My friend Samantha called me tonight and told me that I needed to go with her and some friends to Waunafest, a local festival / beer tent. I agreed and went over to meet up with her.

I get to her friends apartment and this girl was in SUCH a big ass hurry to leave. I mean it was like the world was going to end if we didn’t leave right away. However we were waiting for a couple other people, and the rest of us were not in a hurry. Well when the other people get here she shoves us out in the hallway to go.

Here’s the funny part, then she forgot something inside. Then she forgot something else inside. Then she had to use the bathroom etc… I mean we all sat out in the hall for several minutes waiting for the one person who was in a hurry (insert irony here).

There was to many people for one car so I drove as well. Nobody really knew where it was but a little bit of driving around found all sorts of cars lining the streets. That seemed a good enough sign, so we found parking spots and went to go in. Just as we are about to walk in the park Samantha tells me she doesn’t have her ID on her. Of course she decided she left it in my car.

Now why would somebody do such a thing? I mean she had a library card and her money with her etc… So I begrudgingly walked back to the car with her, and sure enough there it was.

Well we get inside and go to the beer tent. I just hand the guy a $20 and he gives me a bunch of tickets. I got a pitcher and proceeded to use that as my beer glass.

We went outside and just kind of formed a circle and stood there talking to each other all night. Nobody from our group really did anything else. Not even the girl who was in the super big hurry to leave.

After one pitcher I decided I didn’t want any more, so I gave away my tickets to one of the other guys. When I gave mine away Samantha decided she didn’t want hers either so she gave me hers, now I had one more than I did when I gave mine away (hmm). So I gave those away as well. I would say that all those tickets were a waste of money but I guess it made some other people happy (or drunk). So I guess it’s all good.

Being bored I left and dropped Sam off. When I get home and park 4 guys start walking up towards my car saying something to each other about how I would probably think they were coming to mug me.

They were teenage guys one of which lived in the house on the corner. They have been big fans of my car and wanted to see under the hood. I talked to them around my car for awhile and they were nice guys so I decided to keep hanging out with them. They had a fire going in their driveway so we went over there and talked all night… err morning. I mean once people get me talking about cars it leads me to talk about my previous cars that have exploded, or say running overmyself with one of my cars, or one dying the day after I bought it etc…

At one point in the night some VERY drunk woman from across the street came over. Upon realizing the approximate age of the guys there she sauntered back across the street and proceeded to pass out on her lawn (LOL).

This will be another night that I didn’t go to sleep till after 5am. I should probably start getting on a somewhat normal schedule. I mean I haven’t gone to bed before 3am more than once in the past week. At this point it doesn’t matter but my body is starting to get really confused about what time of day it is ; )

My sister called me today and said she wanted to go to Devil’s Lake. I mean this is not the type of thing I would turn down, being my favorite place in Wisconsin to go. So she came over to my place and I was still busy playing ROT3k X, but I had beat the game the other night, becoming Emperor and conquering all of China during the Han Dynasty. However I had started over to try to do it as something besides a Sovereign.

I eventually was able to turn it off and we drove to D.L. Well I had a lot thoughts on my mind today, and I wasn’t being very observant as I drove. There are the two classes of drivers, the ones who stay closer to the center line, and the ones who stay closer to the side of the road. I am one who stays closer to the center line. However I was drifting a bit for a second here and there.

I realized that my driving was shit later on, but wasn’t really going to bring any more attention to it than I had by driving shitty so I just tried to refocus and finish the drive.

We get to Devil’s Lake and I start walking towards the rocks to climb, well my sister had never even gone bouldering. So I figured this was as good an excuse as any to start. She wasn’t sure she was going to be able to do it so I said that we would go up a little ways and she could decide if she wanted to keep going or go back down.

Well at the distance we decided she HAD been enjoying it. I mean she was slower at it than me, but that was to be expected. After awhile when we had decided to keep going, she started to get really slow. I mean I am a patient man so I just waited.

What I had failed to take into account was the fact that she has Chronic Pain problems. So as we got up to far to go back (it’s harder to go down the rocks than it is up), she wasn’t sure if she would make it at all. I kept going up and scouting out the easiest paths to get up, but since I normally go very fast I thought there was less distance to the top than there really was.

My record for making it to the top is under 15 minutes. This time it took us over 2 hours to get to the top and another hour to get down the trails at the top to the bottom.

My sister felt bad that she was slowing things down so much, but I felt worse that I had taken her up there since she made it very clear how much she was going to hurt the next day. See I don’t worry about anything. I just let it roll off me. I have decided that life is to short worrying about what might or might not happen. However my lack of pre-planning and concern for her health may have very well made it worse for her.

I should have realized how hard it would be on her and not suggested going up the mountain. She probably figures between the bad driving and the rocks that I was trying to kill her off, but I felt terrible when it was all said and done, and truly hope I did not worsen her health any.

So yesterday all of my websites went down…. Ok more specifically the entire server crashed and needed to be restored from a backup. At the same time my terabyte hard drive stopped working. A bad sector put itself in a bad spot and I couldn’t even get scandisk to run.

So if I opened the hard drive it would stall and then say “disk can not be read, do you want to format it?

Now lets hear a big HELL NO MOFO. This hard drive and the “stuff” on it, is my one prized possession. I mean I like my swords, and my ol’ school beer glass collection, but you take away a Gig of my life and I’ll be pissed.

Lucky me I found a way to access a file system repair item via a nice partitioning software.

Hmm, I seem to be behind on my posts, perhaps tomorrow I will backdate some so you can hear about: hot rock chicks, ROT3K X Obsession, The Naive Rapper, Sizzle Free Fajitas, and perhaps I will even tell you all about “A Computer Problem I Could Not Fix!!!!!”.

If you are reading this a couple days after the post date, then you probably already read about those stories when I used my time machine to travel back in time to make posts on previous days.

FYI: I am now “King”, and was appointed by the Emperor himself. I only have 1/3 or less of the land to conquer.

So I was called down to a computer store today to design a website for a rapper. Hell they didn’t even want it designed. The guy was going to buy a template from Template Monster, and they wanted me to edit it to fit with this guy and also add a shopping cart.

Ok no problem right? WRONG.

This guy doesn’t want to provide me ANY text, ANY pictures, A CD, An Address, Shopping Cart info, etc… I mean the template they choose has a bio page on it. So I told this guy I need to get a picture of him, and some background info for the bio page.

Well he doesn’t want any pictures of him on there (not even when I offered to make it artistic and blur out his face). He wasn’t willing to give me any sort of background info on his life to put there either. So that is one page that I can’t really do.

Now there was a tour date page, well he is not going to be touring so I said I needed to replace that page with something. However he was not willing to have anything else there. The main page has news on it, so I said I needed some “what’s going on” type stuff. He was not willing to come up with that and just told me to make shit up. Ok he wants to sell the CD on the site right, so I need a copy of it, a tracklist, and some cover art. NO CAN DO.

He had no cover art and wasn’t willing to pay me to create some. He wants a shopping cart so that people can buy his music, but he wants them to be able to download it because he doesn’t want to have to ship them copies of real cd’s. I tried to explain that on the internet if people are buying a whole cd, they want a real copy otherwise they don’t want to pay for it. Well he wasn’t willing to ship it to them.

I asked him how he plans to get the word out on his music, see if he was going to radio stations etc… He replied that he wanted to try the internet scene first, yet he didn’t want any of me feedback on how he was doing the internet scene wrong.

Anyways my website was down all day today so I decided I would start on it after the site came back up, but after looking through his chosen template, there isn’t anything I can do except hook up the shopping cart and change some of the colors. Funny thing is I can’t add the shopping cart either because he hasn’t purchased it yet, and honestly there isn’t a point because he won’t be able to sell shit with his attitude.

Even if I don’t have much work to do on this, The money I am getting paid for this isn’t enough to work with somebody who isn’t willing to be worked with. I mean you can take the rapper out of the ghetto, but you can’t take the ghetto out of the rapper!

I started playing this PS2 Game called Romance of the Three Kingdoms X (10). At first it was a bit overwhelming. I mean I had played one of these games years back, but this one was really complex. Instead of going month by month like previous games, it went day by day.

You can not only be your own ruler, but anything from a vassal, to a free solder, to a bandit, a rogue army leader etc… So this took me awhile to catch on. However once I did I had to conquer all of China (of course).

Now I don’t play videogames straight through very often. I play for awhile and then I just stop playing. However I can’t seem to stop playing this one. I mean the more mofo’s you take out the harder the game becomes because you have less alliances and more enemies.

I kind of played this game all day, night, morning etc… At 5 or 6 am on Tuesday I decided I needed to go to bed for a couple hours.

Anyways, tis a complex strategy game with hours of entertainment value, so it gets a “The Smart Ass Recommends” stamp of approval.

A priest wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey (also called an ass) instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To hissurprise, the donkey came in third.

The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PRIEST�S ASS SHOWS

The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and this time it won. The paper read:
PRIEST�S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST�S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The paper headline the next day read:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free.
Next day, the headline in the paper read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The Bishop was buried the next day

Tonight I went to the High Noon Saloon in Madison. It’s kind of a cool bar, I mean we actually entered the bar through a different bar that shared a balcony with this bar. Anyways there were 3 bands playing tonight.

I was up for some live music, and these bands didn’t disappoint. The first band was called Ginger Jake. It was lead by a Super Hot Woman named Amanda. When they got done and left the stage I followed the band outside. Now they have a website already but I didn’t know that so I was telling them how they needed me to make them a Bitchin’ Website. Their Road Manager took down all my info and said they have a design but the guy moves really slow so they might be ditching him.

Then I got talking to Amanda, and I asked her “How can a woman as beautiful as you, whale so much?”. To which she responded by saying, “Awe, thanks” and then kissed me on the cheek. I mean ok, that’s nothing special but this girl is hot.

(see what I mean)

Anyways this band kicked ass. You should check out their website, it has one of their songs playing in the background so you can get an idea of how they sound.

I talked to Ginger Jake pretty much through the entire second band. They were all very cool, down to earth people.

I went back inside for the third band. This band was called “The Pimps”. Actually I think it was a longer name than that, but everybody just referred to them as The Pimps so that’s all I remember.

Anyways this band were great performers. They put on a very entertaining show, and they would give the audience members shit in between songs. It was a very high energy show and I end up out on the floor jumping around with my friends.

I would highly recommend either of these bands. I mean there wasn’t much of a cover and I have been to famous bands shows before that were not as good as this.

I give up, I am no longer going to buy Fajitas at restaurants. I was at this restaurant once and I ordered fajitas just because I wanted to eat food that was making that loud-ass sizzle noise. Well sad to say but they were brought out and didn’t sizzle.

Knowing about this previous experience when I went to Pedro’s today with my sister, she actually requested that our waitress make sure the fajitas sizzle as so I am not disappointed.

Needless to say when they were brought out there was a TINY bit of noise but certainty not the caliber that you would hear if you were to NOT the person ordering the food. I mean I have heard many other people’s orders sizzle before and wanted that for myself.

Alas the restaurant which was pretty much empty today had fairly bad service and the food wasn’t very good either.

This may have been a stupid ass rant, but it’s the simple things in life that make it enjoyable ya know?

So I went and wrote this long-ass post called “What I do is hard to explain…”. At the end of writing it I clicked the spell check button. However to my surprise instead of checking over my poor spelling, it decided it’s time would be better spent closing my entire web browser. I mean the audacity!!!! It could of at least told me it was on coffee break or something and warned me of my post’s impending doom.

I being made of 4 parts brain, 2 parts ego, and 1 part lazy; have decided not to rewrite that post. However this is lucky for you…. Whoever you are, you actually read this trite so instead of boring you with that last long post, I will instead amuse you with funnier shit than my original post had in it. Of course I am just ripping off articles from a local satire paper, but that’s not the @#%#^ point!

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?
I’m a Fucked-Up-Chick Magnet!
I Must Regretfully Decline Your Invitation to Appear In Court…

I forgot to mention the ‘missing link’ guy I met yesterday.

I went to fix some lady’s computer. She lived in a trailer park by the airport. Now I wasn’t judging them for that, at least not until I met her boyfriend. First when I got there the lady asked me to park somewhere else so that her boyfriend would be able to park up front. There was a spot right by me a couple feet further away, but whatever, odd but no big deal. I was working on the computer when the boyfriend came home. He shook my hand, if you could call it seemed that he wanted to prove how much of a man he was by giving me the hardest grip he could possibly give.

He was drunk, and started telling us how this guy had flipped him off for his driving even though he was driving perfectly. So he said that he would of been home 15 minutes earlier except that he got pissed off and spun around and followed the driver that flipped him off all the way to sun prarie before he lost him. He said that the guy was very lucky that he didn’t get out of the car or else he would of smacked him around a bit since he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Then this guy is trying to force me to eat their food. He won’t take no for an answer and not wanting to piss him off I finally accepted an extremely small piece of Key Lime Pie. Then after I ate that he tried to force me to eat an ice cream bar, which I refused. The lady was just trying to tell me that he likes to “share good things”.

Then he made some comment about how people can’t really swim, and how he can because he dragged 2 bodies back a ways (before he had to push them away in self preservation).

Now I got done and out of there as fast as I could, even though the guy wanted me to stay longer… yeah right… but I gotta say, THAT is why shows like cops exist!!!!! I mean I found myself looking to see if the girlfriend had bruises on her face.

See the guy kept trying to “make me understand” everything. I HAD to understand how good the pie was or else he was going to make me understand. I have always been interested in psychology and consider myself very good with lots of diverse people, but I do not understand how people can become like him, and then how other people can be attracted to people like him!