So I did some research today. Turns out that my boss is in jail for 3 counts of crazy. He goes to court on the matters on Thursday. Now, if he doesn’t win all of them he might be stuck in jail for awhile.

If this is the case I have decided, if possible… to take over his company. However I do not want it. Let me explain. I want the location, and the phone number for the business, 3 workstations and that’s about it. I DO NOT want the name, nor do I want any of the bills or problems that go with the Name. So I do not want to buy his company, rather I want to replace it.

If he ends up stuck in jail then he will probably be willing to sell me the items I want cheap, since the alternative is that his lease dies off and they throw everything away anyways. Not to mention if he is not there and I am not there, then all the customers would leave. It would be very bad to leave it sitting there unmanaged.

It’s not that I am a complete ass for wanting to tear apart the company I work for and create my own out of the remains. Rather a business decision. I can run a computer company far better than he can, and could add more services, get more contracts etc… If I owned the company myself I would be in a better place. If I just kind of inherited the existing company and name I would also inherit it’s problems.

It is also possible that he will just have to pay a fine and will be out and back to work after Thursday. To which he will owe me for time and jobs I did while he was gone.

I closed up the store Monday afternoon so that my bill wouldn’t keep increasing on him. Left a note on the door that people could call me if they had computers sitting inside etc..

If he is out and back running the store, It still probably won’t be for long. The “impending world apocalypse” will eventually make him flee for safety, at which point he told me I could just keep running the store. However I am starting to feel that it would be better to buy it from him before this happens because I do not want to inherit his bills and debts etc…

I am going to his trial on Thursday. Hopefully I will see what is going to happen and get a chance to talk to him. The sheriff’s station told me that I could not meet with him unless he requested it and put me on his list. So if at least he sees me on Thursday then he would probably think to put me on the list. If he’s not stuck in jail he won’t be desperate, and it will take me more time to get the store, but either way I think this is what I want to do now.

I read this article today: Lets see some ID, please.

So apparently major computer oem’s have found a way to take away “anonymous” web browsing. They have already started putting nasty evil chips into computers they make that will allow them, and eventually everybody on the internet to identify your computer as yours.

They are doing this as a way to make the internet “more safe and secure”, aka “bullshit bullshit bullshit”. Now I would really freak out about this except reading about this brought 2 things to mind.

1) Pentium 3’s came with serial #’s built in. Everybody freaked out about that and to prevent lawsuits they made it so you could disable the serial number in the bios. Also there really was no way to track who actually bought a pentium 3 chip.

2) This chip may be able to correctly identify people who buy through major manufactures, but will not be able to identify homebuilt computers. So the more they try to fuck up people’s lives, the more money I will make preventing it.

Also the entire way they are marketing the idea is complete nonsense. I mean the reason websites have user names and passwords is so that you can go to the site on multiple computers, wherever in the world you want to be able to get into the same shit. With the potential they have created in this new technology they are pitching it as a secure way to shop on the internet etc…

The internet is a secure place to shot already, if you aren’t an idiot. I mean each credit card number goes through 8 pages of random encryption generated by the bank that is processing it. People don’t have problems with security from secure sites. They have security problems from their own stupidity.

I’ll explain.

So you are a victim of identity theft, and somebody has used the internet to rack up tons of charges to your accounts… Ohhhh… you must of been “hacked”!!!!!! Ah, no…. Thanks to nightly news people everywhere believe that internet crime is when people steal your information from your computer.

Well now, lets look at what actually happened to you.

1) You went to your old hometown gas station and used your credit card. They haven’t updated their credit card processing machine in 10 years and it spits out your full name, number, and exp date on the receipt. You crumple the receipt up and throw it in their garbage cans as you walk away.

I the somewhat lazy criminal mastermind decide that I don’t have enough money to buy that new ipod and don’t want to work at it. So I go down to that old gas station, buy a tank of gas and throw a pile of papers from my car in the garbage can. Only a couple seconds later I get a DOH look on my face and then start digging through the garbage can looking for my “lost piece of important information”.

I am not concerned that a gas station attendant will come out or that they will flag me for being suspicious, because I am paying for my gas inside, and when I get in there I tell them how embarrassing it is having to dig through a garbage can to find your paycheck that I forgot to cash. They laugh and I leave with 5 or 6 receipts that show your full information on it.

I then go to a local college and go into some random computer lab and proceed to shop on the internet. I buy several things and have them sent to an anonymous PO Box that as soon as I get the items I will close out the account and be done with it.

You now see that all sorts of extra things have been charged to your credit card from various internet sites and assume that you were hacked. Now don’t get me wrong. I have NEVER and will NEVER do this. I am just a logical human being. I realize that if I call somebody on the phone and tell them my credit card number and info, that they can just write it down and start shopping on the internet for stuff. If I had just taken 10 seconds longer to find it on the internet, where my number gets encrypted and where even the company I am buying from only sees the last 4 digits of my number. Then none of this would have ever happened!

I am getting on a tanget so I will make this a bit shorter.

2) A new term has been invented for the internet recently. It is called Phishing. This word was invented because too many people were to stupid to be able to spot an obvious scam when they saw one. There was a test recently to see how many people could spot “phishing” emails 100% of the time. Sadly only 4% of people who did the test got 100%.

COME ON PEOPLE. USE YOUR FUCKING BRAINS! When you get an email telling you to log into your bank’s website due to a problem with their server that will fix itself after you log in with your user and password, YOU ARE BEING HAD!!!! It’s not that hard to setup a site that looks exactly like your bank’s website, with a domain name that looks the same without close inspection etc…

Yes this really is real internet crime, but before people made this into an internet crime, they first did it by calling people on the phone with some story and asking them for their information or money.

I realize that the world is brainwashed daily, by television, friends, religion, or just plain life experience. For the most part we trust people. We look down upon people who cannot trust other people and decide that they are the only ones who really can’t be trusted.

It’s not that you don’t have to trust people, it’s that if you would take an extra half a second to assess the situation before you trust somebody / something, it would save you a lot of grief in the long run.

Alright so to sum this up a chip has been made called the “Trusted Platform Module”. It is being put in computers all over. It will eventually fuck up a lot of things, but not for the people who know how to get around it. It will give the riaa and mpaa even more people to sue and will overall be a huge pain in the ass.

The rest of this post just tells you not to be stupid! If you aren’t stupid, you will be able to live a long time and continue to visit my website. If you are, you will be broke or in jail and unable to do anything but bitch about those damn “hackers” or the government having ruined your life.

Q. What do you get when you feed me 1 glass of Ethereal and stick me in a hottub for 30 minutes?
A. A very happy James, who is completely at peace with the world.

So I go to work yesterday afternoon and walk in with a confused look on my face. Why? Well now, I expected the store owner not to be there, but I also kind of expected that if he wasn’t there that he would have taken his stuff, like his coat, his glasses, his gloves, his hat, his cell phone, his lighter , his car etc…

Is he in the bathroom? No…. Is he hiding under the table in fear of the bird flu? No…. Ok now I’m confused, lets go next door and ask if they know anything.

So I talk to the lady there. She tells me that earlier that day the cops ran into the store and took him. Ok I’m intrigued, what did he do? She had no idea but told me that the day before he had been screaming at a customer so loud that she could hear it through the walls (and she works in a matress store, think of all the extra soundproofing that all those beds provide!).

I call some people that might know better and they don’t know either. I mean they can’t arrest you just because you are a bit of a nutter.

Well I stayed at work and decided to come in and take his Saturday shift as well. Now I still have no idea what he was nabbed for so I don’t know how long he will be in. I THINK most minor offenses he would only be in jail for a couple days. Having decided to come in on Saturday however meant that he would have to pay me more.

Now he tends to procrastinate on jobs that people bring in until they need their computers back. Paying me not only hourly but 40% of gross on every job I do, he tends to try to not have me do many of the jobs. I guess it makes good sense, why pay me 40% if he can do it himself.

Today however there were lots of jobs. New ones, old ones etc… My friend Chris came into work with me and helped me out and we finished every single job except the two that special power supplies had been ordered for. Now normally if say your boss came back from a vacation to discover that you had been extremely productive he would be pleased (and expect it to happen often).

I however do not believe this will be the case. I think he will come back all grumpy that he has to pay me for a ton of extra work that he didn’t set aside funds for. Well the store is generally run like shit, so decided to step it up a notch today. No excuses to the people who called, just finished, fixed computers for all.

Now the real question is will he be back come Monday? If not should I still keep running the store? I mean he was going to setup a checking account with my name on it for the store etc… but he has not, so at this point if he is going to be gone for awhile, the store is kind of screwed because none of the bills will get paid etc..

Well good times!

I am posting this one per request of a “long time reader, first time writer”. Apparantly they will be singing shall we say “different” Christmas Carols this year…. In the spirt of the holidays I will post this so that perhaps others who suffer from similar conditions can enjoy in the holiday rapture with them!

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged
————————-

1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia — I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and …

6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Full Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder —Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells …

10. Agoraphobia — I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia — Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder — I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

So I decided I didn’t like all the wasteful little link pages now that I have a new menu system. So I turned a couple of the large links sections into their own full pages and turned the rest into just one big links page.

Other changes:

• Fixed sizing of bottom forms & added back google images
• Created news page, Added Several RSS feeds to it.
• Added 20 Most Recent TV Torrents to Torrents page
• Added descriptions to all links on links page and index
• Added google maps to thesmartass
• I THINK I fixed the IE Iframe Display problem
• Fixed Double Audio in IE for Streaming TV and Radio. (Why didn’t ANYBODY tell me that there was this problem!)

Basically just check out the torrents, links and news pages, the torrents and news pages will auto-update every 10-20 minuites.

I do just LOVE winter weather (insert sarcasism here). It causes everybody to forget how to drive. Which much to my dismay, leads them to crash into my car.

So the story goes that I was exiting a snowy parking lot today. I figure my winter timing is pretty good, so with nobody in front of me I was already nursing the breaks so that I could stop in time to turn right at the street.

Well fat lot of good that did, My timing was just fine, but the person who came into the lot by going virtually straight from the street did not stop to turn right at a 90 degree angle. Instead he decided it would be easier to just go straight in towards the building he was heading to in the lot.

I could not stop any faster and I slid into his car. He knew he was at fault, and asked me what I wanted to do about it. My car was still drivable, suffering from only paint damage, a chunk out of the front bumper, and a broken corner indicator I told him to just forget about it and that we should just pay for our own cars.

I mean I was not completly without fault since the smart play in this weather is to go like 2mph through a parking lot and I was probably at 10.

Oh well, shit happens…. to me….

So I was writing myself a To-Buy list for when I eventually have money that isn’t already spent before I earn it… When I decided that perhaps, somebody out there who appreciates my site, and likes reading happy posts about themselves and how great the are, might want to buy them for me!

Don’t celebrate Christmas? No problem, I accept gifts for Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, Bob’s Your Uncle Day, Kwanzaa, Chinese New Year, Mexican Christmas, and Solstice. You could also give me an early Smartass Day present. I haven’t officially invented the holiday yet, but I am working on the royalties with Hallmark right now. If you are anti-holiday, I also have a birthday coming up this month…

Ok, so now that I gave you all a valid excuse to buy me presents I suppose you want to know what to get. As a kid it was pretty easy, I wanted anything on page 110-189, with the exception of pages 125-140. As an adult I have discovered my needs have changed.

-Missing Hot Chocolate Ingredients (1 Bottle Kahlua, 1 Bottle Bailey’s Irish Cream)
-Studio RTA 18864 Computer Desk (I had forgotten I needed this until my sister was kind enough to remind me)
-1lb or so of Cayanne Pepper (no, really… I’m not joking)
-Another Terabyte (don’t suppose any of this website’s fans are independantly wealthy…)
-Robert Greene’s new book (of course the damn thing is only in hard cover right now.. grr)
-Tank of Gas (about $40)
-Helper Monkey (with optional website / su-chef attachments)
-Gifts for Family/Friends (look, i’ll take what I can get… I will regift anything so long as it’s already wrapped and at least APPEARS that it was bought on good intentions)
-Total Cleanse (to help give me a few more crappy years of life)
-Secret to quick, easy automated money on the internet (like a website that says pay $1 for the secret to life… then after the dollar it says “just smile and nod”)
-Oil Mat (my roomate won’t let me park in garage till I get a real official oil mat)
-Acceptance for immigration into New Zealand (and enough money to get me there)
-Red Yeast Rice (So apparantly I have high cholesteral from life on frozen food, hmm didn’t see that coming)

Ok so some of the “Born Smartass” posts recently have been rather… shall we say emotionally driven. So to save you the time of having to read the entire posts I have decided to just give you a summary of all the posts and the style they were written in, so that you won’t even have to read them yourself!

Return of the Power Ballad – Running into a mid-mid-life crisis the author (James Lyngaas) wrote this piece of trite as a desperate attempt to latch onto his childhood while still proving that he is an adult by using such . This post points out the old “when I was a kid” phrase by stating that those times have returned, and pointing out things that are now similar to what they were “back in the day”. Lets face it folks, the 80’s haven’t returned. It’s the 00’s, the 80’s won’t be around for another 80 years!

Where did the lumps go? – In a post so bad that not even he was willing to publish it, James examins his testicles for lumps. This griping story has twists and turns and enough gumption to make a catholic priest blush. Sadly they this post will never see the light of day!

My Big Bad Threatening Site – The author went and submitted HIMSELF to digg.com with a “cool story” about some playable Sega Genesis games on his website. He stupidly linked directly to the Sega Genesis games so that any idiot who made it to the site would start loading games. This caused his server host to spend all of their resources loading games all at once. THEN he has the nerve to freak out at them suspending his site and sending him an email saying they would shut him down. Now perhaps if he were paying an assload for hosting he would have a right to freakout, but he pays NOTHING but grief to his free host!

Which Causes… - Which Causes, Which Causes, Which Causes…. COME ON kid, learn to write a short sentence with some variance! This post is just one giant ball of chunky green shit that proves you should at have two way communication with the people you have issues with before you write a blog post. In this post James tries to look like he is cool by convincing the reader that he is a persuasive genius that can hypnotize people into doing his will. In reality he just needed to take his spanking and move on with his life.

Google Just Fucked Me! – This one boils down to laziness. This author had another “get rich quick” idea and thought he could make money without effort. Well the real world laughed at him and told him to work harder, to which he got all pissed off and started badmouthing the world’s greatest search engine for trying to keep maintain quality search standards.

I Just Got Googled, & I Didn’t Like It - In a bold move by google they decided they didn’t appreciate James’ badmouthing and declared the word smartass to be taboo. They decided to ban him from using his own domain name and suggested alternatives. In this post I was actually able to relate, since google once banned me from advertising a domain called boobookittyfuck.suckmyfuckinghairysackyouteabaggingfootsyfucker.com, of course for me all of my words were ok, they just told me it was to long to fit on an ad…

Forgive & Forget, Or Steal Something - Still sour from google ruining his “lazy for life” scheme, he finds a way to lash out and stick it to the man by embedding google’s mapping program into his website. I would say this was actually an amazing trick, but he probably just ripped off the code to do it from somebody else, somebody who was nicer than him to document it. I was however impressed with the detail in the maps themselves, as I was able to find a person who appears to be my twin brother pimping ho’s in a back alley!

Fix Frozen Tabs From Adblock in Firefox – Silly tutorial giving people a long drawn out idiot’s guide to deleting 1 word. Author doesn’t give credit to the fact that if they are already using firefox and adblock that they can probably find and delete 1 word themselves!

Ok so people who know me have probably already switched to firefox browser. If I help set it up, I would of imported an adblock list into it, and now there are hardly any ad’s on any websites.

Well there was a flaw in the list I was using. I searched for an answer on google (which I had to use IE to search for it so that firefox didn’t freeze my tab) but came up empty. After putting up with this for a month or two, I became so annoyed by firefox freezing that I figured out how to fix it.

See everytime you would load a website or even type the word “banner(s)” site blocking would kick in and freeze whatever tab you were using. It’s so bad that I can’t even spell the word without adding the (s). So the fix is simple.

There are 2 ways to fix it. Go into adblock preferences in the tools menu and either:

Scroll up a little ways from the bottom of the list delete everything that says *word* or reimport my new list. Now when I say *word* that does NOT mean *. or .* anything that has a period etc… On my list there was like 4 or 5 things that were just *word*, and all of those cause the browser to freeze Anytime it even sees those words!

If you still have problems you can turn off site blocking in the adblock preferences, but I prefer keep that on as I am no longer having any trouble since I changed this.

If you didn’t even know you could get a premade list to block ad’s in firefox you are missing out and I would highly recommend you download and import my huge adblock list.

Also if you were somebody who has never gone into adblock prefrences before but you were smart enough to install it, make sure you turn off Obj Tabs, as they make adblock rather obnoxious since it assumes just about everything inside an iframe or a standalone image is an ad and gives you an object tab, so turn that off in the options!

I will be writing a section on how to start to finish pimp out your firefox one of these days, but I figured in the mean time since I searched for this on google and couldn’t find any solutions, that somebody out there had the same problem.

Downloads
———–
-Firefox
-Adblock Extention
-Extremely Large AND Fixed Adblock List
(install list by going into adblock preferences, clicking options, click import filters, tell to overwrite)

So today I have thrown down some harsh words over google. They don’t like me, and won’t play nice. Since advertising with them is not really a valid option anymore, I have decided to just focus on the good things that they have to offer.

So to make myself feel better, I ripped off their mapping program and embedded it into my website, I plan to use this new technique on every website that I ever make that has a location or address they want promoted.

Since you are probably confused now, why don’t you just look for yourself and see. Make sure you click on the map and move it around, or zoom in etc…

http://www.lyngaas.net/index.php?main=downtown

Also while you are at lyngaas.net I updated the associations page as well. Yes, that’s right now you too can see what my driving forces and personality are really like while text gets all up in your face (if you move your mouse over it anyways).

Good times…

P.S. YES I know with only 2 pixel ad’s it looks kind of odd on the main page, they are ad’s for programs I am promoting, so feel free to sign up and make me money! Don’t worry, there will be lots more ad’s to acompany them soon. You can even buy your own! Come on, you know you want to!