A Smartass Education

Compares > Religions

Explains > What G.I. Joes Do In Their Spare Time

So I am diggin’ youtube videos today…. So what..

How To > Rip a Phone Book In Half

I’m Bored… Lets Blow Some Shit Up

How To > Tell People Their Site Sucks

Telling your perspective clients or anyone that their websites sucks
is very hard to do. You don’t want to say the wrong thing and anger
them but you also want them to know that it needs some changes (It
sucks!).

1. Your website needs to be optimized so that it’s picked up by the search engines while still appealing to your visitors.

2. Your website has great information, though it could use a touch up to make the information more accessible.

3. Your website looks great but it is worthwhile to check out your
competitors and see what they are doing different (point them to some
outstanding site).

4. Your website would get a lot higher conversion if you change a
few things…(tell them few suggestions). These changes would also make
the website more search engine friendly.

5. I’m sorry but your website is search engine friendly or does it
appeal to the end-user. It would be best if you did a complete
redesign. Some changes I would make are.(give example of some majors
changes you would make)

There never is a good way tell someone their website sucks, but there are less harsh ways.  Or if you are like The Smartass, you will just have the gift of BS and will be able to just show them their site sucks by showing them some of your own pages.

Asks > Do you think too much?

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - “to relax,” I told myself - but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly we are doing here?”

Things weren’t going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my
wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, “Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.” This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”

“I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!”

“But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.”

“It is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won’t have any money!”

“That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I’d had enough. “I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors… they didn’t open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes fromthe standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed… easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

Explains > Why I can search google better than you

Ok so using google is kind of a skill. I mean right off the nut it will give you pretty decent results to find pages, but what if you want to find files, or exploit people? Since google has indexed just about everything worth seeing, you might as well refine the way you search to get more valid results. Some people call these “google hacks” but it’s just plain knowing how to search.

intitle: You want to download files
See anybody can just type mp3 into a search engine, but I don’t want to troll through a million bullshit pages and designs to find a song. Well I don’t want to waste my time, though I normally just look for a torrent files, if I just want one song or a video or something here’s what I type: “intitle:Index of” .mp3 ben folds by typing that it searches for an actual page title that starts with Index of and then the content .mp3 and ben folds. This works because when a page title starts with Index of, it tends to be an open directory with no index file. you don’t have to type mp3 you could type .swf, .flv .avi .mpg .jpg or so many more, that way you just get a directory with free stuff.

inurl: You want to find a specific type of file structure or script
Ok, the best example of this goes to show you that you should always be sure not to use default settings with your software and scripts. So I took a big list of links that take you straight to people’s security camera’s. Some of them let you totally control the camera and what it does or does not do. Some of them use inurl and some use intitle, but this should give you the power of this for searching.

• inurl:/view.shtml
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS” | inurl:view/view.shtml^
• inurl:ViewerFrame?Mode=
• inurl:ViewerFrame?Mode=Refresh
• inurl:axis-cgi/jpg
• inurl:axis-cgi/mjpg
• inurl:view/indexFrame.shtml
• inurl:view/index.shtml
• inurl:view/view.shtml
• liveapplet
• intitle:”live view” intitle:axis
• intitle:liveapplet
• allintitle:”Network Camera NetworkCamera”
• intitle:axis intitle:”video server”
• intitle:liveapplet inurl:LvAppl
• intitle:”EvoCam” inurl:”webcam.html”
• intitle:”Live NetSnap Cam-Server feed”
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS”
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS 206M”
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS 206W”
• intitle:”Live View / - AXIS 210″
• inurl:indexFrame.shtml Axis
• inurl:”MultiCameraFrame?Mode=Motion”
• intitle:start inurl:cgistart
• intitle:”WJ-NT104 Main Page”
• intext:”MOBOTIX M1″ intext:”Open Menu”
• intext:”MOBOTIX M10″ intext:”Open Menu”
• intext:”MOBOTIX D10″ intext:”Open Menu”
• intitle:snc-z20 inurl:home/
• intitle:snc-cs3 inurl:home/
• intitle:snc-rz30 inurl:home/
• intitle:”sony network camera snc-p1″
• intitle:”sony network camera snc-m1″
• site:.viewnetcam.com -www.viewnetcam.com
• intitle:”Toshiba Network Camera” user login
• intitle:”netcam live image”
• intitle:”i-Catcher Console - Web Monitor”

Now that you are scared out of your mind to put anything on the web, I though I would give you a cheat sheet to doing all of this. There is a lot more you can do, but these two tags are the ones I use the most…. Well perhaps also define:word (define: and then a word lists as many definitions about a word as google knows exists)..

Just want the reference? Google Cheat Sheet
Need way more info download: OReilly Google Hacks 2nd Edition

Explains > The Great Global Warming Swindle

Man, I am surrounded by this crap. One of my friends downloaded the Al Gore movie awhile ago and references back to it like it’s his own ideas, (If I remember correctly, Gore first gave a speech about Global Warming on the coldest day of the year) well anyways he was trying to feed some bullshit about how our climate is increasing and it won’t be long until it’s too hot…. Then the other day somebody made some comment to me about how global warming was going to eventually doom us all. To which I (can’t help myself) responded: Yeah, I might have to go inside and turn on the AC.

Look, haven’t you learned by now… I’m not opinionated, I’m just always right:

How To > Get Paid $19 to Take Free iPhone

iPhones. They are super sweet. With a beautiful solid touch screen and a ton of features, they are currently the best cell phone you can buy. Granted some people don’t have cingular and can’t use them now, but even if you don’t you still want one. Why? Because if you were to acquire one for cheap you can sell it for a LOT.

This isn’t some bullshit scam to get you to spend money and have to do 6 offers or something to get one after reading the fine print. This is just a super easy do: 1 offer (that you can get paid for), refer 10 people, get free iPhone.

I choose to go with Gratis Internet (aka freepay). There have been so many scam places that tried to copy their idea, but the other places will dick you over with small print. They will tell you to do 1 “silver offer” then 2 gold, then 6 platinum offers and refer a few other people to do the same. It’s a total scam that nobody ever completes.

Well Gratis is the original free stuff company and they WILL NOT DICK YOU OVER WITH FINE PRINT. All you have to do is 1 offer, then refer 10 people to also do 1 offer. THAT’S IT. The ONLY fine print tells you that you only have 90 days to complete offer.

The offer I choose to do was to sign up for “great fun”. I paid $1 and by doing so they gave me $20 in free gas from mobile/exxon. The catch to that is you are now signed up for a $12 a month membership for something that will spam your email box. So the easy fix for this: 1) give them a gmail (or other free email) that you don’t use. 2) Wait until you receive credit for completing the offer (it took me 3 days, be patient), then cancel your membership. So long as you cancel, you just got $19 dollars profit from your offer, and so long as you can get 10 people to also get paid $19, you will get a phone worth $1000 or so.

That’s it. There are other offers like sign up for blockbuster or buy a diet pill or something, but doing the offer I listed you actually get paid to do!

Seriously, sign up, DO THE OFFER, don’t say you will do it later, do it now, it only took me 5 mins to do all of this, and a few days later I had gas money and full credit for doing the offer.

Click Here to get Free iPhone or other apple stuff

How To > Gain Full System Access to Windows

So you want way more power over your windows machine than you probably should have:

As a smartass and a computer guy I like to know all sorts of sneaky ways to get things done. So when I find out about a quick way to get more power over a windows system in only a min or two, I listen, test and then share. Now I can think of many reasons why you would want to have system access to a machine, but in this tutorial lets just say you forget the passwords to all your administrator accounts. Don’t laugh, I have met countless people who have done so back when I was fixing computers for a living. In this case you have 3 options:

1) Download a linux based NTFS password changer and burn to cd. This works well however the terminology will probably confuse people since it’s all about finding and editing the Hive of a SAM file.
2) Call a local computer company to fix. Doing this they will probably just do step 1 if they know what they are doing, if they don’t they will try to login to Administrator in safe mode and in failing to do so will convince you that they need to erase you computer.
3) Turn your non-admin account or guest account into a hardcore system account and simply change the password.

We will follow choice 3. It’s super easy and I have tested it myself. In my usual fashion I will keep this short without a lot of excess text, because then if you understand it, it’s short enough to remember without having to reference back!

1) Start > Run > cmd.exe > type: at 12:03 /interactive “cmd.exe” (replace 12:03 with a time 2 mins from now). > close command prompt
2) New command prompt will open, when it does > Hit CTRL+ALT+DEL > find explorer.exe and End Process.
3) At command prompt type: cd.. > type: explorer.exe

If you have never done this before it may take a few seconds to create a new profile, but then you will see the user System in the start menu as user name.

Be warned, this account is scary powerful, this is basically root on a windows machine. So try not to delete any important system files etc..

How To > Make Anti Gravity Device in 30 Seconds!