Oprah’s Asshole

Wednesday, April 19th, 2006 | Helpful

So I just got done watching South Park. It’s 1:45 in the morning, and as much as I really need to go to bed. I do not believe after watching that episode that I can go to sleep.

So instead I will describe it to you, so that perhaps you won’t be able to sleep either…

Now there is this character in South Park called Towlieeeie. He is a talking towel that likes to get high. Well he didn’t have enough money to pay the rent, so he got high and decided that he could make a ton of money writing his memoirs down.

3 weeks later he goes into a publisher and the guy tells him that 4 chapters about eating doritos are crap, but it didn’t matter because he’s a towel and nobody would ever read a book by a towel. So he left and decided to get high, and then he came up with a great idea. He took his book (a million tiny fibers) and went through and crossed out all the times he said towel and replaced it with people/person and then he put on a hat and a fake mustash and went to a different publisher.

The guy said it was amazing etc.. Next thing you know he is on Oprah and she decides to make it the book of the month. Now this is pretty much where it stops being about the towel. Since instead of listening to oprah talk her “minge” (aka her vagina) starts talking. Ol’ minge is pissed off because that fat cow is always working and never spends any time rubbing him anymore, I mean not even a little scratch. So minge decides to try to get everybody against Oprah so that she would have more time to play with him.

When he comes up with this plan “Gary” (aka her Asshole) starts talking. Gary says he needs a little stimulation as well and that he really wants to see Paris. So while Oprah is sleeping they pull the phone between her legs and call Geraldo to tell him the dirt that they have discovered that Mr. Stephen McTowlieeie is actually a towel.

News leaks and then Oprah calls Towlieeie and says she wants him to come on the show the next day and tell people all the compelling reasons why he changed the facts. He comes in and just when Minge and Gary think they have won and all the people hate Oprah, she turns it around and starts screaming at the towel and tells everybody that there are torches under the chair and that she will give Towlieeie a 5 second head start.

They chase him down and just when you think he will get burned….. Minge unzips and whips out a gun and takes the crowd hostage. A cop gets close and he gets shot and killed, and then Gary and Minge got sick and “threw up”.

Well the towel saved the day by slipping into the bank and letting people in and then the snipers shot Gary, and then Minge said he couldn’t take it anymore and shot himself. The towel decided he had learned a valuable lesson in knowing that he didn’t need to get high to get great ideas…. Instead he would just get high to reward himself after them. Oprah gets hauled off on a stretcher and the cop says she will live but her Asshole and her Vagina were dead.

Sleep Tight