - eat shit and die
ya eemay-you o-chen
balshoy jol-ty hoy - I have a big yellow dick
tva-ya mama sa-seet
kor-rov-on-ni-ye hoy-ee - You mother sucks cow dicks.
per-ee-staan haameetca - stop bitching
yob tvoyu mat - fuck your mother
bivneetca - showing off asshole
peesa - polite penis
govno - shit (literally)
bliad - “Oh shit!” (lit. whore)
Khui - cock
pizda - cunt
manda - cunt
zhopa - an asshole or an ass
sraka - an ass (extremely vulgar)
mudak - an asshole (a person only)
bliad’ - whore
govniuk - shithead
————————————————————————
Serbian
Jebem ti mater u picku! - I fuck your mother in her pussy!
(Yebem tee mutter oo peetchqu)
Bog te jebo! - May God fuck you!
(Bog te yebo)
Jebo ti pas mater! - May a dog fuck your mother!
(Yebo tee puss mutter)
Crko dabogda stoko seljacka!
- May you drop dead, you redneck ox!
(Crko dubogda stocko selyachka)
Popusis mi kurac krasni!
- Suck my lovely dick!
(Popoosheesh me quratz krusnee)
Peecko smrdlyeeva - You smelly pussy.
(when you are a wimp, or afraid to do something)
Govno yedno - You piece of shit.
Peechka - pussy.
Sranje! - ohhh, shit!
Some! - you stupid ass.
Yebachu te! - I’ll fuck you.
(have two meanings.
1. if you want to fight with someone.
2. when you are about to fuck a chick.
————————————————————————
Slovenian
Pejt u pizdu mater! - Go to (in) your mothers vagina
(Peyt oo PEEZ-doo MA-ter)
Preklet vosu! - Cursed donkey (literally “Bloody fool”)
(Prek-LET voh-SOO)
kurac - penis
(KOOH-ratz)
pizda - vagina
(PEEZ-dah)
drek - shit
peder - faggot
(PEH-dehr)
————————————————————————
Spanish
Chingas tu madre - Fuck your mom
Mierde - Shit
Chupa me, puto - Suck me, asshole!
chupe me verga /
chupa me la peha - suck my dick
puta - (feminine) whore, bitch
puto - (masculine) dickhead, asshole
joto - faggot (mex.)
pendejo/pendeja - (m/f) asshole, dickhead, etc.
Marricon - faggot
Mariposa (Mex.) - faggot (lit. butterfly)
chingar - to fuck
cagar - to shit
coger - to fuck, (lit. to catch)
chupar - to suck
verga - dick (lit. broomstick)
pinche - fucking (sp?)
chorizo - dick (lit. sausage)
panocha - pussy (extremely vulgar)
culo - ass
huevos - testicles (lit. eggs)
chichis - breasts
pendeja, pendejo - (Lit. pubic hair)
me cago en la hostia - i shit in the communion wafers
Cago en tu leche - I shit in your milk.
beso mi culo - kiss my ass
hacete cojer - go and get fucked
hijo de mil putas - son of thousand bitches
metete un palo en
el culo - shove a stick up your ass
me cago en la puta
madre que te pario
hijo de puta - I shit on the bitch mother that gave you
birth you son of a bitch
chimba - pussy (colombian spanish)
————————————————————————
Swedish
fitta - cunt
kuk - cock
pattar - tits
fan - damn
mammaknullare - motherfucker
din morsa luktar
friterad getröv
i fittan - your mother smells like fried
goatass in her cunt
kuksugare - cocksucker
knullare - fucker
rövhål - asshole
helvete - hell
bög - faggot
jävlar - fucking
sug min kuk - suck my cock
hora - whore, prostitute
pess - piss
————————————————————————
Tagalog (Philippine)
TAE - Shit
Putanginamo - Fuck you
maliit ang titi mo - you got a small dick
magkantutan tayo - let’s fuck
naninigas ang titi ko - I got a hard on
didilain ko ang tingil mo - I’ll lick your clit
sipsipin mo ang titi ko - suck my dick
lunukin mo ang tamod ko - swallow my cum
malaki ang susu mo - you got big tits
anak ka nang puta - son of a bitch
puke nang ina mo - your mom’s pussy
tukmol - ugly
Igao walang kang diti - you are dickless
Igao walang kang puit - you are buttless
Bi-HO KEE KEE - Stinky pussy.
————————————————————————
Turkish
Siktir lan - get fucked
Anani sikerim - i’ll fuck your mum
got veren - ass giver
ibne - faggot
um - cunt
chukumu yala - suck my dick
ananin yara var,
ve baban jelos oldu - your mums got a dick and your
father jealous.
————————————————————————
Vietnamese
goo - dick
geeum - pussy
dum [doom] mare may - fuck your mother
lo-de - asshole
du-ma-nhieu - go fuck yourself
————————————————————————
Ukrainian
Hivno - shit
Khui - cock
Sraka - ass
————————————————————————
Unique English
Footsy Fucker (smartass invented)
Cock Gobbler
Anally retentive Pubic Louse
Cum Guzzling Fat Fuck
Gap Toothed trailer park discount whore
Lying sack of Siberian snake shit
gapped toothed, beer guzzlin’, cousin fucker
————————————————————————
Yiddish
Putz - dickhead
Yutz - asshole
Schlemeil - asshole (the one that “screws”
Schlmazel - asshole (”gets screwed” by the schlemeil)
Mishugena - freak
————————————————————————
Article Author: The Smartass
Source: The (now defunct) Smartass Library