Now… First let me prerequisite this by saying I have not drank since the end of December. Ok, technically I have had a wine cooler in LA, and a glass of bourbon in TX, but I haven’t actually had anything else to drink since December.

Now, I figured there is no time like the present so I dug out my bottles and decided what better reentry than an ethereal. Then I thought of the other people I have made them for, and remembered though they were able to drink them just fine, the bitched that it still had strong alcohol taste.

So I needed to fix that. To my credit, I have now reinvented the drink that reinvents people. Instead of Vanilla Coke, you now get 7up. This creates the very cool see through effect. I removed the Vanilla Vodka as it was actually quite thick and potent, and also removed the grenadine which contributed to it’s thickness.

Now to be quite honest, It has basically become a brandy old fashion sweet with absinthe and poprocks. If you are not fully clear on what that means here is the breakdown.

Ethereal 2.0
1 Shot Turl Absinthe
1 Shot E&J Brandy
1 Can 7up
1 Maraschino Cherry
½ Packet Poprocks
1tsp or so Sugar
3 Shakes of Bitters

-Get bitchin’ cool cup. Mine is from the Safe House in Milwaukee and has hidden secrets to it if you look close enough.
-Add Some of the poprocks to bottom of the cup
-Add Shot of Absinthe and the E&J to cup
-Fill cup with as much 7up as you can fit
-Drop in Cherry and some more Poprocks
-Add Sugar, and immediatelyy add Bitters

For Best Results:
-Serve without ice (trust me, trial and error)
-Only serve to those who are using Hottub.

Expected Effects:
-SUPREME body relaxation. The hottub will speed up the effects AND the relaxation
-Amazing mind clarity. I have never felt myjudgmentt off on this, but rather tend to write interesting blog posts.
-Overall Drinkfascinationn, Between the 2 carefully selected alcohol’s, the hottub, and the poprocks, your mind and body will be on sensory overload. Folks, this is no snake oil, but yet the same may make you feel like a million bucks.
-Lucid Dreams. For me it takes at least 2 shots of Absinthe over the night, but It has never failed to render EXTREMELY realistic lucid dreams. Supposedly Absinthe should make you hallucinate if lit on fire and inhaled, but I have tested this with myself and others and see no such effect. I think it was just somebodyembellishingg on the dream aspect.
-Good luck – Yes, this time was no exception. I got out of the hottub after 2 glasses of Ethereal only to discover somebody had sent me a website to make this week for another $350 dollars. Although I cannot prove the good luck is caused by the Ethereal, I do feel at peace with the world and quite euphoric and we all know happiness and good times are contagious ~!

At this point, I am so relaxed and carefree that I no longer care that my roommatee is super sick. He was sick when I went on vacation in Janurary and now when I went to Covance in Feburary. I have concluded that it was from him living in his own filth when I am not here to clean up after him and have transcended above the beliefstructuree that says I will get sick because he is sick.

I found a solution to the “new shoes problem” just now. Oh I didn’t mention that, well I bought new Nike Free 5.0 shoes, I already owned some 1.0’s and have been using them constantly for a year or so. How they have evolved to a 5.0 in that timespan is beyond me, but I still knew I needed a new pair. When I bought them home to my dismay I discovered there was a giant security tag on the back of one of the shoes and I did not feel like removing it. So my solution now was that it was on the loop that nobody uses so I cut off the loop and if I feel anal about it tomorrow I can always destich the remaining part of the loop.

I also upon looking in the mirror before this post discovered that I grew 0.6% sexier than I was earlier today. So with enoughethereall (perhaps fed to other people and not me…) I really can appear to look like Brad Pit!

Yes… Life is once again good. Tomorrow I will wake up after having some crazy dreams and will be able to eat a Tangelo forbreakfastt, get a much needed haircut, and then make a $350 website while listening to new music that I have recently acquired. I mean how great is that?

It’s Zuble. That’s right, It’s definitely Zuble.

So for those of you who have been looking for a reason to come visit me, I have found one for you. The grocery store 1 block away from my house is currently selling Tangelo’s. This extremely rare fruit that is half orange, half tangerine is not only delicious, but the peel comes off really easily and it is typically seedless!!!!

You can’t beat that with a stick!!@!!

So I have been gone for awhile, and I am now back to civilization. Everybody was asking today “what will be the first thing you do when you get out?”, to which I had no real reply. What I actually did was try to help somebody get their frozen car started, then gave a friend a ride to the bus stop.

Ok, first thing I did when I got home was clean up after my slobby-ass roommate and then go grocery shopping.

As odd as it sounds, I will miss being there. I made many new friends, gave out like 50 business cards, some of which I am fairly certain that will end up buying some of my services. I lost a couple pounds, to which I can only attribute to eating 4 consistent meals a day since the food was not all that healthy ;)

I can best describe the experience as a recall to high school when my basement was the local hangout. There were friends over virtually all the time, and there was always something fun going on.

My foot is about 95% better. I don’t think I should go running yet this week, but I am glad to know that it was just some stupid muscle problem.

My labrat experiment on the labrat’s has concluded early with the result being that Mark is never allowed to come back to a study again. That happened because he had sex with the nasty testosterone girl that I mentioned the other day, and they told everybody about it. Overall the results were leaning towards avoidance on the group I talked to anyways so the results were as expected anyways.

Also as an unexpected side effect to my omnipotent presence, I have added several phrases to people’s frequent vocabulary, such as Good Times, yep yep, and the horse you rode in on….. Even mannerisms that I have explained like “just smile and nod” seem to have sunk in.

I even collected a bunch of “your so great” comments from the pretty ladies in the study when I was saying bye. One told me that I was an “excellent multi-faceted resource that she wanted to utilize”, and another said “you are a fantastic guy who will make some girl very happy someday”, and (to which I am sure my mother will appreciate) “You are a great guy, your mother sure raised you right”.

Though the comments were good for my ego, I know I still don’t look like Brad Pit, and will therefore will continue to have to work at finding a woman that doesn’t just want to be my friend.

Well, at least I am back to being able to use the hottub. It tends to melt away my worries and take my mind off of things. Of course to prevent it from being that simple, I had to shovel my way out to the hottub ;)

I mean it won’t be long until the weather is nice again in Wisconsin and though I would still like to move to some other country, at this point that is not yet an option, so I am probably just stuck here for awhile.

“Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more, or fill the wall up with our English dead.”

With these words, Henry V urged his soldiers forward during the siege of Harfleur in 1415, heartening his weary soldiers to gather their remaining energy one more time. In retrospect this battle preserved the independence of England, which, of course, made it possible for the USA to be the USA…But that’s a different story, and not really the type of story I tell.

So anyways that was just what was going through my mind, so I figured it best to mention. As my study nears fruition, I know not what to do. It’s easier to sit around and be confined here, than it is to think of what you want in life and where you are going when you are “on the outside”.

Tomorrow is hell day 2.0, and then Sunday morning I leave. Back to my normal life. I have become friends with some people here, I have stirred up some business, I taught somebody how to use my subtle skills of slight of mouth, and I have had a thing with a pretty girl that I don’t even know how to define.

I will leave with my foot feeling all (so i’m projecting… so what) better, and some money in my pockets. However when I do, I will be faced with choices. Do I stay where I am at and continue to work for myself, or do I move somewhere and start anew.

I have decided for the time being not to decide. This being said, I will start the journey on my new decision by leaving here and letting life happen as it will. Some would probably consider this to be aimless, but my aim is simply to go with the flow.

I know that I have always gotten by and have managed to escape virtually unscathed. Bad times have been good learning experiences (and great blog entries), and the good times are well… good times.

At this point I should come up with a conclusion and some pithy wording to close out my post. It needs to be something that fits after the previous paragraph, but has a smartass feel to it. however due to an unexpected writers block I can think of no such thing that will fit. So feel free to write one for me in the comments! Thanks! Sincerely ~ TheSmartass

I watched this “movie” called Waking Life. It should be something I consider my kind of film. It was done in a concept style where it was filmed in real life and then all the real objects had animation placed over the top of them.

The plot is that a guy is in his dream and can’t wake up. However the journey he goes on is just him walking/floating around talking to people with deep ideas. People with ideas on the neuroscience, astrophysics, lucid dreaming, collective consciousness etc…

However I didn’t really like it. I mean, I have already heard most of the principals and ideas that were discussed and it didn’t go anywhere special. I suppose the idea is not for things to happen but for you to just think on the subject matter when you are done.

The animation which I thought I would like started to bother me after awhile, as it kind of had that twitchy feel that I can only explain to people who have seen the cartoon Dr. Katz.

I think I would of enjoyed it more if I was stoned, but the study drugs and ibprofin just weren’t cutting it.

So I have been hanging out with a girl a lot while I have been at Covance. So naturally the other people who hang around me give me shit for it. All of them think there is something there and are getting their kicks off of tormenting me about it.

See the real story is that the girl has a boyfriend. To the people who are bothering me about it, they don’t seem to think that matters. I mean I am not that guy. The guy that your girl hangs out with when you are not around. The one you hate because you know that they want your girl. The one that you don’t trust and are angry at them for making you also not trust your girl…. I have been on the receiving end of that in my own life more than once.

I am fairly sure that this girl just wants another friend. I am the “perfect mark” for a guy-friend. A nice SAFE guy, who knows all sorts of strange and entertaining things that can make you think, hell I have even been known on occasion to be funny.

Look I know this girl is great… She has amazingly similar taste in music, is interested in all the subjects that I like to talk about, and is gorgeous without trying. Of course I know that a single guy and a girl cannot be just friends. All girls would like this to be true, but for guys that just doesn’t work and I am no chump.

However, I have a new belief on how that works with women. They want guys to be their “friends”, but they KNOW subconsciously at least that the “guy friends” they have want them, even if only a little. It gives a wonderful ego boost I imagine and though somewhat mentally abusive, the guy will end up being their “friend” with the fully conscious belief that just MAYBE someday things will be different.

Ok so there are always exceptions to everything, but you can fight genetics all you want, we are all built for sex.

So I am trying to be just friends with this girl. What a pain in the ass though. Don’t get me wrong, I am really enjoying our time together but the more time I spend with her the more that becomes annoyingly difficult to be friends.

While I have been here I have talked to and gotten along with all the girls who don’t hide in their rooms all day and a couple who do, (except one that I think has more testosterone in her system than me). This has caused the guys here to think I am a ladies man. However they are all like me. They see what they want to.

They see a guy and a girl who get along famously and since they are guys they think it’s just that simple. Even if I was good enough to transcend the guy-girl-friend-barrier it wouldn’t matter, because she is already with somebody. I get it.

Sure, there have been times when I didn’t care. I mean lets be honest enough alcohol and desire and you can find somebody just looking for a fling and still leave with a clear conscious. However I can’t start a relationship that way. So I will end up being doomed to the friend card, which I will end up turning into the acquaintance card to keep my own shit in check.

Eh, I know I am babbling now. I have probably repeated myself a few times, and there is really no point. Why should I trouble myself with it when I only have a couple days left to be here. Then we will both go back to our normal lives. She will go back to her boyfriend, and I will go back to well… my hottub ;) Life will move on, and after a couple weeks I will once again be a fairly well adjusted single guy.

Only this time I will be able to be that guy without credit card debt! I will meet somebody, someday who will have those qualities I seek (and a sexy accent wouldn’t hurt) and will seek them from me as well.

Someday I will crack the code. I will figure out how a guy and a girl can be just friends, I will then write a book and share the knowledge with the world (for a small fee of course).

So ya know how I was bitching about my foot the other day right? Well by today I was noticed limping down the hall. I suppose that is enough to cause attention.

They yanked me in and had the staff doctors look at my foot. However they decided because of the location that it might be Gout. Now this was not something I wanted to hear, but they weren’t sure.

So the staff doctors decided to send me to Urgent Care. This means that I get to leave the building! When I got there, I was actually surprised at how quick I got in when we went.

The doctor there decided that it wasn’t Gout, because there was no pain in the places that there should be. So he prescribed me a happy large dose (800m/g) of Ibprofin.

In order to get my pain relief, I had to wait until some “medical investigators” approved me to use my own prescription. But eventually it was cleared, and happily after that and some ice, I was feeling MUCH better.

So, it wasn’t the drugs screwing me up or anything, just probably my shoes (I wear shoes that force your feet to bend with the shoes). If after a few days my foot does not get better then they have to send me to a podiatrist. If the podiatrist tells me to get orthotics or new shoes or something (which aren’t cheap), then Covance will have to pay for it.

Not that I want my foot screwed up, but I am glad that if there is a problem (that I probably would of ended up with anyways) that I can count on somebody else to pay for it.

So as if the study is not already difficult enough, people have to go and make it worse.

Last night, people on my study freaked out and started screaming at each other. While doing that there were all sorts of complaints to the staff etc…

NOW they had to pull us all in for a meeting to take away more priviledges. They are being more of a pain in the ass, and because “we” are causing problems, the staff is forced to be just as much of a problem to enforce the rules.

Basically because of a few people, our entire group has to suffer.

What a pain in the ass.

Look, if you haven’t already open my “Stephen Hawking Podcast” from here. Then click next until you get to Stuff and Junk. Needless to say but DAMN, is that funny.

So I was bored (odd huh). I decided that I would be a nice guy and shut everybody up about the computer problems they were having up front.

So I fixed 3 of the 4 computers they had there. The other computer I had already wrote a diagnostic up for, but It can not be fixed until somebody reinstalls the opperating system.

The other 3 were FUCKING LOADED with spyware, trojan’s, browser hijack’s, and bullshit…. oh wait, the last one was me….

Anywho I spent over 3 hours fixing them and putting firefox on etc… They were in BAD shape, but now I am done and who can I send the bill to????

I got a bunch of “thanks james”, and even more “are you done with that yet?”. Still, those don’t pay the bills. Perhaps this will at least cause more people to want a business card and ultimately more money in the long run.

So around here if I say anything is bothering me and it gets heard by the staff it gets written down as a side effect. Once you are listed with a side effect they find you three times a day to ask you if there are any changes with it.

However I am getting annoyed and am currently deciding if I should lie and say it’s better.

The “side effect” is the fact that somehow I pulled a muscle in my right foot. So whenever I walk it hurts. Now, since I can’t exactly do any crazy ass exercise here It is odd to pull a muscle… Especially one in my foot!

However I am not stupid enough to think the sugar pills they have been giving me (one of the few people who don’t have REAL side effects) would cause my foot to get messed up.

Here’s my theory on what happened. It happened on valentine’s day while I was sleeping. Perhaps when I thought of the old song (written for simpsons) that says “there’s a hole in my heart, as deep as a well……”, just maybe my mind screwed it up and thought I said “there’s a hole in my foot as deep as a well….”.

I mean I have been teaching psychology and hypnotizing people etc… all week and so I know damn well the power of the mind, so that is the best explanation I can come up with.

It is just really annoying to be woken up in the morning and asked “so how is your foot feeling now?”. To which I respond “I’d tell you but then I would have to wake up and start walking around to try to cause it pain, when I am sleeping I don’t feel any pain… ahem”

I probably should get out of here and then sue Covance for secretly giving me foot pain pills….

Good Stuff…