Bad Date, or Good Life Experience…
Yesterday night I was stoodup. It’s a first for me, and hopefully a last as I am a generally happy guy who doesn’t dwel on things. However I have been dweling on this…
Background: It all started when I sent a mass email to a bunch of people I have not talked to in a long time encouraging everybody to check out my website. I did not get many responses, but one of them was from a girl that I had not talked to in years.
Over the years I have probably idealized this girl as every moment I spent with her I enjoyed…. I however never dated her, I met her when I was dating a different girl, the next time I saw her, I had broken up with my girlfriend and was single, but she was not. Still we seemed to have some sort of a connection, not to mention she was beautiful, energetic, smart, and yes the big one…. NOT DEPRESSED.
So she sends me this response to the email I sent everybody right… Well in it she says “I went through some old pics the other day, and wondered where you were/ how you were…and then I get an email from you. (Interesting)” . This peaked my interest and we started sending emails back and forth, ultimatly coming to the conclusion that she will come visit me.
I was pumped, I mean I actually cleaned my entire house and kicked out my annoying roomate, just because she was going to stop here for a couple minuites before we went out… The house is now cleaner than it has ever been in the last 4 years I have lived here…
So she had told me in a previous email that she was in between cell phones, but that she would be coming to Madison (lives in milwaukee) Sunday morning, and would show up at my place between 6 and 6:30, and that she would call before she left so that I knew when exactly.
Well after waiting till 8 and getting no word from her, not even an email I left the house to go hang out with other friends in an attempt to be less annoyed. I got home and sent her this email:
To which she responded with this:
Hi James,
I take it you didn’t get my email yesterday morning…Sorry about the confusion…had I relized you were uninformed I would’ve called.
It basically said that I’m sick as a dog and even with that I tried getting to Madison but after going into the ditch twice I decided not to risk going any further. (Didn’t want to get you sick either)
I am however off of work for the next couple of weeks, so I have a bit more free time….perhaps we can try again. (If you’re willing)
I would be angry to…be stood up even if there is a reason really sucks. I hope we can still manage to get together though. I would like to see you.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I’m already feeling much better so, I’d be willing to come visit you today or whenever this week (as long as you don’t mind my sniffles). Just let me know. And if phone is easier….you can call me (or I you) .
Just let me know.
again, I’m really sorry about the seeming lack of contact.
Now I am pretty good at reading people in person, and though I don’t think I am that great at doing it via email, the email seemed like she was just telling me what I wanted to hear. Hell I think I am the one that suggested the ditch idea to her, but come on… in the ditch twice… lost email….
But we are now up to current times, I believe that she was at least partially lying to me in her response, but lets facts… just the mere fact that I made a blog just to write this says that this girl has some sort of a powerful draw for me.
So I sit here at a quandry, good relationships are based on trust, so either I should trust her story and give her another chance, or I can assume she is lying to try to protect my feelings in which if it the case she probably does not want to actually go out with me and is only offering to do so in order to feel better about herself and the way things were left.
See me, I am a jack of all trades, a know it all, a smartass, whatever you want to call it, so I like to know everything. I mean I have a deep yearning to know anything and everything, but when I don’t know something I want to know, and not knowing is killing me… all I need to do is call her and talk to her, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
See if she was lying to me, I think I will be ok… I have idealized this girl for years, and to put a flaw in her armor is probably something I need to move on, I mean nobody’s perfect. But what if she wasn’t lying and her fantastical story was true…. then I feel bad for doubting her and would like to give it another shot… but I am getting to old for bullshit.
This is getting kind of wordy, it’s amazing what just rolls off the top of your head when you are emotional… In fact the last time I was really upset about a girl I made an entire comp. cd and an award winning poem… I am actually listening to that cd now, lol … here’s the tracklist, I will close on that note.
If for some strange reason you actually read this whole thing (I mean you must know me to give a shit), then don’t worry about me, a couple days and all of this will be resolved and life will move on. I am not one to worry, hold a grudge, stress out, resent etc… Life is to short to spend it thinking about things that have not happened yet or dweling on what has… Every now and then you just need to vent, and not being in a relationship, I thought it best to vent at my website instead of a real person.. heh
Once Loved (tracklist)
01 [Ani Difranco] Done Wrong
02 [Our Lady Peace] Clumsy
03 [Hole] Dying
04 [Apocaliptica] The Unforgiven
05 [Vertical Horizon] Everything You Want
06 [Chris Issac] Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing
07 [Soul Asylum] Promise Is Broken
08 [Blessid Union Of Souls] The Rest Of My Life
09 [Ben Folds Five] Don’t Change Your Plans
10 [Collective Soul] The World I Know
11 [Cake] I Will Survive
12 [Blur] Tender
13 [Tom Petty] Into The Great Wide Open
14 [Concrete Blonde] Tomorrow Wendy
15 [Would Be King] Can You Hear Me
16 [Red Hot Chilli Peppers] Californication
17 [Fisher] Too Late