Why Can’t I Own a Canadian?

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Why Can’t I Own a Canadian?

Tuesday, September 6th, 2005 | Uncategorized

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. I found it very informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

3 Comments to Why Can’t I Own a Canadian?

ng66
September 9, 2005

Nice damn post, JJ… I feel like I should send Jim a few dollars because I enjoyed it so much…
Why do people feel that they need to dictate how other people should think? It is this way and there are no other ways and they base their close-minded, bigoted views on exact words written in the Bible. The Bible is a wonderful book with lots of useful ideas and concepts which millions of people use as a guide for their lives. Of those millions, there a good portion who understand that a lot of stuff that was relevant when it was written do not make sense now that times and circumstances have changed. Strangely enough, those are the the people who do not dance with snakes or bomb Planned Parenthood clinics or try to convert every living organism to their way of thinking because the Bible told them to do it. The slavery thing is a perfect example. So, according to these literal Bible quoters, it would be acceptable for me to own another human being, so long they were from neighboring nations of course, but unacceptable for me to love another person regardless of their sex. How can they pick and choose like this? Thusly, can I pick and choose which of the 10 Commandments I would like to adhere to? I wonder if they do that with everything. Do they also pick and choose which articles of The Bill of Rights they will live by also? Actually, I think some of them do… But anyway… I’m just tired of people telling me what’s right and wrong when it should be my own judgement and moral code that decides that. Just because I hurt your feelings or don’t live my life the way you live yours does not make your way right and mine wrong. Should my actions violate current laws or cause you physical injury, then I am your problem. If they don’t, then please just leave me the FK alone and live your own life, Please and Thank You Very Much.

Jamez
September 9, 2005

i was just talking to this australian girl tonight (fuk i adore her accent), and I asked her about religion. In Australia yes they have all sorts of religion, but have absolutly no issues of “church and state” because everybody there just kind of accepts everybody elses beliefs and for the most part the majority of the country is not religious at all.

that is something that as a nation i envy, (well that and all the pretty women with beautiful voices) I have always believed that people’s belief’s are their own and should be their problem, and that so long as they don’t try to make it mine, it is not, but the majority of people around here need to “MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND” that you are doing it the WRONG WAY.

fuck em, this post was the funniest thing i had read (that i have not wrote myself) in months). In which it truely conveys how screwed up it is for people to say “this is how it is” not realizing that eveerything is just perception and interpretation.