A Smartass Education

Explains Why > BULLSHIT is worth 103%

A LOGICAL SOLUTION.
Now here is a problem that finally has a formula for getting to the bottom of an age old problem.
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What
Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about
those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been
to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-*-*-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far a** kissing will take you.

A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So,
one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the
Bulls**t and A** Kissing that will put you over the top.

How Smartass Programmers Function @ Parties

public NightTimeCompanion PartyEvent(string[] friendConnection)
{
foreach (string friend in friendConnection)
{
try
{
using (Connection FriendsHotFriend = new Connection(FriendConnection[friend]))
{
using (Command HookUpAttempt = new Command(FriendsHotFriend))
{
string OpeningLine = “”;
Random ChanceOfGoodLine = new Random();
if (ChanceOfGoodLine % 4 == 0)
OpeningLine = RandomOpener();
else
OpeningLine = “SELECT ‘Hey Baby’; DROP TargetsCloths;”;

HookUpAttempt.CommandText = OpeningLine;

SqlDataReader Conversation = HookUpAttempt.ExecuteReader();

int WhereYouStand = 0;

while (Conversation.Read())
{
switch (Conversation.Line)
{
case Exchange.Cute:
WhereYouStand += 0;
break;
case Exchange.Meaningful:
WhereYouStand += 1;
break;
case Exchange.StarTrek:
throw new StarTrekException();
break;
case Exchange.Sexy:
WhereYouStand += 2;
break;
case Exchage.Bad:
WhereYouStand -= 2;
break;
case Exchage.Mean:
WhereYouStand -= 5;
break;
case Exchange.Boring:
WhereYouStand -= 20;
break;
case Exchange.Stalkerish:
WhereYouStand -= 500;
break;
case Exchange.Dirty:
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
break;
default:
WhereYouStand += 0;

}
}

if (WhereYouStand > 30)
{
BlackBook.Add(HookUpAttempt);
}
if (WhereYouStand > 50)
{
if (!HookUpAttempt.IsHot)
BlackBook.Remove(HookUpAttempt);
return (NightTimeCompanion)HookUpAttempt;
}
}
}

}
catch (StarTrekException Ex)
{
Console.Write(”Did that come out of my mouth…”);
continueConversation();
}
catch (StarWarsException EX)
{
Console.Write(”Well the explosions reminded me of while I was working on a rig in Alaska…”);
continueConversation();
}
}
}

Author: Punk-Coder
Original Source: A comment from - What does the hot girl at the party think of your programming language?

Explains > The 10th Dimension

Wow, so I was going to write an article about the 4th dimension and how a children’s book really explained it well, but instead with one search and discovered something better than my own explaination! The internet is great isn’t it?

Update: This is now the full video, before It was youtube and was in 2 files which is rather annoying… enjoy

Original Source: TenthDimension.com

How To > Win at Rock, Paper, Scissors

Contrary to what you might think RPS is not simply a game of luck or chance. While it is true that from a mathematical perspective the ‘optimum’ strategy is to play randomly, it still is not a winning strategy for two reasons.

First, ‘optimum’ in this case means you should win, lose and draw an equal number of times (hardly a winning strategy over the long term). Second, Humans, try as they might, are terrible at trying to be random, in fact often humans in trying to approximate randomness become quite predictable. So knowing that there is always something motivating your opponent’s actions, there are a couple of tricks and techniques that you can use to tip the balance in your favour.

1 - Rock is for Rookies
In RPS circles a common mantra is “Rock is for Rookies” because males have a tendency to lead with Rock on their opening throw. It has a lot to do with idea that Rock is perceived as “strong” and forceful”, so guys tend to fall back on it. Use this knowledge to take an easy first win by playing Paper. This tactic is best done in pedestrian matches against someone who doesn’t play that much and generally won’t work in tournament play.

2 - Scissors on First
The second step in the ‘Rock is for Rookies’ line of thinking is to play scissors as your opening move against a more experienced player. Since you know they won’t come out with rock (since it is too obvious), scissors is your obvious safe move to win against paper or stalemate to itself.

3 - The Double Run
When playing with someone who is not experienced at the RPS, look out for double runs or in other words, the same throw twice. When this happens you can safely eliminate that throw and guarantee yourself at worst a stalemate in the next game. So, when you see a two-Scissor run, you know their next move will be Rock or Paper, so Paper is your best move. Why does this work? People hate being predictable and the perceived hallmark of predictability is to come out with the same throw three times in row.

4 - Telegraph Your Throw
Tell your opponent what you are going to throw and then actually throw what you said. Why? As long as you are not playing someone who actually thinks you are bold enough to telegraph your throw and then actually deliver it, you can eliminate the throw that beats the throw you are telegraphing. So, if you announce rock, your opponent won’t play paper which means coming out with that scissors will give you at worst a stalemate and at best the win.

5 - Step Ahead Thinking
Don’t know what to do for your next throw? Try playing the throw that would have lost to your opponents last throw? Sounds weird but it works more often than not, why? Inexperienced (or flustered) players will often subconsciously deliver the throw that beat their last one. Therefore, if your opponent played paper, they will very often play Scissors, so you go Rock. This is a good tactic in a stalemate situation or when your opponent lost their last game. It is not as successful after a player has won the last game as they are generally in a more confident state of mind which causes them to be more active in choosing their next throw.

6 - Suggest A Throw
When playing against someone who asks you to remind them about the rules, take the opportunity to subtly “suggest a throw” as you explain to them by physically showing them the throw you want them to play. ie “Paper beats Rock, Rock beats scissors (show scissors), Scissors (show scissors again) beats paper.” Believe it or not, when people are not paying attention their subconscious mind will often accept your “suggestion”. A very similar technique is used by magicians to get someone to take a specific card from the deck.

7 - When All Else Fails Go With Paper
Haven’t a clue what to throw next? Then go with Paper. Why? Statistically, in competition play, it has been observed that scissors is thrown the least often. Specifically, it gets delivered 29.6% of the time, so it slightly under-indexes against the expected average of 33.33% by 3.73%. Obviously, knowing this only gives you a slight advantage, but in a situation where you just don’t know what to do, even a slight edge is better than none at all.

8 - The Rounder’s Ploy
This technique falls into more of a ‘cheating’ category, but if you have no honour and can live with yourself the next day, you can use it to get an edge. The way it works is when you suggest a game with someone, make no mention of the number of rounds you are going to play. Play the first match and if you win, take it is as a win. If you lose, without missing a beat start playing the ‘next’ round on the assumption that it was a best 2 out of 3. No doubt you will hear protests from your opponent but stay firm and remind them that ‘no one plays best of one for a kind of decision that you two are making’. No this devious technique won’t guarantee you the win, but it will give you a chance to battle back to even and start again.

How to Cheat (According to Wikipedia)
One of the first tricks learned by a Rock-Paper-Scissors novice is to hold back a throw of paper until the last possible moment to dupe an opponent into believing that one may actually be throwing a rock. Both paper and scissors have this ability; however, unless one is employing a “double-back” strategy, cloaking a paper throw is likely to draw an instinctive paper from one’s opponent. If the throw is accidentally revealed too late, that is, not revealed until the thrower’s arm breaks the plane where the thrower’s arm is perpendicular to the thrower’s torso (at a 90 degree angle), this is considered a foul. In such a case the referee will assign a throw of rock, even if this is not what the thrower intended. This is known as a “forced rock.”

A common variation on the opening ritual is to have both players hold their hands behind their backs and reveal their already formed throws after the count of three. The intention is to prevent any sort of timing based cheating.

Another way to cheat is to prime three times instead, if the opponent primed twice only, the other could see his opponent’s throw without revealing his own, claiming that he thought “I thought we are doing three primes”. This form of cheating usually does not get the cheater anywhere, as the round will be most likely replayed. In many cases, participants will bounce three times (while saying “rock, paper, scissors”) and then revealing the throw while saying something else (such as “shoot”). Note: ‘priming’ is the number of bounces one does before revealing the throw.

How To > Argue For Smartasses

Ok, so I am not recommending doing any of the following if you are looking to make friends with people.  Perhaps you will win some respect and admiration, but not new friends.  That being said, sometimes you are at a party and need to nock some prick down a peg or two, and so long as you don’t let it spill into your everyday life, being a smartass can be fun. Simply follow these rules:

DRINK LIQUOR

Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on
the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you’re drinking some
health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you’ll hang back, afraid to display
your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several
large martinis, you’ll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy.
You’ll be a WEALTH of information. You’ll argue forcefully, offering searing
insights and possibly upsetting furniture.

People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

MAKE SHIT UP

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians
are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid,
and you’ll be damned if you’re going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off.
DON’T say: “I think Peruvians are underpaid.” Say instead:

“The average Peruvian’s salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax
base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty
level.”

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too.
Say:

“This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon’s study for the Buford Commission
published on May 9, 1982. Didn’t you read it?” Say this in the same tone of
voice you would use to say, “You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom.”

USE MEANINGLESS BUT WEIGHTY-SOUNDING
WORDS AND PHRASES

Memorize this list:

Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-à-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as “Q.E.D.”, “e.g.”,
and “i.e.” These are all short for “I speak Latin, and you don’t.”

Here’s how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say,”Peruvians
would like to order appetizers more often, but they don’t have enough money.”

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:

“Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-à-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians,
they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have
enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D.” Only a fool would challenge that statement.

USE SNAPPY AND IRRELEVANT
COMEBACKS

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your
opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

You’re begging the question.
You’re being defensive.
Don’t compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy
wonks) has the vaguest idea what “parameters” means.

Don’t forget the classic: YOU’RE SO LINEAR.

Here’s how to use your comebacks:

You say:	As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873…
Your opponent says:	Lincoln died in 1865.
You say:	You’re begging the question.
You say:	Liberians, like most Asians…
Your opponent says:	Liberia is in Africa.
You say:	You’re being defensive.

So that’s it. You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any
of this on people who generally carry weapons.

Tells > 1045 Ways to Reference Masturbation.

How To > Speed Up Firefox For Smartasses

Some people like the for dummies books, for me… It’s too much worthless information to look through.  I just want a 5 second tutorial and a blood cheat sheet.  Besides you are most likely a very smart person since you are browsing my site AND using firefox if you clicked on this article.  So I am not going to bother explaining what each of the below values are, if you don’t know and want to, google them.

Open new tab > Enter about:config in address bar > you are now at a hard core settings page.  You will notice that if you start typing it eliminates your choices to narrow your search so just Copy and Paste the names I list below.  Some of the following items will be listed in your firefox, and some of them you will not be able to find AT ALL, so if it exists change the number, if it doesn’t > Right click and choose Create New.  I will list the names and the values to put in below (FYI: For creating New items, if it’s true/false choose boolean and if it’s a number choose integer.. that’s it, edit or create the values and restart your browser, it will be faster.

• browser.cache.memory.capacity  -  65536
• ui.submenuDelay  -  0
• nglayout.initialpaint.delay  -  0
• content.switch.threshold  -  750000
• content.interrupt.parsing  -  True
• network.http.pipelining  -  True
• network.http.pipelining.maxrequests  -  8
• network.http.proxy.pipelining  -  True
• network.dns.disableIPv6  -  True
• content.interrupt.parsing  -  True
• content.max.tokenizing.time  -  2250000
• content.notify.interval  -  750000
• content.notify.ontimer  -  True
• content.notify.backoffcount  -  5

Teaches > Some Dirty Slang

A
AC/DC - Bisexual.
Acorn - The head of the penis.
Alaskan Fire Dragon - Get the chick on her knees for a BJ. Right after you
blow your load, clamp her mouth shut, and whisper in her ear, “I’ve got
syphillis.” The spooge should shoot out her nose in record time.
Angel - Male who pays for sexual acts.
Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in a girl’s mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she’ll look like an angry dragon.
Auntie - An aging male homosexual.
Animal play - When one or both partners pretend to be an animal (Ex - dog, horse) in a role play.
Areola - The dark red or light brown ring of skin surrounding the nipple.
Auto -Eroticism - Masturbation
Auto -Felatio - Performing fellatio (oral sex) on one`s own penis
Arabian Goggles - A “seldom-seen” maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new
Aeroplane Blonde - One who has bleached / dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box.
Around the World - The act of kissing the entire body as a prelude to sex.
Aussie Kiss - similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
Auxiliary Intercoure - Sexual climax achieved by moving the erect penis back and forth in the armpit
Azozoospermia - Semen containing no sperm, either because the testicles cannot make sperm or because of blockage in the reproductive tract.

B
Back Door - A euphemism for the anus.
Badly Packed Kebab - A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia
Butch - A lesbian who prefers traditionally masculine dress, style, expression, or identity.
Bag - The scrotum.
Bang, banged, banging, bangs - To have sexual intercourse with.
Ball - To have intercourse.
Ballsacking - Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you’re able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.
Balloon Knot - When you bend over and I can see up right up the wazoo.
That’s a balloon knot that you see.
Bag it - wearing a condom during intercourse.
Back Yard - The buttocks.
Back Scuttle - Perform anal intercourse.
Bait N’ Tackle - The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
Barely Legal - Girls who have reached the age of 18, or look like they’ve just turned 18, newbies to porn.
Barebacking - unprotected sex.
Beaver Leaver - A homosexual (male)
Bimbot - A pornslut who is as cold and unfeeling during sex as her plastic boobs, lips, cheeks, etc.
Bismarck - During oral sex, right before you are about to cum, you pull out,
shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the
blood and cum together.
Beer Dick - This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick
Blue Balls - Severe need to experience sexual orgasm.
Blowjob - The act or an instance of fellatio.
Brownie Queen - Passive partner in anal intercourse.
Bear Claw - A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.
Bronco, The - You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.
Brown Bagging It - Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there’s no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don’t let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.
Butter Face - When you see a chick with an awesome body, “but her face”, is nasty.
Bukkake - Showering a person with sperm from one or many men. In ancient Japan, there is a legend that unfaithful women were publicly humiliated in the town center by being tied up while every man in town ejaculated all over her to show their distaste.
Butt Plug - A dildo specially designed for insertion into the anus. Usually has a flared base to prevent it from going in too far.
Bull Dagger - an extremely masculine lesbian. The term is often used negatively.
Betty - Slang term for an attractive female.
Blumpkin - Term meaning to receive oral sex while defecating.
Blumpy - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
BOBFOC - Body Of Baywatch, Face Of Crimewatch.
Bone Of Contention - A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.
Booty Call - Slang term for a late -night or last minute phone call with the intention of attaining sex.
Boink/Bonk - To have intercourse with.
Boiler Suit - The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.
Boff, boffed boffing, boffs - To have sexual intercourse with. v. intr. To engage in sexual intercourse .
Brown Eye - The chocolate coloration of various shades found around many female’s assholes. It assumed that a girl possessing such will always do anal sex.
Brown Necktie - You’re about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.
Brownie Queen - Passive partner in anal intercourse.
Bruce Lee - Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
Brunski - When a man puts his face between a woman’s breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying “Brunski” in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)
Bonk - Have sexual intercourse with.
Bugger - to perform anal sex, often referring to sex with animals.
Bullwinkle - The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling’ some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting “Hey Rocky.” (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)
Bunny Boiler - A partner in a relationship that acts irrationally and with
impulsive, extreme, behavior. The term originated from the Glen Close
character in the movie Fatal Attraction
Butter Face - When you see a chick with an awesome body, “but her face”, is nasty.

C
Cherry - One who is still a virgin.
Closet Queen - A male homosexual who hides his desires for men.
Cleveland Steamer - The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Canine Special - Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!
Carpet Cleaner - While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
Carpet Munching - Performing cunnilingus.
Chicken Choker - A person who masturbates
Chicken Cutlet - While banging a bitch on the beach, pull out your cock roll it around in some sand and stick it back in.
Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl’s tits and then proceed to titty
fuck her.
Chocolate Chips/Chocolate Syrup- The guy pulls out of her ass…what’s that brown stuff?
Chocolate Pizza - Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.
Cockblock - To interfere with a man’s attempts to seduce a woman.
Cock-Stuffing - Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your “buddy” to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!
Cold Lunch - The act of vomiting directly onto some chick’s head while she’s performing fellatio.
Compton Gangbang - You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she’s about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you’ve got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)
Concoction - First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.
Cop’s Delight - The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her “pastry buns”, thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.
Corkscrew - Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you’ll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you’ll be able to bore through wood.
Corn - Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is “Corn” means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; “Baby, you’re more Corn than Green Giant”, or “Damn bitch, you are Corn!”
Couch Bombing - When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman…but no need to buy It dinner first .
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you’ve got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Cleveland Steamer - The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Circle Jerk - Where several men get together and masturbate together, doesn`t have to be homosexual
Closet Queena - A male homosexual who hides his desires for other men
Clown Face - An aging slut who wears a pound of makeup to hide her numerous wrinkles since the facelifts aren’t taking.
Cluster Fuck - Group sex. Many female holes stuffed to bursting with dildo and vibrator type toys.
Cockteaser - Usually a female who excites a male without carrying on to actual sexual relations
Cowgirl - Refers to the sexual position of a woman sitting upon a reclining man
Cornhole - Slang for the anus, also refers to anal sex
Cream - To ejaculate -I creamed on her tits
Creepin’ - To cheat on boy/girlfriend or spouse
Cum Dumpster - A quadriplegic whore.
Cumshake - Porn movie equivalent of a milk shake. Often served in champagne glass.

D
Daisy Chain - Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.
Day-Old Doughnut - Eating out your girlfriend the morning after the
night she went out and fucked someone else
David Copperfield, The (a.ka. The Houdini) - Drill her from behind. Before
you shoot your wad, fake it and spit on her back. When she turns around to
give you that loving smile and hug, cum in her face. So, it’s kind of like
an illusion.a sleight of hand…misdirection
Davey Crockett - A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal’s snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner’s now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.
Dark Meat - Black penis
Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez
Dirty Swirly - While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush…she’ll dig it.
Diddle - To have intercourse with (a woman). 2. To practice masturbation upon
Dogging - Having or observing exhibitionist sex in a public place, usually outdoors. Sometimes the voyeurs join in on the sex, usually they just watch from nearby.
Dog In A Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your
nuts into a girl’s ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as
keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female’s ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
Double Bass - A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman’s nipples with one hand and her Budgie’s Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing the double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
Duff - Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Two hot chicks at a bar will have a really nasty fat ugly bitch hanging out with them, refered to as a “DUFF”.
The Dunkin’ Delight - When your girl fills her mouth with a cold glass of milk,then sit on her face and dunk your balls in and out of her mouth.
Duct Tape Trick - Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split.
Dutch Oven - Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you’re into that sort of thing).
Dutch Treat - The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.
DVDA - The abbreviation for “double -anal, double -vaginal”. This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.
Dental Dam - One type of moisture barrier. People can use one during oral sex to stop STDs, including HIV. It is a square piece of latex that can be put over someone`s anus or vagina. (This way germs cannot get into someone`s mouth from blood or sexual fluids found in the anus or vagina or else into the vagina or anus from blood found in the mouth.) Dentists use it when they work on someone`s mouth so that blood won`t splash everywhere
Double Bagging - Wearing two condoms at once. This in not normally recommended as added friction can cause a higher instance of failure.

E
Erotophobia - Fear or anxiety of sexuality or the expression of sexual love.
Etch-A-Sketch - Trying to draw a smile on a woman’s face by twiddling both her nipples simultaneously.

F
Flap Jacks - Small, saggy breasts looking like soggy pancakes or crushed nerf footballs.
Flatties - The diminutive yet perky breasts of young’un porn babes. Degoratory version of flatties is “mosquito bites”.
Flogging On - Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
Flooding The Cave - Inserting the penis into a woman’s pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
Flying Camel, The - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her
from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to
prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long,
shrieking howl, much like a coyote.
Flagellation - Sexual
Femoral Coitus - Penis -thigh sex.
Felch - To lick or suck recently deposited semen from a rectum or vagina.
Formicophilia - Enjoyment of the use of insects for sexual purposes.
Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass,
jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before
releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits.
(Better in her bed).
Fricatrice - A whore.
Figging - Anal play using ginger root (or even a chile pepper). The burning sensation is said to induce intense pleasure.
Fisted, fisting - To insert the fist into the rectum or vagina of (another) as a means of sexual stimulation.
Finger - To digitally stimulate the vulva.
Finger -fuck - To masturbate by means of inserting one’s finger(s) into the vestibule of the vagina.
Fire Island - This consists of telling someone you’re going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don’t believe you, doing it just to prove that you’re that demented.
Fish Eye, The - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you
are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to
see what the hell you are doing
Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the
pussy after you stick your finger up her anus
Flaming Amazon - This one’s for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then…extinguish the flames with your jizz!
Flooding The Cave - Inserting the penis into a woman’s pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.
Flying Dutchman - This didn’t used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, “Here comes the Flying Dutchman!” This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.
Fountain Of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
Frigmarole - Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
Frotteur - A person aroused by brushing up against clothed people in public.
Family Jewels - The testicles.
Freak Show Porn - Something so totally outrageous, it’s not even about sexuality any more. 1000 man gang bangs, anal cum slurping, severed limb
porno, etc.
Free The Tadpoles - Liberate the residents of the Wank Tanks.
French - To perform oral sex on
French tickler - A condom with ridges, bumps, or something else designed to give women extra stimulation during intercourse. Not reported to work above and beyond what the man is otherwise capable of..
Frottage - When two people rub their bodies together so that they feel good for some type of sexual pleasure. Another phrase for it is dry -humping.
Full House - Having more than one venereal disease at the same time.
Fur Ball - You’re chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane
between her legs the size of Lionel Richie’s Afro, when a mammoth fur ball
gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
G
Gangbang - 1. Sexual intercourse, often rape, involving one person or victim and several others who have relations with that person in rapid succession.
2. Sexual intercourse involving several people who select and change partners in an indiscriminate manner
Gape - A dilated asshole.
Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps.
Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple
knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required
(either on one finger or on multiple).
Gender Outlaw - a person who flouts the usual gender roles.
Genderfuck - sending mixed gender messages, especially through appearance, such as wearing a prom dress, combat boots and a mustache.
Get Your Rocks Off - Slang term for orgasm.
Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over your partners face and
proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
Glory Hole - Slang term for a hole, usually in a wall, in which a man inserts his penis that is stimulated manually or orally by someone on the other side.
Gobstopper- With two hands, spread your tramp’s anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you’re done, if you want.
Golden Shower (a.k.a.- watersports) - Any form of pissing all over a chick.
Greek - The act of using your “glue stick” (if you know what I’m saying) and gluing your gal’s eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. “Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!” or “Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad
Greek Sex - Slang term for anal sex.
Greyhound - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
Gynotikolobomassophilia - A paraphilia where a person derives becomes extremely aroused by a woman’s earlobe.
Gerbiling - The activity of Urban Legend status regarding the insertion of a gerbil or similarly -sized rodent into the anus.
Guppy Mouth - Position where the girl is typically on her knees, her head
cocked upwards, her mouth open, many times eyes closed, waiting for the guy
to jack-off on her face, mouth or wherever.

H
Handmade - A large penis allegedly developed through masterbation.
Hand-To-Gland Combat - A vigorous masturbation session.
Head - Oral sex - Give me some head.
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to shit on her
chest.
Hot Pants - Sexually aroused.
Ham And Cheese Sandwich - Eating a woman’s box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone’s appetite.
Hershey Highway - When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don’t hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it’s extra lube.
High Dive - The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner’s hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.
Hindenburg, The - When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you’re forced to cry “Oh! The humanity!” as her teeth scrape your man tool.
Hiudini - While banging your bitch doggystyle build up until your about to cum then pull out and spit on her back, when she turns around let her have it in the face.
Hogging - While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.
Hole In One - The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it’s in, or you’ll get a nice snapparoo.
Hood Ornament - piercing attached to the clitorial hood
Hotdog In A Hallway - When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn’t even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you’re slinging a small dick.
Hot Karl - The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.
Hot Karl Candy Cane - A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Karl Candy Cane - A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Lunch - The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl’s mouth.
Humjob (hummer) - Oral sex
Hunter Gatherer - You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.

I
Indian Cock Burn - While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
Icolagnia - Sexual arousal by looking at pictures.
In Door Sports - Swinging activities in general.

J
Jail Bait - One who is under 18 years of age.
Jedi Mind Trick - When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout “I’m NOT fucking you, I’m NOT fucking you”.
Jelly Dougnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her
in the nose while you are getting head.
Jersey Turnpike - The act of sticking your finger in a girls ass and then
putting that finger in her mouth. If you later find yourself picking your
nose with that finger, that’s called getting off at the Newark exit
Jocker - A male homosexual.
Joy Juice - Slang term for the natural vaginal lubrication produced by a sexually aroused female.
Juanita Special Bean Dip - While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita “special” bean dip.
Juicy Lucy - Girls who can supposedly “squirt” when they cum.

K
Kennebunkport Surprise - The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky -style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.
Kick -Fucking - The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.
Kryo Queen - A cold fuck

L
Landshark - The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint - She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis -out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass
Lorena Bobbit, The - Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)
Lace Curtains - Slang term for the foreskin of the penis
Lady’s Best Friend - Slang term for a dildo or vibrator
Lakshmi - Tantric sex term for goddess of wealth and prosperity
Load - Slang term for semen.
Lot Lizard - Slang term for a prostitute who works in truck stops
Love Wand - Slang term for vibrator.

M
Maha - Tantric sex term for the almighty one.
Menthol, The - The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.
Mellon Dive - Headbutting a woman’s big fat titties. Always lots of fun.
Mengeles - used to describe the dubiously trained and ethically challenged cosmetic surgeons who work on porn stars.
Millennium Domes - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.
Money Shot - The climax of a fuck scene in a porno movie.
Monkey Wrench - When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.
Monroe Transfer - When you and your partner connect each other’s assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.
Moped, The - A chick that’s a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.
Mork, The - Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note - Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo -Nanoo!).
Moses - A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.
Motorboat, The - While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She’ll love you forever.
Mud Flaps - The meaty, hanging, larger than norm, pussy lips or labia minora.
Mumbler - An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc i.e. you can see the ‘lips’ moving but can’t quite make out what they’re saying.
Mung, The - Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.
Mushy Biscuit - This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.
Muff Teaser - Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.
Muff Diving - Oral stimulation of the clitoris or vulva
Midnight Cowboy - Slang term for a vibrator or dildo.
Mish - Short for Missionary position.
MILF - Abbreviation for “mother I’d like to fuck”.
Mystery Bus - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
Mystery Taxi - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed instead.

N
NBR (No Beers Required) - Someone that you’d chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-pinter.
Nooner - 1. Sexual intercourse. 2. The vulva.
Nookie - Slang term for a sexual encounter during lunch hour.
New Jersey Meat -Hook - The unusual method of inserting one’s finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.
New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down,
you boot on her box. Happy trails.
Nixon, The - A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, “I’m not a crook”. This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.
Nubs - Slang term for breasts; also refers to the small bumps on a vibrator that provide extra vaginal or clitoral stimulation.
O
Open Swinging - a couple swinging with another couple in the same room; several or all participating couples together in the same room; (Western US) swing party where participants socially mix and are free to swing as couples, in one -to -one pairings and group sex during the progress of the party.
Oyster - A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one’s testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.
Outercourse - Sex play that does not include inserting the penis in the vagina or anus.

P
Pasadena Mudslide - This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.).
Paint Brush - A wide racing stripe typ pubic hairstyle.
Parolee - A standard issue male pornstar, typically working for the compensation of cheeseburgers and gas money.
Pattycake - While you’re nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.
Paying The Rent - A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich - Shit on a woman’s snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth…depending on what you’ve been eating.)
Pearl Necklace - Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it
takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
Penguin - When a girl starts giving a guy a blow job, and just as he is about to lose his load, she stops and walks away. The horny guy, with his pants at his ankles, waddles after her to see where she is going.
Philly Fakeout - When your doing a girl (or a guy ) from behind…doesn’t matter which destination you choose, just as so long as its from behind. As your doin her and gettin close to erupting…you say holy shit i’m gonna bust the hugest load all over you and you start groaning like its Mount Vesuvius all over again. You pull your meat out and proceed to spit on her (once again, his for you homo’s) back. She/he turns around real fast so she can see the face you make when you reach the moment, only to be shocked when she turns around and you spray it in her face.
Picasso Arse - A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got 4 buttocks.
Pig Roast - While you’re plugging some girl’s hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she’s blowing your best friend’s cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.
Pile Driver - Sexual position where the girl is on the floor, her torso raised in the air at a 90 degree angle to her face. She is looking up at the guy as he hovers over her, he is now able to have free access to her pussy and/or asshole.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet
enough. When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks
to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
Pink Sock - This is performed by nailing your bitch doggystyle in her asshole and giving her a simultaneous vigerous blow to the sides of her kidneys thus pulling her colon out onto your dick.
Pirate’s Treasure - While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you’ve found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, “Argh!”, like a pirate.
Plating - Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don’t see that on any Dawn commercials.
Play Action Fake - Doing a girl doggystyle and you pull your dick out and spit all over her back, when she thinks you’ve cum she turns around to look @ you. You then shoot your wad all in her face.
Plumper - An overweight girl
Poke - An act of sexual intercourse - I gave her a poke
Poontang - 1. Sexual intercourse with a woman.
2. Used as a disparaging term for a woman
Pork, porks, porking - To have sexual intercourse with
Portuguese - Tittie fucking when the parolee does the heavy lifting
Postage Slot - Pussy with no visible outer labia, like with Pam Anderson
Popcorn Trick - First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn’t love buttered popcorn?
Puerto Rican Fog Bank - While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.
Punching Possums - A one night stand whose performance in the sack is “just
lays there”
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you
withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave
a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
Push-out - After the man cums, she pushes it out of her pussy or mouth.

Q
Queef - A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.
Queening - Sitting on the side of a person’s face as a form of bondage.
Quiff - A British term for male homosexual or effeminate male.
Quim - The Vagina.

R
Racing Stripe - A public hairstyle that starts at the top of the clitoral hood and ends at the extreme top limit of where the normal inverted triangle of pubic hair would end.
Rackjack - To steal a girl someone else was just hitting on.
Ragman’s Coat - Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. “That mumbler looks quite fit, but I bet she’s got a kebab like a ragmans coat!”
Ram, The - You’re attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head
against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow
for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Ray-Bans - Put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head.
(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible, but it is
definitely worth a try.
Rim Job - Another name for tossing salad. Oral stimulation of the anus.
Focuses on the use of the tongue
Rear Admiral - When doing a chic from behind (while both partners standing),
make sure you don’t let her grab on to
anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so
that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or
table. It’s almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor.
You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing
into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
Red Wings - Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier.
Resuscitation - When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn’t awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.
Reverse Cowgirl - A sexual position where the girl mounts and rides cock, facing the man.
Roddy Piper, The - When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.
Rodeo, The - Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre -arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw.
Roman War Helmet - Place you nutsack on a girls forehead and your shaft across her nose resembling a roman war helmet .
Rose Creeper - Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart’s neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish -fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.
Rusty Trombone - Have her jerk you off while licking your asshole. Looks
like she is playing the trombone.

S
Sandbag - Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt -necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
Sandwich - Any sex act involving three people; a threesome
Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap -on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
Seatbelt - While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.
Shirley Temple - Pour a can of 7 -Up on a girl’s menstruating pussy and eat her out.
Shag - sexual intercourse (to have sex)
Shocker, The - When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman’s vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.) .
Shop Vac - When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you’re entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.
Shrimping - The term for licking or sucking your partner’s toes.
Sixty-eighter (68er)- “Do me and I’ll owe ‘ya one”. A lesbian scene where one girl will go down on the other, but the other girl will only fingerfuck or toyfuck the first girl.
Skiing - While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross -country action.
SKIN-CHIMNEY - see BADLY PACKED KEBAB
Slumpbuster - When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease -ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.
Snerd Nurgling - The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, “Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd”…
Snoodling - When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, “You Snoodler!”
Snowball - Always a blast. When doing a girl while she’s on all fours,
sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
Snuff, The - Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you’re a snuff film superstar.
Spider-Webbing - when you fuck your girlfriend in the ass and cum in it, then she farts, sending all the cum out in a spider-web like fashion.
Sperm Wail or Spuphemism - A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.
Starfish Trooper or Arsetronaut - A homosexual
Stingy Nut - When a chick isn’t worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.
Stranger, The - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking
off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else
Stranger on the Rocks - Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.
Strangers In The Night - When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.
Sud N’ Fud - When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, “I not that kind of girl.”, “I don’t fuck on the first date.”, “I’m catholic.”, “Stop asshole.”, etc. etc… After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.
Surfing - This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.
Swamp-Donkey - A deeply unattractive woman
Swimmer’s Ear - When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.
Switch Hitter - A Bi -Sexual.

T
Taffy Pulling - A euphemism for male masturbation.
Tain’t - tain’t ass and tain’t pussy. The demilitarized zone of flesh between these two areas.
Teabagging - When the female orally pleasures the male partner’s balls while
he squats over her.
Tears of Joy - Your joy, her tears, when she swallows that rod so far back it makes her weep.
Ten-Pinter - Someone that you’d only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.
Three-Eyed Turtle - Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.
Titanic - A lady who goes down the first time out.
Todger Dodger - A lesbian.
Toolbox - The Male Genitals.
Tortoise, The - When you eat out someone who doesn’t have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.
Tossing Salad - Oral sex with the anus.
Treasure Trail - The fine line from the top of the clitoral hood to the belly button. It may or not be a line of hair. Especially common in pregnant women and blck women.
Tropical Wind - When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.
Tuna Melt - You’re down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just
happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When
the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Twisted Sister - Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that’s some great S&M fun.
Two-Bagger or Double Bagger - Someone that you’d need 2 paper bags to have sex with (one to cover their head, and one to cover yours, just incase their bag falls off).

U
Urolagnia - Sexual pleasure from watching another drink urine.
Utopian Swinger - A person who practices swinging as a total lifestyle with humanistic ideals.
Up On The Blocks - Menstruating i.e. Out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. “I don’t think I’ll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on the blocks”.

V
Vagina Decliner - A homosexual (male)
Vart (same as Queef) - To expel air from the vagina, such as the often loud
and embarrassing sound of air flapping out of a women during or after sexual
intercourse.
Vegetarian Hot Lunch - A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs.
Veggie Porn - All Lesbians. No meat

W
Wake Up Call - Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. “Sweetheart, what’s that on your back?”.
WANK SÉANCE - During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you’re being watched with disgust by your dead relatives.
Walrus, The - After spunking in a girl’s mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.
Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.
Westside Glaze - Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.
Woody Woodpecker - When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.
Wanker - Slang term for someone who masturbates frequently.
Water Sports - Sex play which involves urine or enemas.
Wet Dreams - Erotic imaging during sleep that causes ejaculation.

X
X -dresser - Short for cross dresser.
Xeronisus - Inability to reach orgasm.

Y
Yoni Worship - Worship of the female genitals.
Yellow Shower - The act of urinating on a person as a means of sexual stimulation; a golden shower.

Z
Zombie Mask - While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash -barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes” when you blow your load. Then, just when you’re ready to spew a good week’s worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

Original source: DirtySlang.com

Explains > BitTorrent Basics

The Smartass Explains BitTorrent

For me for the past few years I have simply accepted bittorrent as the only efficient way to download files. Yet everyday I meet people who don’t know what it is, or who think using Kazaa is the way to go. Since I don’t want to explain it to every person individually anymore I am going to give you the who, what, when, where, why and how.

BitTorrent is a Peer-to-Peer file sharing protocol that doesn’t suck. It was invented by Bram Cohen. It has been around for awhile and will continue to be around for awhile because of the method it uses to transfer files. A torrent file is basically just a text file that describes some data. It cuts it into hundreds of segments and memorizes how to put those segments back together again. Because a torrent file is such a tiny file people use it to describe vast quantities of files (example: an entire 60 disk Rolling Stones discography is only a 280k torrent file).

The torrent file doesn’t require the data to be on a server anywhere. Instead it relies on the people who are both leeching it and seeding it to provide the data for everybody else. The websites you typically get torrents off of are called Trackers. Basically the tracker, like it’s namesake keeps track of people who are uploading and downloading the file. So when you start downloading one of the other people downloading is now also uploading you a little chunk of data. After a minute you have a few pieces and might just start uploading those pieces