A few days behind..

Friday, March 10th, 2006 | Smartass | No Comments

Ok so I am now more than 3 days behind on my posts. A habit I thought i broke a long time ago. Well no matter, as instead of writing blog posts I have been rewriting parts of the site.

You can see the first part by going to Ask-a-Smartass, which is Now syndicated!!!!! Yes that’s right, all you crazy people with rss readers (or firefox) can now add live feeds to see what posts have been added. Also the newest posts will appear on top, and soon the newest question will appear on the front page as well… Of course that might be a bad idea since I do not moderate what people ask there and I imagine people would say shit just to see it on the front page…. So perhaps a random question instead…

At any rate, there is still 1 flaw… It should be fixed soon, but if you subscribe to the news feed and click the links, currently they just go to the ask a smartass page. They do not go directly to the question you are clicking on like they should. So that is my next priority.

For now, enjoy and learn to entertain yourself when I am not writing posts!

Alt Update

Sunday, March 5th, 2006 | Stolen | 1 Comment

I discovered a new website today. It allows you to install updates for windows without going to the MS site. It uses an extension for firefox. Figured I would share: http://windowsupdate.62nds.com/

In somewhat related news the non-existent page has been updated.

So Much For Cool

Sunday, March 5th, 2006 | Helpful | 1 Comment

So yesterday afternoon I finished the website I have been working on. Today I heard from the people who I made it for. There are always small changes people want made, but in this case the coolest thing I made for the site they want removed. No, not one of the 3 image galleries, but actually the contact page!

After I made a super boring contact us page like I normally do I decided to spice it up. I embedded google maps and then floated their information around it. Apparently because they work out of their home and have kids they don’t want people to know where they live without an appointment. They’re old website had their address so I put it on this one.

Well now they don’t want it, so having a mapping program in the page doesn’t help that. I did however make an “easter egg” back to the page so that I can show it off to future clients, since I think for the most part it will be a popular request.

Original Design

Requested Replacement

To each is own I guess.

The Invention of a BrrKu

Saturday, March 4th, 2006 | Helpful, Stolen | 1 Comment

The Grady Bunch

Thursday, March 2nd, 2006 | Stolen | No Comments

So I went to Fort Atkinson today. I suppose that’s the natural thing to do when you wake up 7 minutes from there. First stop was my fathers. I knew he would be sleeping, so I called and woke him up. I mean after all it’s not everyday that I am in town right?

After waking him up I gave him a few extra minutes by checking an auto-glass place to see how much they would vampire my wallet to fix my windshield. As I expected they told me it would be over $300 bucks, as I would need an entirely new window.

Should of just had it fixed while I was in Louisiana where they have nearly as many auto-glass repair places as they do churches (due the stupid ignorance that causes them to not put mud flaps on cars).

I said no thanks, I will wait until I get a ticket or glass stuck in my forehead (which ever comes first). My dad was still in bed when I got there, but the door was open. I “fixed” his computer, by removing his Norton Anti-Virus program. Since if you didn’t know, that program causes far more problems than it fixes. I then to keep his paranoid little heart happy put a different virus program on (AVG Free).

To my unexpected delight he insisted on paying for my services for removing his anti-virus program. He was in a fairly pleasant mood so I didn’t argue too strongly against the idea.

I left there and went to have lunch with my friend Josh. I saw him once 6 weeks earlier, but that was the only time since 2005. So he gave me all sorts of creative Josh-like suggestions that would benefit my life. For example, he said I should become a monk. Then there was the conversation about how I should dedicate my life to loving sheep and plants instead. I’d say he has issues, but who doesn’t?

Next stop… Grandmothers. 1st one was not around, so I went to see the other one on my way back home. Glad to see me, I convinced her how well I am doing running my own company and how much happier I am. See if I didn’t convince her of this, she would of just sat around wasting the end of her life worrying that I am not doing well. To further cement this I convinced her to what a waste of time worrying about things is.

Left to head back to the Mad City. Stopped at the grocery store to get some of the world’s greatest ice cream (white chocolate raspberry truffle) and was going to head straight home to finish off a website I should of been finished with but was not…. When I decided to go to my sisters.

She had been upset earlier in the day to find that I was in Fort, since being in Fort prevented me from hanging out with her. As she put it she just wanted to take me out to Ginza and perhaps a movie. I did know there was ulterior motives behind that, but I decided the Ginza would be worth it.

So I stopped over there and helped her with a couple computer problems and tried to point her in the right direction on the website she is making. She decided to be a pain in my ass and not listen to me when I said start small and work your way up. She had an “END VISION” in mind of what she wanted, and was too impatient to stop and worry about what all she needed to learn to get there.

I don’t blame her for what she wants to do. Hell, I even think it will be effective once it’s done… Just annoying for now until it is.

Well, as expected we went to Ginza. I ordered a black belt from the bar (saki and kahlua) and they said they had a table for us. Now Ginza is a Hibachi Bar. If you have never been to one of those, you need to go sometime.

This time was a bit different than normal, since we were sat with an entire family. Yes, I have named them the Grady Bunch, I don’t actually know their last name but they seem to simulate being a gigantic-modern-brady-bunch-impersonators so they became the Grady’s.

It was made up of a man and a woman, each who had their own separate kids. There was only 1 girl in the whole lot of the kids, though it looked like there was 2 ; ). They were all sushi-a-holic’s and took pride in putting each other down.

Still despite all that, the food was fantastic and there was SO much.

At like 11 I rolled back home and made use of the lonely hottub once again ignored the website I needed to finish because now I was too tired to work.

Mr. On the Rocks

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 | Helpful | 2 Comments

As a guy, there are times when you have bigger balls than brains. I of course being the good friend that I am… had to go to visit my friend Mark in the pissy little town of Milton. At this point he has become a “regular” at the bar within walking distance from his house. So we walked over there (DAMN WAS THAT COLD), and I had a couple beer’s while we were playing darts.

In Milton Amber Boch only costs $1!!!! However it was going down to quick. So after I won a game of darts I decided to switch drinks. So I asked for what I THOUGHT it was called. Little did I know the mass media had embedded more than one drink name in my brain and I was about to order the wrong drink….

I said I’ll take a Tanquerie on the rocks. All of a sudden the entire bar froze and turned to look at me. I didn’t understand the commotion, knowing I had had some of this on the rocks before at a different friends house a couple months earlier. Until I was given the drink that is…

Funny, I don’t recall it being clear… Why is it clear? Ah, perhaps because it’s pure Jin! Now I am not a Jin fan. I have only had it once, and that was enough. In fact I don’t think there is such thing as a Jin fan. Well now I had the attention of the entire town of Milton (give or take a few), so I wasn’t about to not drink it.

So I brass balled my way through it. I got a lot of questions like “does that taste like gasoline?”, to which I had no choice but to reply “yes… yes it does….”.

Well when I finally finished that off, some patrons down at the end of the bar thought that I should drink a slightly less aggressive drink… on the rocks…. So they bought me a Jim Beam Black. Now I don’t know what makes it black, but it is not a mixed drink either. Just the straight hooch.

So we left that bar (after my drat playing got considerable worse off for some reason), and though the original plan was to walk home when they closed which was at Midnight. Now we had a ride from somebody else to another bar.

So sure enough I get in there and another guy insists on buying me a drink. This time it was Jack. Well after that I was decidedly done, so I ordered some water… and then some more… and then some more…. you get the point. I just sat at the bar talking to a girl who was blatantly hitting on me while her boyfriend played darts with my friend (no it’s not my imagination this time, another guy made a comment to me something like “boy is she craving your cock, shit i’d stick it in ‘er”.

WHY, WHY do they all do that. Fucking pick a guy and stick with him or ditch him. I am always attracted to non-single women, and frankly… it’s crap. If they wouldn’t put out the signals, there would be no problems.

Well fuck it… Off to crash in Milton and go to Fort tomorrow. I figure my dad and grandmother probably wonder what happened to me since I haven’t seen them at all in 2006.

Proof of Monkey

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 | Life, Stolen | 4 Comments

So I have been searching the net now to find a longer definition of Monkey as it relates to the Chinese Zodiac. I found tons of short ones and those all described me to a T, so I wanted to find a very thorough one and see how accurate it was.

Metal Monkey
No task is too great for the clever Monkeys. They master most anything. They have extremely charming manners that draw others. Monkeys solve difficult problems with ease. They are quick-witted, innovative, and they have total and intense belief in themselves. No one delights in their own accomplishments like the Monkeys. Enjoying themselves immensely, they try anything at least once! Monkeys are intellectual and their memory is phenomenal. They recall the smallest details of everything they have seen,read, and heard. They must depend on that memory since they have an otherwise untidy mind. Monkeys are wizards with money. They are original, shrewd, and when they need to, they can fool anyone.There are a hundred and one fantastic schemes they want to try, and you can bet they make some of them work. Even when they take you in, it is hard to be angry with them, or begrudge them anything. They don’t care what opinions others have of them. They know they are lucky, and they also know they have the ability to change things when convenience calls. Monkeys are virtually unsinkable! When the odds are stacked against them, Monkeys know when to quit. Their timing is superb, and they will wait to try another time. If you try to trick Monkeys, they will probably catch you. They are great strategists. They can spot an opportunity in any form. They never miss a trick!

Monkeys are hard workers once they have a piece of the action. The bigger the piece, the better they do. Monkeys like to travel, and they want to do it first class.They need a certain amount of excitement in their lives.

Since Monkeys get what they want without too much trouble, they may not care about all their conquests. They lose interest quickly and must learn to finish what they start and take care of what they have. People always flock around Monkeys, but Monkeys don’t trust very much. They know a select group of friends that they choose carefully. Money is a must for Monkeys, and they usually have it, or will be in the process of getting it.They know nothing is permanent. They improve and try to do better, and often amaze even themselves. Monkeys like facts and they hate to waste time. Always remember, Monkeys don’t care if you approve of them or not, and if not careful, you will be eating right out of their hands! They are the ultimate diplomats and slip in and out of difficulties with ease.

Monkeys must be careful in romance, although clear-sighted, they are very critical and lose interest in anyone they can’t consider their peer. They are vain and egotistical, but even that is to their advantage.

Monkeys are always out in front!

Now…. Please note, I did not write that. But damn does it ever describe me well. I found a bunch of other ones as well and they all seemed like they were describing me.

I like the theory that this really is accurate. That would mean that nurture AND nature are BOTH bullshit. I mean how great would it be if our personalities were not based on horrible parenting and traumatic embarrassments, but rather just on the stars in the sky!

The Full Chinese

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 | Life | No Comments

So today I decided to get what I have decided to call…. The Full Chinese. This consists of getting acupuncture done by a man named Wong, and then eating at a Chinese Restaurant directly after. Followed by a short (might as well say Chinese) meditation.

Actually I have grown interested in acupuncture as another skill that I can acquire. Instead of just sitting around and talking about learning it someday, I have ordered myself 1000 disposable acupuncture needles, and taken the liberty of scouring through my book section (on my terabyte) to find some helpful reference material.

Ah so… What I should be doing right now is working on a website that I need to make. This one has a deadline. TOMORROW. Nasty little deadline, and I don’t like working on other people’s schedules, especially when they tell me I only have a couple days to do it.

I was working on it but the designs I am making are boring for me, so now I am not working on it. I am waiting for inspiration, but I feel that I probably won’t get any before tomorrow evening. So tomorrow no matter what the feeling I make a site. Bah…

Oh FYI, according to the Chinese Restaurant, My zodiac sign is Monkey. I looked over the traits for this and the other animals fairly well and I can say that for me it fits fairly well. Something about the Monkey being extremely intelligent, persuasive, and successful in every new field It tries. It also says I should avoid Tigers. Seemed to be pretty accurate for me anyways…