Internal Conflict, Externalized

Monday, October 24th, 2005 | Uncategorized

I have been feeling really behind lately. I mean I go to work and during the downtime, all I can think of is things that I could be doing at home. In turn I am actually considering quitting my job, to rebalance my life.

Oh yeah, I haven’t mentioned that on here before. Well basically it’s looking like I need to stay. I mean If I stay, I will make 3-4 times the amount of money I make working for myself. If I stay my debt will quickly be paid off, and I will be able to buy a new car and a house.

If I go, I will be able to get back on track with consistent sleep, exercise, websites, etc…

It’s funny, I am actually pretty good at this job, but I feel weird there. My gut says go, but my head says stay. I have never really been one to follow rational thought but I haven’t really been able to say why I want to go, or why I want to stay. I can’t come up with good enough reasons for either, so my head is all funked up.

Reasons I want to leave————————-

• Hate getting up early and commuting over beltline to work
• Freezing cold at work sitting right by door to side lot, that opens all the time
• Long hours, find it hard to stay on task… I don’t want to be selling ALL day, and when there are no customers, I am supposed to be doing followup, but I don’t have THAT many people to follow up with and I feel rotten just sitting around trying to learn more about cars etc..
• Half the customers are jerks, I mean I work at the best dealership in Madison, but people still going in expecting you to be an ass, so they start defensive and ready for it…
• Haven’t been exercising since I started, and I eat fast food everyday….. So health is deteriating.
• The people who do really well have been selling cars for 3-30 years, 50% of their sales come from referrals. I am impatient, and cannot see myself selling cars for 30 years.
• I am far behind where I want to be on my websites, and well…. enjoyment for life!
• I am not very competitive, you have to be to sell cars.
• I prefer working for myself, no pressure, no coworkers….
• Don’t like calling prospects all the time

Reasons I want to stay—————–

• Never get another chance to work there, I believe that this is the best dealership around, in reputation, product and in traffic. If I leave they won’t hire me back and I will never sell cars again. So if It’s just me being a stupid immature kid and a couple years down the line I want to sell cars, It wouldn’t be in this State.
• I would really like to pay off my debt, credit card and family both, when I was working for myself I was very slowly paying off the debt, but staying would pay it off fast.
• I have EXPENSIVE taste, I would like to buy a nice new car, the nice house I live in, and lots of other very nice, very expensive things.
• It’s good for me. I mean I have learned a lot already. Putting up with angry customers, coworkers, downtime, and car sales all requires patience… Something I tend to lack. It’s the only skill I cannot learn by browsing the internet

I think it would be easier to get fired. I think the only way that will happen is if I cannot make my numbers for the next 2 months which is not likely. It is really slow right now, but I am not exactly bad at sales so that probably won’t happen.

See I suffer from a case of EGO. I do not fear leaving because I know that I am talented enough to do whatever the hell I want to do, and cocky enough to know that I can do it myself, or get another job with ease. I do not fear ending up on the street, or being poor, but I tend to work better out of need instead of want. Since I do not NEED this job, my logic says to leave, but I really WANT this job, and want to succeed at it.

So my head is screwed up right now. I actually went and talked to both of the sales managers and told them that I was considering quitting. Both of them wanted me to stay, but respected the fact that I might go. The only thing that was odd, is anytime I have wanted to quit someplace, I have simply done it. If the gut says go, then I go…. but this time I can’t seem to do it.

So while I am figuring this out, I decided to make it easier on myself to try to stay by working on the things I dislike about the job. Starting today with being way behind on shit….

Well, I am actually kind of proud of myself. Today I got shit DONE! Not everything, but hell of a lot of progress. Not just on my websites, but dishes, cleaning the house, my room, burning cd’s I owed to people, sorting some shit on my computer, all the laundry AND all the folding.

Tomorrow I am back to being forced awake by an alarm clock (grr, can’t i just comfortably wake up early). I will try to nock one more thing off the list, whether it’s getting more shit done after work, or actually starting to exercise again. It has to be something or I will never survive getting perpetually behind.

Thanx for reading about my bullshit. You probably read about the IE design problem I was having last night, but that I fixed without a complete redesign so the new site will be launching soon.

               

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