*tch-tch-tch* Crazy-Christians; when will they ever learn? :)

nice.
jokes are funny when they understood to be jokes. have a sense of humor about life and you´ll be just fine. seems like if Jesus (notice the capital J) was really all that cool like the bible cuts it, he´d be a huge badass. He´d like an occassional joke, some wine, and a lay. how else would people GET him? people loved the dude.

just so long as you don’t start making drawings of Mohammad. Even my wife thought that the joke was funny

wait why am i an emo vampire?

Because you are not logged in… so u get random image for profile.

Holy carp!

You mean I don’t have to be the drunken red-neck?

haha… u r still waiting for your day on the wall of shame.

Funny thing is it still isn’t proven that he didn’t ride Mary Magdalene! They may have even been married (or commonlaw or whatever variation existed at the time) and might have even had kids, which in itself would be proof that there was some Mary ridin’ going on at some point… Or Jesus ridin’, depending on their moods at the time. It all depends on what written texts you wanna believe…

I guess what I’m saying is there’s no proof one way or the other that he didn’t ride Mary. It’s the same argument as what happens after you die, which is why I had to drop philosophy. There’s no way for you to know, which means that any theory is pure conjecture. I mean, just because it’s written doesn’t mean it’s fact. Case in point:

I HAVE A BILLION DOLLARS AND CAN MAKE YOU HAVE MULTIPLE ORGASMS WITH JUST THE POWER OF MY BREATH.

Since that is written, it MUST be true, right?! The difference between what I wrote and the Bible is that I know what part is true and what isn’t. The Bible was written a zillion years ago by people with an agenda who picked and choosed from hundreds of books to find the ones that promoted the ideas they wanted promoted. Read the Gospel According to Mary, a book that was not chosen to be included in the canon but a book which did exist at the time of compilation. In that book you will find a much stronger Mary who had a much more central role in Jesus’ life than just someone who washed his feet and cried the loudest when he was crucified, but God forbid something in the Bible promote women as being equal, or even superior depending on the individuals being compared, to a man! That’s not the message they wanted to convey! Uh-uh, no way! Women are subservient and were only created FOR men.

Anyway, you will always get in trouble when you joke about or criticize religion and maybe it’s because the people who follow whichever God it is they follow know in the back of their heads that they believe in something that is unproven and when all is said and done and they have shuffled off this mortal coil, it may be proven to them at that time that they were sold a bill of goods… Then again, it might be proven that they weren’t. Problem is, they still won’t be able to prove it to the still-alive folks back home who don’t know for absolutley sure.

You know, when i say Jesus fucked some bitch, it doesn’t mean her philosophy about him riding a giraffe was wrong~!

Perhaps both of our theories were correct…

But if it’s “theology on tap” then it seemed a good enough discussion to add my 2 cents in.

Well, I don’t see much real discussion going on if she’s gonna get offended when people say something that goes against what she believes.

But now I need to take issue… When you say Jesus rode Mary, I can be fine with that because it’s good to know Jesus & Mary mighta had a good time together, but saying “Jesus fucked some bitch” is a bit much. It shows a HUGE lack of respect to both the subject of the statement and to anyone who holds that subject in as high a regard as most people do. And I know they’re just words and maybe that’s not where your beliefs lie, but it’s easier to forgive and stay friends with someone who just said Jesus rode Mary than someone who took your “God” and said he “fucked some bitch”.

I know this probably sounds like I’m contradicting myself, but I’m really not. I think anyone should be allowed to say anything they like, but they also should be prepared to be sitting alone in a room spouting their views to themselves and the walls if they keep alienating people they would like to keep as friends. If there’s someone you don’t want as a friend, I say have at it and alienate the shit outta them, but keeping friends takes a bit more effort… and tact… and respect, even if you don’t agree with everything they hold dear. In those cases, just avoid the subject and talk about something a bit more innocuous… like politics or abortion or the death penalty.

I didn’t say I was being respectful now. Just that I wasn’t being bad then. Now I am just laying it on thick. Watch the following video:

http://www.thesmartass.info/watch/jesus+kinison

Then I read this article:
Attention Whore Vs. Butthurt Christian

Then I read some of the follow up comments, and was amused by this one:

A: How does he know Jesus doesn’t suck?
B: If the sign read “Jesus blows” would that also be a problem?
C: Is he more pissed that Jesus doesn’t swallow?

Hey now, you can’t just say that about Jesus!

C is a complete non sequitur - Jesus can easily both suck and swallow; the two are entirely compossible. So don’t come here and spew your vile anti-Christian hate speech.

http://www.jesuswasahomo.org/quotes.php

What is my point? Again, I simply point out the lack of humor on the part of the very religious people. Calling MM some bitch might seem callous but how exactly do you know that Jesus didn’t call them bitches? I mean the above website could have it right. Or perhaps it doesn’t and he was a player.

I mean I know it is much easier to get laid when you are being a cause-head than it is when you don’t have any strong beliefs or stances on anything. I mean dude probably just saw being the son of god as a good opportunity to get a bunch of equivalent-to-hippie chicks who just need something to believe in.

Hooker Logic (on Californication): “Some of Jesus best pal’s were the whores.”

Look, what drives people in life? Sex, Power, Happiness (also eternal happiness is quite popular), A Cause, Popularity….

Dude hit all the right buttons… He was a bloody rock star!

http://www.thesmartass.info/watch/family+guy+jesus

Someday Christianity will fade away and another religion that clones it’s ideas will take it’s place. Perhaps TSAism, where I explain that life is just perspective and I explain it in a way that there can be 8 million interpretations. Yet still, the wars will not end and chaos will ensue and there will still be a bunch of butthurt people out there trying to insist that they are the ones with the right interpretation and they will kill you if you say otherwise.

I mean Science H. Logic… Just live your life for yourself and your family and not for some badly written novel ~!

Dear God, please save me from your followers! - Bumper Sticker

http://www.thesmartass.info/watch/Jim+Gaffigan+Jesus

I have always LOVED that bumper sticker!

Anyway, at no point was I saying that you were wrong or that you were right. I believe in the right to free speech and the free exchange of ideas and opinions. All I was saying is that if you want to collect those silly little things called friends, then you need to adapt yourself for them and not get all haughty and defensive when one of them tells you that something you said offended them.

People who are trying to live a life based on religion are basically leading a pretty rigid existence because that’s what they are being asked to do. It’s not easy following all those rules and, because of that, some humor is lost on them, unless you’re joking about the rigidity itself. Making questionable jokes about the main figure of the religion isn’t usually welcomed and maybe that’s because they’re trying to believe in something that is still considered by many as having an imaginary friend. Some people can handle jokes it and some can’t. The question is whether or not you are willing to respect that.

If someone said, “I bet your mom sucks cock better than a toothless queen in The Castro”. Some people might find that funny, some might not because mothers are a sensitive subject. If the person you said that to said, “Look, I don’t really like jokes about my mom” and you keep saying jokes about their mom, then fine, you just need to accept that you’re not going to have that person as a friend for very long. If that’s the ultimate goal, then cool - Objective reached! But if you want to keep someone as a friend and keep spouting off about the oral talents of their mom, then maybe your social skills aren’t all they should be. One of the main things that draws and keeps friends close is feeling comfortable together. If you make them feel uncomfortable, then they’ll go find someone who doesn’t.

I was just saying that, eventhough I can usually find the humor in anything, I didn’t like the sound of “Jesus fucked some bitch”, but that’s coming from someone who doesn’t like to hear people say “Goddamn” either… What can I say, humor is subjective. I thought “Science H. Logic” was great! The other one, not so much.

My belief is this: We can believe in anything we like, no matter how stupid it might be and if we disagree, we can also always talk about something else.

Damn! Your filters or whatever dropped my parenthetical *Scientology* after “we can believe in anything we like, no matter how stupid…”

Is there something you want to tell me, James? Has Xenu been whispering words of persuasion in your ear?

Grrr…

not sure how it would drop things you say. it will often reject your entire message because it believes it is spam and then tell you that you don’t have javascript on.

However having it do this has totally removed all of my spam. I used to get hundreds a day.

Yeah, I had put it in as cough*scientology*cough between 2 triangle brackets and it probably thought I was putting in a website link or something…
Oh well… No big deal.

Then again it could have been Jesus…
or Xenu.