SmartAss A Day, Keeps Doctor Away

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 | Uncategorized

New study’s state that The SmartAss DOT Info is good for your health. I am not ready to publish the full study at this time, so you will just have to take my word on how truthful and detailed it is. It was a double blind, placibo test…. yes there were 10% of so subjected to an “alternative smartass” as a control factor.

If you are unable to do that, there are countless old studies that say laughter is good for: the soul, health, energy, mood, etc… So taking these studies (google it, they exist ya bloody fact checkers) as only a single factor of my new study, my website is good for countless positive things.

Here are a few of the statistics I can recall from my new study.
*90% of felt my website improved their overall quality of life
*90% said they tell a friend about my website
*19% felt my website was a complete waste of time, and planned to come back the next day for the very same reason
*32% of study participants felt that my website gave them more sexual machismo
*78% felt an increase of energy after reading one of my blog posts0
*27% said they would vote for thesmartass for GOD in the next election
*6% said that thesmartass should create a suicide hotline
*66% felt euphoric after 2 minutes on my website
*1% felt I needed my own action figure.
*42% felt thesmartass gave them higher self-esteem
*2% planned to name their children after thesmartass (not specified as to if they mean me, or the website)
*7% found this website by searching for either the words grandmother fucker or cock gobbler
*41% believe they would join my cult, err I mean religion once it is created
*90% would call me for tech support
*79% believe my roommate should be hung by the testicles with gator clips
*0.5% believe the lizard people are out to get me
*1% said they would do absolutly anything I commanded them to (grr, why did this have to be double blind study, if you are that 1% I command you to contact me with your identity).
*1% of people have been admitted to rehab for smartass addiction
*3% believe I should go on tour covering Isaac Hayes songs
*11% think I am a mooncalf, but still visit this website anyways.
*65% said they would rather visit my website, than use the bathroom!
*1% prefer thesmartass over sex (ok look you are nuts, not to scoff at the statistics but perhaps you aren’t doing it right and should probably ask for help)
*19% said they have spent more than one Saturday night reading my archives
*9% use me as their only news source
*88% of participants don’t actually recall participating
*9% would trust my judgement over their own
*100% felt that after all the many life improvements thesmartass provided them, there was still no reason to donate.

Those were just some of the statistics I liked the most. There is no reason to give you the rest since the above statistics proved the point that I was trying to make.

Speaking of studies I have done, I have been clean for several months now…. ever since that compelling comparison study I did between the effects of white chocolate and crack, so I might publish that just to help others with their own addiction.

Remember the long and short of it all is that The SmartAss DOT Info is good for every facet of your life (except your career).

               

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