LOL, See, I told you, ya should ask-a-smartass

Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Yahoo has this website…. answers.yahoo.com . Simple theory, ask a question, get an answer (from anybody in the world). When you decided you have gotten the best answer to your question, you declare the best answer winner and close out the question.

I decided to answer a few random questions tonight (since people haven’t been asking me many questions on the wonderful ask-a-smartass page) for yahoo tonight, since I am just bursting with great knowledge to share with the world.

Well, I thought you would find one of the answers that I wrote (that my answer was picked the same day as the best answer for) shall we say, entertaining…

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=1006011006454

2am edit: Hmm, it’s late and this was probably a bad idea to mention, to me it was hilarious, especially that he picked my answer, but if you are related to me you might not want to even read it due to the Too Much Information problem it may cause you.

Great ways to mess up somebody elses car!

Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

So I (being the oh-so-nice guy that I am) offered to help order and install some really nice projector headlights into my old car for the kid who bought it from me, to save him some money.

Being of sound mind and judgment, I was confident in my ability to yank out a bigass lightbulb and stick in another one. Well perhaps sound mind and judgment is in the eye of the beholder, as today I behold nothing but a pain in my ass.

I don’t feel all that wordy tonight so I will simply give you the extremely short version.

Spent 2 hours removing headlights and plastic casing. Removal of framing was very difficult and not having an acme black hole I was forced to quickly pry off chunks with claw hammer and oodles of willpower, causing a chunk of the NON-damaged Quarterpanel to have an inch or two worth of paint chip off and disappear.

Results of time spent: old headlights removed but new headlights NOT installed, more damage done to body of car (nothing a little electrical tape and a funny story to give to people about it can’t fix) and last but not least a few minutes time spent talking to the police officer about why somebody with no headlights was riding my ass for about a block at night.

Solutions for non-installation:
Option 1) Remove metal bar (which also removes radiator) and comfortably install headlights).
Option 2) Remove metal bumper (tried to do this, but the bolts were just there for show and tell, apparently the metal part under the bumper is actually welded to the frame of the car).
Option 3) Break the super long bullshit support plastic off of headlights (it would make them slightly less stable, but would still work).
Option 4) Take it to a bodyshop in the morning and pay them a few bucks to stitch it up.

Needless to say he opted for option 4. I would of probably gone with option 3 myself, though I think option 1, though time consuming would of rendered the best results.

On a side note, I spent some time earlier messing up my own car by discovering that the TV from the hottub really is dead, when I tried to install it into my car.

Originally I was planning on stealing it until it was noticed since it has sat UNUSED in the hottub for over 3 years due to the lack of a stereo for input. I suppose the only reason it doesn’t work is just to get me to put it back and save on Karma points.

Sun Strike Over

Tuesday, January 10th, 2006 | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

The sun in the Madison area lately has been on strike. In fact it has been on strike for 3 weeks straight. According to the news there has been no Sun out for a little over 20 days straight!

Well today it came out, WOOHOO. I can finally stop being depressed and lethargic (since a good solid 20% solar powered), and go back to being the happy guy who destroys other people’s belief’s and point of view with my witty banter and subtle subliminal psychology!

Christian Music = Good?

Saturday, January 7th, 2006 | Uncategorized | 7 Comments

So I had some driving to do today, lucky me I now have XM Satellite Radio; so the time tends to pass fairly quickly.

Well today I was intending to load up the euro-rock channel but I guess I went one to far and went to a Christian rock channel. The bitch of it was, that even after discovering that it was Christian Rock, I decided to keep listening to it.

I mean I am not a religious guy, and don’t like other people who try to force their beliefs off on me, however this music was the opposite. They were all fucking posers! I mean I listened to this music for just under an hour, and I can very definitely say that none of the songs that were played in that hour were remotely religious.

Some of the band names had pithy titles like 7th Day but there music had nothing to do with their religion. Now I’m sure if I were to get their cd’s some of the songs would have religious under tones to it, but on the whole I can say that they are full of shit.

I really liked the music BECAUSE they were posers. I mean I was very closely listening to the lyrics to try to pick things out. The closest things came when one band said the “the devil’s in your hands”, but most of the songs were about love and other bullshit. These bands were for the most part extremely talented, but I thought about it.

What makes Christian music Christian if the songs are not all about Christianity? I mean there are countless bands that are also Christian that’s music is not classified as religious. I mean I hear people on normal radio stations play music that mention god in their songs all the damn time, yet I turn to a Christian rock station and don’t hear it once.

I looked up the definition on Wikipedia and at one point it said it has been considered the musical equivalent of low-fat cheese. Where all the songs are just sanitized for your protection versions of whatever was actually popular on the radio today. I mean there was even a harder, faster version of Goo Goo Dolls’ song, Long Way Down, with none of the words changed at all.

Honestly if that’s all it is I think the “stars” of this genre are mad genius’. I mean Wallmart would of edited them down anyways, they are just saving them the trouble. Since they are considered “Christian” music and not rock and roll, they now become a big fish in a small pond.

I knew somebody growing up who lead a very sheltered life and would ONLY listen to Christian Rock. Well, these bands are targeting those people. I mean there are millions of Christians throughout the world, lots of them that are very hardcore about it. Why not give them the same crap everybody else gets to listen to only in “religious friendly” music.

What exactly makes music “Christian Rock”? I mean how is MXPX and Bleach, any more religious than Creed and Nine Inch Nails? The lead singer of Creed when they were big was a super hardcore Christian, but they were so damn popular without having to use that label. Nine Inch Nails when they were kids WERE a Christian rock band, however they were banned from their church upon playing for the congregation after it’s members were appalled.

I really don’t see that MXPX, or Blinded play music that’s more religious than either of those bands, so what makes them “Christian”?

It’s kind of a crock. People’s belief’s WILL ALWAYS come across in their music, you don’t have to label it something it’s not just to get the music heard. I mean if you stopped calling yourself a Christian band you could not only sing of your love for god, but your love for pussy and drugs!

Hey, if you aren’t into pussy and drugs, I DON’T FUCKING CARE, you can still sing whatever damn music you want and if it’s good enough to be played by somebody that can appreciate it, then more power to ya.

To conclude, the music that I heard tonight was pretty DAMN (had to add the sacrilegious part) good. I’m sure lots of it’s crap, but lots of non-Christian music is also crap. If it doesn’t jive with my belief’s I can simply change the fucking channel and not listen to it. I just still don’t understand what makes Christian Rock, Christian when other music that seems more Christian to me is not classified as such, but whatever….

It probably really is just a big scam to make more money off religion. I mean that was what the shit was invented for in the first place (or at least what keeps it around), of course I don’t really want to argue that subject since there are people who are far more fanatical about it than I.

Besides, until I win the position of God in the next election I am subject to his wrath, and he might just tell me to take down any post that goes against him (just like Microsoft made me to to a different post yesterday, only difference would be for that I would be smited instead of sued).

Spineless??

Saturday, January 7th, 2006 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

So yesterday I was under the belief that due to a nasty powerballin‘ accident I had a a vertebrae floating around my chest somewhere (perhaps on vacation). However the pain did not subside.

Last night I went to Milton and hung out with my friend. For most of the night my time was spent meeting people at the bar, just so that I could ask them if they had any pain medicine I could buy off them. Sadly to my dismay the entire town of Milton seems to be pain free.

Now a day later I wake up and am still in nasty pain. I can not turn my neck very far in any direction. I now believe that while I wasn’t looking the other day somebody reached down my throat, and ripped out my spine (as seen in Mortal Kombat). This is not exactly a fun feeling and I do not enjoy having to rotate my entire body just to turn my head with minimal pain.

So I am now looking for donations. I seek a healthy spin / back / neck that still has quite a few years left on them. If you know of one that somebody may have that they aren’t using and you think they may be the generous type, please let me know ASAP.

Thanks

Million Dollar Ideas

Thursday, January 5th, 2006 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

So in light of the last post and deciding to become a Smartass Guru, I have also decided that becoming one will take money. Since I am not yet famous enough to survive off of donations I have decided to start Million Dollar Ideas.

For $5 I will provide you with one of my Million Dollar Ideas, that I myself have been to lazy to do. This does not mean that my ideas don’t work. To the contrary, they are all fantastic ideas. Most of them require time, and some of them require money. However ALL of them work.

Come on, what’s it gonna hurt. $5 bucks and I will give you an idea worth a million. It will work, but if you are to lazy to do it (like I am) so what. It only cost you $5. I am considering making a complete program out of this and then selling it on ebay for $350, but at the moment the readers of this website can get it for cheep.

Remember, you can buy more than 1 idea. Every $5 will earn you another idea from my book of ideas. Also if I can start to make money from this website, that would encourage me to work on this website more often as well… (hint, hint).

The Cold Excuse

Wednesday, January 4th, 2006 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

I’m sick of winter. there has not been much snow, but it’s still cold and windy. I mean what’s the point?

In summer I actually go running & go to climb rocks @ Devil’s Lake. However in winter I can not move off my ass to save my life. I sit around wrapped up in 8 layers of clothes and blankets. I always say that I will use the norditrack etc… but I never do. When I am cold, I am lazy.

Granted, I was built like a snowman, anybody who has ever shook my hand can verify this. I could probably give Mr. Freeze a run for his money, except I am to lazy to go out and commit crime either!

It’s not just physical activites it’s everything. I mean I haven’t written a blog post in a few days, because I would rather just be wrapped up in a blanket trying to get warm. Not to mention the fact that the heating bill this month was just SICK.

Well I am sick of it.

So I am going to go somewhere warm for awhile. Well, that is, as soon as I finish making some websites for a couple people. People who need it quickly, BUT (probably crippled by the same coldness) who keep not sending me the content for their websites. I mean I can’t make a damn site for you until you give me shit to put on it… omprendo?

I am considering telling the people that if they don’t get me stuff for their sites by Saturday it won’t be done for another 3 weeks. I mean that should light a fire under their ass.

Why can’t I just live as a “Smartass Guru”. Where people travel great distances to ask the great Smartass a question, and then spend the rest of their lives trying to live up to what I told them. Then I could travel all over the world and live on donations.

Nickel and Dimed

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Shit money goes away fast. Here is the last week or so’s expenses

Lets C, the not so fun expenses:
$40 - Cleanse crap (no pun intended, hope it does the trick)
$85 - Oil Change, Radiator Flush (Shit, I have never seen sludgy brown coolant before)
$284 - Bills for house. Last month it was $150 less…. No Joke
$22 - Engine Restore, and new Radiator Cap
$TO MUCH - Stress
$100 - Groceries, not the exact amount but probably close after a couple trips
$105 - DMV title registration…. bastards should not be allowed to charge sales tax on owner sold cars, what a crock.
$17 - Hardcore Mexican Car Wash (attempt to remove popcorn from the “new” car)
$?? - Gas, actually this expense I am not sure of, but since I am no longer buying premium (and oil) with every fill, this expense will go down

Fun expenses:
$??? - Birthday out… beats me what that cost
$267 - New Car Stereo
$15 - Mounting Kit, Harness,
$65 - Satellite Radio + 3 Months Service
$18 - E&J (for friends visit)
$300 - IPod Video (intended to resell, decided was worth keeping)
$15 - Wedding Crashers DVD (yes, I actually bought this)
$14 - Pizza (with “Paul Proof” toppings)
$12 - Magazine Renewal

DAMN…. that’s all I gotta say.