It’s been months since I wrote a blog post on this blog. It’s not that my life has been any less interesting since I left Prague. It has been all sorts of crazy.

The real issue with lack of blog posts comes from [insert excuse here]. Yes that’s right, because of [insert excuse here] I have not been willing to spend the time to write down new things that have happened in my life.

Also I am kind of drifting away from being the smart ass and I think I will end up making this blog into just a blog about updates on TSA.

But for now I will just try not to [restate original excuse here], though don’t hold your breath waiting to hear about all the stuff that’s happened this year.

Well, it’s been an interesting ride.  I came here expecting one thing and I got something totally different.  I have gone through all sorts of crazy times in Prague, but in the end it worked out quite well.  I have made some good friends, had a wonderful place to stay, gotten free internet, clarified some things and even gotten support with a web project. 

To those who have never been here, and I have spoken to many people who don’t have any idea where Prague even is, it is one of the most beautiful places I in the world.  The buildings are very old, the architecture is amazing, the streets are all cobblestone, the transportation is so good that you don’t have any reason to own a vehicle and the people who live are generally happy and friendly.

I am rather sad to leave, but the only way to stay is to do so illegally.  Perhaps if I had a good stable job it would be one thing, but I have things to take care of back in America anyways.  For example, my first week back I need to go to court to defend an expired registration ticket on a vehicle I don’t own. :)

Ah yes, good times await.  I will get back to America in time to watch the dollar collapse and the Amero be introduced.  This truly is a historical period in linear time and I have realized that there is nothing to fear.  For when I get back I will be quickly publishing a draft of my ideas for a new distribution system and a new form of online democracy.  There are many more things on the horizon and though I have greatly enjoyed my time in Prague I now understand that I need to get to work.

Hmm, I don’t have any meat. I don’t have any sauce. I don’t have any money left. What on earth can I cook?

Thought Process ~~~ Okay let me see I have some macaroni shells, 1 pita bread, 1 potato, 2 chilies, oatmeal, 2 eggs and half of a beer I am currently drinking. Hmm, no sauce but I do have some cinnamon, sugar, cayenne, black pepper, salt, weird olive oil (meant for BBQ) and wait, I do have nearly 1 teaspoon of spaghetti sauce if I scape the jar.

Screw it, I am cooking all of it together. ~~~

Sliced up the potato into thin strips, decided to make my own “chips”. Cooked it in the weird olive oil I have, but decided that was boring so I added a bunch of cinnamon and my chili’s to the frying pan.

Boiled the macaroni shells, not enough sauce for them so I just took my tiny bit of spaghetti sauce and threw it in another frying pan with my eggs. Also I decided that since potato’s had cinnamon that eggs needed sugar. Macaroni was done boiling so I dumped out the water and let them soak in the remainder of my beer for flavor (I was always told that all there is too cooking well is to add more flavors).

Heated up my pita bread and was going to fill up 2 halves of it with stuff, but I had more than could fit in it so I only filled one half of the pita and saved other half for later.

It was still kind of dry so I quickly made just a little bit of oatmeal, with more cinnamon and sugar and since this was going to be my sauce I decided that It needed a kick so I added some cayenne powder to it.

Now, I knew that I might have just wasted all of my remaining food on total shit, so I just smiled and nodded, mixed it all together and braved my first bite…

To my utter surprise, it was FANTASTIC. Who could have imagined that something this bizarre could taste so good!? Only thing it needed was some kind of meat, but ya make due ya know..

So I gave it a name: Beeraroni Egg Pita VS. The Spicy Sweet Oatmeal Chips

Sure, it sounds more like an exhibition grudge match staring your breakfast, but I assure you the meal was worth every penny I paid for it.

I have lost too many friends and family members throughout my life.  So my personal philosophy is to not hold a grudge for too long.  I held one against my friend Chris for well over a year, but it was simply because of how I perceived a situation between him and my mother and one always has to take a side. 

Another person I was very good friends with, Mark, still to this day holds a grudge against me.  Something about me stealing his car, using his washing machine and moving to New Zealand.  IDK, we were very good friends for years.  But still, when you are a stubborn bastard you will hold a grudge until the less stubborn of people earnestly try to fix the situation.

Here’s my thought process.  One holds a grudge and then every time you have an association that reminds you of that person you get upset.  I do not like being upset or in a bad mood, so if I make up with those people my thoughts will be primarily good.  State of mind is everything, and all we have in life is our perception of reality. 

So yesterday I made up with my friends from Prague.  The ones I flew here to visit in the first place.  They think I wronged them, I think they wronged me.  Whatever, it’s all the same now.  I mean because of how things went down I know more people than I would have and I have a beautiful place to live in the best area of Prague (I will be uploading photos of my loft as soon as I finish writing this). 

We will probably never be as close as we used to be, but we have both agreed to put the situation that went down behind us.  It just seems to me that it is better to have friends than enemies. 

I went to this Mexican bar (yes one exists in Prague, there was even one Mexican there playing La Bamba and other bad music) with them and a couple of their other friends yesterday evening.  Since it was an American holiday they were giving 50% off on all American alcohol and food.  So we all got cheeseburgers and some Jim Beam.  I thought my bill would be quite high, even with the half off discount but it seems the staff had not been writing down what all we were eating and drinking properly. 

So Martin took the liberty of telling them what each one of us drank.  Hmm, coulda sworn I drank two or three times that amount.  But no matter, perhaps that was a different night :)  We left for the night and I jumped on the tram that went back towards my place.  Didn’t actually have a pass, and if you get caught without a pass it’s 1000 CZK fine, but that made it a more interesting ride home.

Anyways, I honestly don’t want to drink as much as I have been doing since I have been here.  However every person I meet here drinks, and so that’s what you do when you hang out with them.  I understand that though since the beer is cheaper than the water.  People move here to drink cheap beer and wine. 

Speaking of alcoholics, I was woken up this morning by Jason calling me.  He was mumbling something in his thick Irish accent that I couldn’t make out.  Eventually he asked what time it was and I told him and he said to go back to bed.   I did, but got up in another hour or so and walked over to his restaurant which shouldn’t have been open but it was.  I walked in and there was broken glass all over the floor. 

He made me some coffee, and I went to buy him some cigarettes.  He insisted that his staff would clean the place up, that is what they are there for.  His poor employees ;).  It seems that his wife is out of the country for a week or so, which just gives him more of an excuse to get drunk.  He himself could not remember what happened.  So I will keep Jason as an example of what not to strive to be.  He has a successful restaurant, and is actually a pretty nice guy, when you get his sense of humor…. But drinking that much all the time would cause me way more problems than it’s worth.  Besides, I am not Irish enough to keep up on a consistent basis.

“When is a mistake not a mistake? When you have learned something from it”
Ann Uplands

“Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame”
Benjamin Franklin

“Change is the Process of Life Itself”
Neale Donald Walsch

Had I not come home with maybe 1500 CZK more than I left with the other night I decided that I really needed a phone. 

Nobody has been able to get my iPhone 3G to work with a local pre-paid sim.  It just site there and won’t activate, and iTunes says it’s not able to.  Still, it’s unlocked and at home I use it with T-Mobile so one would assume T-Mobile would work here as well. 

Well one would be wrong.  So today I spent 1499 CZK to purchase another phone and 400 CZK worth of pre-paid credit.  Now I can actually give people my phone number, which is much easier than telling people to email me or call a US phone number.  The number is +420 736 779 188, I give that out freely since incoming calls are free in virtually all countries except America so feel free to call.  Though I still do not expect many calls since you would have to pay international fees to reach me, though I am awake during Arizona time of 1am-1pm (just add 2 hours for central time) so I figure it would probably be somebody drunk dialing me.

Also I made a direct, easy to remember link for virtually all my pictures since I had somebody who’s not on Facebook ask me to see the pictures of my trip. 

http://tinyurl.com/jamesphotos

I got locked into Starbucks last night.  I went in 20 minutes before they closed and they didn’t notice me going into the basement so when I left at 10pm I had to yell into the back to get somebody who was closing to notice me and then unlock the door just to let me out. 

I suppose it would have been a fun survival story, had they shut off the lights and left me here over night.  Though I would probably end up stealing food/coffee and then some camera would get me thrown into a nice foreign jail.
 
Opened registration on my site.  I actually broke it when I first made it and everybody’s had the same password (that they didn’t know).  Have since fixed it, so register an account on the main page of thesmartass.info.  Right now it doesn’t do much, but it will become needed in the near future to use most of the site.

Anyways, have a kick ass day. 

I went for a jog the other night.  On that jog I went to the top of Petrin and was going to crash a private party but nobody looked that interesting there so I went back down the hill and on my way back home I decided to stop in and talk to this guy I know who owns/operates a 4 star restaurant.  I have a beer, and then another couple beer and am poured some shots. 

Eventually well after closing hours Jason decides that drinking at his place was no fun and we needed to go down the street.  A beer and a couple oversized shots (slivovitz is awful) later and I was fully expecting to just say thanks and walk home.  So far, including his resturant and this place I had spent 200 CZK, which was way lower than it should of been however he didn’t charge me at his restaurant.  So Jason was very insistent that we walk up the street to the casino since he had 2 chips from a previous night still. 

He cashed the 2 chips which totaled 1100 CZK in value.  I wasn’t going to play but he gave me 3 or 400 CZK worth of chips and insisted it was all mine.  So we were playing blackjack and I started winning every single hand and he started losing every hand.  After the dealer got 21 three times in a row I decided to cash out.  However I still had 2000 CZK ($108) left.  Well this was fantastic and I was willing to just give it back to Jason, but he wouldn’t have it. 

I was totally ready to be done. I mean I was drunk and had gained some money.  However this was not good enough to end the night for him.  He had to find a Herna Bar (which he said was a nonstop/open all night bar, though I have since found the translation to actually be a gambling house).  We walked around the area but when we couldn’t find one so he waved down a cab. 

Of course I was paying for everything else tonight (err that morning, since it was already after 4am) and the cab drove us somewhere into the Jewish district to some bar that was still open. 

I ordered 2 beers, though I could barely drink my own after all the shots I had had. 

We quickly made friends with 2 random people, one of which looked like he could be Jason Statham’s brother.  The other was an English girl.  At first I assumed them to be a couple but soon found that they didn’t know each other either. 

The girl called a cab for herself and was sitting outside waiting for it, while Jason and this very friendly but brutish guy were inside arm wrestling and talking shit.  I decided to go hang out with the girl outside until her cab came.  Her cab got there and she kissed me and departed.  She was rather fun, considering I never even caught her name. 

At one point we actually left, it was 7 something and we just started wandering around the city.  Nothing was really open, but somehow we ended up at a KFC that actually was.  There were all sorts of crazy stories told on the way back, but I didn’t get back to my loft to go to sleep until 10:30am, when I very quickly passed out.  Though I was amused since Jason didn’t go home, he went straight to his restaurant to open it for the day. 

Ok, I had a lot of fun but holy shit that was a lot of drinking.  There is no way I could do that on any kind of a consistent basis, and I do fear that he will be trying to get me to go out every week.

The super expensive fully furnished loft, in the nicest area of all of Prague is mine for $500 a month for the next two months. 

Sue will continue to live there until Friday it seems, but then assuming I have paid it will become my top floor loft. 

I am advised not to “advertise” that I am only paying what I am paying as that would make them look really bad since they are currently advertising the place for 24000 CZK ($1300/mo). 

Still waiting to hear back on my proposal to the tour guide company about me designing their websites in exchange for getting their lawyer to fast track my work visa.  If that works out to be honest, I might just end up living in Europe for quite awhile.  I mean it looks like a really fun job and where can you are encouraged to let your personality show… Not sure where to get job like that in the states…

At this point it’s too early to tell.  Even my cheap price makes my trip harder as I will be using most of my money to pay for rent.  I found some places that were cheaper but the location on all of them sucked.  This way i get my own loft in Malá Strana where I already know a few people and am learning the area really well.

To think, a week ago I was at $-25, which caused me to actually be at -95 since I got charged to overdraft fees.  Stupid banks…

I mean it’s not that I have a lot of money now, because I don’t… However as I see it things can only go up from here. 

Breakfast:  Bunch of Grapes

Lunch: Food for Thought
If you want to know yourself,
Just look how others do it;
If you want to understand others,
Look into your own heart.

Supper: 3 Full Glasses of White Wine (2 of them courtesy of Nice people)

Late Night Snack: Cigar (gave 2 of them to poor people and hung out with them smiling and nodding while they talked to me in German, until one of them determined that I was a connected Mobster and stopped asking for money)

Okay, after many emails back and forth with the company owner who runs the free (tip only) tours. 

I basically got hired… Not sure it will do me much good though as they won’t hire me until i get a work permit which here takes 3+ months and isn’t guaranteed.  I could have their lawyers rush it for 1000 Euros, but if I had 1000 Euros laying around I wouldn’t need to work anyways. 

Though he says he will pay that back if my visa is approved and I work for him for 6 months.  Not really an option right now to have it rushed.  Will apply the slow way and when it comes in, it will probably be after I have already gone back to America.

To be honest this is the “easiest” way to become a tour guide anyways.  Most people have to take official classes for a year or two and then pass a big fancy test to be a licensed tour guide.  These guys hire people as free-lancers, and don’t really take responsibility as they don’t employ them.  It really is a genius idea though.  Pisses a lot of expensive tour companies off. 

Anyways, I sent him a couple other ideas.  Off the internet for now.  Ciao

Paying for a place in July has been a mystery.  I had just wrote that I would probably go to Poland because the hostels in Poland in July are a bit cheaper than the ones in Prague.  In one way that would be interesting since I would get to see more of Europe, but I don’t really know anybody in Poland and I would once again not be able to earn any income there.

So I had a thought.  My friend Sue is leaving Prague for 3 months.  She has been trying to find somebody to sublet her apartment for that time, but has not found anybody.  Her rent is 20,000 CZK a month which is way more than I can afford.  I suppose it’s worth it since her place is in very nice area and it’s fully furnished. 

Still, she spoke to her landlord and the landlord said that the last place took 8 months to find somebody else to rent it.  I figured it like this.  I could pay up to 9,242 CZK a month ($500) for rent including utilities. Now a place that charges more than twice that wouldn’t like my offer very much, but if made a good sales pitch they will realize that is far better than getting 0 for it for a couple months. l

I will say that I will pay that much in July and that much in August, however if they find somebody to rent it for full price I will leave as long as I am given the rest of the month i am paid for.  So if they find somebody in July I will be out by August 1st. 

Sue hasn’t had a chance to talk to the landlord since I came up with this idea.  It’s quite possible the landlord will say, no I need at least $X, but then Sue might be willing to cover the difference since she doesn’t want to lose her place. 

It’s a beautiful attic loft with 400 year old wood beams in it.  Has it’s own laundry, kitchen, tv (not that I would use it), furniture, dishes etc…

Now, if that plan works I decided that I would become a tour guide.  Peter told me I should, and so I’m sure he will give me a good recommendation to where he works.  I have already learned my way around town and memorized a bunch of things.  So I started today to start memorizing history of the places I am going and visiting. 

If I can manage to get the place to rent for 2 months and then become a tour guide I would work 3hours a day, for 3 days a week and the pay would be cash tips which seem very high for knowledgeable guides since they are taking 35+ people with each guide. 

That would be a lot of fun.  I would make money and friends everytime I worked and would not have to worry about the rising cost of places to stay.

Anyways, the landlord hasn’t talked to us yet, will probably be a couple days before I can give more information but I am optimistic on my chances since I don’t see how the landlord would be losing out.