Why does there always have to be some jerkoff that has to ruin it for everybody else.

Today I was going through my server logs and discovered that I had received this month over 7000 additional hits, only they were not going directly to thesmartass.info. The links were spoofed links that were loading my Nintendo iframe directly into their website. Now that’s just dicky.

The emulator is freeware, anybody can put it on their site and use their own damn bandwidth. This increased my bandwidth by 50gigs or so and for what!?!?!? So somebody ELSE’S website can get more popular!

If the guy would of emailed me and said, hey cool shit… want to exchange links? I would of probably agreed!

So now I have to go through my frames which are all kind of designed as standalone pages that can be inserted into a nice layered design, and insert links back to thesmartass.info in just about all of them. I am also researching getting a script that if any of my webpages are loaded besides http://www.thesmartass.info/ it will force you back to the root page.

Once I do get these pages virtually theft proof I will probably be adding a Sega Master System to my game lineup, and possibly putting a section up for people to listen to some of my comp cd’s online. As it stands now, I can not do that until I find a way to prevent people from linking to my shit.

Lets be honest here, I don’t really care what people steal; music, software, code… whatever.. but when you are to lazy to download the files yourself and host them on your own server, that’s lame.

SO. If you want some code that’s on my website, please use the nice contact form and ask me for it. If you don’t want the code, but want to just link to my already nicely made stuff, then I strongly encourage you to forego that and instead shove a hot poker up your ass so far that it comes back out of your mouth!

Have a nice day!

I have been trying to get myself to start going to bed earlier and trying to wake up earlier, seeing as how I am starting a real job next Wednesday. I mean I get up very well rested and comfortable at about 9:15 every morning. However for some tight-ass reason, Zimbrick won’t let me start work at 10:30. They say I need to try to be there by 8am, and it’s at least a 20 minute drive.

That means I will have to start setting an alarm. … blah … I have never been a morning person, at least not an early morning person, I mean I have met people who like getting up at 4am…. Granted most of them become complete nutters later in life. I think I am already nutso enough as it is, so I don’t really want to try to be like them.

So why am I up writing in my blog at 3 in the morning? Some damn bullshit motivation to work on my website that gets up my crawl every couple of weeks. When it does hit me, it’s never to work on all the projects I have thought up for the website, but always something totally different, that most people will never even notice.

I have literally been writing posts and editing design for this damn blog for nearly 5 hours straight. Shit, I think I spent almost half an hour making a logo that I decided not to even use!

I haven’t moved from this chair, haven’t even drank some water [until I wrote this sentence and realized it myself], and for WHAT???? I mean does anybody read this damn thing? The few people who do consistently read this would probably read it even if I made it super ass ugly!

Alas, I suppose the only thing better I could of been doing was sleeping, or perhaps masturbating… Ahem [See previous post for #1 SmartAss thing to say].

While I am bitching, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE $300 WORTH OF STUFF I ORDERED FROM THE CZECH REPUBLIC ON JULY 13th!?!?!?

“I’m not the only cowboy in this one horse metaphor”

Ok not exactly lives, but rather files. A couple days ago I was unsharing a folder on my hard drive. The thing that changed the file attributes crashed while it was unsharing it saying “Unknown error”.

Now everytime I tried to click on this folder I got the message “[foldername] is not accessable, Access is denied” Now I figured it was another bad sector or something so I ran chkdsk 5 or 6 times to no avail.

Ok so It’s got to be some stupid problem with windows, so I tried to turn off the drive, and restart windows. Having the same problem still I assumed it was a windows xp problem so I restarted into Windows Longhorn. Yes folks Longhorn. The opperating system that microsoft will not release till sometime late next year. Lucky me, I happen to be a msdn beta tester and have a copy of it. Which for reference, it is an extremely stable opperating system that the only problems I have with it are my audio drivers (which are generic and made by a 3rd party) that occasionally don’t initialize ;(

Anyways I had the same problem in longhorn. Now I have had no mp3’s for 3 days now and I am starting to freak out. Defragmenting my hard drive showed that all the 3,344 Folders containing 38,437 files in this perticular directory alone were still in tact.

I asked a couple other guys who fix computers for a living if they have ever heard of this (nope), and then I said “if a customer had this problem and wanted you to fix it, would you tell them that the only way to fix it was to perform a low level format of the hard drive?” to which they both responded, “yeah that is what I would tell them”.

Well today I did the research on google. Everybody was saying that it was a user security problem, which I only have one user account on my computer but I was willing to try anything. Most of the posts said to put the hard drive on a windows 2000 machine and then you can access the data and copy all of it off to a different drive.

That seemed a bit extreme to me, especially since I don’t have 197gb free on a spare hard drive. So after some more research I found the correct way to fix the problem. If you ever have this problem here’s how to fix it:

1) In my computer, or windows explorer to to Tools > Folder Options > View > Advanced Settings > Uncheck the box for Simple File Sharing > Click ok

2) Right click on screwed up folder and choose Properties > Go to Security Tab > Click Advanced > Owner > Choose your user account to take ownership > Also check the box to reclaim ownership at bottom > Click Ok

That’s all it takes. Apparantly when Windows fucked up my folder it currupted the folder owner information to be some unknown non-existent user. To which this fixes.

If I had not fixed this I would have probably been a miserable bastard for a year or 3, having lost all something that I had collected since the mid 90’s. I gotta say though, there has been to many problems lately with this very expensive TB hard drive. So hopefully in another couple months I can buy another couple TB’s and can copy all the data off and format the hard drive again.

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat….she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.”

Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it,the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

Smart Ass Answer #1:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it , no other excuses whatsoever!” A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. (Especially when giving them grief.)
2. Memorize your favorite poem. (Teach foreigners the theme song to your favorite TV show and tell them it’s a traditional American folk song about a fabled three hour tour.)
3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. (But all-you-can-eat is okay.)
4. When you say, “I love you”, mean it. (…mean it as “I need regular sex and someone to listen to my problems at all hours of the night, and occasionally bail me out of jail, so you’ll do until someone better comes along.”)
5. When you say, “I’m sorry”, look the person in the eye. (People will believe _anything_ if you look them in the eye.)
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. (Heck, be engaged at least six _times_ before you get married.)
7. Believe in love at first sight. (Believe in leprechauns, for that matter.)
8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams(, unless they’re, like, really, really stupid dreams).
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely(, unless it kills you).
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling(, you cock gobbler).
11. Don’t judge people by their relatives. (But would you eat at a delicatessen run by Dennis Dahmer?)
12. Talk slow but think quick. (Shoot first and ask questions later.)
13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?” (But would Kenneth Starr accept it?)
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk(, and you’ll probably lose.)
15. Call your mom. (Conduct a seance if necessary.)
16. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze. (They are infested with demons that must be banished.)
17. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. (And the lesson is: “Vengeance!”)
18. Remember the three R’s: (Rock ‘n’ roll radio?) Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions. (and remember that Revenge is the fourth R.)
19. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship(, unless it’s about something important, like money or sex or who’s right).
20. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. (Unless no one knows that you’re responsible for it; then it’s probably best to lie low and wait for it to blow over.)
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice(, and then he’ll think to himself “Aha. Here’s a sucker who will buy my insurance/magazine/siding/religion.”)
22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to(, although technically it’s illegal to marry a man/woman here in Virginia.) As you get older, his/her conversational skills will be as important as any other(, and you can always get a younger mistress for the non-talking parts.)
23. Spend some time alone. (Your friends will appreciate it.)
24. Open your arms to change(, and your palms to spare change), but don’t let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer(, especially if the question is “Any volunteers?”)
26. Read more books and watch less TV(, or compromise and read more TV Guide).
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll get to enjoy it a second time. (But you’ll probably have a better retirement fund if you live a bad, dishonorable life.)
28. Trust in God but lock your car. (Although God could probably get into your car if He really wanted to.)
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home. (Kill your family if they don’t cooperate.)
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past(, like you did last spring, and don’t you dare deny it. Maybe you don’t remember how you’re always bringing up the past, but I do!)
31. Read between the lines.

    (31.5. For example, read this.)

32. Share your knowledge. (Pontificate every chance you get. Stop strangers to give them helpful grooming advice.) It’s a way to achieve immortality(, at least until they perfect cloning).
33. Be gentle with the earth. (Oh come on. The Earth is old enough to take care of herself.)
34. Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it. (But every now and then God gets a little tired of people always pestering Him for things — especially when He’s just rented a video and settled down with a bucket of popcorn — so He’ll fling a meteor at the next whiner who bothers Him.)
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered. (For example, if your boss comes up to you and says, “Larry, this is an _excellent_ report that you wrote. I’m putting you on the top of the list for the next promotion”, don’t interrupt to point out that Bob wrote it.)
36. Mind your own business. (But the president’s sex life _is_ my business.)
37. Don’t trust a man/woman who doesn’t close his/her eyes when you kiss them. (It’s called cringing. They always do it with me.)
38. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before(, like school).
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth’s greatest satisfaction. (Well, that and all the stuff you can buy.)
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck. (When I was four years old, I wanted panda fur and scales down my back like a stegosaurus. I still do.)
41. Learn the rules then break some. (Start simple. Begin by breaking the Infield Fly Rule and work your way up to breaking the Second Law of Thermodynamics.)
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other. (For example, I love money more than I actually need it.)
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. (Keep a balance book with two columns: “gains”/”losses”)
44. Remember that your character is your destiny. (Oh Shit!)
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon(, but if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen — or else sweat heavily and use potholders).

Woke up, not really hung over; which is surprising considering how my head was spinning when I went to bed. Now the original plan for today was myself and Chris were going to go to the Eagles Ballroom in Milwaukee to watch a bunch of bands including Dream Theater were playing. Yesterday Chris had suggested that he might not want to go after a night of drinking, but I just blew that off as I figured that would not be good enough discouragement.

Funny how things change when you wake up in the morning and don’t want to go anywhere after a night of drinking, lol… Well I had a secondary offer to monopolize my time today. My sister had called me last night and offered to cook me Cajun food and watch some movie she had just acquired called Suspect Zero. So I called and woke her up and reminded her of her offer and headed that way.

She said she was cooking Jambalaya, but after she started I noticed the package of mix she was using said it was Cheesy Jambalaya. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a BIG cheese fan! However it didn’t seem like cheese would jive with the spices etc… Or rather it might work, but would no longer really be Cajun food, but rather Wisconsin food as the below picture clearly illustrates.

Results were as expected, the food was good, but the spice was gone and it was no longer Cajun. I took the liberty of adding 30-40 shakes of cayenne pepper to my bowl to add some spice to it but it wasn’t really enough. Fortunately there was Cornbread Chunks to go with the meal. Originally slated to be muffins, they were failures to the muffin race, but were a big winner on taste.

Was really tired so I went home to try to take a nap, now I know that if I had been successful I would not have been able to sleep later tonight, as my body only understands sleep when it happens once a day. So I guess it was lucky for me that my phone rang 4 times, all with different people calling me. Mostly useless calls, but one of them might get me a good deal on a slightly used Motorola 710 phone (bitchin’ phone), so I guess it’s all good.

Watched some more Highlander episodes and went to bed. SOLID.

Today was to be a day of celebration, I mean it’s not everyday you get a sweet paying job! So Mark and Chris were going to go drinking with me to help me celebrate.

Look I know I talk to much as it is, so I will be generous and cut this story short and skip all the crap about my friends not appreciating the union terrace, and go straight for the final bar.

We went to the White House. A hick bar near where I live. When I walked in I noticed a cute girl with a barcode tattooed to the back of her neck. Figured she thought she was dark angel or something. Anyways while I was ordering a drink from the bar this girl takes her shirt off and switches shirts with some guy. Well that was neat, so neat she gave an encore performance! Well that was enough to spark my interest.

So we start talking to this girl, I mean it’s obvious she is not shy. However as we start talking to her and Chris says that even though she is hotter, she acts like this drama queen we know named Jana. I try to blow it off thinking it could not be, but sure enough a few mins in and she is trying to get all of us to buy her a drink, but not really favoring any one person. I ended up paying for one, but only because my money was sitting on the bar in a stack when the bartender went to collect for her debt while she was out dancing with somebody else… grr. It was then that I realized that Chris nailed it right on the head, this girl was like Jana. Having another girl like Jana in the world probably means our society is nearing apocalypse.

We decided then that we wanted nothing more to do with her and wandered out of the bar to go home. Now mind you I had just purchased a drink and had not finished it. Taking cues from my trustworthy friends I decided to take the drink “to go” seeing as how I was not driving anyways.
Get home, water the lawn, cleaned up the (newly acquired) dishes and crashed out on bed, annoyed that I could not make the bed stop spinning. I mean somedays I would gladly pop a quarter in the bed to make it start, but I did not have the constitution for it tonight. ..:Ah So:..

So today I went to have my “talk turkey” meeting at Zimbrick. They were offering me a sales position. But not just any ordinary sales position, but one that allows me to not only sell cars for the Honda Dealership, but also I can sell any car at any of Zimbrick’s other lots all over the Madison area.

Meaning that If I meet somebody who tells me they really want a Saturn or something else I can take them over there and sell them that car! How cool is that! Zimbrick offers most flavors of vehicles except Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Hummer… probably something else, but they have all the imports.

The boss man showed me the pay breakdown for how it works and then showed me the pay for the previous year’s employees. The worst guy made 57k, and the best made 93k. The average was 77k. I was then told that if I would be content with 40k a year or less that he didn’t even want me for the position.

Boy it sounds rough… I mean yes, sales takes effort and skill, but I am good at sales and even if I wasn’t they have it down to a formula on how to do it there, as most of their employees average at least 13 cars a month.

I believe I am the first person they have hired to this dealership that has not already sold cars for somebody else. So it’s not exactly a starter job, but they will provide me all sorts of training and work me to the bone. I guess I will be working 55 hours a week or so.

Sadly I will have to loose all of my Saturdays to the job, but I assume that to be the busiest day of the week so I definitely want to be there for that. I will still run my computer business in my off hours, though I am told I can sell cars on any of my days off if I like.

It will be good to finally be hired at a company where working harder really will reward you for it. I was going to start on Monday but one of the Sales Managers will be out of town for a week and a half, so now I don’t start until Wed. 24th. However when I do start then I am assured to not be ignored.

So I get this phone call from my friend Mark. Apparantly the sales manager from Honda called him as one of my references. This took both of us off guard as you know nobody ever calls references since if you put them down, they will all say good things.

True to form mark really hyped me up and told them how much “the shit” I was. While I was talking to mark my phone beeped at me with another call, so I stuck him on hold and it was Dave with Zimbrick calling me to tell me that I got the job and that I should come in tomorrow for the official offer before I accepted.

Went back to Mark to thank him for doing such a nice job of hyping me up. I think I had my old sales boss at US Cellular on there as a reference as well, but I am not sure. If I did and somebody who reads this talks to her, please tell her thank you as well.

It will be a real change having to get up early in the morning and go to work all the time, but I think I will get over the morning shock after I get a few of those nice paychecks.