A Smartass Education

As Technology Increases, Standards MUST Change

Today I just found the world’s greatest RMA process (Seagate if you are wondering). It took me absolutely no searching around and I was done in 2 minutes online without talking to anybody and it even printed me a label. I have NEVER seen something go so smoothly, so it got me thinking about all the other things that could be done better but typically aren’t. Things that we just accept as being crappy.

Below is a list of some of the things that could be easilly fixed just by a change of standards. Sorry if it gets a bit long. I will color the sections so you can just read about the ones that might annoy you.

“The Scene” and how they release files: Ok, I have been using torrents for years and have found no other viable option for multiple file distribution. However at this point (assuming you are in a country with good internet) speeds on the internet are SOOO fast that if I download a torrent with an avi file in it and I am impatient I can prioritize the order the pieces download in and watch it while it is downloading.

Rars were a fantastic idea back in the late 90’s because it let us download things from websites using our dial-up modems. It WAS a fantastic way to do it. However now, it is totally worthless.

Next, if I download a driver, I want JUST the driver. People who are not computer savvy are not downloading their own drivers anyways, they are just calling their sons and asking them to fix the problem for them.

HP is not the only one at fault here, ATI and several other companies make lousy install files that are required to make a piece of hardware work.

Slow installs that install into multiple directories and register files all over the place and registry: Look, if I install any of the Adobe CS3 apps on a super fast computer it will still take me FOREVER to install the files. The reason being is they are trying to be “helpful” since you might run multiple adobe programs so it is making a “shared files” directory and then registring the components with windows so it knows that they are there.

This however is NOT helpful. I own over 6TB of hard drives, and while this may not (yet) be the standard, hard drive space is increasing and we no longer need to “share files” between programs.

If you were to make an install file and had every single file required to run the program install itself into one directory, then the program will open and run properly. So what if you install another program that needs the same dll file etc…

Most of the apps I use are “portable” and are kept on my keychain, so that when i go to fix a computer I do not have to install a bunch of crap on other people’s computers just to fix their problems. By centralizing every file that is needed in the program directory, installs would only take seconds and if somebody wanted to take the program with them they could. Ok, so it’s a paid for program and you don’t want them stealing it. No big deal, they paid for it if they move to another computer they will have to type in the license key again.

At the very least you should just change the install menu so that instead of having “typical and custom” installs, it should have “portable, typical and custom”. This way if I want to have all the files shoved in one directory I can do so, and the rest of the ignorant people can install it the way you want them to.

RMA process: As I was saying earlier, Seagate has an amazing process. Somewhere along the lines they must of realized that they didn’t have enough customer service reps to talk to every single person who says their hard drive is broken. Sure, some of those drives are not bad but they give you a 5 year warranty so all you have to do is enter your serial number and it then tells you how long it is under warranty. You click next and it asks you if you want to return the product, and offers you expedited shipping for a fee as well as the option to upgrade your return. Declining any of these your return is free and it instantly spits out a label for you to print out with your return address and the RMA mailing info and then gives you a PDF as an optional read for properly packaging and shipping the item back and advises you that you will get a new drive or else it will be low level formatted.

This was rediculous. If my stuff is broken, send me a new one. Don’t even pay somebody to help me troubleshoot it. If it’s not broken, send it back to me. It’s still cheaper and better for your customers than having them sit on hold to talk to somebody who might not know anything beyond the policy manual.

Okay, next since I mentioned being on hold I thought that could change a bit too. No, I am not going to be unrealistic and think I can get away from a long hold. Instead I am going to be MORE realistic and say that if I want to talk to a real person I am willing to wait longer. So all I ask on this is that when I call I am presented with 3 options:

Then since I have taken the effort to wait on hold for 30 minutes, don’t you DARE disconnect me or dump me to voicemail. I don’t care how bad your queue #’s are for the day. I choose to wait, so let me wait.

Video On Demand. You are just doing it wrong. Look at my website as an example. People want video on demand, and they are willing to pay for it. However it just has to be in a really convenient form.

By this I mean that if I pay one on demand service like ps3 or apple tv to download a movie or a tv show, I want to then be able to copy that tv show onto my hard drive and move it to all the other gadgets I have. To do this the download needs to be in a standard format with no DRM garbage. I want a DivX or an H.264 file to download and I want them to be in a standard avi enclosure.

Music should be in an mp3 format. Yes, better compression like aac has come along since mp3, however it never became a standard and it cannot be played on every device I already own, so i want it in mp3 format.

If you are not going to give people content in these formats, then a good number of those people will pirate the media. It’s not because they want to be “bad people”. It’s because you are so paranoid that if you give them a nice easy to use format, then they will use some other service/player. Or they will turn around and distribute the media they purchased since it doesn’t have protection in it.

Well that’s going to happen no matter what format the media is in. However it’s just like somebody breaking into your car. Not everybody is going to do it, but eventually it’s bound to happen.

I’m sure I will think of more things like this, but for now if I write any more you will loose your attention span and stop reading it.

Firefox 3, Not a beta anymore

Woot, Firefox 3 is out, and not just a shitty beta anymore.

Seems to work quite well and most of the extensions I use still work. Well, the ones that didn’t I “forced” to work with “Mr. Tech’s Local Install” which has a “make compatible” option that removes the version number of the extension and makes everything work.

Well, I will be making a “Pimp Your Firefox” article on here sometime and will go over all the best extensions, but for now just download FF3 and Ad-Block.

Good Times,

How To > Fix COX Internet’s Routing Fuckups

Everyday that you call Cox High Speed Internet, you hear a message that was re-recorded that day saying “as of today [insert day] many customer in Arizona are currently experiencing difficulty getting to many large website, we are aware of the error and our technicians are blah blah blah”. I’m sure it’s in more than AZ that they are recording this message but don’t know how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Now I was pissed at them for a few days because they lied to me and said they hooked up my internet when they really didn’t… when they finally fixed it I was good to go to be able to see all the websites, while my neighbor who is screwed into the same exact cable splitter can’t get to most sites.

So I went and figured out why I am better than everybody else.

I use different DNS. Yep, though I start on their server I jump to different DNS servers than everybody gets when they connect to Cox. I have 2 very different alternates in fact. So all you need to do is hardset your Internet Connection’s DNS to what I use and your problems should be solved.

Primary DNS: 208.67.222.222 (this is from opendns.com you could also use 208.67.220.220)
Alternate DNS: 4.2.2.1 (this and 4.2.2.2 have worked FOREVER)

If you don’t know how to do this then you simply need to open the Network Connections Folder > Right Click on your Network Connection > choose Properties > Highlight (TCP/IP) and choose Properties > Click ‘Use the Following DNS Server Entries’ and enter the numbers.

How To > Create XHTML DivX, QuickTime & Flash Players

Look. I am sick of every people making something, and then making a really sloppy way to use it. If you go to youtube or googlevideo they give you this “embed” code. The Embed tag DOES NOT VALIDATE. I write my code by hand and don’t want it to be sloppy. So when I wrote Rip-Off Theater I didn’t want to have all my players using some clunky Embed crap when there are perfectly good ways to do it using Object instead.

I made the DivX code based on a Quicktime hack I did. Basically I am putting 2 objects on. One for IE and another one for Firefox etc.. To make IE not be stupid you need to use some css to tell it to not display both objects.

I figure If you are reading an article on XHTML I figure you need me to tutor you through the process. You just want the bloody code:

<!-- Start CSS Code -->
<style type="text/css"><br/>/* hides the second object from all versions of IE */<br/>* html object.mov {display: none;}<br/>/* displays the second object in all versions of IE apart from 5 on PC */<br/>* html object.mov/**/ {display: inline;}<br/>/* hides the second object from all versions of IE >= 5.5 */<br/>* html object.mov {display/**/: none;}<br/></style>
<!-- End CSS Code -->
<!-- Start XHTML Divx Web Player -->
<object classid="clsid:67DABFBF-D0AB-41fa-9C46-CC0F21721616" codebase="http://go.divx.com/plugin/DivXBrowserPlugin.cab" height="" width="">
<param name="src" value="">
<param name="custommode" value="Stage6">
<object type="video/divx" data="inserturl" class="stupidie" height="" width="">
<param name="src" value="">
<param name="custommode" value="Stage6">
No video? Get the DivX Web Player for <a href="http://download.divx.com/player/DivXWebPlayerInstaller.exe">Windows</a> or <a href="http://download.divx.com/player/DivXWebPlayer.dmg">Mac</a>
</object>
<!-- End XHTML Divx Web Player -->
<!-- Start XHTML Quicktime -->
<object classid="clsid:02BF25D5-8C17-4B23-BC80-D3488ABDDC6B" codebase="http://www.apple.com/qtactivex/qtplugin.cab" height="" width="">
<param name="src" value="inserturl">
<param name="controller" value="true">
<param name="autoplay" value="true">
<param name="scale" value="tofit">
<object type="video/quicktime" data="inserturl" class="stupidie" height="" width="">
<param name="autoplay" value="true">
<param name="scale" value="tofit">
<param name="controller" value="true">
Sorry, shit happens... download quicktime from apple.com/quicktime
</object>
</object>
<!-- End XHTML Quicktime -->
<!-- Start XHTML Flash -->
<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="inserturl" height="" width="">
<param name="movie" value="inserturl"><param name="FlashVars" value="playerMode=embedded">
</object>
<!-- FYI, that super small flash code works on everything from youtube / swf's / all other movie sites...-->
<!-- End XHTML Flash -->
</object>

UPDATE: 7/29 - Fixed this post. It wasn’t displaying the code and was messing up the rest of the blog. Seems wordpress is stupid and doesn’t by default recognize the “<code>” atribute

How To > Get a Direct URL to YouTube’s FLV Files!

Ok so I have had my own method of getting YouTube FLV files before today, but thanks to Google and their wonderful archiving of all things there is now an easier way! A way that could be automated (hint hint). Flash videos are not only sexy, but they come without the ugly YouTube players so you can use your own. It’s so easy you can probably remember how to do it without looking it up!

FLV link for YouTube videos! - http://cache.googlevideo.com/get_video?video_id=

Example YouTube Address - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0kz8MCxq6A

Becomes - http://cache.googlevideo.com/get_video?video_id=t0kz8MCxq6A

What’s the point you ask? Go to Rip-Off Theater > Click Flash > Click *Will it Blend.

Looks about a million times better fullscreen on my site (requires flash 9.028 or higher for fullscreen) than trying to watch all 50+ videos on YouTube’s slow ugly pages, in their little ugly player!

How To > Get to OiNK When It Appears To Be Down

Update 7/6/07: OiNK just decided due to their dns problems to change their url.  Instead of oink.me.uk it is now oink.cd.  The instructions below still apply since they kept the same IP’s.  I have updated it to list those as well.

Ok.  Right now OiNK’s registration shows up as suspended.  This makes it frustrating to get to the world’s greatest private music tracker.  I am not here to explain it, +if you don’t know that’s your problem.  I am just show you how to get to it. 

First to get there:  http://85.17.40.71

Then even getting there won’t make your torrents trackers correct, so you will need to make sure your computer knows how to get there even with fucked up DNS. 

So in Windows go to Start > Run > Type: C:\windows\system32\drivers\etc\hosts > It will open and ask you what to run it with, choose: Wordpad (or notepad) > If your hosts file is not messed up it will probably be mostly blank except for some comments and then a thing saying 127.0.0.1 localhost

Simply hit enter after this and paste the following in:
85.17.40.71 oink.me.uk
85.17.40.69 tracker.oink.me.uk
85.17.40.70 irc.oink.me.uk
85.17.40.71 oink.cd
85.17.40.69 tracker.oink.cd
85.17.40.70 irc.oink.cd

Save and exit, then restart torrent program.  Oh if you have stuff in yours hosts file already that you did not put there it is either redirecting to 127.0.0.1 which tends to be done by anti-spyware / advertising software and is ok because it eliminates junk sites.  If it’s anything but you might have been hijacked and I would highly recommend deleting the entries you aren’t familiar with.

For Linux simply type:

echo ‘85.17.40.71 oink.me.uk
85.17.40.69 tracker.oink.me.u
85.17.40.70 irc.oink.me.uk’ >> /etc/hosts

echo ‘85.17.40.71 oink.cd
85.17.40.69 tracker.oink.cd
85.17.40.70 irc.oink.cd’ >> /etc/hosts

How To > Use .htaccess to screw over a hotlinking asshole

Ok, so with my page it’s not just images people try to link to, it’s entire pages. Why? Because a lot of them look pretty damn good as stand alone pages and are just much easier to work with inside iframes.

So I saw this guy in my statistics that was hotlinking directly to my Sega Genesis and Nintendo pages. Well that really pissed me off because it took me a LOT of time to put those bloody games on there. If you want the NES on your page, you can download it yourself. If you want the Sega Genesis on your page, well there you are kind of screwed, since it is licensed and the guys who made it promised me updates and then disappeared like a fart in the wind. Anyways, this is getting off the subject.

I looked around and only saw ways to prevent hotlinking to image files, pages seemed a little more obscure. So I figured I would write it up. We will use the asshole who did it to me as an example.

RewriteEngine on # I had this on earlier in my htaccess, but if you didn’t you will need to add it to rewrite anything.
#RewriteCond %{HTTP_REFERER} ^http://([^/]+\.)?baddomain1\.com [NC,OR] #Uncomment this line if you have more than 1 asshole linking to you, and copy it if you have several.
RewriteCond %{HTTP_REFERER} ^http://([^/]+\.)?aw3bo\.net [NC] #This says look to aw3bo.net (NC = Non case sensitive)
RewriteRule \.(php|htm)$ http://www.thesmartass.info/hotlink.html [R,L] #This says if he links to my pages to force him to my hilarious hotlink page..

Basically my actual pages are never named anything but php or htm, so this will make all my actual pages that he links to force him to see my hotlink page. Be careful, I screwed this part up at first… All requests coming from his site asking for .php or .htm are getting redirected.. So you have to name your file extension you link to something different. I eventually went with .html

It’s much more entertaining than sending them to just an image. Originally my hotlink page did a meta refresh after 10 seconds, but then I noticed that my page still looks good even in a tiny frame since the images are proportional etc… So I removed that for just an old fashion giant link under the probably offensive image.

You can modify the rule where it says php|htm to add additional extensions by adding more pipes jpg|gif|png etc.. But if you redirect an image make sure that you are redirecting them To an image…

Some other nasty things you can do to the people you dislike in .htaccess include:

#Redirect IP’s Somewhere Else
RewriteEngine on
RewriteCond %{REMOTE_ADDR} 2.21.1.19 [OR]
RewriteCond %{REMOTE_ADDR} 70.200.40.157
RewriteRule /* http://www.uglypeople.com [L]

#Just straight up block users from accessing the site… not quite as fun but still useful
order deny,allow
deny from 80.76.55.21
deny from .spammers.com
allow from all

UPDATE 7/16: People seem to keep doing this. Stop it Mo-Fo’s… I have been researching the .htaccess more and have found a way to simplify the rewrites to use a lot less code, and much less confusing syntax.

#Hotlinking Assholes
RewriteCond %{HTTP_REFERER} (aw3bo|spotlightarcade) [NC]
RewriteRule \.(php|htm)$ http://www.thesmartass.info/hotlink.html [R,L]

Notice that now I have 2 different sites listed, separated by a pipe and inside (). That’s it. I don’t need to put the exact syntax or even the .com’s etc.. anymore… If you are refered to me by a site with that info, you get zapped to my screw you / meatspin page.

UPDATE 7/19: Here’s a rule I just changed. I have been adding TONS of rules to prevent overall nasty people from being on my site. Now I had these guys redirecting to “-” but that just sends them to my 403 page… Screw that, Instead I have decided that from now on I shall be updating my rule to link to the most recent hotlinker. So all of my crappy traffic will get sent to the people who are trying to steal traffic from me to begin with. Below is the current rule, remember there are countless RewriteCond before the actual rule, if you try to add this rule without a condition you will send all your traffic there…

#sends all my shitty traffic to most recent hotlinker
RewriteRule /* http://www.spotlightarcade.info/sega/ [L]

Return to The SmartAss DOT Info

Safari 3 Beta for the PC

As a Web Developer I am bloody thrilled that Apple has just released Safari 3 Public Beta for the PC!!!! I don’t have a mac and can’t test my websites on mac. I knew that would be changing soon since I am buying an iPhone which comes with safari built into it, however testing on a 3.5″ screen is not the same as testing on a big ass monitor.

I am pleased to say that virtually my entire site works right off the nut in safari with no changes. Even the new work in progress design loads fast and runs like a champ. The java applets didn’t seem to launch the games in them, but it seems like it should be able to, so if I tinker with the object code a bit it will probably work, also this is a beta… and that was the only thing that didn’t load. The browser actually passes the acid2 test which basically mean it’s a bloody standard compliant browser (Microsoft take note)

Upon install it worked with flash and embedded windows media (yeah i was surprised too).  It imported my bookmarks from all of my other browsers.  It has tabs etc…   One thing that did annoy me was that you can only resize your browser window from the lower right corner.  This is stupid if you want to be on a PC since I am used to stretching my windows from all corners!!!!  Still, minor annoyances aside, it worked great.

Am I telling you to switch from Firefox to Safari? Hell no, It does look like if you use IE all the time that it might be worth looking into switching, however there is no add-on system to this like there is in Firefox where anybody can develop for it. This is what makes Firefox the superior browser and will continue to hold it’s reign for the foreseeable future.

Download Safari 3

How To > Fix Firefox Cache Problems (& also my artwork button)

Some of you probably come to this site often enough that you would like to be able to click the artwork changer button.  In Internet Explorer it works perfect all the time and I thought with the release of Firefox 2.01 that it fixed the problem.  However I have since determined that it was just my own settings that made it work.

I spent some time today figuring out which setting caused it to work.  Below is the answer:

Open a new tab, in address bar type: about:config and hit enter.

In filter box type browser.cache.memory.enable
If something shows up make sure it is set to false, if nothing shows up, right click in blank space and choose: New > Boolean then type browser.cache.memory.enable > false (type in if no choice given).

Exit browser, and open page, and artwork pallet will work. 

Why this works and what else this might fix.  For some reason firefox ignores browser rules where people have told the webpage to specifically NOT cache itself.  I know I am not the only web designer who has found this frustrating and there is a lot of forum posts on the internet dealing with people trying to make caching work, however this is the only real fix I have found that works 100% of the time. 

I browsed around and found no speed loss after turning this on.  In fact while doing this I noticed that my browser.cache.disk.enable  was set to false, which is why I sites I had been going to were loading every image 1 by 1 instead of the same image loading several times.  You might want to check to make sure that is set to True as well. I assume mine got turned off during some web development session to make it less annoying to refresh all the time.

All is good now, hope this helps you enjoy this and other sites more.

Explains > What G.I. Joes Do In Their Spare Time

So I am diggin’ youtube videos today…. So what..

How To > Tell People Their Site Sucks

Telling your perspective clients or anyone that their websites sucks
is very hard to do. You don’t want to say the wrong thing and anger
them but you also want them to know that it needs some changes (It
sucks!).

1. Your website needs to be optimized so that it’s picked up by the search engines while still appealing to your visitors.

2. Your website has great information, though it could use a touch up to make the information more accessible.

3. Your website looks great but it is worthwhile to check out your
competitors and see what they are doing different (point them to some
outstanding site).

4. Your website would get a lot higher conversion if you change a
few things…(tell them few suggestions). These changes would also make
the website more search engine friendly.

5. I’m sorry but your website is search engine friendly or does it
appeal to the end-user. It would be best if you did a complete
redesign. Some changes I would make are.(give example of some majors
changes you would make)

There never is a good way tell someone their website sucks, but there are less harsh ways.  Or if you are like The Smartass, you will just have the gift of BS and will be able to just show them their site sucks by showing them some of your own pages.

Explains > Why I can search google better than you

Ok so using google is kind of a skill. I mean right off the nut it will give you pretty decent results to find pages, but what if you want to find files, or exploit people? Since google has indexed just about everything worth seeing, you might as well refine the way you search to get more valid results. Some people call these “google hacks” but it’s just plain knowing how to search.

intitle: You want to download files
See anybody can just type mp3 into a search engine, but I don’t want to troll through a million bullshit pages and designs to find a song. Well I don’t want to waste my time, though I normally just look for a torrent files, if I just want one song or a video or something here’s what I type: “intitle:Index of” .mp3 ben folds by typing that it searches for an actual page title that starts with Index of and then the content .mp3 and ben folds. This works because when a page title starts with Index of, it tends to be an open directory with no index file. you don’t have to type mp3 you could type .swf, .flv .avi .mpg .jpg or so many more, that way you just get a directory with free stuff.

inurl: You want to find a specific type of file structure or script
Ok, the best example of this goes to show you that you should always be sure not to use default settings with your software and scripts. So I took a big list of links that take you straight to people’s security camera’s. Some of them let you totally control the camera and what it does or does not do. Some of them use inurl and some use intitle, but this should give you the power of this for searching.

• inurl:/view.shtml
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS” | inurl:view/view.shtml^
• inurl:ViewerFrame?Mode=
• inurl:ViewerFrame?Mode=Refresh
• inurl:axis-cgi/jpg
• inurl:axis-cgi/mjpg
• inurl:view/indexFrame.shtml
• inurl:view/index.shtml
• inurl:view/view.shtml
• liveapplet
• intitle:”live view” intitle:axis
• intitle:liveapplet
• allintitle:”Network Camera NetworkCamera”
• intitle:axis intitle:”video server”
• intitle:liveapplet inurl:LvAppl
• intitle:”EvoCam” inurl:”webcam.html”
• intitle:”Live NetSnap Cam-Server feed”
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS”
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS 206M”
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS 206W”
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS 210″
• inurl:indexFrame.shtml Axis
• inurl:”MultiCameraFrame?Mode=Motion”
• intitle:start inurl:cgistart
• intitle:”WJ-NT104 Main Page”
• intext:”MOBOTIX M1″ intext:”Open Menu”
• intext:”MOBOTIX M10″ intext:”Open Menu”
• intext:”MOBOTIX D10″ intext:”Open Menu”
• intitle:snc-z20 inurl:home/
• intitle:snc-cs3 inurl:home/
• intitle:snc-rz30 inurl:home/
• intitle:”sony network camera snc-p1″
• intitle:”sony network camera snc-m1″
• site:.viewnetcam.com -www.viewnetcam.com
• intitle:”Toshiba Network Camera” user login
• intitle:”netcam live image”
• intitle:”i-Catcher Console - Web Monitor”

Now that you are scared out of your mind to put anything on the web, I though I would give you a cheat sheet to doing all of this. There is a lot more you can do, but these two tags are the ones I use the most…. Well perhaps also define:word (define: and then a word lists as many definitions about a word as google knows exists)..

Just want the reference? Google Cheat Sheet
Need way more info download: OReilly Google Hacks 2nd Edition

How Smartass Programmers Function @ Parties

public NightTimeCompanion PartyEvent(string[] friendConnection)
{
foreach (string friend in friendConnection)
{
try
{
using (Connection FriendsHotFriend = new Connection(FriendConnection[friend]))
{
using (Command HookUpAttempt = new Command(FriendsHotFriend))
{
string OpeningLine = “”;
Random ChanceOfGoodLine = new Random();
if (ChanceOfGoodLine % 4 == 0)
OpeningLine = RandomOpener();
else
OpeningLine = “SELECT ‘Hey Baby’; DROP TargetsCloths;”;

HookUpAttempt.CommandText = OpeningLine;

SqlDataReader Conversation = HookUpAttempt.ExecuteReader();

int WhereYouStand = 0;

while (Conversation.Read())
{
switch (Conversation.Line)
{
case Exchange.Cute:
WhereYouStand += 0;
break;
case Exchange.Meaningful:
WhereYouStand += 1;
break;
case Exchange.StarTrek:
throw new StarTrekException();
break;
case Exchange.Sexy:
WhereYouStand += 2;
break;
case Exchage.Bad:
WhereYouStand -= 2;
break;
case Exchage.Mean:
WhereYouStand -= 5;
break;
case Exchange.Boring:
WhereYouStand -= 20;
break;
case Exchange.Stalkerish:
WhereYouStand -= 500;
break;
case Exchange.Dirty:
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
break;
default:
WhereYouStand += 0;

}
}

if (WhereYouStand > 30)
{
BlackBook.Add(HookUpAttempt);
}
if (WhereYouStand > 50)
{
if (!HookUpAttempt.IsHot)
BlackBook.Remove(HookUpAttempt);
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
}
}
}

}
catch (StarTrekException Ex)
{
Console.Write(”Did that come out of my mouth…”);
continueConversation();
}
catch (StarWarsException EX)
{
Console.Write(”Well the explosions reminded me of while I was working on a rig in Alaska…”);
continueConversation();
}
}
}

Author: Punk-Coder
Original Source: A comment from - What does the hot girl at the party think of your programming language?

How To > Speed Up Firefox For Smartasses

Some people like the for dummies books, for me… It’s too much worthless information to look through.  I just want a 5 second tutorial and a blood cheat sheet.  Besides you are most likely a very smart person since you are browsing my site AND using firefox if you clicked on this article.  So I am not going to bother explaining what each of the below values are, if you don’t know and want to, google them.

Open new tab > Enter about:config in address bar > you are now at a hard core settings page.  You will notice that if you start typing it eliminates your choices to narrow your search so just Copy and Paste the names I list below.  Some of the following items will be listed in your firefox, and some of them you will not be able to find AT ALL, so if it exists change the number, if it doesn’t > Right click and choose Create New.  I will list the names and the values to put in below (FYI: For creating New items, if it’s true/false choose boolean and if it’s a number choose integer.. that’s it, edit or create the values and restart your browser, it will be faster.

• browser.cache.memory.capacity  -  65536
• ui.submenuDelay  -  0
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Explains > BitTorrent Basics

The Smartass Explains BitTorrent

For me for the past few years I have simply accepted bittorrent as the only efficient way to download files. Yet everyday I meet people who don’t know what it is, or who think using Kazaa is the way to go. Since I don’t want to explain it to every person individually anymore I am going to give you the who, what, when, where, why and how.

BitTorrent is a Peer-to-Peer file sharing protocol that doesn’t suck. It was invented by Bram Cohen. It has been around for awhile and will continue to be around for awhile because of the method it uses to transfer files. A torrent file is basically just a text file that describes some data. It cuts it into hundreds of segments and memorizes how to put those segments back together again. Because a torrent file is such a tiny file people use it to describe vast quantities of files (example: an entire 60 disk Rolling Stones discography is only a 280k torrent file).

The torrent file doesn’t require the data to be on a server anywhere. Instead it relies on the people who are both leeching it and seeding it to provide the data for everybody else. The websites you typically get torrents off of are called Trackers. Basically the tracker, like it’s namesake keeps track of people who are uploading and downloading the file. So when you start downloading one of the other people downloading is now also uploading you a little chunk of data. After a minute you have a few pieces and might just start uploading those pieces to other people. This is all kept track of on the tracker.

In the end you need at least 1 person seeding (at least for awhile), to get a complete copy of the item. However there always seems to be somebody who will seed a torrent forever.

Now there are many different programs you can get that will allow you to download these torrent files, and there are literately thousands of trackers on the web that you can find files at. Choosing one is based on your operating system however I will recommend uTorrent to those on PC’s, and Azureus to those not. There is however a catch to Azureus. It is coded for Java, so it tends to be a memory hog. It has more features than any other client though. Also beware of version 3.0, perhaps read up on it to see if it’s safe, because it is VERY different than their 2.5 version, and seems like it wants to please the bigshots.

Legal issues: Well there are many different things you can legally download with Bittorrent, it started first as a way to distribute Anime Fansubs, and then went to Linux distributions. Both valid legal reasons. I however am not here to preach to you about copyright laws and you can make your own choices as to what files to download. That being said I recommend when you get a torrent client that you also download some kind of IP blocker that updates from a global list. Peer Guardian is very effective if you are using uTorrent and if you are Using Azureus, then you can probably just download the SafePeer Plugin. Don’t misquote me, these are not bullet proof, and though it may protect you from movie studios with a quota, it won’t protect you from FBI Agents with one.

At this point and until a new, better distribution protocol comes out, Bittorrent is the best. The legal issues with it will only fuel it’s popularity and all the biggest sites have been sued and are STILL up and running because the biggest sites aren’t even trackers, they are search engines that point to files on other people’s trackers. Besides, the most popular trackers are all private, invite only trackers that seem to escape legal harm. Or they are like The Pirate Bay which keeps an archive of all their legal threats on their website for all to see.

Summary: Download a client, familiarize yourself with the terminology (seed, tracker, ratio, port forwarding, rss) and start downloading things using the most effective p2p solution that has ever existed. Or just use it for something simple like sticking the EZTV RSS feed that’s on this site into your torrent client and telling it to download all your favorite TV Shows in HD with no commercials only 2 hours after they air!

• Best Search Engines
• BTJunkie
• ISOHunt
• TorrentSpy
• MiniNova
• DiGG Torrents (modified google)

• Best Private Trackers
• OiNK
• Anime Yume
• Blackcats-Games
• Demonoid
• BitME
• PodTropolis

• Other Helpful Resources
• Port Forwarding***(to do BT right, open a port first)
• EZTV RSS Feed
• Proxy Judge

Article Author: The Smartass
Source: Brain Power

How NOT to get scammed selling on ebay

eBay loophole– there is an easy / shady way to win any eBay auction for almost no money. I just had it happen to me, and I’m very unhappy with the results of my lost time, and eBay charging me fees that I now have to try and get retracted. While in my case, I had a reserve, many auctions out there do not, and eBay encourages no reserve with their ‘hot item’ section. To make matters worse, if you start your item off at a reasonable price, you’ll get very few bids, and thus less people watching it during the final minutes of the auction.

Normally, on eBay, the process works like this:

You place a max bid for the item. Say the item is an antique vase. You like it, think its worth $100. Bidding opens at $2. You place a bid of $100. eBay gives you the opening bid at $2. You are protected up to $100.

Another bidder. Bidder 2 comes along and he wants the vase for $50., so he bids that amount. Bidder 1 is still the high bidder, at $55 ($50 + $5 increment). So Bidder 2 comes back and bids again, this time at $105. Viola! Bidder 2 is now winning at $105 (he met your high bid of $100 + the $5 increment.

More bids. Bidder 3 thinks the vase is worth $125, and bids that amount. He becomes high bidder with a price of $110. Bidder 4 thinks the vase is worth $130, and becomes high bidder posting that amount. The auction continues in this way until the end. Usually, in the last minutes, the bidding gets very heated, and the vase may end up selling for $600., which is close to what your local antique shop might charge.

This is how the scam works:

Same vase, opens at $2. Only this time, Bidder 1 bids $1000. The opening bid still shows only $2. He immediately follows with a false identity Bidder 2, at $990. Bidder 1 becomes high bidder at $995. Since this is more than you can get a similar product locally, and in a price range the average user is not going to spend lightly, there are no other bidders.

Scam complete. 15 seconds before the auction ends, Bidder 2 rescinds his bid, the “high” price drops back to the opening bid of $2, and Bidder 1 wins at that amount. Unless the seller has a substantial reserve to protect his investment (which is discouraged by eBay) he will be obligated to sell the vase for $2. If he does have a reserve, he doesn’t have to sell, but he still owes eBay posting fees and the auction was a waste for him. For those of you who will say that the seller is not obligated to sell — two things:

Seller must first be aware he was scammed and seller will likely end up getting neg feedback from scammer if he does not sell!
Article Author: Jason
Source: Totse