Fucking “Rockstars”

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008 | Life, Rants | 2 Comments

2 nights in a row there will be no sleep.

Last night I got to bed just before 3am. They were recording some new songs. However it doesn’t seem all that smart to START recording drums/guitars/vocals at 8pm on a Sunday.

Tonight dude came home from the bar with an after-party. However it was just a big sausage fest where some dude stole my lighter.

There was only one single girl who was pretty alternative and didn’t know when to stop talking. However I was a bit amused that she got Andrew to agree with her on her anti-christian views since he makes a big point to tell me how much time he spends at church.

Bah… Anywho, Mike&I were watching a movie when they came back. Actually a rather interesting one called Pathology… But they came back and killed the movie.

Dude promised he would have everybody out by midnight and then after 12:30 he had to start a movie. Well sort of… It’s actually a shitty British version of Jackass.

Anyway, I have had a lot of Brandy and in another glass or two I will be able to just pass out and bypass that whole need for quiet thing to go to sleep.

In other news I am REALLY far on the new theater design / database entry etc… I expect I should be able to launch the new automated theater design before the end of the week.

One of my good friends just got back from the Army. Of course he lives in Atlanta so I probably won’t be seeing him anytime soon, but it’s nice to have another friend to talk to again.

Okay, seriously “Dirty Sanchez” is not nearly as funny as Jackass. Just an FYI. Total weak-ass ripoff.

Religious People Can’t Take A Joke!

Saturday, August 9th, 2008 | Life | 15 Comments

Okay look, I am, at least as best could be described Agnostic. Yet just because I may have a different belief structure than a lot of other people, I don’t go around and tell other people their religion is wrong unless they first try to tell me mine is.

However, maybe it’s just because I believe in freedom of speech and religion that I feel I shouldn’t have to be ‘careful’ of my words and walk on eggshells around people who have certain beliefs and ideas.

10:38:53 PM James says: oh and what was that about jesus riding a giraffe?
10:39:31 PM M says: it’s my response to one of the theology on tap topics:
10:39:42 PM M says: did jesus ride a donkey or an elephant: faith at the voting booth.
10:39:57 PM M says: jesus was totally a libertarian.., and he rode a giraffe!
10:40:19 PM M says: theology on tap is where young adults get together at the bar to discuss faith issues.
10:40:23 PM James says: cool. i thought he rode mary magdalen :)
10:40:24 PM James says: haha
10:40:25 PM James says: j/k
10:40:29 PM M says: that’s disgusting.
10:40:56 PM James says: yes yes, i am a terrible human being
10:41:11 PM James says: which will be proven someday when i publish my book
10:41:18 PM James says: … as “fiction”
10:42:25 PM M says: it’s just that i’m so sick of people making fun of my religion.
10:42:30 PM M says: like my faith is fair game.
10:42:42 PM M says: especially when i’ve never pushed my faith on anyone.
10:43:12 PM James says: i’m not bashing u/christianity in any way/shape/form
10:43:26 PM M says: you just made a sex joke about my savior.
10:43:32 PM James says: so?
10:43:37 PM M says: it’s not funny.
10:43:50 PM M says: not to me anyway.
10:44:02 PM James says: wow, why on earth would you try to find a way to take offense to a joke?
10:44:37 PM James says: had i made a similar joke about anybody but jesus you would have laughed with me
10:44:59 PM M says: i don’t need to try to take offense, i was offended.
10:45:38 PM M says: can we just leave religion out of our dialogue?
10:45:46 PM James says: well i don’t know what to say. it was just a joke
10:46:02 PM James says: so i need to walk on eggshells now?
10:47:23 PM M says: no.
10:47:27 PM M says: just avoid religion.
10:47:35 PM James says: i tell racist jokes to my black friends. i tell religious jokes to my religious friends. i will refrain from doing that with you anymore (eggshells).
10:47:36 PM M says: or at least making jokes about it.
10:47:43 PM M says: thank you.
10:48:21 PM James says: but i feel bad right now, and i don’t think i should
10:48:52 PM M says: then don’t.
10:49:15 PM James says: not that easy
10:49:37 PM M says: well just feel bad for upsetting me but not for the content.
10:49:46 PM M says: if you think it’s amusing, i can’t fault you for that.
10:49:58 PM James says: i still care about you and am not trying to hurt/offend you. but it seemed harmless to me and still does
10:50:10 PM M says: if you don’t think you should feel bad, then simply don’t feel bad. power of the mind.
10:50:27 PM M says: i’m not all up in a tizzy about it. it’s fine.
10:50:33 PM M says: seriously.
10:51:50 PM James says: alright well enough discussion for the night. I’m all tapped out. g’night ~
10:53:55 PM M says: i’m sorry.
10:53:55 PM James says: [Auto-Response]: going 2 bed
10:54:19 PM M says: guess standing up for myself has it’s consequences. good night.

Yes, it is within this girls right to be offended by my words, and it is within my rights to offend her and yes, faith is “fair game”. However what the hell (oh shit, I should of more carefully chosen my words here 2) is the point of getting offended over what was very clearly a joke? So what if it’s a sex joke? I mean both of us are adults and talk about sex to each other now and then.

I know there are a bunch of Christians reading this blog entry, so I would like your opinion. Are you offended by what I said? Am I now on bad terms with the J-Man, or will it take another offensive joke to do so?

Legs Up For Jesus

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air.

She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, “I’m afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy.”

“So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?” asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, “Tiddles’ legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to Heaven.”

Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: “Mommy almost died this morning.”

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, “How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!”

“Well”, mumbled Lucy, “soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, “Oh Jesus!!! I’m coming, I’m coming!!!” and if it hadn’t been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy.”

The Model That Loved Me (Not Quite Enough)

Saturday, August 9th, 2008 | Life | 6 Comments

So I’m at the bar tonight. It was a “special night” as there was some modeling thing going on and the gorgeous women outnumbered the guys at least 2 to 1. Seemed ideal for me to go… AND wear my “T-Qualizer” shirt since it gets me tons of attention.

Within 5 minutes of being at the bar I had 4 girls come up to me who wanted their pictures taken with me (always a good time). One of them insisted on shoving her tits between my arm for the picture (this amused me since it was her being pervy and not me).

The night calmed down a bit from there and it went on until eventually I struck up a conversation with some other hot model girl who told me I was the coolest guy she had ever met and she wanted to buy me a shot.

She went off to go do that and I had a guy 3 times my size threaten me and tell me that if I went inside he would beat my ass. So I waited until she separated from him and then I walked in and grabbed her and moved her away from “mr. kick my ass”.

Her friends were leaving and so was the angry guy (who gave me another dirty look) and I asked her if she was going with them or me and she choose me. So good start right? So she decides she wants to go get a drink at an Irish pub she knows, but she has REALLY bad sense of direction. I mean she tells me the cross it’s at and I start driving there but she insists that Elliot road is perpendicular to Ray Rd and I try to politely tell her it’s not but she was insistent to keep sending me in the wrong direction to get places and I was willing to let her.

So we eventually show up at a bar that supposedly one of her friends was at. We stay in the car for a minute and make out and then proceed to go in the bar and NOT find her friend. Seems he was not at that bar but at one with the same name at Tempe Marketplace.

Fine, fine whatever… Lets just get on with it.

So we get to this place and she keeps telling me how “in love with me she is” and how “i have never liked a guy enough to introduce him to my co-workers”… blah blah.

So on the way into this bar we get carded and I show my Rarotonga license (the only one I have since Arizona cop stole my Arizona license a month ago and I never got another one), and the guy won’t let me into the bar.

He insists that he will only let me in with a passport if I don’t have an Arizona ID. I say “DUDE, I am nearly 28 years old”, but he just spouts some crap about policy and won’t let me in.

So the girl goes (Georgia) goes in and I talk to her over the fence. Then she gets kicked out by one of the guys that works there because he says she’s drunk. She however sees it as her getting kicked out because she was talking to me (on the outside). So she walks around to go back in.

Since I could not go back in I asked her if we were done then and she kept saying NO… No No, of course not. However I didn’t see how it could work any other way. She was in, and I was out so I just walked off and drove home.

Never did get her number. Suppose I could have gotten it if I tried, but I was rather annoyed that I couldn’t get into a bar for the first time ever and the girl who kept telling me how much she adored me was able to get in.

Anyway, it’s cool. It’s just one more thing to boost my confidence. Though I really need to start getting pictures with all these hot girls I am dating.

Man does it suck to trip the fuck out and do it alone.

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 | Life | 4 Comments

Ok. This is the first post to describe my experience last night. I was trippin’ and decided to create a bunch of new things in various places on the web. It all started with a rather unique personal ad. The bastards at Craigslist have flagged the ad for removal. I CAN’T imagine why!?!?

After this I have hours of video footage I recorded. Against my better judgment I have decided to make it into a movie of what it’s like to trip.

I have very busy schedule so it will probably take me a few days months to turn all the footage into a movie (and a trailer to put on YouTube).

Below is the personal ad that was removed from Craistlist.
—————————————-
HOLY SHIT the curtains are making me trip the fuck out~~~

so yeah, my coordination is all f-d up…

~~i just dropped my laptop~~

& it’s guts fell out….

man does it suck to trip the fuck out and do it alone….

My computer just froze, BUT i don’t blame it… it’s probably still pissed from when i dropped it (and it’s guts fell out).

So now I have lost, all that I was writing about… fuckedy fuck it was something about me and how I’m so cool and blah BLAH blah

NO WAIT, then I said there was my website (www.thesmartass.info) and how you’d need to like it! ~ since it is a vortex that has sucked my soul and all of my time into it.

Grr, what was i writing it was pure GENIUS…

some amazing thoughts ABOUT how as the world transcends i’ll become a billionaire…

Blah Blah Blah day in and day out

i am sick of working for the man …… THEN there was something about

how i was running my own company and taking a stand
some crap about how I’M a computer man.

ok now some of it’s coming back, to some of you i must seem really wack (YES wack is a term used by old people, but now I’m bringing it back just like Justin did with that “sexy” crap).

Can you taste purple? This is all I’m asking!!!

Life is short, and should be used well, so that you don’t end up ~in hell~.

and i don’t want to hear ~ all about how Jesus is love CAUSE

BLAH blah blah: I’m all tripped out~~~

Ok, no it’s cool. I love the discussion, especially when it’s over and THEN there comes a nice religious fucking….

Can you taste purple? This is all I’m asking!!!

boy (<--me) meets girl (<--you). It's really all so simple ~

More Crap People Email Me!!

Friday, July 25th, 2008 | Site Updates | 4 Comments

I am soon going to start a section just junk like this. It will be called the “Wall of Shame” and will go right next to the “Wall of Fame” (also a work in progress), so that people can feel better about themselves for not being so stupid.

If you haven’t read the previous post you should read that too. Today I got a good laugh before I banned this kid from my website.

Originally he had just emailed me very stupid questions about how to play games, because he was too stupid to find the pull-down menu at the top of the page. However then he kept emailing me… Read to see the full back/forth on this guy.

Mike Says: hay smart ass how come none of youre games work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TSA Says: As if.

They all work just fine

Java.com > download newest java

Then be sure to click on applet and use the controls listed in menu.

Mike Says: I have java and they dont work fine!

TSA Says: To humor you, I just tested both the sega and the nes

They work just fine in both firefox and internet explorer.

Something wrong with your browser if u can’t load them.

If u see white or gray box with an x you don’t have java Just Microsoft java which is NOT java.

Mike Says: I to have fire fox and the regualar internet and i have2 kinds of javas that i downloaded!

TSA Says: What is your Exact problem.

Take a screenshot if possible.

Mike Says: ok listen on my laptop I checked if it had java and it did and then when I went on thesmartass.info I went on games and I went on nes games and then it showed a picture of donkey kong and then when i put my mouse on him itsaid 2180 or 180 games playabelle online.

TSA Says: Um, clicking the picture just reloads the page

The menus with all the games in them are at the top of the page…. Little pull-down menus.

Mike Says: what aree the controls?

TSA Says: All the controls are in the menu above the games And on the front page And in the forums

They are a bit different for each emulator.

Mike Says: thanks for the help but what letters are a and bthanks for the help but what letters are a and b

Mike Says: Can you please put less bad pics on your web?

TSA Says: Haha.. No.

But feel free to go directly to the page of your choice.

thesmartass.info/sega

or

/nes
/othergames
/theater

Etc…

Mike Says: I wouldnt sleep If I were you Im three blox away from you I have any kind of weapon that can kill u.I even have a lock pic because my dad friends with the cia fbi and the army

TSA Says: Maybe you do. Lets see… Your name is Mikael Mortikyan. You live near Los Angeles, CA.. It is a unique spelling of your name so I am guessing you were named after your grandfather, who was born in 1953 and is currently living at 1488 Allen Ave in Pasadena… But this is just a guess and I have only done 30 seconds of research. I could be wrong, I mean your IP address actually ends in Irvine CA… But still if I am, a threat is typically enough to get a subpoena from your DSL Provider to release your address and I don’t appreciate being threatened.

So tell ya what. You can walk down the street and just nock on my door and I will teach you how to properly use the lock pick you posess to break into my place.

It’s the least I can do since I know you will have lots of free time now that I have banned you from my website.

~Have a nice day.

Big Ass Blueberry and Chocolate Chip Muffins

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008 | Helpful | 2 Comments

I was looking for this recipe on my hard drive the other day, only to realize that it was actually on one of my SATA hard drives that I can’t access until I finish building my new tower, as this shitty laptop can’t exactly use a sata drive. No fear, I sold my old computer to my mom and left the folder with it in alive… woot.

Thought I should share… I mean they are amazing… but DO NOT TRY to make these in a normal muffin pan. They just don’t work at all (not to mention the name looses context). Get a tin that only makes 6 muffins.

“Big Ass Blueberry & Chocolate Chip Muffins“

3 Tea. Baking Powder
2 C. Flour
1/2 C. Sugar
1/2 Tea. Salt

2 Eggs
1/2 Tea. Vanilla
1 1/3 C.Milk
1/4 C. Margarine or Butter

2/3 C. Blueberries
2/3 C. Chocolate Chips

————————–

-Mix dry ingredients in a bowl
-Melt butter in micro and add milk, eggs, and vanilla
-Mix dry stuff with wet stuff until mixed well (but not totally smooth)
-Add chips and blueberries(frozen berries work best)
-Preheat @ 450f
-Grease a six cup muffin tin with butter (no sprays)
-Pour batter into cups evenly
-To make top brown when muffins are solid open oven and add some butter while they are baking
-Bake aprox.23 min. (check with toothpick to make sure they are done)
-Burn yourself trying to pull them out of pan and eat them 2 early

Dig this recipe? Try my other ones:
Beef Tenderloin in Cherry Sauce
Mixed Nut Bars & Ethereal

I Live in a Recording Studio

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008 | Life | 2 Comments

Since I have been back in Arizona I have gone through a transition of places to stay. First I thought, well… Lets just move in with my girlfriend… That’s always a good idea right? Ok, well things don’t always work out as you plan and I am no longer with her and have updated relationship status to FIP (friends in progress), so I moved out of there and moved into my friends office. Friend kicked ass to let me stay there while I found a place since he already had somebody renting a room from him and I just took up more space.

So I found a new place to live yesterday. I have been replying to a bunch of ads on craigslist, and after thinking none of them would ever respond, 4 people responded all at once. I was looking through the replies and then one of the guys just called me and he seemed pretty cool so I met up with him and his other roommate for a beer.

We ended up all getting along really well and it was the beginning of the month so I have now moved into their place. Yep, met them and moved in a couple hours later.

They both have daytime jobs and then come home and are musicians at night. They have soundproofed the walls, have a giant mixing board and a computer just for mixing, a vocal recording booth etc… so this is all very interesting to me, which is good since the things I know are interesting to them.

It’s a big ass house, and I get my own bathroom and a walk in closet. There is a pool etc… However what there isn’t is a Microwave… or silverware… or dishes… haha… Supposedly the last guy who lived here had those things and they haven’t gotten around to getting them.

Now I know they are bachelor-extrodinares and all, but how could they live without a microwave, but it seems they just get take-out everyday.

I do hope they buy a microwave since I would rather not… I mean I am ok buying some new pots/pans/silverware, but that’s where it ends.

Anywho, this aught to be interesting and maybe I will use studio to record me covering Chocolate Salty Balls :)

Update: Oh and I suppose I could be more specific. Underdog Studios is run out of the house. You can see their website and some of the stuff that has been recorded here on the site: http://underdogstudios.com/

I Own A Daewoo :(

Monday, June 23rd, 2008 | Life | 6 Comments

Yes, it’s true. I decided to buy a cheapie car. From pimped out mini cooper to…. a Daewoo.

I will miss the mini, but for the next 2 years I will enjoy the $500 a month residual income that it will provide me.

So from an expensive car to one that I paid $1300 for. Yep that’s right. 2000 Daewoo with less than 76000 miles on it, and it only costs $1300.

I will need to recharge the A/C, find a hubcap (1 is missing), put new speakers in it (1 of them works, but it has a rather large pen sticking out of it…), and clean the stickiness outside of car (lets hope it was from soda).

It also doesn’t have cruise control, in Arizona there is no need, however I will be annoyed if I have to take a road trip.

Oh… So George Carlin died today… Yeah, I know that sucks… and has nothing to do with my shitty new car, but it was also shitty so I thought of it.

Grr, my foot still hurts. I thought I found the cure for Gout last night, but it came back. bastards….

My Car Debacle

Friday, June 20th, 2008 | Life | 1 Comment

Ok, so good move on my part. Move to New Zealand for 2 months and during that time sell my car to somebody who will pay for it for 24 months.

It actually seemed like a good idea. I mean I am a legal lien holder on the title and it can’t be sold without me being paid off first. I get $500 USD a month in residual income, which pretty much pays my rent wherever I go. Yep, just for selling a car.

Well I got back to America and I had no car… Also due to expensive plain tickets that pulled from the wrong accounts etc.. (grr, overdraft was setup to not pull from my savings but from my credit card as a cash advance) I am fairly low on spending cash.

So I thought I could get my mini cooper back. Talked to the guy who bought it and offered most of what he had paid for it to get the car back. Hesitant at first he agreed to do so.

However we kept talking and he mentioned that he still hadn’t sold his old car. So me, enjoying the residual income though of a perfect solution. I bought his car, a 1993 Ford (Anal) Probe with 170k miles for a $900 reduction on what he owed me for the car.

Now I was informed that it was only internal cosmetic issues with the car and that it ran fine. So I gave it a full tank of gas ($58) and then drove it to the emissions place since this is required in Arizona before you can title a car into your name. Well it failed the emissions… 3 different tests failed!!! This pretty much means that the catalytic converter needs to be replaced since it was SUPER high on NOX etc..

Well this and my friend had done a quick list of things that he noticed that needed to be replaced. Some of which included the radiator, and both cv joints on the front, as well as it had some kind of weird idle where sometimes it idles at 2000 and sometimes at 1000 and power stearing sometimes works, and sometimes doesn’t…

Needless to say i was pissed off, I mean I would have fixed all the cosmetic crap and the cv joints without making much hassel but when the emissions thing happened and I can’t even title the car until it’s fixed, I suddenly don’t want anything to do with this stupid Anal Probe.

The owner agreed to take car back but still didn’t want to give me my mini cooper back. He said he would do it because he didn’t want me to try to screw him over (since there are worse things than death and I can do them all), but he didn’t really want to and legally he didn’t have to. So I told him it was fine and so long as he took the old POS back that I would just find another car.

Well this is great in theory. I mean I will keep getting my rent paid for a couple years, but now I still don’t have a car and without a car I can’t do mobile pc repair OR get another job.

So I am actively looking for a non-shitty car for around 1500… Yeah… I know, but whatever, I mean I am not trying to replace the mini cooper, but to make life easier so I can spend more time working on my website.

Gout, A Pain in the Foot

Friday, June 20th, 2008 | Life | 3 Comments

You know how a doctor looks at some test results at one point and says “wow, you are really healthy… except you do have really high uric acid levels, you should really work on changing your diet to change that so that you don’t end up with Gout”.

Well you ignore him because doctors are stupid and who the fuck are they to tell you what you can and cannot eat!?

That was my experience. Basically I have a shitty metabolism and my body is too acidic, so uric acid builds up in the joints. Most often the big toe joint. Odd, I know.

But DAMN does it suck. I mean I haven’t been able to walk properly for days. I had to pay a doctor $110 for the visit just to get him to prescribe me some drugs, which to my dismay he only gave me percoset and shit to deal with the pain, and nothing to actually lower uric acid levels.

Lucky for me I know how to browse the internet and have been trying to reduce my foods that cause excess uric acid and have been drinking cherry juice etc… It still hasn’t gone away, but it’s better than it was the other day.

I mean having shit like this takes away all motivation. Oh I can’t move my food… or even if I don’t move it the damn things still hurts and you can’t sleep because of the constant stabbing pain.

So what am I supposed to do? Eat less red meat, stop eating shell fish, cut out yeast based products and things with high protein and purine. Stop drinking alcohol etc…

Yeah, it sounds like some bullshit to me 2. Grr…