New Contact Info

Saturday, April 29th, 2006 | Helpful | No Comments

Here, save me the effort of telling you individually, only the address changed.

James “TheSmartass” Lyngaas
addy:
331 N. 103rd PL
Apache Junction, AZ 85220

phone:
(608)843-3123
(moved to Cingular to keep phone number on nationwide plan)

email:
james at thesmartass dot info

Defying Physics

Saturday, April 29th, 2006 | Life | No Comments

So I packed up my car today. To do so required an acme black hole and even with that my space was limited, so I had to eliminate one of the monitors from the trunk. It will be sitting here until Paul gives it to Chris (my neighbor) so he can put it on his garage sale. I actually can’t see out any of the windows except the front and drivers window, but I do have view of both mirrors, actually I may have just view of one of them, but I think I can adjust that. I don’t really want to drive without good visibility but it’s only for one long, crappy drive. I will live

Thanks to Mark for having a party for me on Friday, and thanks to everybody who came. It was fun… Of course I now seem to have a bruised / swollen nuckle. Yes just one, not really sure how that happened… I don’t recall punching anything / one.

Slick me, I packed my printer up and didn’t print directions. I emailed them to myself, so I am sure by the time I need directions I will have discovered a way to get to them, and if not I will just call you and you can read them to me ; )

Driving Directions… Thanks

I would unpack the printer, but I fear I may not be able to bend space and time properly the next time I try to put it back.

Well wish me luck, or don’t and call Mark to place your bet on when I will move back. ; )

Impending Departure

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006 | Helpful | No Comments

So time is going by really quickly. I have gotten rid of all my furniture and have what seems to be enormous piles of random stuff laying everywhere. Tomorrow I will try to get some of the piles of stuff put into smaller more compact stuff to see how my space estimation is going.

Lets see. My phone number might have to change. If I move it to Cingular or Verizon I could keep it exactly the same and move without any problems. However I don’t like Cingular’s plans, and I don’t like Verizon period. T-Mobil doesn’t have any Madison locations so I need to convince somebody to port in an out of area phone number. The porting rules say the numbers have to stay regional, but I have seen numbers from different area codes ported into US Cellular before, so I am looking for a nice adventurous T-Mobil rep to try to do it for me. If it changes, well so be it. It would simply be better for my business if I could keep it the same.

So that everybody knows, there is a going away party for me on Friday @ 8 in Milton. Everybody is invited, and it should be a good time. (turn left at stoplight on E. High St. It’s 941 about 6 houses up on right). There will be a fire and various liquids of course. At this point though I am going to recommend you bring your own chair as we have a few extra but not many.

I have so many projects to work on. The moving has kind of put everything else on hold, but I need to work on 2 customer websites, as well as my own (for which I have a total rewrite planned for within the next month).

Oh, the artwork is back to a full selection again. If you needed to use the links to set your system to random, you will now need to clear your cookies (since the paths to the artwork changed). If you didn’t need the “random link” then you are fine and haven’t even noticed the difference.

Anybody want a 17″ CRT monitor? Somebody was supposed to buy it from me the other day for $20, but decided not to pick it up. So now whoever wants it please call me ASAP and it’s yours for $5. I might actually take it to a computer store tomorrow along with that giant steal case I have and give it to the guy there, so make sure you call me if you want it.

So, other than that just come to the party on Friday and help see TheSmartAss off ; )

Buy My Stuff *UPDATED*

Sunday, April 23rd, 2006 | Stolen | 5 Comments

Ok so I marked everything that is sold with a line through it. I marked the ebay stuff that way if there was any bids on it at all. The ebay auctions you can still bid on for another day, most of them will be done by 5pm Monday.

I am adding a category to the list. The take it away category. These are things I have not advertised but need to get rid of anyways. They will probably keep getting updated as I find more things I cannot take:

Take it Away:
Torchiere Lamp
Blue “computer chair” Recliner w/built in mousepad.
Some old clothes.
Anime Posters
Hats: Purple Pimp Hat, Gay Cowboy Hat, Blue Thing, Various Cap’s
Deluxe Uno
Hypnosis Videos
Sleeping Bag
Bobble Head Smurf
PC Game Full with Box: Final Fantasy XI
Box of obscure computer junk like floppy disks
Footrest (with a backstory)
Ol’ Skool Metal Ice Bucket
AbFlex (could probably be sold on ebay, am too lazy at this point)
Dual Casette Player/Recorder
Various Combat Videos
Camera (not digital)
Bag of empty DVD Shell Cases
Crockpot
2 Self Standing 4×6 Picture Frames
Discman
Full Tower Computer Case (painted and brushed steel)
My Old Art Projects (Clay Sephiroth, Dotted Anime Art)
seX-Rated Trivia
2 Boxes Water Dynamite
2 White Stackable Shelves (currently being used as my computer desk)

Will Either Sell to You or Take with Me:
100 or so CD’s ($.25c each or $30 for all)
Heavy Bowstaff $20
Official Pufferfish (as seen on a few posts) $72.38
Wizards Edge Knife w/plaque $40
Leviathin Knife w/plaque $40
LG4400 Cell (US Cellular only) w/nice body glove case $25
Motorola V265 (I am using this phone until I move) $65

Ebay:
Creative Nomad Zen Xtra 30GB Mp3 Player - No Reserve !!
Anthony Robbins Personal Power II psychology self-help
Jock Sturges - New Work 1996-2000 (art book)
Jock Sturges [Art Book] RARE - No Reserve !!!
Dick Sutphen - Mind Travel (hypnosis tapes) No Reserve!
Rambo First Blood Knife (Official license) No Reserve!
Fushigi Yugi (Mysterious Play) Suzaku Box Set 4 DVD’s!
Vivitar Vivicam 2800 Digital Camera & 64meg flash card
Special Forces Throwing Shovel, Infantry spade, saperka
Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition VHS - No Reserve :)
Decorative Knife in Sheath
Sharp 702 Portable Minidisk Player & Recorder - No Res.
Craigslist:
Ol’ Skool Dart Board
Leather & Colored Suade Winter Coat
Camouflage Coat with Optional Liner
Book Shelf
Rolling TV Stand
Rolling Stand
VHS Drawers & Hentai Tapes
Nice Wooden End Table
Tennis Racket
Nice Sony VCR (broken)
Claymore Sword
Nice Hitachi VCR with Jog Shuttle
17 inch Compaq CRT Monitor
HP 820Cxi Printer
Gold Recliner
3 Piece Samurai Sword Set

Throwing Away Memories

Thursday, April 20th, 2006 | Helpful | 2 Comments

So I spent a good portion of today going through old junk and either throwing it in the for sale room or the garbage. I mean if it’s not going with me and it’s not a nice beer glass collection, it’s going in the garbage.

That being said, I threw away my yearbooks and my “who’s who” book. If you are wondering what a who’s who book is, it is basically a scam to make money. My dad is all proud of being in Who’s Who when he was younger, and I’m sure was proud of me for being in it as well, but it didn’t mean anything. The books and plaques are only sold to parents of people in the book and being in it doesn’t help advance your life in any sort of way.

Actually I was a bit confused since I only had year books for my sophmore and junior years of high school, and not for my senior year. If any of them would of been saved it would of been that one, but I flipped through the other books and 98% of all the comments were just put there by people who didn’t have anything to say.

I figure I have moved on from High School, and don’t need the book to remember. Of course, without even opening the sophmore book I know that there are all sorts of comments that my friend Josh wrote on this Tom Evanson’s pictures saying something along the lines of “I smoke cocks”. Now, I remembered that without the book, since it was funny and more memorable than anything else that happened that year :)

Anywho, It’s such a mess around here. I have given away my filing cabinet (it was crap anyways), but that caused a buildup of stuff (that sat on the top) and stuff (that was inside). Then I sold my dresser. It was a nice enough dresser, but I can’t take it with me. All the basement furniture except the nice wooden end table has been removed, even the torn up gold chair. I still have my bed and the blue chair, but neither will be here for long. I can’t sell the bed yet since the guest bed is totally covered in stuff for sale right now, but I think I already have somebody to take it.

Yep, I am getting rid of all the stuff that I have had for years. I only have one piece of furnature I am keeping. It is an ol’ skool pirates chest that I keep my pants in. It doesn’t actually do a very good job of holding my pants since most of my pants are khakies and they all get wrinkled up sitting lumped up in the chest, but I like it (and I can’t get rid of it if I wanted to anyways), but I like it. If POSSIBLE I would like to take that with me, I figure I can stuff it full of things that are going with me and in that aspect it won’t take up that much space.

I am getting rid of a lot of my stuff for far less than it’s worth, but that’s the only way I can get rid of it quickly. Paul gave me a weird look when I told him I sold a 3 piece sword set for $40 bucks, but it was just some cheep set I got at the expo center one time. I’m sure it cost $100 or so, but that was like 7 years ago ; )

So if you need anything, It would be a good time to pay me a visit, since you can go through and take my stuff for next to nothing (and lots of things for nothing…. like a crockpot, come on… you know you want a free crockpot….) I have a Sex rated trivia game that is just waiting for a good home, and a bunch of anime mp3 cd’s that I made years ago and don’t need / want. My cd’s are $30 for every single one, or .25c for individual ones and if you act now, and I will throw in VHS tapes of Orgazmo and Mallrats with your purchase!

Oprah’s Asshole

Wednesday, April 19th, 2006 | Helpful | 3 Comments

So I just got done watching South Park. It’s 1:45 in the morning, and as much as I really need to go to bed. I do not believe after watching that episode that I can go to sleep.

So instead I will describe it to you, so that perhaps you won’t be able to sleep either…

Now there is this character in South Park called Towlieeeie. He is a talking towel that likes to get high. Well he didn’t have enough money to pay the rent, so he got high and decided that he could make a ton of money writing his memoirs down.

3 weeks later he goes into a publisher and the guy tells him that 4 chapters about eating doritos are crap, but it didn’t matter because he’s a towel and nobody would ever read a book by a towel. So he left and decided to get high, and then he came up with a great idea. He took his book (a million tiny fibers) and went through and crossed out all the times he said towel and replaced it with people/person and then he put on a hat and a fake mustash and went to a different publisher.

The guy said it was amazing etc.. Next thing you know he is on Oprah and she decides to make it the book of the month. Now this is pretty much where it stops being about the towel. Since instead of listening to oprah talk her “minge” (aka her vagina) starts talking. Ol’ minge is pissed off because that fat cow is always working and never spends any time rubbing him anymore, I mean not even a little scratch. So minge decides to try to get everybody against Oprah so that she would have more time to play with him.

When he comes up with this plan “Gary” (aka her Asshole) starts talking. Gary says he needs a little stimulation as well and that he really wants to see Paris. So while Oprah is sleeping they pull the phone between her legs and call Geraldo to tell him the dirt that they have discovered that Mr. Stephen McTowlieeie is actually a towel.

News leaks and then Oprah calls Towlieeie and says she wants him to come on the show the next day and tell people all the compelling reasons why he changed the facts. He comes in and just when Minge and Gary think they have won and all the people hate Oprah, she turns it around and starts screaming at the towel and tells everybody that there are torches under the chair and that she will give Towlieeie a 5 second head start.

They chase him down and just when you think he will get burned….. Minge unzips and whips out a gun and takes the crowd hostage. A cop gets close and he gets shot and killed, and then Gary and Minge got sick and “threw up”.

Well the towel saved the day by slipping into the bank and letting people in and then the snipers shot Gary, and then Minge said he couldn’t take it anymore and shot himself. The towel decided he had learned a valuable lesson in knowing that he didn’t need to get high to get great ideas…. Instead he would just get high to reward himself after them. Oprah gets hauled off on a stretcher and the cop says she will live but her Asshole and her Vagina were dead.

Sleep Tight

Moving to AZ

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006 | Helpful, Stolen | 3 Comments

By making this post, I am making it official. At the end of the month I am moving to Arizona.

I have weighed my options here, and there. Here I can’t get a good computer job, and I don’t want to work for another cell phone carrier. I could just work harder at my computer company and go out business to business selling websites, but quite honestly I am getting sick of making them for other people and would rather just work on own and fix their computers.

I could stay in Wisconsin and work my own company fine doing just repair if I stuck a couple phone book ad’s out, and I could do really well if I just walked into Cingular and got a job AND put out the phone book ad’s, but I need a change.

I have been living at the same place for too long and life has grown stagnant. I will try to go around and see everybody when I get a chance before I leave, but I have lots to do before then. If anybody is interested in any of my stuff that I did not put on my for sale list like my bed, they are for sale as well.

My bed, old clothes, some of my coats, the blue chair (that I cut a hole in the fabric to insert a mousepad into), etc… They are all free to whoever wants them.

It’s been real, it’s been great… but it hasn’t been real great. ; )

Controlled by Guilt

Sunday, April 16th, 2006 | Smartass | 4 Comments

This guy once wrote that life is controlled by invisible strands of guilt, and the larger the strand the more it controls us. Now I cannot remember his name or his book, so I can’t better quote it, but the guy was onto something.

I do not like guilt or guilt-givers, but it is unavoidable. The more you try to avoid it the more guilt you are given. I mean it seems kind of selfish to me, but saying that a guilt-giver would say that ignorning the guilt would be even more selfish. It’s a bloody vicious cycle folks.

Fairly soon I will be forced to give into guilt so that I am not shunned by those close to me. Quite honestly I am a little pissed off about it, since it will cause future reprocutions as I will now have to avoid offering my help to those who need it until I have all the facts in. I mean it’s not that I will never help anybody again, but rather that I will have to say No to a lot more things to prevent guilt by association.

I mean I have even been threatened with guilt that travels hundreds of miles for something that shouldn’t be my problem but has been made to be. This post will probably piss somebody off. I tend to have that effect on people, but it will cause the annoyed person to say some defensive statements that try to add more guilt to my life.

I understand now why people become recluses. It’s a lot easier to just live your own life alone, because all you need is your own personal happiness to get through it.

How to Annoy Yourself

Sunday, April 16th, 2006 | Helpful | 1 Comment

So funny story (for everybody who is not me)… I was driving back from Stoughton tonight where I had been lucky enough to have been invited to dinner (since there was some good shrimp / chicken / spinach fettucini alfredo. I was proud of myself for having won the majority of games at Euchre, and was even more proud of myself for making every single green light all the way up 51.

When I decided to stop at the grocery store to buy a couple things since. So I stopped in and bought $18 worth of food, made a joke with the guy at the store and drove home. Once again hitting every green light (although I did have to slow down a lot for the McDonalds one I will admit).

I drove past the parked cop at exactly 55mph and had been enjoying the songs playing on my ipod, and everything was working perfectly… Until I got in the house

So I go to unload my groceries and I discover that I only have 1 of the 2 bags of groceries. Of course I have the bag that had absolutely nothing else in it except for Oatmeal Raisen Cookies, and my reciept.

Yes, that’s right… My perfect long trip home just turned into a shit storm, because now at 1:24 in the morning, I now had to take my shiny new reciept all the way back to the grocery store (13 mins away), to reclaim my groceries.

Yes folks, it really is possible to annoy yourself. I mean sometimes being carefree and high (on life) can be a bit too carefree. It can make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and then it can empty your gas tank on frivelous double errand runs!

A Week of New Art

Saturday, April 15th, 2006 | Stolen | No Comments

Ok, so blogger picked a bad time to be down. When their site was down I tried emailing in my post, but it bounced back. So now since I figure it is important to tell everybody that you need to clear your site cookies, I have manually added this to my xml feed… But that caused problems too. So now I had to wait until blogger came back up. Sorry, that’s how it goes…

Anywho, I was going to add like 50 new artworks to the site the same way I always do… Add them, don’t say anything, don’t even add thumbnails to customize gallery etc… But I decided since I have SO MANY artworks now, that I should be generous to the people who visit this website a lot and make it so that you can ONLY see the new artwork for a few days.

By next weekend I will have them mixed together, but for now, enjoy the new stuff. In the same vein, I decided to also shoot up some new backgrounds. I only kept the fire one, and ditched the rest.

MAKE SURE YOU CLEAR YOUR COOKIES
or else
Click here to restore random art