My site is a smartass without me!

Monday, November 12th, 2007 | Life, Site Updates

So get this, I have a “.htaccess” file that’s like a book. I mean I must have 2000 redirects in it based on who you are, and what you are trying to do. It’s so big I have written tutorials on how to help other people to make their file big and mean. Why would you want to do that? Well in my case it’s a necessity because a lot of people try to hack into my site on a daily basis. When they aren’t trying to hack in they might be dickheads in the chat. They could be using a program to try to “rip” my site and download everything, which is a huge hit to my bandwidth etc.. They could be a copyright search engine going around looking for stolen artwork ;) etc… I have a zillion reasons to want to redirect people to different places.

I have gotten so “good” with my htaccess file that I can make it so certain people get redirected to English lessons only when they try to “ask-a-smartass” question.

Well it seems that you can know everything at the time you are doing it but troubleshooting something caused by it that you don’t expect is a pain.

So I am hosting my friend Jacob at fivecows.thesmartass.info and he comes to my chat tonight and says “Greetings from the recluse. Hoe are things going here? Busy as always? Just thought I’d mention that if you try going to my blog and get the message to go F yourself, please know I’m sorry.”.

Now I am freaking out, I am thinking I pissed off my friend and he is telling me to go fuck myself if I visit his blog~! Well I had to go check it out… and I instantly noticed that when you clicked on his archives it redirected you instantly to a google search result for “go fuck yourself”. Now I know damn well that I redirect people that are spamming / harassing people on my site to this page. So it had to be my fault. Sure enough, If I mucked with the line in the htaccess file it gave me an internal server error for that page.

At the moment I need to go to bed so I renamed his index.php to index.htm (since there didn’t appear to be any php in it at the time it won’t hurt his page to be named that. However I cannot pinpoint exactly what is causing it to redirect. Technically it should only direct a few exact things and hooligans :). So I need to muck through my big ass file tomorrow and figure out why his blog archives are telling everybody to go fuck themselves!

You raise it from when it’s very small and nurture it and low and behold my site has truly grown into it’s own smartass…

They grow up so fast.

               

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