BS

New Theater Launched!

Monday, August 18th, 2008 | Site Updates | No Comments

New Theater Launched: Please add all comments and suggestions below. I plan to keep adding features to the page so if there are any you would like to see please tell me below.

New Theater Launch Tonight (Seriously)

Monday, August 18th, 2008 | Site Updates | 1 Comment

So if you haven’t yet heard I am launching a new version of Rip-Off Theater.

It will be AMAZING and all the visitors will be able to add information about the videos and submit new content, report broken links etc.. When everything is working how I want it to I will also adapt the games page to use the same format.

Anyway, I REALLY wanted to launch the theater page today. However (skip next part of paragraph if you don’t want to hear a bunch of excuses) foresee an internet explorer bug that would set me back 3 hours, then 3 phone calls from family members to set me back another hour and a half. Lastly I got through those issues and decided I could launch it tonight, however I just happen to notice that my filter menu seems to have broken today.

Looks right but doesn’t work and well, that is a rather important feature and I do not want to be dickin’ with the database and php code very much when the theater is launched.

I have to go to court later today(very confusing writing a blog post just after midnight. Is it today, or tomorrow.), but when I get back I will work on fixing the issues and launching the theater.

Then I will start adding a massive amount of data to it.

It’s worth it folks. When I am done adding all the features I plan to add this will be the best movie site on the net!

More Crap People Email Me!!

Friday, July 25th, 2008 | Site Updates | 4 Comments

I am soon going to start a section just junk like this. It will be called the “Wall of Shame” and will go right next to the “Wall of Fame” (also a work in progress), so that people can feel better about themselves for not being so stupid.

If you haven’t read the previous post you should read that too. Today I got a good laugh before I banned this kid from my website.

Originally he had just emailed me very stupid questions about how to play games, because he was too stupid to find the pull-down menu at the top of the page. However then he kept emailing me… Read to see the full back/forth on this guy.

Mike Says: hay smart ass how come none of youre games work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TSA Says: As if.

They all work just fine

Java.com > download newest java

Then be sure to click on applet and use the controls listed in menu.

Mike Says: I have java and they dont work fine!

TSA Says: To humor you, I just tested both the sega and the nes

They work just fine in both firefox and internet explorer.

Something wrong with your browser if u can’t load them.

If u see white or gray box with an x you don’t have java Just Microsoft java which is NOT java.

Mike Says: I to have fire fox and the regualar internet and i have2 kinds of javas that i downloaded!

TSA Says: What is your Exact problem.

Take a screenshot if possible.

Mike Says: ok listen on my laptop I checked if it had java and it did and then when I went on thesmartass.info I went on games and I went on nes games and then it showed a picture of donkey kong and then when i put my mouse on him itsaid 2180 or 180 games playabelle online.

TSA Says: Um, clicking the picture just reloads the page

The menus with all the games in them are at the top of the page…. Little pull-down menus.

Mike Says: what aree the controls?

TSA Says: All the controls are in the menu above the games And on the front page And in the forums

They are a bit different for each emulator.

Mike Says: thanks for the help but what letters are a and bthanks for the help but what letters are a and b

Mike Says: Can you please put less bad pics on your web?

TSA Says: Haha.. No.

But feel free to go directly to the page of your choice.

thesmartass.info/sega

or

/nes
/othergames
/theater

Etc…

Mike Says: I wouldnt sleep If I were you Im three blox away from you I have any kind of weapon that can kill u.I even have a lock pic because my dad friends with the cia fbi and the army

TSA Says: Maybe you do. Lets see… Your name is Mikael Mortikyan. You live near Los Angeles, CA.. It is a unique spelling of your name so I am guessing you were named after your grandfather, who was born in 1953 and is currently living at 1488 Allen Ave in Pasadena… But this is just a guess and I have only done 30 seconds of research. I could be wrong, I mean your IP address actually ends in Irvine CA… But still if I am, a threat is typically enough to get a subpoena from your DSL Provider to release your address and I don’t appreciate being threatened.

So tell ya what. You can walk down the street and just nock on my door and I will teach you how to properly use the lock pick you posess to break into my place.

It’s the least I can do since I know you will have lots of free time now that I have banned you from my website.

~Have a nice day.

Spinning Dick Catastrophy!!!!

Thursday, May 29th, 2008 | Site Updates | 3 Comments

Haha, so I re-opened my forums today right? AWESOME!!!! WOOO!!! YEAH!!!!!

Ok now that you are done cheering, I launched it today. Confident in my coding skills I did some fancy mod_rewrite rules real quick and told everybody it was launched… before I tested it….

Seems that I had been “stopping hotlinking assholes” by taking ALL forums and forcing them to see “Meat Spin” when they tried to link to images or content on my site. This was working GREAT since I didn’t have a forum.

However, silly me I go and bring the forum back and don’t test my rewrite rule and then tell everybody to go check it out. Then they all start freaking out. So I open Internet Explorer and sure enough, all the images that looked fine in MY firefox browser started showing up as meatspin. I mean every single image was being replaced w/the freaky tranny getting ass-packed.

Hour earlier I had even been told that the logo was nasty and I should get rid of it. I said yeah, it’s not that great but I’ll get rid of it eventually”. Of course I thought people were seeing some green lines… NOT a tranny mess.

Yes, it even made a grown werewolf cry.

..::sigh::..

Oh well, all better now. Temporarly making forum open in new window until i fix layering issues and make popup for the chat so it doesn’t take up same scrollbar space.

Magical New Radio

Friday, May 23rd, 2008 | Site Updates | No Comments

So I went and totally rewrote the music section on this site. I did some crazy hackage of last.fm website and made something that can generate radio stations from their site on mine. Then I went a step further to make it so you can play them on the fly.

Just type in http://thesmartass.info/music/artist/The Beatles

Or something like that and a radio station would be generated with music from The Beatles and Similar to the Beatles.

You could also type: thesmartass.info/music/tag/Werewolf and generate a radio station with songs that people have tagged with the word werewolf (like Little Red Riding Hood).

Then I added back all the streaming radio stations and some playlist.com features…

Then I went and made an mp3 and a playlist search. You can do the google mp3 hack by typing thesmartass.info/mp3/Metallica One

Obviously replace the words Metallica One with the artist and song you want to find an mp3 of. Works really well to find open directories with mp3’s in it.

More 2 come. ~

Google loves me, this I know, for they cached my blog posts so!

Friday, May 23rd, 2008 | Site Updates | No Comments

Ok, so I got clever today and had this thought that Google comes to my site enough and has a pretty good fucking memory….

Sure enough, with the help of Google’s cache and my own memory for the name of the posts I wrote, I have restored most of the posts that died. Seems they didn’t cache one called Catching Up, but we will assume there was just rubbish in there anyways.

Ok, well it took awhile to get all of those added back, so I didn’t take the time to restore the comments that were cached 2. Honestly sometimes the comments were the funniest thing, but such is life.

I put them back on one post but it was a pain to break them different people’s names, which is needed for them to make any sense. So I will just have 2 wait for people to write new / clever things.

Fudged Up Databases

Friday, May 23rd, 2008 | Site Updates | No Comments

Ok, so there was this little problem on my sites. Basically it was a permissions problem, and since I didn’t know the exact cause the easiest way to fix the problem was to move everything on my server under the smartass user to another user account.

I did this, and my control panel confirmed everything was moved and I did a check to see that all the files had moved, which they had.

So I restarted the server to confirm that my site was still running properly off the new moved files and made a change to site and confirmed that it worked from new account. So I deleted the old “empty” user account.

Then all of a sudden my site would not load…. Hmm, the files are still there.. WTF. Dug around a bit more and it seems that my databases were gone… Seems they don’t move when you change owner (like they should).

Now, I am a reasonable person. I have a backup right? Hmm… I knew there was some automated process I never got around to doing when I setup a dedicated server for myself…

Ok, I found a backup of all my 8 databases. However there is one problem with that. The backup is from March. That means that anything I have written since then is gone. Ok there is one post that “girl says” had a copy of, so I will be able to restore that one if I choose.

Well, I don’t want my history erased so I will remake the posts… but not really. Instead I will make new posts about the same things with slightly more of a current twist and hopefully more humor, since DAMN was that stupid on my part to not have a backup. I mean everything I wrote about my roadtrip in March and April is gone, and everthing I have written about living in New Zealand is also gone….

UPDATE: Google loves me, this I know for they cached my blog posts so!!!!!

So Some Shit Be Down

Friday, April 4th, 2008 | Site Updates | No Comments

I just moved my site to a dedicated server. My old host was fantastic, and had let me have free service for the past several years, but they have sold the company… Alas, all good things must come to an end.

I decided that at the same time I moved servers I would switch to PHP5 | MySQL5 and Apache 2, instead of 4|4 & 1. What does this mean to you? It means that for the moment you cannot use the chat box and you will have to fall back to old fashion communication.

-Did you use the contact form? It was broken from midnight until 10:30am CST. So emails from that time bounced.

-Hmm, all my wordpress plugins seem to be broken. Well whatever, so long as the page displays I can fix that.

-The “Fridge” was broken. I have fixed it…. sort of. I changed it from how it was because it wasn’t staying within the fridge borders. So I eliminated the actual fridge outlines and gave it 100% width. This will mean if your screen is not as wide as somebody elses screen then you might miss seeing some words. Also the “magnets” now “slide down the fridge” about a centimeter. This is really odd, but I am not going to try to figure it out right now.

-The Movies. Ok this wasn’t a direct connection to the server swap. Rather 99% of all the AVI movies on this site came from FlyUpload.com and they have gotten sick of the huge amount of extra traffic streaming videos from download links that aren’t supposed to be public.

All this means is that they made it more difficult for me to parse their site and they have added a cookie that seems to be necessary etc… I have figured out 2 out of the 3 things I need to get them working, but I haven’t cracked the third yet. So I will keep working on it, and don’t worry: Can’t guarantee them to work today but I WILL get more high quality streaming movies on the site soon.

Hmm, this APPEARS to be it. However if you see something that’s not working please leave a comment or send me an email so that I can fix it.

Hope to get chat and movies fixed today, but no guarantees.

Patience is a virtue~

James / TSA / THE Smartass / BS / Whatever else I feel like calling myself

Smartass Hits The Road

Monday, March 3rd, 2008 | Helpful, Site Updates | 6 Comments

I know you will all be devastated, but I am hitting the road this morning for my month ½ long road trip. First I have to drive to Wisconsin where the weather is absolutely shitty right now… Oh well, so what you need to know is I just added 100+ movies to site. They all worked when I put them on. However they do not auto-play. I can fix that later, but for now you will have to click the play button. I know… It’s rough.

Also, if you open a video and it says “Buffering 0%” and stays that way for awhile it is probably trying to “resume downloading” of one that you opened b4. What you need to do is right click on the divx player and choose Preferences. Then click Download Cache. Then Disable Download Cache and click Clear Cache. Also clear your browser cache and reload my theater page.

Problem should be solved unless the movie is actually gone.

I will be on site now and then during my trip, but not nearly as often as I was before. So if you have messages for me please use the contact form to email me.

Good Times.

New Video Streaming Method (updated)

Thursday, February 28th, 2008 | Helpful, Site Updates | No Comments

So this morning I was frustrated to see that my entire top 10 was dead as well as most of my other links from other sources. Since then I have been searching for other movies that people have already uploaded to the net. Having found a ton of AVI files in open directories etc.. (thanks Google) I was happy. Then I found a site listing a bunch of AVI movies on FlyUpload.com. Of course they were listed as “Download Only / No Streaming”.

So I figured if I could fix that problem then there is already a massive quantity of full length movies uploaded to FlyUpload. So I studied how it worked and I have found a new method that lets me convert videos on their site, into ones that stream on mine, and though I like having streaming movies that nobody else has, I have told the method to a couple other sites; in hopes that having them knowing this will let them keep uploading and finding more videos there, so that I do not have to do all the work myself.

I am just putting the links I find onto the site and though I THINK they are in English and not messed up, there are no comments where I found them, so please tell me if you see videos in foreign languages without subs, or find some other problem with the videos.

I am hoping this is the new “Veoh videos in DivX player” that I used to have until they locked it down (when they locked it down I had 163 working movies from their site). I am confident in this so I have started converting a ton of these videos I have found into videos for the site. If they all die in 1 day I am going to be rather annoyed. So lets hope that doesn’t happen.

UPDATE: BAH…. Seems as soon as one person opens the video the link changes itself. Yes, this means that I just spent a long time adding movies only to be removing them all at the end of the night. I won’t delete them. I can make them work quickly, but if I leave them in the menu it will confuse people since I can’t be here every minute to explain the movies and then fix the broken links.

UPDATE (again, but after a good nights sleep): Oh look all my stage6 links stopped working today. Well that was expected, but still sucks. I figured out the way to fix all these links so they will fix themselves without me doing it, however I am crazy busy today and it requires I make a script. They will be back soon.

UPDATE 3: All the FlyUpload videos work again!